Work & Anxiety

[WolfsKat]

I had my last post-op visit at the doctor last Thursday, and was released to return to work.  I dropped off the release paperwork at the personnel office, along with a note to my supervisor, explaining that I would need to leave work one hour early on the 15th (tomorrow) for my appointment at the Social Security office for death benefit filing. After hearing nothing for days, I get a call yesterday afternoon....report to work tomorrow. I've not been back since before Connor's death.  So much anxiety!  It is a stressful job at the best of times, and I'm worried about how I'm to cope now. Not the type of job that I can just walk off if I have a "grief attack" hit. I checked my upcoming schedule online, and they did NOT allow me to be able to leave that one hour early for the SS appointment, that I've been waiting weeks for!  So now I'll have to cancel and try to reschedule for one of my days off....I am sure that will take many more weeks. This corporation has zero compassion or caring for their thousands of workers.....I so wish I could find another job, but at my age, so close to possible retirement, it would be very difficult.  My anxiety level is at a all time high right now.....trying to not stress....impossible!  Also, when I come home from work.......it will be the very first time since Connor's been gone.....there will be no happy "Honey, you're HOME!" called out by him, as he did every day. It's after midnight.....I have to be to work at 5:00 a.m. So stressed I can't fall asleep.....this is not good!

[kevin]

The first day back is the toughest, no words can sugar coat this........attached are a couple good ones...........I think Winston Churchill authored one.....

[hollowheart]

WolfsKat, I just saw this post. So it looks like you are back to work today. Please let us know how it went and I am thinking about you. With all the time you have been off I'm sure they have the mentality of you have had enough time and should be ready to get back to work. I wish I could have taken a couple of months off. Going back after only almost 2 weeks, was horrible.

And my boss was the same, calling me the day of the funeral to see if I was coming in, saying she thought I said I would be in that day. Um, no. I could tell she was getting in a way about me being off. Good grief, these people.  That rattled me to get that call the day off. Ugh!  We are giving you strength and good vibes to get through these days.

[WolfsKat]

I was off months before Connor died, But still, 12 weeks since......you think I'd do better.  I made it through the day, with only one fairly minor breakdown.  But in so much physical pain the emotional is taking a backseat. Maybe this is a good thing. I'll take physical pain over emotional any day. Many coworkers happy to see me back, missed me. Management?  All they care about is "oh good, you are back.......please do the work of three, that would be great, thanks" Nevermind that I am the oldest person in my department, expected to take up the slack that the 20-somethings cannot seem to do.......same  ol' same ol'.......SOSDD!  Hopefully, so exhausted I can sleep tonight. Just totally wrung OUT!

[hollowheart]

Wolfskat, glad the day wasn't so bad. I would take physical pain over emotional too. I remember the days I was off, mine were scattered, so I was in a couple of days, then off the rest of the week. Then back for two, then out, and when I did come in there was just work piled in my chair after about 4 days, no one did anything. I'm like dang, nice to come back after such emotional turmoil to a bunch of crap in my chair.

[kevin]

Oldest person in the room is a source of pride that you have earned , no short cuts to Old. Making to the front door was an achievement, then you are in go mode......Physically tired is good, for me a couple of Advils and lay back.....you did good, feel good...tomorrow will be walk in the park...

Edited January 14, 2016 by kevin
grammar

[Guest]

The key is you made it through the day.  Sleep well and hoping tomorrow is better.

[kayc]

WolfsKat, what kind of a place doesn't let you off an hour early to meet with the social security dept. when they've had a death!!!  I'm so sorry, that's just WRONG!  $*@^!%#!

You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow...(is it okay to say that after saying $*@^!%#!)  I'm sure you all get it...

 

[scba]

Hello friends, I am struggling with a new job. After my boyfriend died I quit the two jobs I had and left the town. I could not function and I stopped eating, my mum had to travel to pick me up. I spent a year without a full time occupation, just volunteering and private teaching, but nothing stressful. Friends and relatives insisted to find a job in the hope that I would be busy to think of my grief and that i may like it. Well, it didnt happen. After two weeks I feel unable to cope with stress, deadlines and nasty coworkers. As Marianne described, I have the same feeling, that I cannot be the person of before nor function as before nor work as before. My boyfriend death, I fear, has killed my old self in all aspects. This is my life without him, one in which I cannot even work with my profession anymore. I am in tears. I cannot think of a better future. I cannot even have what was build up with my effort. At the same time I feel a fool complaining about a job I started 15 days ago. 

