kayc Posted November 9, 2014 Report Share Posted November 9, 2014 How cute! I like how the second from the right is looking right at the camera person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2014 You know, I have so many ups and downs over Bailey and the new pup on the way...and sometimes,,, the feelings are really drastic,,like not going forward w/ plan for new furbaby...these feelings usually hit me when I come home from work at night, or when or I must pass thru kitchen, where Bailey spent most of her time lately......It's alarming, because these feelings are so intense. I sometimes am so excited about welcoming and hugging Bourbon, and then seeing all the places in the apt..where Bailey used to be, I could just break down and curl up into a ball.. It is so confusing and changing..makes me feel like I have gone "off the deep end" without my sweet Bailey I want to feel happy again..but also want to give Bailey the thoughts and love she so deserves. This is HARD work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 11, 2014 Report Share Posted November 11, 2014 Yes, it is HARD work! That is precisely why we say that grief work is some of the hardest work you'll ever do ~ but you can do it, and you are doing it! And we are here to support you every step of the way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 11, 2014 Report Share Posted November 11, 2014 It is okay to let yourself fall in love with Bourbon even while grieving Bailey, they are two separate issues. That is the weird thing about grief, we can have so many conflicting emotions all at the same time, and all of them valid. It will get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 Thank you Kay & Marty.. I am still so conflicted..never had this feeling with other dogs I have lost,,they hurt but not like this Yes it is HARD work...I wake up feeling so tired about trying to resolve this..put the feelings all in a compartment!! LOL I still think it's because I treated and thought of Bailey as a "human" companion.....I really did! for whatever reasons that's what I did and lived w/ her for over 16 years...... And when my husband was killed, I was the same way for over 5 years!!!! This is hard, even thou' some some -called friends think I should be over the loss of sweet Bailey by now..... This is so all over the place............... Thank you for being caring and compassionate it's important and appreciated Marcia.......Bailey's mom and soon to be Bourbon's mom.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 We'll continue to be here for you...we've all had our losses here, we know there's no time limit on grief. I am the same way with my dog, Arlie. I think in part because my husband is gone and I have no one else...my kids are grown and gone, it's just me and Arlie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 Thank You....I am still floundering...every hour......I can't stop my mind from racing thru everything for a "perfect solution".. I worry alot, and analyize alot.... I miss her so darn much especially when I walk by her spot in the kitchen, or when I am driving around places she and I went all of the time in the car or to walk...... I am so darn uncertain right now about everything.........Bailey was my rock ..more than even my long time boyfriend who is now out of my life......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 I totally get that. Sometimes I worry about the level of affection and importance I've place on my Arlie, but then we can't live our lives in fear of what will happen. We need to enjoy it to the fullest and deal with loss when it comes...head on. I think of the pain and loss as a direct representation of the love that we shared, so if it hurts, it's because we've had something together. My GF just got engaged and I so admire her willingness to go through it all again, in spite of the pain that could come as a result of loving. She is having the time of her life right now and I'm so happy for her. If that comes with a penalty of pain later on down the road, that's how it is, she'll deal with it, same as she did before, and she'll make it through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 Yes..that same reasoning goes along with continually getting new pets after we lose one and go thru such awful pain. again and again. But I want to say, it is 2 weeks until I bring my new boy home and I am nervious, worried, and guilty., and exciting... Yes I have moments of excitement when I look at his picture then I come home to my apt and see Bailey lying there....especailly that last weekend..OMG..my stomach sinks............................... And yet, I want to feel better, lighter, happier, and stop worrying....but then am I being unresponsible and selfish?? I analyize everthing so a bad habit...................... My first Christmas w/o Bailey..when I think of that..my heart sinks...OMG I am still a mess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 14, 2014 Report Share Posted November 14, 2014 You are absolutely not being selfish! Try to separate the two issues. Let yourself learn to fully love Bourbon. I can't think of a better way to honor Bailey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2014 Yes...I will try to think of it that way...you are correct.....I dont' want to hurt Baileys legacy, yet I want to give Bourbon the same opportunity to a very good life................... Thank you...Marcia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2014 There are days when Bailey is on my mind minute to minute....I am still unsure of how I am feeling...nothing is falling into place in my head! I have 2 weeks to get it together OMG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 15, 2014 Report Share Posted November 15, 2014 You don't have to stop grieving in two weeks, Bailey will always be a part of you. She's not being replaced by Bourbon, but rather your life is being added to by Bourbon. Try to view Bailey's death and Bourbon's arrival as two separate issues...they are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2014 Yes....I will try that. Still have alot ot trouble using the "d" word and Bailey in the same sentence. Tears in my eyes right now! Yes..Bourbon is a new page in a HUGE chapter....no I can't replace Bailey..don't intend to... Yes Bourbon will add to my life...I will possibly meet new people who are "nice" , my breeder is going to show him, so I will meet new friends there, I hope.....and Bailey was always a "conversation" starter wherever we were together, so Bourbon will be to too, I hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 