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Posted

Hello,

I'm new to this forum. I just wanted to find out if anyone else relates to the pain I feel. We lost our

15 yr old Shih tzu two weeks ago. We got her when she was only 11 wks old. I was so attached, both

of us were. I seem to cry everyday. I don't know if that is normal or not. I even went to my doctor

today and asked for some meds to help me over this hump. I guess it will take awhile to

feel normal again without her around.

thanks,

Persie

Posted

Yes, what you are feeling is very normal. Two weeks is little in the grand scheme of things...if I lost my dog, I'm sure I'd be a mess for a long long time. I'm sorry you lost your dog. We get very attached to them and you had her for a very long time.

Posted

Hi Persie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard when they've been a part of your life for so long and now they are gone. Some people just seem to be able to pick up and go on with their lives, but for me, it always takes time. I'm the one who does most of the pet care, although my husband helps a little. So, when we lose one of the dogs, I think I feel it even more because a lot of my day is centered around caring for them - letting them in and out, feeding, making sure they have their meds, etc.

Do you have other dogs? Not that one replaces another, but I think it's sometimes easier if there is still one to take care of. Easier, but definitely not easy. Ever since we lost our little Allie a few weeks ago, our house just seems empty and we still have 4 dogs here. But it forces me to at least think about something else during the day because they all need my attention, too.

All you can do is take one day at a time, but believe me, there are many who understand and what you are going thru is what we are all going thru or have gone thru.

Mary

Posted

Persie, my dear, if you spend any time at all browsing through some of the threads in this forum, you will discover that every person here can relate to the pain that you are feeling at the loss of your beloved Shih tzu. Clearly she was an important member of your family, and the grief you feel at her death is just as painful as what you would feel at the loss of any other loved family member. I think sometimes we assume that somehow we shouldn't feel such pain at the death of an animal companion, but in fact for many of us, a death like this can be even more difficult. That is why I refer to the pain of pet loss as a different kind of grief. I invite you to read some of what I've written on this topic, here: Pet Loss: Is It A Different Kind of Grief? Be sure to read some of the Related Articles listed at the base of the post, too. And please know that we are thinking of you and holding you gently in our hearts.

Posted

Thank you everyone. Yes, I still cry and it's been three weeks. I would get another dog but I'm am the full-time caregiver for my mother, who had a stroke and has dementia. It's also a 24/7 job. My husband and I are selling our house and moving in with my mother, since we've been here now for the past 10 months.

There is so much going on. I'm 67 and feel that getting another dog would be difficult under these circumstances. Plus, I don't want to go through this

pain again. I just hope the pain eases up a little. I have so much to do and such responsibilities that it's probably best if we don't get another pet.

Posted (edited)

Today is 3 weeks for me also, and so I know how you feel. It's hard when you're so attached to them. I wish I had some wise words that would help, or even make a difference, but unfortunately, I don't. I hope you have people to talk to, but I have found that most people don't want to keep hearing about the loss after a while, even though it's hard to think of or care about anything else. If it helps, keep posting here. There are pet loss hotlines at a few of the veterinary schools, staffed by vet students who have been given some training in counseling. Might be worth considering.

It sounds like you have a lot going on, so your decision to not get another dog is probably the right one for you. I do believe the saying that "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" - but I also know the terrible pain I'm feeling right now also that seems to overshadow everything. Maybe the pain will lessen for you over time, but only you can decide that.

Mary

Edited by MartyT
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Posted

Persie,

There's time enough to think about another dog later on, this would be a hard time to introduce a new pup to the household. Good luck with your house sale and with your mom. Mine passed last August and I know what a concern it is when they can no longer care for themselves. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted

thank you KayC. It's been a rough weekend. I sure hope things will start looking up, all this is very draining on me both physically and emotionally.

I'm thankful I have such a good and thoughtful husband. I'm feeling very down and drained this weekend, but I know it will get better.

Posted

I hope you're able to get some rest tonight.

Posted

Persie,

I agree with Kay - I hope you are able to find time for yourself and to just relax. I know you mentioned caring for your mom but if you are able, maybe just some time reading a book or sitting outside if the weather is nice. It is important to get enough sleep, but I find that is not always easy.

Mary

Posted

It sure isn't. I woke up at 3 am this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I have a situation going on right now that is causing me stress, hopefully something will change soon.

Sometimes I try not to fight it (insomnia) and just let it be what it is. After an hour or so of trying to get back to sleep, I usually get up. Of course that means I'll be tired all day but usually sleep the next night.

You have a lot going on on your plate.

Posted

Dear Persie,

My heart goes out to you, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand your heart-wrenching pain, as do many others here.