[Guest Janka]

17 minutes ago, scba said:

Hello friends, I am struggling with a new job. After my boyfriend died I quit the two jobs I had and left the town. I could not function and I stopped eating, my mum had to travel to pick me up. I spent a year without a full time occupation, just volunteering and private teaching, but nothing stressful. Friends and relatives insisted to find a job in the hope that I would be busy to think of my grief and that i may like it. Well, it didnt happen. After two weeks I feel unable to cope with stress, deadlines and nasty coworkers. As Marianne described, I have the same feeling, that I cannot be the person of before nor function as before nor work as before. My boyfriend death, I fear, has killed my old self in all aspects. This is my life without him, one in which I cannot even work with my profession anymore. I am in tears. I cannot think of a better future. I cannot even have what was build up with my effort. At the same time I feel a fool complaining about a job I started 15 days ago. 

My dear Ana,

as you remember,I was writing here about my new job not long ago and the bullying in the workplace,so I´ve decided to give notice to quit when I´ll able to work again.I started there just 6 weeks ago and it´s unthinkable to stay anymore.They still don´t know that I´m about to leave soon and I´ll do it.That´s for sure.

I´m sending hugs,my friend!

Janka

[scba]

Yes Janka, I remember and i am very sorry for what you are going through. I understand. Maybe I will quit too in the near time if nothing changes, at the same time I wished this could be a better begining after 13 months of intense grief. I have been told of so many stories like after the storm there is the rainbow, i guess my storm is still around

[Guest Janka]

14 minutes ago, scba said:

Yes Janka, I remember and i am very sorry for what you are going through. I understand. Maybe I will quit too in the near time if nothing changes, at the same time I wished this could be a better begining after 13 months of intense grief. I have been told of so many stories like after the storm there is the rainbow, i guess my storm is still around

I do understand,my friend.I also wished this could be the better beginning too and I realize now how hard it will be the next weeks,but I have to.I cry every day lately and it has to stop,because I feel horribly now.I still have 14 days to make a decision,so I hope it will be right one.

With love Janka

[kevin]

WolfsCat, it appears this is a Cheesey 101 HR protocol, deny everything the first time. Keep copies of everything you submit......now that someone denied it, re-submit the thing again. Someone has to explain to you why your submission was turned down. It took over three months for me, I didn't get everything, but they did explain...and Legal aid should be helpful when you mention Walmart ,and remember, don't let the ba$-ards get you down............good luck

[WolfsKat]

Day 3 of being back to work. Bad night last night, I had a fairly big breakdown.....unfortunately while friends were here to visit. I was in so much physical pain from work, compounded w/no sleep.....I just snapped.....started crying, could not stop, asked them to please just leave me alone.....I detest crying in front of people!  Bless them they understood. I cried hard for a few hours. After I calmed down some, I "bit the bullet" and made a phone call. Walmart offers a program called Resources For Living....they have a 24 hour phone line. I called and said I needed help. Upshot is, they will cover 3 "mental health" visits a year (generous, eh?). But I will be getting a appointment made Monday, and I asked to be referred to someone experienced in grief recovery. I figure 3 visits are better than zero,and hope to get a prescription for sleep aid. Now that I'm back to work, I just can't deal with the lack of sleep!  I think chronic sleeplessness can make everything seem just worse, especially when compounded with physical pain. Anyway. Hoping even just 3 visits will be of some help. Grasping for any sliver of hope here!  Going back to work has been hell.

[kevin]

You initiated the first of many steps that will be taken.......bite the bullet is a positive statement, now you are back in control. Just a touch of council or a heads up, go to the appointment prepared.......have an outline or agenda written out and on your person. These notes will include your loss, all your symptoms sleep, eating,anxiety,barriers you believe Walmart can help you with/explain to you.......,this was a good move on your part.......

[kayc]

Janka and Ana,

I stayed in a horrid job I hated for seven long years, commuting 100 miles a day to/from it.  I would say quit if you possibly can live without it, look for something more pleasant, less stressful with nicer people to work with.  When we work jobs we hate, it shows up in our health, the stress takes its toll.  I am so sorry for both of you and wish you a better future.
WolfsKat, I wish you didn't have to go back yet.  When George died I was in my favorite job, wonderful boss and coworkers, local, loved it, and they were so supportive, so I went back within two weeks.  (However, the job ended within months when it went out of business.)  You are so right to tackle the sleep issue, esp. now you are back to work.  I'm glad you'll get three sessions, yes, it's better than nothing.  Perhaps a grief support group after that?  Most of them are free.

[Guest]

A couple of months ago I got a call from my health insurance company.  It is a free service they offer and after a series of questionnaires decided I qualified for additional grief counseling from them as well.  We talk biweekly and it has been beneficial.  Bit of a surprise.  This is in addition to my grief counselor, psychiatrist, grief group and here.  So now I am good at identifying the problems, symptoms, just still haven't found the solution.  I know Marty, patience.