16, 2014 Report Share Posted November 16, 2014 Dogs are wonderful conversation starters as all of the pet lovers come to life when they're around! It will be fun to be part of the showing circuit too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2014 Had a phone cal this morning form breeder. It seems the pup she picked for me is a bit aloof / shy.So she called to say that I should come up this week to meet the 3 remaining boys and see which one is love at first sight. She said the one she wants to show may not "be my soulmate" and she wants him to be that for me! I am going up on Friday, she lives almost an hour from here. She is not going to tell me which one she picked byt wants to see how we all interact. (but because she wants to show one of them, I think I will know which one is the "best speciman" of the breed.) But you know, that was so caring of her to call and tell me and offer me the opportunity to get the right "man" . I am glad to know there are still some people who can care and aren't upset w/ me that I am getting another dog to love. (Not one of my so-called friends has called to ask how I am doing, how the plans are going for new pup to come home, or anything!) or HOW I am feeling! I have sure learned that my so-called LONG time friends are not that! Do I sound angry?? yes, I am! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 17, 2014 Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 You have every right to be angry! And I look forward to you picking out the best little guy for you! Let me know how it goes! I have been having some medical problems (something internal) and I've been amazed at the "friends" that haven't cared to check and see how it's going. This is potentially serious and they don't even call? Yet I'm there for them whenever they need me. I may need to rethink my friends...time to find some new ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 I feel as you do....I hope you will be ok?? able to get treatment?? It seems people forget the time when we have helped them. The person being the meanest to me recently had surgery and no matter how I felt losing Bailey..I went over there to see how she was doing, brought her flowers one time and food another..and sent her several get well messages !!!! And this is what I get for wanting another sweet dog to love and care for?/ more than people care for me? Anyone who really knows and cares for me knows how important it is that I have a sweet loving, accepting "someone" to love me back.................I can't buy a new boyfriend, or good real honest friends,, but I can buy a sweet loving furbaby to love and be w/ me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 18, 2014 Report Share Posted November 18, 2014 I feel exactly as you do. After my husband died 9 1/2 years ago, I remarried...he turned out to be a con who ruined me financially. After our divorce, I got Arlie (he was a year old) and he's been my companion since. I had someone in my life for a year, but we broke up, and I haven't dated in the 4+ years since. I've accepted being alone but having Arlie makes all the difference in the world! He gives me incentive and joy in life. He's loving and goofy and brings a smile to my face. I know when he goes I will likely look for another dog, but they will never be the same as Arlie, we're very close and he's the perfect dog for me (other than his size. ) Actually, I love big dogs, I'm just finding the older I get (I'm 62) the harder it is to handle them. The next time I need to consider that the one I get I will have when I'm 80. I do know what you mean about friends. I have been there for "friends" all my life, I can't say the same is true (them for me). In the end, it doesn't matter what other people think, it matters only that YOU know and do what is right for you. They'll come to accept it...or won't, it won't matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 bourbon 11.21.14.bmpThis is me and Bourbon yesterday, at breeders home.I will be bringing him home on Wed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 What a sweet picture! I bet you can't wait until Wednesday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 It will be an experience! I am realizing how much I do need this....read some good articles this week on pets and guilt when they pass.....I will say being with the breeder, around her home, with all of her dogs, etc makes me feel more comfortable than I have been w/ any other people....I feel Bailey there, too, because the breeder knows Bailey from birth. I am so happy I have stayed in touch w/ her thru these last 16 years! I always sent her pictures, and every Christmas we sent Border Terrier Christmas cards to her!!! She is a wonderful lady. She is even loaning me a crate for Bourbon until he gets older.And Friday she said I have an open invitation to her home, especially if I have to go out of town and Bourbon needs to stay somewhere!!!This is what a real friend should be...not the those who said they were my friends around me .I am glad to have 5 days off after Wed, to make sure everyone settles in ok!!! OMGThank you for your good wishes. (By the way, I am still seeing a grief counselor, who is wonderful) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 Marcia, my dear, I am so happy for you! What a wonderful Thanksgiving you will have this year! Bourbon is a very lucky pup to be getting a mom like you ~ and how delightful that you've kept up your relationship with his breeder. Having her look after Bourbon whenever you need to go away gives you peace of mind, I know. We'll all be thinking of you this week ~ and we expect lots and lots of pictures!!! ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 24, 2014 Report Share Posted November 24, 2014 Marcia, I'm glad you have a grief counselor, and so happy for the wonderful relationship you have with the breeder. We are excited for you, and as Marty says, can't wait to see pictures! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted November 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2014 Thank you both for the kind, caring wishes. Tears in my eyes as I write this. You all are SO caring and understanding......yes..pictures will be comingYes, I am so lucky to know breeder, Liz. She is a special lady.I may have to pick up pup on Tuesday as we are supposed to be getting 5-10 inches of snow on starting on Wed morning in CT!!!! I may have to change plans!! I will keep you posted.Again, THANK YOU for being so wonderful to me!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now