mkroberts16 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Thank you for the sweet picture of a BT...my boy will be lighter in color, less black more brown. They are really handsome.I will post picture as soon as I get a good shot of "MY BOY" from breeder I really liked the way I felt at the breeders home......it had everything I need and makes me feel better!!! I hope I will be able to transfer those feelings to my apt once I bring new pup home....that's how my home used to feel!!! It's sad my so called friends here do not share the warmth and compassion toward me in the situation. I really don't get it, because one of them is a HUGE cat lover..... Only one friend here is happy for me...wishes me well......sends me texts asking how I am doing!!! Grief counselor helping, too I bought a few little things for the new guy leashe, collar,etc.. Tomorrow is 8 weeks since losing Bailey and I can't believe the time that has passed it still feels like she is HERE. Thank you all for help, support, caring, and concern and reading materials.......It has made a HUGE difference from the remoteness I have been feeling!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 I think the more invested you get in your boy, the closer you will feel to him. And remember it's okay and normal to feel mixed feelings all at once, that's because you're experiencing mixed things...grief for Bailey, you'll be feeling joy over the new pup, and sometimes guilt over feeling joy. Remember, feelings don't have to make sense, they just are, we have to get through them. They aren't actual indicators of what is all the time, sometimes we FEEL guilt when we aren't guilty! I'm glad you have one friend at least that is caring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Thank you Kay..you "get" it and I appreciate it....yes you are correct on how I am feeling...all mixed up!! I always want black & white answers and that is not the case... and I am very emotional so right there is a double edged sword!!! I have about 4 weeks to get my act together on all of this. OMG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Perhaps surrendering to the fact that there is very little in life that is black and white...it is ok to be emotional....some excitement co-existing with your grief. Accepting that IS getting your act together. Try to relax into the excitement and enjoy it and simultaneously accept the grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thank you, Mary, you are correct, that is my hangup; Surrendering & acceptance as an alternative to "black & white" You know I am weak about "letting go"...fear of allowing myself to be happy over this situation I find myself in. "comflicted".... (I guess some of it is still the guilt)....I have not allowed myself to be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 This is not about letting go. You never have to let go of Bailey. It is about holding that grief as you also enjoy and get excited about your new puppy. We are amazing human beings and we can do both. I suspect when you hold that puppy and bring your puppy home, it will be easier to smile and yet at moments you will cry. We do both....I can look at a photo of my husband Bill and be smiling and laughing at the same time...smiling at the happy memories depicted in the picture or in his face and sad that he is no longer here physically. See if you can allow yourself to do that. Perhaps a few visits to that breeder would help. When Bill and I were waiting for our Bentley, the breeder allowed us to visit every week....so we got to see him progress during those first few weeks. You might ask if you can come for 20 minutes (don't make it too long as your breeder is busy and may say no if you overstay your welcome). You can be conflicted, happy, sad, and feel guilt all at the same time...our hearts can carry many feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 True, it's not "either-or" it's both. It's okay to cry and rejoice at the same time! I have lived with grief over my husband more than nine years...I will never stop missing him. But I've learned it's okay to allow joy into my life too. It isn't the same joy that I felt when he was here, but little joys. I've had to learn to recognize and fully appreciate all of the little joys in life. A friend's call. A stranger's kindness. A rainbow. My dog that I got nearly six years ago. My cat. Even something like a financial blessing. All of these are the little joys for which I now live. They don't replace his holding me, but they are all good in and of themselves. To not fully recognize and experience them would be to deprive myself of all that is good in life and doom myself to a life of nothingness and gloom. I have to live, keep going, so I choose to fully experience all that IS good in my life...I can't change my husband being gone so even while I miss him, I embrace life. Does that make any sense to you? I hope you will learn to do this with your new boy...enjoy him fully, even while you yet miss Bailey. The two are not at odds with each other, they can coexist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 Thank you Kay & Mary....You are correct......no "replacement" I remember when I lost my husband suddenly at the age of 31, I stuggled for over 5 years to allow myself some relief and No I can't change my hubby being gone or Bailey being gone, but somehow for me it's wrapping my brain around it. It took me over 5 years to go thru my husband's belongiings..and even then it was awful I have lost alot of people / pets, but husband , mother, grandmother and Bailey the MOST difficult...what does that say? it