Is It True?

[stik40]

I kno this is probably foolish to ask, but then again the way i have been over the last 2 months anything can be see as foolish, I have been told by others that have suffered a loss to expect to see my loved one within afew months after death........ I wait, and i wait, and i;m still waiting... i want so much to tell her one more time that I love her ...as i sit in the dark i look and listen for her. I'm scared also, I'm afraid she will be angry with me for not doing more, for not noticing the cancer growing in her brain, for not realizing she was sick, for putting off our wedding another year.. i;m so afraid that i let her down,even tho the thoughts i have are unrealistic i still have them and can not understand why i would be afraid to see my babers...so my question is this... will she come to see me as i have been led to believe? and is the fear of seeing her appear befor me normal?

Edited January 31, 2006 by stik40

[shell]

I am so very sorry for your loss, stik40. And don't worry about your "crazy" thoughts...we've all had them and we're not crazy! It's normal. All I can tell you is that my mom saw my dad walk through the house a couple of months after he died. And one of her best friends saw her husband, who came and sat down next to her on the couch, after he had died. I personally believe this can happen. Yet I haven't seen my dad, so I guess they only visit certain people or something, even though we were close too and I would love to see him. I wouldn't worry about her being mad at you. I'm sure she loved you very much and doesn't blame you for anything.

Hang in there and let go of any guilt you have,

Shell

[eaglesoaring]

I have been told by others that have suffered a loss to expect to see my loved one within afew months after death........

I have lost both my parents,a baby, all my grandparents, aunts uncles, several good friends...and I have never "seen one come back.....I have however had some dreams where they were there. I have heard other's tell me that this has happened to them, that they see them while awake.

I wait, and i wait, and i;m still waiting... i want so much to tell her one more time that I love her ...as i sit in the dark i look and listen for her.

I understand this one, what I do is I tell them whenever I need to, and hope that they can hear me. Sometimes I speak outloud, sometimes it is a whisper and sometimes I say this in my mind.

and is the fear of seeing her appear befor me normal?

I would feel that it is okay to fear seeing her. I would also fear seeing them appear to me while I was awake. I am so very sorry for your loss. Take care.

When Silence Is Broken Does Not The Soul Begin To Heal? DLF

[Maylissa]

stik40,

I'm so sorry you've had so many losses to contend with already. I know how difficult mutliple losses are to handle ( or NOT! to ). I hope you can find some comfort and help here in talking about your own feelings about them.

As for seeing or not seeing your loved ones, I have a lot to say, but will condense it for now. Many believe that they will not come to you in any way that will cause you fear, and I personally believe that's true and right. So if you're antsy about actually seeing them in ghostly form, or even seemingly-solid form, that probably won't happen, so you can relax. When you talk to enough people about signs from loved ones, you'll find there are many, many ways they can be sending us messages - you need to stay open to all sorts of mediums, though, or you'll miss them. And it seems that just as many people who recognize signs from their loved ones, don't. Why that is I'm not sure, but educating yourself about what you might look for is certainly a factor. One doesn't necessarily 'feel' their presence, yet other signs can occur that indicate it highly.

I myself have had many from ( mainly ) my furbaby, then my Mom and a few from my brother. In fact, I just had what I consider a dream visitation from my Mom just this week ( out of at least one more )....but it's been 2 years since her death, so keep that in mind. I've had sounds, relevant numbers, electrical occurances, print media, radio messages, voices inside, symbolic occurances, dream visitations and serendipitous findings from my loved ones...not all of the above from each of them, though.

The feelings you have around each death can also contribute to whether you're capable of receiving signs. I would suggest telling any of them what those feelings are, then, when you're in a quieter state, something may come. It works best for alot of people like that, however, for me it's different, as I've often gotten signs when I was really distraught, or even angry at, say, my Mom.

Ultimately, we believe what we WANT to believe, but this is one area where my beliefs are pretty strong, simply because I've gotten what I consider to be definitive, extremely personal signs, and some were also verifiable by our other furbaby, who heard some of the same things I did. There's a book by Wayne W. Dyer called "You'll See It When You Believe It" ( the opposite of that popular expression we often hear ) which speaks to this point.

I hope this helps. You can also read about some of the ADC's ( After Death Communications ) that I experienced in the Loss of a Pet forum here, if you're wondering. I've probably also mentioned some from my Mom, too, but I don't remember just where that was. If you have any questions about questionable occurances/experiences that you may have had, but seriously doubted, I might be able to help you sort that out. Take care, and keep ALL of your senses open!

