Jane's Dad Again

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Two days ago, they old us Jane's dad would go home on Saturday. He was chipper and walking all over the rehab facility for the last two weeks. Tuesday the declared the c-diff dead.

Tonight he is back in the hospital--so weak he could not get out of bed. The rehab called Gail about 10:30 tonight to tell her they were moving him. His nurse said he looked jaundiced. We won't get anything more than that before morning.

Gail thinks this may well be the end--and says she is ready to let him go if it is. I agree with her. But he has fooled us all before more than once. One just never knows--but it doesn't look good.

Peace,

Harry

[R.Everit55]

Harry,

I'm praying for a miracle. I'm praying for peace and comfort for your FIL.

I know this must be very difficult for all involved. The ups and downs. The hoping and then setbacks.

Thinking of you,

Butch

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry you're on this roller-coaster with Gail and your father-in-law, dear Harry. We're holding all of you in gentle thought and prayer . . .

[kayc]

Harry,

I'm so sorry. I know you must have had your hopes up, just to have them dashed again. Keeping your FIL in my prayers.

[Jeffrey]

I'm praying for you too

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Gail called last night. The hospital is releasing him today and sending him for another stint in rehab. Back on the rollercoaster.

Peace,

Harry

[Queeniemary]

Harry, praying for you and Gail, and Jane's Dad on this roller coaster. It is so hard, and things can change from moment to moment. Our roller coaster ride has finally ended, when my sister was released from her non-functioning body last week. Although we will miss her, and do miss her terribly, it was such a release to know she was no longer in pain and unable to do anything for herself.

QMary

[LadyCarrie]

Harry,

I am thinking of you and your family. The roller coaster ride is awful. I understand the roller coaster. For me, for now, the roller coaster ride is preferable to the alternative; still, it hurts. I pray for God to hold and sustain each of you.

Carrie

[kayc]

Harry,

Thinking of you and Gail as "dad" goes back into rehab and praying he'll improve and get to come home at some point. It's so hard...

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Mary I am sorry to hear about your sister, but I agree being locked in like that is a terrible thing.

I saw Hank last night at the nursing facility. He was exhausted after a long day of dialysis and moving back in, so we didn't stay long. He looks better than he did a week ago. I've had a long day of fighting with the Walking with Jane tax forms that are due tomorrow, so I won't see him again before Saturday. Gail knows to call if she needs me.

Off to bed shortly.

Peace,

Harry

[feralfae]

QMary, I just read about Lois, and I am sorry to hear this news. Peace to your heart.

Harry, I am glad you got to see Hank and that he is looking better. I hate those tax forms, and I hope that by now you are finished and ready to mail them. If you do not have one, perhaps it is time to get an accountant to do the returns.

I had to take the Honda for a recall repair, and saw several of the chaps there who knew Doug, and who are always so very kind to me. I later watched the most delightful movie, "Arranged" about two young women in Brooklyn, going through some of life's major transitions.

Time to get some sleep, on a lovely night of light rain making soft sounds in the hush of the spring night. There were yellow-rumped warblers, two robins, and a male mountain bluebird here today, as well as the usual suspects.

Peace to all our hearts,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Suspects?

What year is your Honda, fae? Mine is a 2007 but I haven't heard of any recalls. Just curious.

I finally had a good night's sleep, it's been dicey lately.

Harry, glad you got to see Hank, and glad he's doing better. I agree about the accountant...if a person has a complicated return it's worth it. I used to use TaxBrain and loved it, they had a library of resources available to us, we could talk on the phone with them or chat and they were expedient and great to deal with. Then they merged with Liberty and it went totally downhill. Next year I'll be looking for something/someone else. This year they charged the same price but took away many of their services (including editing returns or the ability to view your worksheet after filing), they did not disclose this up front. My neighbor goes to an accountant and it's only a little more!

[feralfae]

Kay, you know, as in "round up the usual suspects" and it was a phrase our birding group leader used often.

My CRV is a 2002, with 200,000 miles on it, still running very well. The recall was probably not for your year, but once they had my car in the shop, the Honda dealer gave me a list of maintenance service that needed to be performed at 200,000, so although the recall part was free, I ended up spending more than $500 on the rest of the needed maintenance work. Not complaining, but it was an unexpected expense.

It is raining here, and cool with an overcast sky. I have a fire going.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

I just had my Honda in last Wednesday to have the air conditioning fixed and they did the same thing, they always seem to find other things they think it needs. The newspaper said 2003-2007 airbags are being recalled for Toyota, Nissan (and now Honda) but when I called Honda they said not mine...hmmm...

[HAP]

Dear friends,

I just got off the phone with Jane's sister, Gail, a few minutes ago. Hank is not doing very well. He has little appetite and is very tired. He has told them that if he stops breathing, they are not to resuscitate him. He has a bracelet on his wrist to that effect.