says they were , by far, the MOST cherished beings in my life.....and Kay, even now, I cry about my Mom and husband. When I lost my husband, my Mom was there for me thru' it all even tho' she was ill herself...until her time came to leave me. I know if my mom was here w/ me she would be all for me getting another pup to love and she would help me keep Bailey in my heart, etc.. So you are both correct, about coexistance. Thank you for your caring and concern..I am crying as I write this Mary, I ahve asked breeder if I may come for another visit between now and Thanksgiving. waiting for her answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 29, 2014 Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 I still cry all these nine+ years later after losing my husband, and doubt I'll ever stop completely, I think that's normal with a deep loss. I still cry over my granddoggy fourteen months later. But I think those I've loved and lost would want me to have some happiness in life and not just grieve. A lot of time a spouse says "don't grieve when I'm gone" but that's not realistic and they can't know what it's like if they haven't been through it themselves. I'm a strong person but I was ill prepared for what came, it caught me off guard and totally slammed me! I didn't see how I'd make it, but I have, with a lot of help here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 I have been trying to feel better..but it's a struggle..I pray about it daily coming into the apt is still awful..I look for Bailey automatically..... My breeder sent me a picture this mornng of the 5 boys in the litter getting their first bath it was soo darn cute they are now 8 weeks old some will be going to their home next week.. my boy will be coming home to me and Velvet over Thanksgiving weekend so I can spend time with all..for 5 days........I am nervious to say the least I just can't wait to cuddle the little guy......but this time it so different........ Oh Kay..I miss my hubby everyday and it has been since 1982....I still "smell " him, picture him and hear his voice My loss was sudden also...so I was raw for a long long time i think sometimes I would rather have been divorced then suddenly widowed as I was... I have to keep telling myself that getting this pup is all I have now that I can add to my life to "help" me I am TOO alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 31, 2014 Report Share Posted October 31, 2014 I understand, believe me. Divorce is never something to want though, because then you're not only alone, but rejected, feeling a failure, stigmatized, etc. I tried remarrying after my husband died, but it was awful, he was a con man and set out to use me, never intended to have a "normal" marriage, he fooled me, didn't live with me, used my credit and dumped me with all his bills (he went into business...I thought we were going in together but he put all in his name...all but the bills). I got stuck with $50,000.00 debt that with interest blossomed to over $100,000.00. I didn't have the money to pay the bills and had to mortgage my previously once paid for home. I will be paying until I am 80. It's a mobile home on land, it's now 36 years old and am not sure it will last until I have it paid, or that I can survive here alone that long. I was left feeling the fool, and trust me society makes you feel that way and more. So never wish for divorce. I bask in the memory of what me and my late husband had together. At least I had one person that truly loved me and "got" me. We always understood each other and were so close...I can't wait to see him again. In the meanwhile I have my Arlie (dog) and two cats to keep me company. And Arlie is my companion. When he dies, I know I'll have to get another dog, but I can't imagine it will ever be the same as it is with him, he is so unique and perfect for me. He brings a smile to my face with his goofyness and love. If I ever have another dog, I know I will get to where I love him/her for who he/she is, but always I will remember and love my Arlie. Just as I remember my Lucky. Lucky was the most beautiful sweet little girl you ever saw, the most graceful dog, so obedient! I got a totally different dog in Arlie, compliant is not exactly his middle name, and neither is graceful! But God knew I need HIS attributes at this time in my life and I couldn't love him more. All the same, I'll always remember the time I had a sweet little girl that was so good and so beautiful to watch. It's like that, we get to love them and enjoy them for who they are...one never replaces another, but they create their own space in your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2014 Today, Friday, Nov 7th would have been Bailey's 17th birthday. OMG....what a feeling in my heart I guess I still cannot accept what has happened in 2 months. Seems like a bad dream. A few friends saying what is the matter w/ you, Marcia?? You are all over the map w/ emotion / moods?? Well, that angers me....I am still grieving as well as trying to be happy for new pup coming on Thanksgiving....it's a double edged sword.......I wish someone would try to understand..some have even said they do not favore me getting another dog!!!! Oh what did I ever do wrong??