Edited January 31, 2006 by Maylissa

[MartyT]

i want so much to tell her one more time that I love her ...as i sit in the dark i look and listen for her. I'm scared also, I'm afraid she will be angry with me for not doing more, for not noticing the cancer growing in her brain, for not realizing she was sick, for putting off our wedding another year.. i;m so afraid that i let her down

My dear friend,

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and I can feel the anguish in your words as you struggle with guilt over what you think you should have, could have, would have done differently, if only you had known then what you know now. But the sad truth is that you did not know, and even if you did, there is no guarantee that your knowing would have made any difference. Your fear that your beloved may be angry with you may serve to explain why you haven't had the experience of seeing her in an apparition or a dream -- but keep in mind that not everyone has such mystical experiences, and if you don't, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

If you feel a need to do so, consider what you could do to make amends to your beloved. Find a way to genuinely apologize to her, and ask for her forgiveness. For example, you could write her a letter, or have a visit with her spirit. Say aloud or in your mind whatever you didn’t get to say while she was still living. Be as honest as you can be. Then have your loved one write a letter to you. What would this person say to you about the guilt and sadness you’ve been carrying around? Ask what it would take for you to forgive yourself, and see if you can begin doing it. Try saying out loud to yourself, “I forgive you,” and say it several times a day. Remember, too, that no one else can absolve your feelings of guilt — only you can do so, through the process of intentionally forgiving yourself.

In any event, you're not the first to be wondering about such post-death apparitions and dreams. If you read the posts in this particular thread, you'll find an interesting discussion of what are called mystical or extraordinary experiences of the bereaved:

Lost My Mom a Year Ago / feel Her Here

You might also be interested in exploring this site:

Extraordinary Grief Experiences

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[Maureen]

i'm so very sorry for your loss, and thoroughly understand your pain. my mom's only gonna be gone 6 months on Feb. 24th. we were very close, best buds me and her, and although i have not seen her during awake hours, i did see her twice in a half sleep, i've heard her voice in the house here a very few times, and i know it wasn't my imagination because my birdie heard it too and talked back to the voice, he clearly recognized his Grandma.

i've also been privileged to have an occurence happen randomly without pattern ONLY since my mom is gone. i've had hearts appear in my empty teacups. i don't know if i'm allowed to post pictures here but if i was i'd post a few for you to see.

point is, like Maylissa said, you need to be open to your loved one communicating with you in ways that are less conventional and through mediums that you'd never think of. my advice....... don't concentrate on it, and you may in time find some things happening that ONLY could've come from your loved one.

my neighbor also had a dream about my mom, only once, but my mom said something to her that was strictly a "betw. me and my mom" sort of thing, and when my neighbor told me, i believed her instantly. i think it was my mom's way of validating that she did indeed visit my neighbor and wanted me to know.

keep the faith and you never know. and please feel free to share your pain and grief with us. only by sharing the dark stuff can any of us ever begin to see the light again.

[Guest Guest_Jen_*]

I lost both my mom and my dad. And I've had different dreams about each of them. The dreams differ from person to person too. When my dad first past away 5 years ago at 47, it was the toughest thing our family went through, especially my mother. They always talked about living together in old age. My dad died in the hospital of a heart attack. He told her he was coming home that night before, and the next day he was gone. It was horrible. None of us got to say goodbye. I tried my best to comfort my mother as much as I could. I had many dreams about my father. It's funny how dreams work. And how they are different for other people. First I'd dream he was alive, but then when I realize he was gone, I'd wake up in horror. Then I started having dreams of him being happy and free. It was weird because how could he be happy and free without us? The dreams stopped for years, but then started back up again. I would dream he was alive and came back to live with us. It was strange, so I found myself in my dreams watching him and looking at him just to make sure everything was ok. He became a part of our family again and it was normal. I'm telling you this, because my mother had different types of dreams. She was a homemaker and took care of my dad. She'd always dreamed about him being cold and hungry. Sometimes she'd dream he left her for another woman. She'd wake up so angry for days. Our dreams were so different and I don't know why? Seems like they were based upon our different experiences with him. My mother never had dreams of him being happy and free. It was always about him leaving her. So which ones are real? My mother and I would talk about the dreams all the time. But when she passed away 1 month ago. And when I didn't have any dreams about her, I started freaking out. My mother would have never left me and if she had, she would definitely come back to let me know she was ok. This also made me doubt the dreams I had about my father. It also made me so sad to think I will never see her again. But after about 2 weeks, I had a dream that she was alive and was laying on the floor. When I realize she was alive, I told her that I'd call her family and let them know. I asked if she wanted to talk to them, and she said no. As the dream went on, I realize she wasn't ok, so I laid beside her and touched her arm to hold her. It felt so real, I could feel her. But then at that moment I woke up. A few nights later, I had a dream that I was looking at a wall of big pictures, 100's of them. But then I started focusing on a particular picture, and realized that it wasn't even a picture at all. It was a Christmas card I had made for her and my dad when I was in elementary school. A week before my mother passed, I was cleaning out the garage, and found it. I joked that she didn't want it. LOL I gave it to her and she put it in her room on the dresser. In my dreams, as soon as I realized it was that Christmas card, I said, "what in the world?", and then I woke up. It's so sad. I miss my mother so much. I'm not sure what the dreams mean or if they mean anything. And why are they different for different people. Are our loved ones telling us stuff, but we are not focussed on receiving. I don't know. Have any of you had different dreams? I just miss her so much, I don't know what to say. I keep picturing the night before she passed and how I watched her as she walked to the mailbox to check the mail. When she came in the house, I told her I was going to sleep and I'd see her tomorrow. She said ok. That was the last time I saw her alive. She died in her sleep. I miss her so much. I'm so crushed. I really can't stand this pain.

