kayc Posted January 29, 2015 Report Share Posted January 29, 2015 Lynn, Just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping the day wasn't as hard as you anticipated. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelywithouthusband Posted February 3, 2015 Report Share Posted February 3, 2015 Im sorry for your losses. My wife died Jan 9th this year. 18 days ago. She was 50. My life, heart, entire world. I'm pretty lost. But you have my thoughts prayers and sympathies. Butch. R.Everit55, I am very sorry for your loss, also. It is so difficult to loose the ones we love at such young ages. We are all here together to try an make it through our difficult times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelywithouthusband Posted February 3, 2015 Report Share Posted February 3, 2015 Lynn, Just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping the day wasn't as hard as you anticipated. (((hugs))) KayC, Thank you. I made it through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelywithouthusband Posted February 3, 2015 Report Share Posted February 3, 2015 Lonelywithouthusband I am thinking of you during this difficult day for you. And I know "difficult" doesn't even come close to describing it. We all know of the gut wrenching pain. ((((Hugs)))) Lisa Mommy1201, Thank you. I know this first year is going to be a difficult one. But knowing there are so many others going through the same thing helps the pain a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluelady Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss. Today, I am 130 days out, having just had the four month anniversary of the passing of the love of my life. I am still having the same feelings as you are having, still not believing he is gone, saddened that I will never see his face nor hear his voice again on this earth. For me, this is devastating. I loved him so much. We did so many things together and loved just being home alone with one another. He had been sick for a couple of years, but he always got better and came home to me. I was told on a Monday, that there was nothing else they could do for him and that he was not going to make it and he died on Thursday following that declaration. I never left his side during those last few days and was with him as much as I could be. Since he was in the CCU, I was not allowed to stay at night, so I had a guest room at the hospital, just so I could be near him. I suppose what I am trying to say is that even after four months, I am still having many moments of crying and denial. I still can't believe that my precious love is gone. I have been told by friends that I appear to be getting better, since others see a change in me, but I don't feel any better. I still want him back and wish I was with him or he was still with me, neither of which will ever happen. This journey we are all traveling is a real scorcher! Each of us must travel at our own speed and not be pushed by others. Jim's clothes are still in the closet and I don't have the willpower to remove them yet, but one day, maybe I will. I pray for strength, comfort and guidance, since I am not sure exactly what my life's path should be just yet. I am assuming that in His time, God will let me know. Until then, I will continue to come to this site, visit my grief support group and pray that one day I will be happy again. I pray these same things for you, since I really understand your feelings, as most everyone here does, as well. Hugs to you!! Linda Thank you so much to you all who replied with such warm and welcoming messages....Everyone is so nice and I am so, so sorry for your losses. My heart just aches for you all. For those of you who are somewhat religious...did you or are you angry with God? Today has been 37 days now and I still feel like it's the first day. I just keep thinking that I can't believe it, I can't believe it. It just doesn't seem real...even though I know it is. I would give anything, anything at all to see him for one more day, even one more hour. We were always together except when he was at work...it's just so hard, unbearable actually. I feel like I'm am going to just die when I'm at the grocery store and see things that I would get especially for him...like ice cream and even when I see something we'd eat together....I just feel like my heart is ripped apart and I can hardly get through the isle..... The whole trip is always so sad. Then when I pull up to our house, there's his suv, sitting there and again, so sad.... I come into the empty house and nothing. Usually I would yell out to him "Sweetheart, I'm home" (we always called each other sweetheart for 28 yrs) I hurry up and turn the TV on loud for noise. I might get a puppy soon after figuring out finances. Again, just writing to write.....thank you so much for listening and you are all in my thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 9, 2015 Report Share Posted February 9, 2015 You are absolutely right! My mom threw my dad's stuff out as soon as she got home from his funeral, yet I still have a lot of George's stuff, ten years later. I had to laugh though, when two weeks after he died, his closet rod broke, forcing me to do something with his clothes. It was as if that decision was taken from me! He died June 19, 2005 and I think it was July 4 when the rod broke...so I boxed up his clothes and they sat for 1 1/2 months more until I gave them to Sponsors for men exiting prison that have no spare clothes, I just knew that's what George would want done with them. I believe all of us know when and what to do with things when the time comes and it really doesn't matter if it's a months or five years, there's no hurry! No one should rush us, it's up to us to decide. I just gave George's fishing hat away...it took me 9 1/2 years to do so, I gave it to his best friend, Dan, I always knew I would, it just took me that long to part with it...he understood. I think he was close to tears when I gave it to him, he knew it was an honor...so many clamored for it even the day he was buried, and I held fiercely onto it and told them I wasn't ready to part with anything of his! BTW, I did not give all of his clothes away, I still have his bathrobe, his fishing vest, his dress vest, some of his sweaters, and I sent favorite sweaters to his kids. It's okay to hang onto some of their things, whatever brings us comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluelady Posted February 10, 2015 Report Share Posted February 10, 2015 Kay, There is a lady in my grief support group here (I live in Mobile, Alabama), who had four throws made (a bit smaller than a quilt, just big enough to cuddle with while watching TV) from the clothes of her husband, who had passed away a few months earlier. She had these made as Christmas gifts for her three daughters, who were thrilled to have received them. Her husband was a huge Bama fan, so the middle of each throw had a Bama logo of some sort and was surrounded by various sizes, colors, patterns and shapes of the clothing, then stitched in beautiful swirls. The blanket had a crimson backing on it and was also trimmed around the front with the crimson binding. She brought her throw to our grief support meeting a few weeks ago and we all decided we had to have one. Some were sorry that they no longer had the clothes to make one. I haven't done anything with my love's clothes yet, but am planning on having three made for my angel's two daughters and, of course, one for me. I am sure you could find someone, who knew how to quilt and see if one could be made from what you have remaining of your husbands things. I can't wait to curl up in mine and feel my precious husband wrapped around me. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingMyLove Posted February 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss. Today, I am 130 days out, having just had the four month anniversary of the passing of the love of my life. I am still having the same feelings as you are having, still not believing he is gone, saddened that I will never see his face nor hear his voice again on this earth. For me, this is devastating. I loved him so much. We did so many things together and loved just being home alone with one another. He had been sick for a couple of years, but he always got better and came home to me. I was told on a Monday, that there was nothing else they could do for him and that he was not going to make it and he died on Thursday following that declaration. I never left his side during those last few days and was with him as much as I could be. Since he was in the CCU, I was not allowed to stay at night, so I had a guest room at the hospital, just so I could be near him. I suppose what I am trying to say is that even after four months, I am still having many moments of crying and denial. I still can't believe that my precious love is gone. I have been told by friends that I appear to be getting better, since others see a change in me, but I don't feel any better. I still want him back and wish I was with him or he was still with me, neither of which will ever happen. This journey we are all traveling is a real scorcher! Each of us must travel at our own speed and not be pushed by others. Jim's clothes are still in the closet and I don't have the willpower to remove them yet, but one day, maybe I will. I pray for strength, comfort and guidance, since I am not sure exactly what my life's path should be just yet. I am assuming that in His time, God will let me know. Until then, I will continue to come to this site, visit my grief support group and pray that one day I will be happy again. I pray these same things for you, since I really understand your feelings, as most everyone here does, as well. Hugs to you!! Linda Well, today is 61 days and I feel no better than day 1. I don't know how people say God helps them get through....he doesn't help me. He didn't help my husband either. I prayed and prayed - nothing. I am so devastated, so scared and so angry every day. I just miss him I try to keep busy just to pass the hours so I can go to sleep is what my days are like. I have no desire to do anything that used to be "fun or entertaining" and I don't think I ever, ever will. We did everything together, although I did go out to lunch twice with a girlfriend - I was still sad. I guess I am just feeling so sorry for myself and my husband as well. He was the best person ever and didn't deserve to go. Why do all the creepy, mean people get to live? I just don't understand. Hugs back to you Linda, thanks for sharing, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 11, 2015 Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Linda, I gave his shirts away years ago but I have his bathrobe to snuggle up in. Missing, I'm sorry you're feeling so down but that's certainly understandable. 61 days is a vapor of time in the grand scheme of things, it takes way longer than that to process everything, let alone start finding even the most minute joy in life. Everything you are feeling is spot on normal. Hang in there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 11, 2015 Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Kay, I am glad you have George's bathrobe to snuggle in, makes for such comfort. I have the memory bears and does the same for me. Amazing what a difference it can make. Missing, I too am sorry you feel no better. It takes so long, you have been through devastating loss. It is ok to feel sorry for yourself. It is ok to feel whatever you feel. Try to take one day at a time and don't rush yourself. It is a huge loss and you can be patient with yourself. Try not to worry about time, just take one day or one hour at a time. I wish you much peace and comfort. I hope you continue to come here and share your thoughts when you can or just read what others are going through. We are all here for the same reason. We understand. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 11, 2015 Report Share Posted February 11, 2015 Linda. I am so glad to hear about your quilt. It sounds like it will be beautiful. How wonderful you can do this for his daughters as well. You won't believe what comfort it will bring you. I have memory bears that Hospice made from my husband's favorite shirts. His aide snuck the shirts away without my knowing, she knew which two were his favorite. One was a flannel shirt and one was a t-shirt with Labrador retrievers, we have a black lab. So a few weeks after his passing the hospice chaplain brought them by. They do not wash the shirts, they want them to smell like the person. Our lab went crazy when he put the shopping bag they were in on the floor. He could smell my husband. I must admit while I loved the bears I had to put them in the closet the next day because they were overwhelming me. I still have to put them away some days, they still overwhelm me. However, they bring me so much comfort and love I am able to have them out more than not. Emotions are very unpredictable. I never knew that until last September. I don't think I will ever get over this but I know I am strong enough to move forward, not necessarily move on. I hope you read Harry's piece he posted yesterday, he talks about that and I found it very insightful and true. I wish you peace and comfort. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Linda, would you mind posting a picture of the quilt when it's done? I'd love to see it! I honestly wish I'd have thought of this idea but as it is, I know George would have loved his clothes going to those in need, he had such a heart for the homeless and down and outers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluelady Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Kay, As soon as I am able to open his side of the closet without falling to pieces, I will begin to work on the clothes I want to keep. I do plan on giving the others away, that I won't need for the blanket. I hope the lady making the quilts will not require me to wash them first, since I would love to snuggle up in the last clothes he ever wore. He was in a hospital gown for 68 days before his death, so there aren't many recent clothes, especially since he was a stickler for doing the laundry regularly, since he was retired and I still worked. I will ask the lady who already has one, if she will kindly take a photo of it and send it to me. I know it has certainly begun a trend with my local grief support group. Even the men like the idea of curling up with a blanket made of their wives' clothes. Linda Linda, would you mind posting a picture of the quilt when it's done? I'd love to see it! I honestly wish I'd have thought of this idea but as it is, I know George would have loved his clothes going to those in need, he had such a heart for the homeless and down and outers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 13, 2015 Report Share Posted February 13, 2015 You two look like you go together. I would like to see one of the quilts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted February 18, 2015 Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 I am also going to have a quilt made of Mark's t-shirts and Hawaiian shirts. He loved those. I had him cremated in the shirt he wore when we met. I have started going through the dresser that has his every day clothing in it and am putting together a collection of t-shirts. His cousin makes quilts and she is going to have me be a part of the construction so it will have extra meaning. He had made himself two Hawaiian shirts (he liked to try new things to see if he could do it). He had completed a Christmas one made out of fabric with cardinals on it (my personal totem is the cardinal...it reminds me of my mom who LOVED them). He did not get to wear it, but I gave it to his brother and he honored us by wearing it all through the holiday. Touching some of his items still brings so many tears, especially when I opened the bag holding the suit he wore when we got married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 18, 2015 Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 All of these things you are doing to honor him are wonderful! It's hard when you run across things they wanted to do, wear, eat, etc. and they didn't get to, it's like their life was interrupted right in the middle of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted February 20, 2015 Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 Yesterday was Mark's brothers 21st wedding anniversary and they posted some pictures from the wedding on Facebook. There were two with Mark in them. He looked so young and so handsome...and so happy. But I started to cry when I saw them. I don't know why. I didn't know him then, but I just felt such a pain looking at the pictures. Maybe because I won't get a chance to have a 21st anniversary with him. Maybe because I wished I could share these pictures with him and have him talk about the wedding. I looked at his hands in the pictures and wanted so much to be able to hold it one more time. Looking at my wedding pictures did not upset me as much as looking at those pictures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 20, 2015 Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 We will never stop missing them. I have a picture of Bob and Zach, it is next to his ashes. Sometimes I look at it and smile, other time it makes me cry. I don't try to figure it out anymore. I just take one day at a time. I will say I think crying is a good thing, a release that is needed. What I wouldn't give to hear his voice, hold his hand, have a hug. See, I'm crying again. Just remember we will always have that love in our hearts. That can never be taken away. You are in my thoughts and prayers. ***Hugs*** Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluelady Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Kay, Here is the photo of the quilt made from the clothes of my friends spouse, who passed away last year. I am not sure it will appear, as I am not seeing it and this is the first time I have attempted to add a photo. If it isn't appearing, someone please tell me how to proceed. I can't wait to cuddle in mine!! Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 Linda, it is beautiful. I am so glad you will be having one to cuddle with. What a loving comfort. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 24, 2015 Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 I agree! Beautiful! ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingMyLove Posted February 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 The quilt is so, so beautiful. I don't think I could do this though....I would feel too sad to look at his clothes or shirts... I can't really look at my precious hubby's pictures or anything...it's way too painful and I feel like I am going to just fall apart. Today is 75 days I never thought anyone could possibly be so sad. I actually do not even feel like a real person anymore. I feel like an empty shell with no future or anything to look forward to. It's just not fair and I'm feeling so sorry for myself again and of course him, who did not deserve to leave.....he was the best husband in the world, the best person. I guess I just popped in to write again. I always cry when I write in here....it's think it's my therapy..thank you for listening and I hope everyone is doing ok - as best as you can. Again, the quilt is so beautiful.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Dear Missing, I am so sorry you are in such pain. It is five months my Bob has been gone. I know when you say you feel like an empty shell, I feel like half a person. I think coming here is like therapy for me too. I don't have a quilt but I have three memory bears made from my husband's favorite shirts. Sometimes I can bring them out and sometimes I have to put them in the closet. Just wanted to share that with you. Maybe you could save some things in case you change your mind along the way. I live day to day, do not think about the future right now. I cry every day. We have all suffered the hardest loss we will ever have to. As I have heard Kay say, there are those here who have suffered their loss perhaps years ago. They are living proof that we will make it through and things, although forever changed, will get better for us. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Thank you for sharing the quilt! I love it! I like how it was quilted, it reminds me of a jigsaw puzzle...putting together the pieces of a life. And the Focal point is a great memory to memorialize! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Linda, That is a beautiful quilt. Thank you for sharing the photo. What a wonderful idea. I'm glad you will have one. fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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