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 7, 2014 Report Share Posted November 7, 2014 You didn't do anything wrong, it's just the cycle of life, we all suffer loss sooner or later. I've lost more people and pets than I can count and I know you have too. Anyone who would say such things to you...there's something wrong with them. Maybe you need new friends! I've been there too. I woke up this morning thinking of you and wondering how you are doing...to find out it's Bailey's birthday... I was wondering when your new dog is coming, Thanksgiving, have you picked out a name for him yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 Yes I need new friends, for sure and this opportunity my breeder is giving me will allow me to do that. She has aksed if she gives me her pick of the litter, will I allow her to show him! (she was going to keep him for herself) I said a loud YES! I have to get away from the negativity I am being shown by my so-called friends. His name is going to be BOURBON! (his sire's nickname is Whiskey!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 I have sent you all a very recent picture of Bourbon, 8 weeks old! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 8, 2014 Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 What a cutie! And what an adorable name for him! Bourbon! I love it! Your new baby is simply irresistible! ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 8, 2014 Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 OMG, he's adorable! What a cutie! I'm glad you have him and can't wait until you can bring him home. Thanksgiving I will be thinking of you and Bourbon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 Thank you both for positve reactions!!! I think Bailey and the breeder of both Bailey and Bourbon are guiding this whole plan for me. Breeder was wonderful to me 16 years ago and she is still being awesome to me now with this new plan of giving me HER pick of litter I am so honored There is another couple getting a sibling of Bourbon's who had a sibling of Bailey that they just lost as well. Maybe I will meet them.There is kind of a family line going on here!! It feels so good with some people being nice to me!!! Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 8, 2014 Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 I think it'd be wonderful if you could meet the other couple! You both have so much in common. It'd be fun to stay in touch and swap photos throughout their lives, wouldn't it? A friend of mine adopted a dog who he named Sammy for Samantha, and a friend of his adopted a dog of the same litter named Sammy for Samuel (talk about coincidence!) They're always comparing notes, exchanging pictures through email. Fun to see the similarities and differences between the two siblings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Choppie4ever Posted November 8, 2014 Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 On Labor Day 2014 I lost my sweet Border Terrier, who had been my constant companion for over 16 years. i am devastated and sick. Not knowing how to cope. thoughts?? I am sorry for your loss. My husband and I just lost our sweet puppy last month in October (he was actually 13yrs old) we never called him a dog. I lost my father in December 2013 and I miss him dearly, but losing my fur baby hurts so much. At first my friends seem to understand my loss, but since then I feel alone I want to talk about him and I feel they don't want to hear about it anymore. They too have lost pets, but I guess they have moved on. I still miss him very much. I wish so much I could see him again and kiss his head like I used to. It breaks my heart. I have so many memories. He was a lab mix. We have a big front porch and he loved laying on the front porch watching the neighbors and cars going by. On the weekends, I sit on the porch drinking my coffee and enjoying watching him. He loved being outside. He was an indoor pet, when he was ready to go inside he was ready. I cannot bring myself to go outside at this time. I remember his favorite spots. What hurts the most is that a month ago, he was right here with me now he is only a memory. How am I going to get passed this. It has gotten a little easier, but not a day goes by that I have to have a good cry. It helps..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 8, 2014 Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 choppie4ever, I am sorry you lost your "puppy". It is indeed very hard and I know I would feel inconsolable if I lost my Arlie. I have lost dogs before, and it's so hard. Remembering all of the things about them, what they liked to do, where they liked to go, how they got excited when___(fill in the blanks)...it's all very hard. I don't have any advice, I know of nothing to speed up the healing...I lost my sweet granddoggy Skye 14 months ago and I still remember and miss him all the time (he used to live with me). You've found a safe place here. Maybe you'd like to start your own topic here and post a picture of your puppy? Is his name Choppie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 Oh, I so relate to how you feel! You are in a good forum..we all care and feel deeply This forum is continuing to help me after I lost my beloved companion on Labor Day Please stay w/ us..."we get it" Marcia. .Bailey's Mom and Bourbon's new MOM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Choppie4ever Posted November 8, 2014 Report Share Posted November 8, 2014 His name was Chopper, but I called him Choppie sometimes. I'll try to post a picture soon. We had him cremated and is sitting on the dresser along with his collar and his ball. His other toys I have put up. It's still hard to look at his picture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 9, 2014 Report Share Posted November 9, 2014 (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 9, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2014 Boys in the bath! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now