Gail thinks he is only staying alive because he thinks she wants him to keep fighting. There is no way, however, she can bring herself to tell him that he can let go, even though she wants him to know it is ok.. His doctor will have a fit if she says it--and since he is also her doctor...

Personally, I think we are looking at days before this is over. He is tired of fighting through dialysis, through c-diff, through prostate cancer, through bone cancer, and the bone weariness the combination of those things has brought on. He does not now really expect--and he has said this--to come home to his apartment.

He lost his wife almost nine years ago to pulmonary fibrosis. He lost his younger daughter, Jane, to carcinoid just over 53 months ago. He lost his best friend, Jane's uncle, who lived just up the hill from them, this winter. He could not go to the funeral because of his own health--but the funeral procession drove by his window and he stood there and waved. He has had enough of watching other people die.

He was a Marine--1st division, 11th regiment--until the regiment was nearly wiped out in retaking Guadalcanal during WWII. They moved him to the fifth regiment after that and he fought his way across the Pacific. He was on Guam preparing for Operation Coronet--the invasion of Japan--when they dropped the atom bombs that ended the war. He met Pappy Boyington--the Marine ace in the Pacific they made a TV show about--and thought he was an ass. But then, the infantry never did have much use for those flyboys.

That alone was a life. His own mother didn't recognize him when he got home. He had malaria--and it came back every summer in the 1950s, then vanished.

He ran weaving machines in the mills, then became a police officer--and eventually a sergeant. He passed on becoming a lieutenant because he said some jobs weren't worth the aggravation no matter how much they pay you. He once arrested a childhood buddy who could not believe Hank was working the other side of the street. I guess he'd really been a hellion as a youngster.

He was the oldest child in the family--and the Depression was tough on him. He never forgot that poverty nor the embarrassment it put him through. He has a sister and a sister-in-law left, and both are failing.

He was a tough man, shaped by tough times--but who cried when the family dog died and was both very happy and very sad when Jane married me and left home. For a while after she died, he blamed me for her death--a thing that he seems to have gotten past. He told me the other night that he loved me. I think I was--at last--the son he never had and always wanted.

He is not gone yet. We've been here before a couple of times. He may yet decide he is not done with living just yet. But there are an awful lot of things on his plate to fight off--and all of them are fatal eventually. I hope he goes peacefully in his sleep.

Peace,

Harry

[feralfae]

Dear Harry,

What a beautiful tribute to Hank, and how wonderful that you two can at last share love and that he is able to tell you he loves you. I am glad you have been able to spend some time with him. For you, this is another link to Jane being released. I am sorry for your loss as well, because now there will be one less person to share your love of Jane when you talk about her. Peace to your heart.

namaste,

fae

[enna]

Keeping the family in my prayers, Harry.

Anne

[MartyT]

You and your family are in my heart and in my prayers, dear Harry.

[kayc]

Harry,

I am sorry for all the family is going through. I strongly feel this it would be right to tell him it's okay, that everyone here will miss him but will be alright. It's not the doctor's business, it's the family's! We gave my dear sweet MIL permission to go and she slipped into a coma and died within 24 hours, after fighting the long battle with cancer for years. I wanted to give George permission to go as soon as I saw it was imminent but the hospital didn't give me the opportunity, they physically through me out of his ward and locked the door behind me. I wanted to make it easier on him, I didn't want him to worry about me with all he was going through and was denied that. I think doctors/hospitals step beyond their place sometimes. You will all be in my heart and prayers this week.

[MartyT]

Harry, you said, "Gail thinks he is only staying alive because he thinks she wants him to keep fighting. There is no way, however, she can bring herself to tell him that he can let go, even though she wants him to know it is ok.."

As Kay says, perhaps you can suggest to Gail that of course it will never be "okay" for her father to die and to leave her, but she still can give him her permission to go ~ that is, not that it is "okay" for him to leave her, but that she understands that it is going to happen, and that she will be okay when it does happen.

Here is an article that may be helpful: How to Say Goodbye When Someone You Love Is Dying

[HAP]

Thanks, Marty. This may help when I talk with her tomorrow.

Harry

[kayc]

It's not about willing them to go, it's about making them feel more at ease about the inevitable.

[HAP]

I think that's then other problem: I think she is concerned that's how her dad will take it, Kay.

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Jane's dad is hanging in there. They are talking about a stool transplant after June 1 if the current round of antibiotics does not take down the c-diff. That is about 95 percent effective, they say. I wonder why they are only getting to it now if it is that effective.

He sleeps a great deal, but is eating and doing his rehab stuff--though what he can do is a long way from where he was a few weeks ago. He is one tough Marine.

Peace,

Harry

[Queeniemary]

Praying for all of you Harry. I have been MIA for a while now, so much happening, and I don't feel I have any advice or comfort to offer right now, but just wanted you to know you are in my heart and prayers.

QMary