Life seems to trot along until I hear this song and I totally lose my s***

[JHCP]

So I couldn't sleep this morning due to stressful bad dreams so I woke up around 6am. Put the TV on and tried to go back to sleep. This some came on in the show I was watching that took me to a really sad place. Pearl Jam came on in the background. They are, or were, one of Jack's favorite bands (we had a pic of when he met Eddie Vedder at the foundation room in Vegas on our wall. Eddie was so short compared to Jack he actually picked him up like you would a small child for the pic). The song is 'just breathe' and my memory was years and years ago when our relationship was still new we had a split. When this song came out and I first heard it I immediately called him. Because of his illness I had already early on taken on this caretaker role. Hearing the song when we were separated made me break down and cry. I called him and shared it with him then. It brought us back together in a way. Hearing it today just reminded me of why I cried that first time. Because I knew we were more and we weren't supposed to be apart. It reminded me how much we loved each other. And today I totally lost my s*** crying just thinking about my loss. Haven't done that in a while. I'm still crying actually. Here is a link to the song. Enjoy.

The last lines "hold me till I die. Meet you on the other side." 

I was holding him when he passed, so now I sit and wait to see him again. I am a health nut and only 32 so I will be waiting a very long time ?

[brat#2]

I'm sorry that you had that moment today.  That is why to this day, I can't listen to music, I'll even turn the tv channel if a song comes on that has meaning to "us". Hope your day gets better.  Hugs

Joyce

 

[kayc]

I'm sorry you couldn't sleep and I know how poignant music can be...

I'm with you, Joyce, it's very hard to listen to music.  

 

[Gin]

Add me to the list of those who can not listen to music,. Brings back so many memories.

Gin

[ChinUp54]

I'm so sorry for your loss and this difficult morning, but appreciate you sharing the song. I love that song. I learned it from the soundtrack of the movie "Buck" which is one of my all time favorites.  For me though, music is therapeutic and is something I've always turned to to help me through difficult times.  Lately I've been listening to quite a few songs that simply make me bawl as I'm trying to get through my BF leaving. Some days are easier than others.

Something must have been in the air this morning.  I too heard a song on the way to work that always makes me tear up. I've inserted the video. I thought I was with my forever person and this was a song about us.  But his grief took him elsewhere. Wishing everyone healing and more better days than bad. I hope you don't mind my posting this video - this is the one I heard this morning.

 

[JHCP]

ChinUp54, thank you for sharing that video! Love the song, and I don't really care for country music so that's saying a lot! ? I am with you about turning to music for comfort. Music has always been such a HUGE part of my life. I played in an orchestra for 12 years growing up. I love a vast array of music, so did Jack. There wasn't a single day in which we didn't have Pandora playing in our home. While I cooked, while we showered, in our car. We always had music playing. So there are hundreds of memories that are evoked by the sound of familiar songs. Most of them at this point I listen to and smile. This pearl jam song I had not heard since he passed until the other morning. It totally hit me in a different way than it did before. Harder. When he was just sick with his lupus and such and having health complications I knew he wasn't going to live forever. So when I first heard it I cried. But hearing those last lines "hold me till I die...meet you on the other side" since his passing, it hit me like a bag of bricks and I cried for a good hour.  

I do not avoid the pain. I feel like many ppl who are grieving try to avoid situations and experieces that bring the pain or emotion to the surface. I am not saying anyone grieves incorrectly because there is no wrong or right way. But for me, I face things that remind me of Jack head on. I am only 32 and I can't live the rest of my life tip toeing around tricky emotional situations. What kind of life would that be for me? I refuse to limit my experience of life because this truly horrible thing happened. JACK WOULD BE SO PROUD OF ME FOR THAT. It doesn't mean I am any less sad. It doesn't mean I miss him any less or he meant less to me. He was my world!!! He once helped me through a smaller trauma that happened in my life. I was raped, I completely shut down. Didn't leave my bed for a week, not even for a shower. He said to me, 'so something happened, but the worst thing you could do is let this thing take away from the person you are. To even let it change the woman you are or who you are to become is the true tragedy.' He was my rock! Those words just still resonate with me. 

[ChinUp54]

My pleasure JHCP. You've been through much more than I in your young life. I admire your strength and tenacity.  Jack would be proud of you and I'm sure he is!  I'm sure he's aware of all that you do.

I was raised on country music through my dad, but like you I love all kinds of music.  What instrument did you play in the orchestra? I played clarinet and then bassoon and now don't play at all.  My daughter played the cello and I still have that at the house. She no longer plays either and I've been tempted more than once to take lessons myself.  Maybe one day.

This grief journey is an interesting one but I know allowing ourselves to feel what we feel is exactly what we're supposed to do to get through it. I know I'm already making positive changes as a result.  Soon better days will be the norm rather than the tear-filled ones. Hugs.

 

[rdownes]

I love listening to music to think of my husband I listen to his music and it tells the story of his life he loved nickleback,three doors down shinedown and metallica I also look for songs that express how I am feeling about him being gone I feel like it is my connection to him both songs were very good.

[JHCP]

Chinup54 I played violin and then later viola