Our little Ashely Rose Doxie died of kidney disease last October 10, and even today, I nearly burst into tears when I realized that the noise I heard was not her little toenails on the hardwood floor. I thought for a quick moment that she was going to run into the bathroom with me, and jump into my arms, as she usually did when she realized that I was "missing" when she woke up from sleeping in her bed underneath my desk. Her little bed is gone, but I asked my husband, Jerry, to put her light back. It was just too dark and cold under there.

Both of us cry easily still ~ sometimes one of us will remember, talk about her, and cry, and sometimes it's the other one who remembers, and needs to talk out the pain. On an encouraging note though, these episodes are controlled better now than at first. We don't expect to ever stop hurting for our little fur girl, yet we know we must learn to cope. We are coping well, I think, but the crying episodes continue ~ exacerbated because of other grief issues.

Come back and talk here anytime you feel you need to, or whenever you'd like. You are understood here, and we all care a lot that you are hurting. You will not need to grieve alone. We are right here with you.

Hugs,

Carrie and Jerry

Posted

Kay, feel free to call me at 3 a.m., for I'm likely awake ~ or just falling asleep. Either way, you can call. ❤️ Shucks, let's just get Anne up as well. I'll bet that girl has a piece of chocolate cake put back somewhere. We can raid her refrigerator. You guys can come raid mine, but I don't bake. We have a good bakery nearby though, if I know ahead of time.

Seriously, I pray whatever is causing you stress will be resolved soon. You, and other precious friends here on the forum, continue to be in my thoughts and prayers throughout the day.

Hugs,

Carrie

Posted

Persie,

I forgot to say that Ashely would have been fifteen years old on June 28, and that we have another little red sable girl Doxie named Calico Rose, called Callie, who also has kidney disease (!!). Her birthday is June 29, just one day after Ashely's. We always celebrated their birthdays together (big party), so this one will be tough for us. We will make sure Callie's day is special nevertheless. We are really dreading losing our little Callie. There is no cure for kidney disease. Hurts!

We also have a red smooth male Doxie named Beauregard who just turned fifteen. He still thinks he rules the place. He doesn't know that he's 15, only 8 inches tall at the shoulder, and has only 5 teeth (back of jaw). He likely doesn't even know that he's a dog. We never told any of them, and he never could read well.

Our three babies were/ARE cousins. Neither Callie nor Beauregard would be happy if we introduced another Doxie while they live. They're too old to make a good adjustment.

Blessings,

Carrie

Posted

Carrie,

Okay, but shh, don't wake up Anne, we'd have to share her chocolate with her! :D

Posted

Persie, I am so very sorry to hear of your little Shih Tzu death. I can only imagine how very lost you are without her. Our family pets give us such comfort. Do continue to lean on your dear husband. His support will be so helpful to your healing. Do you have a picture that you would like to share?

When I lost my precious Benji, a rescued Schipperke/Poodle my heart broke. He was the first pet I remember grieving for and it seemed I'd never recover. I did, but I still have a hole in my heart. I have found great comfort in the support I have received here on the forum. I took an online class in pet loss that helped me and found comfort in my grieving. This course is lead by Marty, our administrator.

http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/courses/pet-bereavement

Another help for me was reading what I could about pet loss.

Dearest Kay and Carrie ~ I would bake anything chocolate for you and at any time of the day or night.

Anne

post-15704-0-43727700-1432000068_thumb.j

Posted

Anne, my former sister in law used to have a bumper sticker that read "Give me your chocolate and no one gets hurt." I think we all need one! :)

Posted

hello everyone,

I had another crying episode today. I try very hard not to cry, but the tears just flow. I think losing my Rosie was just the icing on the cake.

Having to sell our own house and move in permanently with my mother is part of the stress. We have so much to do to prepare the

house for selling, finding a storage unit to rent, making extra room at my mother's for my husband and I to live. We have been here

now for 10 months. We haven't made it permanent until recently when we decided to sell our house. These past 10 months I

have been sleeping in my mother's room, she's in her hospital bed on one side of the room, and I'm on a regular bed on the other side. I need to be

near her because she does wake up a lot during the night and tries to get out of bed. She can't get up alone, she needs the walker. The only thing she can

do is feed herself. Other than that, I need to bathe her, cook meals, change her in the morning, keep the house up. So Rosie passing away 3 weeks ago

just topped everything off and made me very emotional. I don't sleep very well because I'm sharing a room with my mother. My husband is in the

living room sleeping in a daybed. Now that we are making it permanent, we are trying to figure out where to make a room for us to sleep together, but

it has to be near my mother's room. There's just so much going on I feel like I'm drowning. We saw the realtor this week and she's putting our sale

sign up on our house. We need to sell a lot of stuff and put some in storage. I just want to get through this whole thing and concentrate on

healing from losing Rosie. I honestly think we need to get away for a couple of days after the move is finished. Thanks everyone for listening to

me and for your kind words.

