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About Widowedbysuicide

  • Rank
    I'm Marita

Profile Information

  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Vancouver Island, BC. Canada
  • Interests
    Animals, fabrics, sewing and quilting.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    january 5/16
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
  1. June 10, 1969

    @Gwenivere I understand what you describe. Other than my son I have no real support system. I yearn for a place where I can belong. Being a suicide survivor puts me in a whole different category when it comes to being accepted nevermind being understood. Most of my brain energies are spent making sure that my son's emotional needs are supported. After that and looking after the house, property, horse and small businesses there is nothing left for me. I describe my life as putting in time, existing until I am not alive. Sorry for saying this on your thread @mittam99
  2. Gracie

    You are carried in my heart and in my prayers.
  3. Gracie

    Butch. You deserve some peace and lots of comfort. I pray that you find it. 💔❤️
  4. Tired Of Being Strong

    I'm so sorry Tom. I don't think I could be kind to that kind of reply. 😵
  5. Offline awhile

    Happy belated Birthday Kay.
  6. Tired Of Being Strong

    Thinking of you Ana. When we appear to function well on the outside people think the inside is in a better place too. Too bad we humans are so hard to read sometimes. My warped sense of humour says that we could get rings for our middle fingers. Rings engraved with messages to share. "not interested", "outside doesn't represent the 💔 inside", "feeling broken today" and on the flip side "let's party". I'm sorry that you are feeling pressured and stressed.
  7. Gracie

    With all that has happened in your world in your place I would be shattered. You are wrapped in a virtual hug of love Butch. ❤️
  8. Gracie

    Just want to give you all a big hug and tell you that I am praying for you all ❤️🙏
  9. Sending prayers for all of those here who are having medical problems 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
  10. You have the same kind of luck as I do George. I'm wishing for better luck for both of us, and anyone else that needs some good luck! I just noticed the page number lol.
  11. Tired Of Being Strong

    Ana I understand the feeling of the lost dreams. It is probably one of the most difficult parts of my journey. I don't think your dreams or mine were so unrealistic. All we wanted was what other people have. If either of us was to meet someone new and fall in love those dreams we had of life with our partner is still unattainable. I'm sorry for your loss of your partner and your dream. Unfortunately, for each of the best moments of our lives it seems now we are forced to survive at least an equal number of truly horrid times. Hugs to you ❤️
  12. Wanting quiet in my brain

    Thank you @MartyT and @kayc. I do some guided imagery when I can Marty When my brain is ruminating over and over I find it nearly impossible to break the pattern long enough to try to focus on an image. I haven't given up on it, but I would love a backup plan. Kay you understand the anxiety and I appreciate what you have shared. I am on Wellbutrin and Paxil with an option to use Ativan as needed. I try to avoid the Ativan because of previous addiction to Valium. Unfortunately, I think my system has built up a tolerance to the Paxil and I am on the maximum dosage. I'm hoping that maybe I can talk to my doctor soon about an increase in the Wellbutrin and see if that might take some of the edge off. Moment by moment, or day by day, I am doing the best I can. It just isn't easy without my rock.
  13. Wanting quiet in my brain

    My brain is too noisy again. The thoughts I'm having are not happy ones. There is nothing I can do about my grief nor can I solve the problems of the world. I will feel this way until I feel differently. Nothing stays exactly the same. The waves of grief are sometimes unbearable and other times they are tolerable. I hope when the next less strong wave comes that the peace might will last a little longer. For a while now I have been feeling very sorry for myself and then I feel guilty about it. The guilt feeds the depression and the anxiety. It's a circle that is pulling me down. I have to be strong for my son; yet I am feeling so broken. Feeling numb for a short time might be good. How can a person give their brain a time out?
  14. Gracie

    I am so, so very sorry Butch. I do believe Gracie was an angel from the moment of her birth. Sending you and your family my sincere condolences.
  15. Goodbye to my fur family