Afraid of Repeat...My worst fear has come true....

[mik]

The last time I posted here was on October 19, 2015.  My post was titled " Afraid of Repeat"  Even though I had my fears, I would not think that it was possible to lose not one, but two men who I have loved in one lifetime. My fiance' Les, passed away on July 23, 2016. Les, who introduced me to himself as "LC" was such a special person. Intelligent and caring...he loved me and I loved him.  It would have been our four year anniversary in October. I lived with LC after the second year I met him.  The last  months of his life he was in a personal care facility.  For those who have not read my previous entry, LC had surgery on his back.  It was a second surgery, and he was to have been recovered enough to return home in approximately two weeks. That never happened.  He was sent to a nursing home facility when his recovery took much longer than expected.  He was not eating, had something called "thrush" where he was unable to swallow.  I begged the doctors to feed him introvenously however they did not act quickly enough and he lapsed into a coma like state with in 2 months time.  He was transferred to every hospital in Pittsburgh,from Presby to Montefiore. Doctors could not tell me what was wrong. Finally, they determined that he suffered brain damage from lack of vitiamin b.  This occured when he did not get the proper care at the nursing home facility.  The last time I spoke to LC was before Thanksgiving, he was at the personal care home. My father had had a stroke, and he told me to be with my dad. Shortly afterward he lapsed into the coma state. I visited LC every chance I could get, often staying near the hospital to be with him.  As time went on he opened his eyes, he seemed to be aware that I was there as well as his step daughter.  His recovery was slow, there were backslides and some small steps of progress.  He would try to talk through a device that they could insert in his trach.  I was never sure if he knew me or his step daughter but we visited so much that I am sure he knew us to see us.  On July 21st 2016 I received a call from the nurse at the nursing facility. She stated that LC had suffered three heart attacks and was taken to the hospital. I was with LC the evening he died.  I was there with his step daughter and her husband..and me. The doctors explained to us that he was in dire condition and we needed to make a decision..to let him go or keep him on life support.  His step daughter had the final say but we agreed together that was the only thing we could do.  I held on to LC as he took his final breath...it was one of the worst moments of my life...to have to let him go...but I prayed that he would be in heaven and at peace.  

I am now going through the grief process.  I only allow myself to think of it for small periods of time.  It took me this long to be able to sit down and post this.  This is all that I am able to do at the moment.  I will post more later...To lose two people you love...in one lifetime..two partners...who would think?

 

Kim (mik)

 

[KATPILOT]

I wish I could convey how sorry I am that you are having to endure yet a second loss Kim. Life just doesn't make sense sometimes. I have a friend who has also lost two husbands and I could only imagine that kind of strength she has to keep on going, but......... she did find the courage and I hope that for you. We here are also glad you know where to come. You have great courage to be able to write this.......post when you can and  read what follows.

[MartyT]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Kim. I'm so very sorry . . . 

[kayc]

Kim,

I'm sorry you're going through this again.  Words are inadequate.

[JHCP]

I hope I don't find myself in this position. How hard it was losing my Jack! I can't imagine experiencing it twice! I am so sorry for your loss Kim! My heart and prayers go out to you! Keep posting here. As you already know it helps with the healing process to just get it all out and to share with the amazing and supportive people on this site! We are all here for you. ?