Posted

Persie, my dear, I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate, and I can only imagine how all of this must complicate your need to mourn the loss of your precious Rosie. I don't know if you will find the time to do so, but I hope you will make time to read this article, as it contains information that you may find helpful: Caregiving After A Stroke: Suggested Resources

Posted

Dear Persie,

I was thinking of you earlier today, and wondered how you are. I'm glad you wrote again.

It's all right to cry. You have good reason to cry. Sometimes we need to "cry it out" in order to find release of pent up emotion, so we can regroup, and then have another go at whatever needs to be dealt with. As I was once told by a social worker at a hospital, it's "normal, natural, and necessary." All of us here cry, so you have company.

I believe I understand much of what you are going through as you take such good care of your mother. I took care of my mother for twenty years after my father died. The last five years were total care ~ feeding, diapering, batheing, and whatever needed to be done. For one of these years, she called me, Mama". That was not easy to hear, but I adjusted ~ mostly.

I understand feeling exhausted. I don't regret my choice to take care of my mother, for it was the right thing for me to do (not right for everyone). Like you, I had my husband's full support, and even encouragement; even so, it was not easy to kiss each other goodnight at the bottom of the stairs, and each of us go in different directions. That hurt. He went upstairs to our room, and I went downstairs where I slept on the couch, and my mother slept in her hospital bed (she could not sleep through the night, so I never knew when I would need to get up with her). I changed her diapers throughout the night, for she was bedridden.

Because she had dementia, some nights became rather interesting. Sometimes she called me by names of her relatives she grew up with, but I had no idea who she thought I was at such times until years later when I researched her family history. Through my research, I learned who "Dear ole Belle" was and who earned that sweet smile of my mother's late at night.

I did eventually hire a LVN to live with us to share responsibilities (years later, our LVN got hepatitis C from a blood transfusion, and came to live with us, for her family abandoned her. I became caregiver for her, for she was wonderful to my mother and to all of us). You are likely going to need some kind of help, for one person cannot stay on duty all the time. I know that's easier said than done, because it will soon apply to me again likely. I'm wondering how I can manage this myself. The one who gave me his full support and encouragement, now needs my help.

Selling your home is a huge stress in itself. You have your hands and your heart full. I'm so sorry you are hurting for your little Rosie. My heart goes out to you, and I send you warm hugs.

I agree with you that you need a bit of time to be away to regroup and rest. My husband and I had a favorite motel at Victorville, CA that we liked to go to for short breaks. If you can find a way to have even little breaks, getting away to just be with your husband will help you cope easier and better (based on my own experience).

I wrote of my caregiving years to let you know that I understand somewhat of what you are now experiencing. I also want you to know that we here on the forum care that you are hurting, and many of us have been caregivers for loved ones. You are not alone with your grief.

Blessings,

Carrie

Posted

I think Carrie has covered it well...my heart goes out to you, this situation has to seem extremely hard. Remember, one day at a time and remember to breathe. Sometimes when I was caregiver I forgot to breathe, I'd literally catch myself holding my breath.

Posted

Dear Persie,

Please don't feel badly for crying over the loss of Rosie. After all, she was someone you loved and cherished.

I myself have tried to find other ways of dealing with my loss, but it seems that there is a roadblock no matter which way I go. I've tried a pet loss chatroom, but found it to be too busy and confusing (guess that is showing my age). I also tried calling a pet loss hotline at one of the veterinary universities, but got a recording stating they were somewhat short on counselors or something to that effect so didn't even leave a message. I found a nearby funeral home that also handles pet cremation, and they have a support group that meets every other week or so. Contacted them only to be told that the person who runs the group is out on medical leave, but they took my name and phone number for when she returns.

It's difficult. It really is. Friends are starting to ask if "I'm doing better now". I know they mean well, but I kind of take that as "are you over Allie's death now". It's funny how someone on this forum could ask that and I would not take it that way because I know that they understand that you don't "get over" losing your baby.

Anyway, I guess I took the long way around to just saying that everyone here understands, and if you want to post every day, we understand that, too. You have so much going on with your mom and selling your house. I'm sure not getting enough sleep isn't helping either. I hope that things settle down a bit and you are able to get some rest and maybe even a few days away with your husband.

Mary

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