[Guest Janka]

1 hour ago, Brad said:

A couple of months ago I got a call from my health insurance company.  It is a free service they offer and after a series of questionnaires decided I qualified for additional grief counseling from them as well.  We talk biweekly and it has been beneficial.  Bit of a surprise.  This is in addition to my grief counselor, psychiatrist, grief group and here.  So now I am good at identifying the problems, symptoms, just still haven't found the solution.  I know Marty, patience.

  

I´m glad!

  Janka

[hollowheart]

9 hours ago, WolfsKat said:

 Now that I'm back to work, I just can't deal with the lack of sleep!  I think chronic sleeplessness can make everything seem just worse, especially when compounded with physical pain. Anyway. Hoping even just 3 visits will be of some help. Grasping for any sliver of hope here!  Going back to work has been hell.

This was the same problem I had. When I was off work during my (way too short) "bereavement period", I'd be up and down all night and just fall asleep when I finally fell asleep. But having work, I can't just sit up until 4am until I finally fall asleep. I wanted to just die when I couldn't sleep and had to go to work and try to feel sane. I remember taking Nyquil I got so desperate. I finally got some sleeping pills from my doctor but I feel like they half work, because they knock me out fast, which I would take when I'd get in a really bad state of over thinking and just want to be 'unconscious' but they seem to wear off fast. I might have to try something else. Anyway, if you spend money on nothing else, see a doctor asap and get a prescription. Having those pills handy when I was loosing my mind were like little saviors. 

[WolfsKat]

Well, made it through my first week back at work!  It was better/worse than I'd thought.....the emotional aspect was a bit better than I'd worried about.....had a few times where I was starting to feel overcome, but got through it by distracting myself w/work at hand. The physical part was worse than I'd anticipated!  By day two I literally had trouble walking!  It's just going to take more time, I guess, to build up strength/endurance.....after 4 months of using a walker/wheelchair, the leg muscles are weak!. I just hope the management at work can understand that....my job requires me to be on my feet all day....and I will do my best, as always....but will not be at full speed for a time. Hopefully, they will take into account my circumstances, and my years of dedication......but I don't expect too much....when Connor died, I did not receive so much as a note or card from the company.

[MartyT]

Oh Kat ~ I feel for you! I don't think you've ever shared with us the type of surgery you had, but if it required four months of using a walker/wheelchair, I imagine your foot or feet were involved, and I certainly do hope you're not pushing yourself too hard in a job that requires you to be on your feet all day! Can you get a note from your surgeon to help persuade your employer/manager that you need time and some sort of accommodation so you can build up your strength and endurance more gradually? Maybe by sitting on a stool part of the time, or by taking some breaks during the day so you can put your feet up for a few minutes at a time? In any event, you deserve a shout-out for getting through this week!

[kevin]

The Emotional hurtles are tough enough, I didn't realize you had a physical challenge to add.......I won't pretend to be medical, but consulting your Doctor if this pain persists may be worth a good move. I was involved in something called "modified" work assignment......basically you come back working less hours first few weeks back....Last thing you want to do is aggravate an existing injury.......but you sound good....

[kayc]

A modified work plan sounds exactly like what you need!  I'm so sorry your company was so thoughtless as to not even give you a card or plant when Conner died, that's cold!  But I didn't get anything from George's workplace when he died either, and he was such a tremendous worker!  It employed 1,700 people, they should be better equipped for situations like that.  I felt mixed feelings when the company went out of business later on (Country Coach).  My SIL worked there and I was sorry he lost his job, but I hated how they treated/used people.

Can you at least use a stool to break up the standing all day?

[WolfsKat]

9 hours ago, MartyT said:

Oh Kat ~ I feel for you! I don't think you've ever shared with us the type of surgery you had, but if it required four months of using a walker/wheelchair, I imagine your foot or feet were involved, and I certainly do hope you're not pushing yourself too hard in a job that requires you to be on your feet all day! Can you get a note from your surgeon to help persuade your employer/manager that you need time and some sort of accommodation so you can build up your strength and endurance more gradually? Maybe by sitting on a stool part of the time, or by taking some breaks during the day so you can put your feet up for a few minutes at a time? In any event, you deserve a shout-out for getting through this week!

Thanks so much, Marty!  I had surgery for torn ligaments, a sizeable meniscus tear, and a Baker's cyst/tendonitis of my left leg. Unfortunately, my workplace allows no accommodations....if one cannot perform all of the tasks required of the position, you are not allowed back to work, period.  While I imagine I might've been able to get more time off, it would be unpaid, and I just can't afford that. I will plug along, and hope to regain strength, and some relief from the pain. Thanks so much again!

[kayc]

You're in my prayers, Kat.  I can't believe how cold some companies are.  The ones that make these decisions...they'd better look out because someday it could be them and the shoe'd be on the other foot.