[Maylissa]

Jen,

Which dreams are 'real'? I'm of split mind on this, as I consider that perhaps none of what we think of as reality is the REAL reality - that might be our spiritual realm that's the REAL reality. Obviously though, we won't know until we get there.

However, no matter how things really are, from my current earthly perspective, I've considered some dreams to be visitations, not just dreams, because of the FEELING that they were visitations...a different feeling than my normal dreams, and that's the key for me. I'm very used to my regular dreams, as I've always had vivid dreams and nightmares and usually remember a good percentage of them, especially the morning ones. So the feeling is the first thing. The second thing for me is that these visitations aren't as wild as my regular dreams, but instead follow a logical, linear ( like daytime stuff ) course of events, unlike my usual jumping-around and irrational events.

The two I had from my Mom were VERY vivid, with even the feelings being much more pronounced than in either waking or dreaming states. In the first one, which took a few months to happen, the important part was when I was about tell her how wholly grateful I was for all the things she'd done for me in my life, things I'd not recognized nor thanked her for when she was here...but before I could even open my mouth, she gazed into my eyes, smiled and telepathically said, " I KNOW....", and we just sat there for a moment, smiling at each other. The key thing was that, when she 'said' she knew, it wasn't just an intellectual statement, as I immediately felt her gratitude to me, in my own heart and soul, and it also felt like our individual gratefulness to each other was merged. This was definitely not like any feeling that I'd ever had before between her and myself, during earthly life. It was powerful, so consuming, and totally unexpected! It was so full of love, unlike any kind of love I've ever had between me and another human on earth. Blew me right away! I woke up feeling so calm yet elated - NOT a normal state for me! And I'd never had any other dream where I'd woken up feeling like that, either.

The second dream was just recently, and was very short....more like a popping-in, in the midst of my current dream. But there she suddenly was, and a bit younger still than in the last visitation ( where she'd been of an age when we'd worked together years ago ). I remember thinking she looked so good, and so content, and being so shocked by this, as it wasn't her state while on earth. She simply placed her hand on my cheek and gazed deeply into my eyes with SO much love, I could hardly believe it. Again, it just FELT different, so much more powerful and somehow more 'deeply real' than waking life ( or maybe that's the opposite of the Truth )...I just KNEW, again, that this was no ordinary dream. It strikes me that even my imagination couldn't evoke such feelings as this, as I've never experienced them that powerfully with any human before....so where did they come from then? As for the messages she was giving me, it was the obvious ~ she LOVES me; period. It's all I really wanted to know, as what's more important than that?

It's one of those things, this 'knowingness', that isn't quite describable - one just has to experience it to know it's real. I had the same knowingness, but of a much sadder nature, when our fur-baby was ill, but I didn't know it at the time. One day, while walking down our pathway, I looked down at him and just felt it in my soul that he wouldn't be with us for more than another year...and it was true, though I'd had no indication at that point that anything serious was wrong with him. It was terrible, but True. I also had the same thing happen years ago, in my pre-teens, when someone I cared deeply for was at the scene of an accident, except I was fully awake and getting ready in the bathroom at the time. When I checked with them later, it turned out that I'd gotten the sudden feeling ( of unexplained panic and concern and the certainty that there'd been an accident ) at the same time that they'd been helping the woman who was hurt in the car accident.

