Guest Janka Posted March 7, 2016 Report Share Posted March 7, 2016 Dear Ane, I´d like to say how much I´m sorry for your loss and saying from the heart! It´s too fresh for you now,but I hope that you´ll find much needed comfort,support and understanding you´re looking for right now,to lessen the horrible pain inside of you.I hope for you to find out the best way bringing you a smile on your face again.Please take care! With love Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anearia Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 Hi Janka, Thank you so much for your kind wishes. I see you also lost your Love, I hope he is having a wonderful adventure, may angels guide him and tigers gaurd him forever. I have wonderful support, but I do find it very exhausting being with people and having to explain all the time how I am feeling. I know they mean well. I am battling with giult more than anything. I can accept his passing and have a strong belief that he has gone on to a better life with more knowledge and understanding. Ultimately a goal for all living things. leaving this form and place is not an end but a beginning on a new journey. My best support group in this here and now are these 3 little monsters! from front to back, Flashy, Spot and Lula. They miss him just as much as me and know me better than anyone, so, know when I need cuddles and when I just need to be alone. I wish you much strength and peace, you clearly have a wonderful generous heart and I apreciate your message of encouragement very much. Thank you. Maybe one day I will visit you in Slovakia, I have always wanted to travel there. A 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 My high school friend married a distant cousin of mine. He has been gone for about 17 years now. She had to go out of state for a new granddaughters serious, life threatening surgery. Before she left, they had a terrible fuss. She went on, tried to call him, no answer. A relative went to their house and he had passed away overnight. A brain anomaly of some sort. By the time she got back home, he had already been cremated. She suffers the loss over and over still, a lifetime of regrets. My heart goes out to her and everyone of us too. We keep on keeping on, we can do nothing else. This is our life now. We reach for each lifeline thrown to us. We are expecting bad weather the next few days in the south. We have had such a mild winter. Coming down to Louisiana, riding down the country roads, daffodils covered some whole yards, pear trees and red buds and tulip trees blooming clouds of white, lavender, and yellows. Beautiful. I can still appreciate the beauty, but I shared it with my granddaughter, not Billy. Bittersweet. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 4 hours ago, Marg M said: We are expecting bad weather the next few days in the south. We have had such a mild winter. Coming down to Louisiana, riding down the country roads, daffodils covered some whole yards, pear trees and red buds and tulip trees blooming clouds of white, lavender, and yellows. Beautiful. I can still appreciate the beauty, but I shared it with my granddaughter, not Billy. Bittersweet. My dear Margaret, the tulips,white,yellow and red,are blooming from the end of February till now,since the global warming all over.I remember very frosty weather 15 yrs ago.We had up in the mountains -25ºC by day and -38ºC by night.Now we have here +7ºC and in February we even had +12ºC by day.Unbelievable!I stay on my balcony on the 2nd floor,look down and see the tulips,daffodils and daisies around.Though I live in the city,the house I live in is situated in the park,so listen to the singing birds every day. The life is a miracle to be worthy of going on with our loved ones in the hearts. With love Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 7 hours ago, Anearia said: Hi Janka, Thank you so much for your kind wishes. I see you also lost your Love, I hope he is having a wonderful adventure, may angels guide him and tigers gaurd him forever. I have wonderful support, but I do find it very exhausting being with people and having to explain all the time how I am feeling. I know they mean well. I am battling with giult more than anything. I can accept his passing and have a strong belief that he has gone on to a better life with more knowledge and understanding. Ultimately a goal for all living things. leaving this form and place is not an end but a beginning on a new journey. My best support group in this here and now are these 3 little monsters! from front to back, Flashy, Spot and Lula. They miss him just as much as me and know me better than anyone, so, know when I need cuddles and when I just need to be alone. I wish you much strength and peace, you clearly have a wonderful generous heart and I apreciate your message of encouragement very much. Thank you. Maybe one day I will visit you in Slovakia, I have always wanted to travel there. A Dear Ane, your kind words brought a tear into my eyes.Each one of all good wishes towards my beloved man Jan are highly appreciated.Thanks for them!I live my life the best I can to be worthy of being where he is now,waiting for me to come,one day.I love him for eternity!My faith in God is what keeps me alive,going on,to stand everything I have to go through to be with my beloved Jan once again.I pray for him every day and night to make our dream of being together as one come true.Love never ends! God bless you,Ane! With love Janka PS: You´re so lucky to have such a nice company. They´re so cute! