So Devastated, Numb, And In Disbelief

[bluelady]

The quilt is so, so beautiful. I don't think I could do this though....I would feel too sad to look at his clothes or shirts... I can't really look at my precious hubby's pictures or anything...it's way too painful and I feel like I am going to just fall apart. Today is 75 days I never thought anyone could possibly be so sad. I actually do not even feel like a real person anymore. I feel like an empty shell with no future or anything to look forward to. It's just not fair and I'm feeling so sorry for myself again and of course him, who did not deserve to leave.....he was the best husband in the world, the best person. I guess I just popped in to write again. I always cry when I write in here....it's think it's my therapy..thank you for listening and I hope everyone is doing ok - as best as you can. Again, the quilt is so beautiful....

I will be five months out on Monday, but still grieving a lot. I miss him so much. I am so looking forward to getting one of the quilts. However, I am still unable to go through his things in the closet, but am hoping by the summer, maybe I will be able to handle it. Like you, I never thought I could ever be as sad as I am. Also like you, he was the love of my life and my best friend, as well. We did everything together. I doubt I will ever be able to even date another man, as no one could hold a candle to my precious Jim. I would always hold Jim up as the model husband and without a doubt, no one else could ever match him, must less surpass him. Right now, I have no interest in another husband, as I am hurting too much and missing my love too much. Give yourself time and please don't get rid of his clothes just yet, as one day, you may find comfort in cuddling up with his clothes in the form of a quilt, wrapped warmly around you in a real feeling of love. I also have a beautiful photo of my husband on my dresser at home and also at my office. When I was at your stage, I was so like you, I had to turn the photos face down to avoid an crying outburst. Now, I pick up his photo and stroke his face and gently kiss the photo, while telling him I love him and miss him. I know it is silly, but it does make me feel better. Hang in there. Although I am still grieving a lot, I have made a lot of progress and so will you. You won't love him or miss him any less, you will simply learn to live with it a little better. Grief is like a winding river, unable to be dammed and must be traversed according to God's will. So don't fight your grief, allow it to flow. It's painful, I know, but its good medicine.

Hugs and prayers to you!!

Linda

[kayc]

Linda,

No, it's not silly (to kiss his picture), I've done it too! And I've put his pictures up, taken them down, up, down, depending on whether it caused me pain or comfort. For the last several years, they've been up as I love looking up on the wall at him.

[bluelady]

Linda,

No, it's not silly (to kiss his picture), I've done it too! And I've put his pictures up, taken them down, up, down, depending on whether it caused me pain or comfort. For the last several years, they've been up as I love looking up on the wall at him.

Thanks, Kay. I so enjoy looking at his sweet face and giving him a kiss, but I thought it might sound silly. Happy to know I am not alone in enjoying my photo. Three months ago, I could not have enjoyed looking at a photo of him, without bursting into tears. Today it makes me happy!

[lonelywithouthusband]

The quilt is so, so beautiful. I don't think I could do this though....I would feel too sad to look at his clothes or shirts... I can't really look at my precious hubby's pictures or anything...it's way too painful and I feel like I am going to just fall apart. Today is 75 days I never thought anyone could possibly be so sad. I actually do not even feel like a real person anymore. I feel like an empty shell with no future or anything to look forward to. It's just not fair and I'm feeling so sorry for myself again and of course him, who did not deserve to leave.....he was the best husband in the world, the best person. I guess I just popped in to write again. I always cry when I write in here....it's think it's my therapy..thank you for listening and I hope everyone is doing ok - as best as you can. Again, the quilt is so beautiful....

Hi Missingmylove,

I stopped in here again to see how you and everyone else is doing. Looks like we are all doing the same. I did have a stretch of good days for some reason, but now I am back to having my sobbing days. And with the quilt, I did keep some of my husbands clothes, as I planned on making a quilt some day, not sure when? As with you, looking at and getting rid of his stuff is very difficult. This site is great as we can express our feeling, and belief it or not is probably helping us cope. Hang in there.

Hugs,

Lynn

[kayc]

Maybe hang on to some of his clothes so that you can make a quilt later if it seems right to do so. It won't always be so hard to look at them, there will likely come a day that his things will bring you comfort.

[shalady]

Good advice. It's best to have them. It may take a long time before you can touch them, but they will be there when you can. The quilt is such a keepsake. I have my memory bears. They are in the closet right now but sometimes I can snuggle with them. I am sure the time will come when I can leave them out.

Shalady