To me, this reinforces the Truth that we're all, indeed, connected, via our energies, and so time and distance makes no difference to connecting with each other, no matter who or what we are. As for all the confusion in between...I think we've just forgotten how things really work and so have none or little faith that they do work like this, and we've forgotten how to do any of this as easily as it should be. Some of us must remember more than others....hence mediums, etc.

So while some dreams are just a reflection of our state of mind &/or recent events that trouble us, and are a way of facing those things sideways-on, others are more than that. At least that's been MY experience, and that's all I really trust anyway.

Edited February 6, 2006 by Maylissa

[Jester]

i'm so very sorry for your loss, and thoroughly understand your pain. my mom's only gonna be gone 6 months on Feb. 24th. we were very close, best buds me and her, and although i have not seen her during awake hours, i did see her twice in a half sleep, i've heard her voice in the house here a very few times, and i know it wasn't my imagination because my birdie heard it too and talked back to the voice, he clearly recognized his Grandma.

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I'm sort of new to this site, don't know most of you well enough, and I'm also new to the grieving experience, but I want to share what little I know. I realize this topic is not very new, but I hope people still come back here, and maybe later on it may help some people in the future.

Shell mentioned she hasn't (or at least to that date) experienced any visitation from her father, maybe this was because only certain people get visitations. I am truly convinced every human being has more than 5 senses, and looking back in time, almost every ancient civilization seemed to have ways of understanding that have apparently been lost in time. TV, usual everyday rush, videogames, cel phones, internet, we have many things that make everyday life easier. We don't have to carry buckets of water home, or hunt our food, make our own shoes, small things we take for granted were not available at those times, and I think we are becoming lazy in many ways, or more like our time is spent on other things.

I feel with "evolution" we have switched off our sensors and we live in a materialistic world 100%, the one we can see, hear, touch... But as someone pointed out, for us to have these metaphysical experiences, we need to believe in order to see.

I started a course on meditation in an attempt to get some sleep, and my tutor was explaining there are different states of conscience (excuse me if I am mistaking some words or am not making myself clear, english is not my first language), one is called Beta, one is Delta, and can't remember the names of the other ones. But there is one state called "Tetha" (once again, excuse me if the translation of the names is wrong or innacurate, corrections are accepted), and in this state, you are awake, but sort of in a dreamish way. You are not sleeping, but you are not entirely "awake" (or half asleep)due to the fact that you are putting aside things that tie you down to your everyday life reality (stress due to traffic, work issues, or worries about what time it is, what I'm cooking for dinner tonight, etc.) In Tetha state you are able to see things you wouldn't when you are truly "awake" (using the word awake in the sense of being 100% aware of our materialistic environment). I don't know if anyone here has experienced this, when you are doing a repetitive task, one that does not require your full attention, you start wandering off, or what some people call "day dreaming". Maybe then you may have percieved like you saw something out of the corner of your eye, like a shadow or something moving very fast. This is very close to being into Thetha state, but when you think you see something, the first thing you do is you turn quickly to see what caught your attention, and while turning you "wake" up and leave that Tetha like state, making your usual 5 senses unaware of what is to see through other senses. Then you think you saw nothing and you start disbelieving these visitations.

Just as when you loose something and you desperately seek it, you usually find things whenever you stop looking for them. It works the same way, you'll start percieving or feeling these visitations once you stop expecting them.

The dead cannot comunicate with us in ways we are used to, like a verbal conversation in a cafe or the phone. So they search for other ways to comunicate with us, and their way of doing it may be beyond our imagination. Pay attention to little details, maybe you are expecting a loved one to appear in front of us and say "I love you". Maybe we won't hear those words, but finding someone has moved your things, or if your radio comes on in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, that is a loved one trying to catch your attention, trying to say "hey, I'm here".

Good luck to everyone.

[Maylissa]

Jester,

I'm on the same page as you with this one and couldn't agree more! I suspect there are more physicists than laypeople nowadays who are more aware of the multi-levels of existence, which is a real switch! We should actually be listening more to some of the scientists...the ones who know that thought influences our perceived reality. Too bad they don't get 'out there' to spread the good news.

I believe the wavelength you were talking about is called "theta"....but don't hold me to it. I know I've read about it, but aren't sure if I've got it right, either.

There is a book I got years ago by Wayne W. Dyer called "You'll See It When You Believe It", which talks about some of these same ideas as a way to enlightenment and which I think you would find facinating. And thanks for posting your views here - it helps me to know there are others who are open-minded enough to allow such ideas in....and to recognize what we've lost in our race towards materialism.