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 Anearia, they are adorable! My dog & cats are pretty much my family now. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 Dear Aneria, My three fur babes...Pongo, Hannah and Max have all been the most important thing that has helped me get as far as I have. My Pongo especially. He was the first one that Mark and I rescued, and he sticks REAL close to me. It is like Mark put him in charge of taking care of me. I know it might just be how I want to see it, but when I let him go to where Mark's box of ashes are, Pongo will put his paws up on the table in front of where they sit. I will pat the top of the box and say..."There's Daddy". He still runs to the door and wags his tail when he hears a car door slam. I know in my heart he is still waiting for Mark to come home. At night, we all crawl into bed, and each one finds their space. I don't know what I would have done without having them. They keep me from thinking of Mark first thing in the morning, and when I come home from work, they all greet me at the door and it isn't as hard to walk into "our" home. So glad you have your three there with you, Unconditional love is a wondrous thing when you are lost. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anearia Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 HI Froggie, and Everyone else out there tonight. ja, I dont know how I would cope without them. I have also got two horses watching my back Drifter the big lad is very soppy and cuddly since Lars left but Havanna doesnt really wana chat! She's got humpalitis! Flashy aso very down in the dumps today. The best thing about the Furries is that they dont ask ''How I'm doing''. My Dad, bless him, almost tipped me over the edge again today. He wants to have a part ownership kinda deal with me on Lars' pick-up!!! I really dont want to offend him but, I also dont want to relinquish my grip on something that meant so much to Lars. i mean I know the folks have been using the bakkie [SA term for a pick-up] for years when Lars or I werent, but its our bakkie, its the one we use to take the dogs to the beach and the one we did all our road trips in. Dad's a good guy,, but does take things the wrong way so easily. this is a tough one and I am not negotiable on this. I really dont need this now. I was much better today generally. I got loads done on my big proposal for a Historical garden renovation on a Herbert Baker House. Feel really good about the work I did and really enjoyed getting back in the sddle so to speak. Also. kind of nervous that I feel better. Probably should brace for a fall hey? I hope everyone has had a stronger few hours. That the next few will be even stronger and that tomorrow will bring clearer thought and maybe a smile or two. Blessings all. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 Just don't let anyone talk you into doing something you don't want to do or aren't ready for. Hang tough! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anearia Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 Thanks KAYC! I keep saying im off to bed! forgetting of course that you guys are in a different tme zone to me! its 23h00 here! Ja, I will hang tough-just need to figure out htis thing with my Dad and the bakkie. tough one. and I ammnot ready for those kind of ddeisions. Dads very much a ''you scretch my back and I will scretch yours'' kinda guy. he just recently agreed to me bringing the horses home from the livery that I have been using for the past few years, and I dont want to jeopardise that. maybe I am being unfair about him, in this-I just dont want to gve up my Lars's bakkie. i like to just sit in it sometimes. okay. definetly off to bed. gettig all teary, and i have been so strong today. Thanks everyone. gnite. good luck with that dodgey weather coming in-Im a bit of a weather nut and had a peek at the satelite pics a few hours ago. lotsa love 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 The last I heard, and that was earlier, we have had over 12 inches of rain. Creek washed out the road to my mom's house. Had to get meds to her. Got them. Too much rain. too fast. It is not finished. More to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 Margaret, I'm sorry, I hope your mom is okay and has plenty of food in the house. My sister & her husband went to the casino over near the coast and they're having level 2 hurricanes tonight. They don't have cell phones and I'm worried about them. I'm hoping they went to the hotel early and don't try going out anywhere. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anearia Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 Hi Everyone, geez, been watching the weather online-seems everyones getting it, I have family in Qatar and UAE they are paddling down the streets-unheard of. Luckily for us here in SA, rains have finally started and the worst drought in 18 years is getting some relief. Poor farmers. I was right about bracing for a fall. OMG yesterday was awfull!!! talk about crash and burn... I just sobbed all day and got no work done. Totaly debilitated. exhauseted by the whole thing. found a little book from Lars' Ouma [grandmother-alive at 98!!! and was still driving last year....most difficut person to tell when he left], any way book's called The Evolution Angel by dr Micheal Abrams published in 2000. Some of it is awful, sore, but theres some useful stuff in there as well, which helped to settle me a bit. I think you can download it online. I see many of us have been talking about how everyone expects us to ''get over it'' and ''move on''... My little experience has been that its generally the folks who have not lost a partner who dont get it. Sadly I have many freinds who have lost their other halves-they've all been amazing, and seem to know when to back off and when to be there. I must admit-before I lost Lars I was also very pushy towards them. I didnt understand. I meant well, but I just didnt understand. The pushy ones do mean well, and I think for them to see us ''moving on'' etc is very mportant as they are using our example for when they one day have to go through what we are now. Everyone would love to be able to ''move on'' to a certain extent. Subconciously they all want to believe that its not so bad, that they would be stronger etc etc... So they try to help us by being positive and happy and blah blah blah... Once you experience death at such a close range, holes open up in ones world. big black holes of nothingness that one can never imagine closing up. So as a trueStar trek fan my advice to myself is : Embrace the holes, they are part of us to, and although they may seem impossible to navigate now, they may one day lead us to new worlds of wonderous beauty. Speaking of which- the pic below is the view from my studio this morning. There's a little ditty from the band Passenger which I aways find so lovely. I hope they brighten your day just a little. Today will be better. The dogs are all very excited again-its Friday and Lars is meant to be home today-I dont know how they know the days of the week, I hardly know anymore. My folks are artists, and Dad is casting tommorrow [in bronze, we have a small foundry on the farm], gonna be tough day. Lars used to assist and loved it so much. strength and love to you all. may each day be lighter, and gentler. Passenger - Feather on the Clyde.mp4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 3 hours ago, Anearia said: Everyone would love to be able to ''move on'' to a certain extent. Subconciously they all want to believe that its not so bad, that they would be stronger etc etc.. Once it was apparent Deedonwould not survive her cancer my fear was that I was not and would not be able to grieve. Was I ever wrong!!!! Both of our parents had died along with some close friends and a brother-in-law; I felt fleeting sorrow but life went on. When Deedo died life became totally derailed and I'm still trying to find my way out of the twisted wreckage. At least I know I am able to feel this kind of pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 Move on to what? I continue to live, breathe, perform tasks, but most of what was good in my life died June 19, 2005. Yes, I look for good and find it, but nothing to the extent that it was with George, nor do I expect it, I've learned not to compare. My life is just so different now. I don't think you can get that at three months out or a year out. It's not until it's year in, year out, alone, no one to care, no one to help, no one to talk to, no one to make a big deal of your birthday or wake up with on Christmas. No one to share your day with, no one to leave the garage light on for you. Only until you've experienced that over years can you know how I feel. Move on...what does that mean anyway? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 23 minutes ago, kayc said: Move on to what? I continue to live, breathe, perform tasks, but most of what was good in my life died June 19, 2005. Yes, I look for good and find it, but nothing to the extent that it was with George, nor do I expect it, I've learned not to compare. My life is just so different now. I don't think you can get that at three months out or a year out. It's not until it's year in, year out, alone, no one to care, no one to help, no one to talk to, no one to make a big deal of your birthday or wake up with on Christmas. No one to share your day with, no one to leave the garage light on for you. Only until you've experienced that over years can you know how I feel. Move on...what does that mean anyway? My dear Kay, I feel the same way as you do.We just have to carry on as long as we live until this journey brings us to an end with our loved ones waiting for us forever and till then it´s incredibly hard...Our faith is what leads us in the right direction to them...I miss my beloved Jan more and more...The thread of medical care is tearing up my heart...opened up the wounds that must recover...they can heal but the pain leaves the scars...but they´re only mine to mention the greatest love saved at the bottom of my heart... So much pain we all have to go through! Too much!! Love you all !!! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 9 hours ago, Brad said: When Deedo died life became totally derailed and I'm still trying to find my way out of the twisted wreckage. At least I know I am able to feel this kind of pain. I think I get what you mean, but every day I wish I never knew this kind of pain. It isn't exactly adding to experiences I am finding enriching or adding to my life experience. Wreckage is most accurate. Its odd that things around me look unchanged, but it feels like a desolate wasteland. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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