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About Widowedbysuicide

  • Rank
    I'm Marita

Profile Information

  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    Vancouver Island, BC. Canada
  • Interests
    Animals, fabrics, sewing and quilting.

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
    january 5/16
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  1. Thinking of you Janka. I hope you will find something beautiful today.
  2. I can totally understand this statement and the question. The idea of being alone for the next however many years (25+ maybe) certainly was shocking to me. But the more I get to know new people the less I want to spend time with them because they just aren't my Gord. I think it's better to live with the love of a great person in your heart and memory than to spend time with people that don't make you laugh, or hold you when you need any cry. What would be nice is to have a man friend who just wanted to be a friend. I would like a fishing buddy. Sorry @DarrelW. I didn't mean to make this about me. I hope you can find comfort in knowing you loved and was loved by the perfect partner. All others are pale in comparison.
  3. I spent most of my day outside. It was warm but a cool breeze helped cool me while cutting grass and doing outdoor chores. The very best part of my day was being able to smell the wild roses and watch my horse moving among them and the other wild flowers in the field. I thought of you Janka, enjoying some good conversation and listening to music. I hope tomorrow is another good day for us 💓 hugs my sister. This is my husband Gordon. This was just a couple of years before his death. He was gentle and loving. I miss him a lot right now.
  4. Widowedbysuicide

    Caleb’s difficult journey

    Dearest A&K, I have prayed for your family for some time now but it seems my prayers aren't being answered the way I would like. Mental health has been overlooked for so long and unfortunately it is almost a taboo topic. I'm sorry that there has been such suffering with mental health and physical health these last several years. I hope you both continue to have the strength and ability to help your family heal. My heart breaks thinking of all your family has suffered. I know that bad things happen to good people but you have had too much of the bad. It's time for some of the sad to be replaced with some joy and peace. I continue to pray for you all. I wish my virtual hugs cold help you. Sincerely, Marita
  5. You are right to kick the pretend friend to the curb. Anyone who talks like that and behaves like that is not to be trusted. I am glad you can see his true self. It hurts though, knowing we trusted someone who could be that way. Often we are too angry with ourselves to realize it isn't our fault. We have sunshine here today and I hope to ride my horse. I probably won't do that but just having that hopeful feeling is good. Thinking of you again today.
  6. Good evening my sister Janka My husband was the only person who loved me for myself. He knew everything about me and loved me for my faults as well as my good points. He was so kind, patient, giving, and understanding of my issues with depression. No other person will ever love me more completely so I believe I know what you are feeling. It saddens me when people we have known for a time just do not comprehend that we know how we think and feel. Each of us has the right to feel what we feel and we should never have to defend ourselves. We already live with so much pain; they need to respect us and just listen instead of trying to make it "all better". Sorry for your heart today Janka. ❤️ Hello to you from my horse Scout
  7. Good morning Janka You are 9 hours ahead of where I am. You talk of morning when I am still sleeping. I understand about the living in the grief and loneliness Bering an overwhelming thought. I think that way often too. God has a plan only he knows and we just have to trust that his plan involves a better life. Wishing you some moments of comfort today and everyday.
  8. Welcome @Nicolegrace, I'm too am sorry you are going through the hell of grief. I can not say if it gets better, it has been 2 yrs 5 months and 2 days for me. There are definitely ups and downs, good for a time and then devastated again. Nothing stays the same in life or in grief. Good and bad come and go without the warning that might help us. An important thing to know is that there is no better place to come than here when you need or want to talk, share, vent, YELL or SCREAM. Every person here has been devastated by the death of a significant person in their life. Mine was my husband of 35+ years. Do not discount your grief as we are equals here. @MartyT always has great advice and is very knowledgeable and compassionate. We all try to help each other here and mostly we succeed. It is more difficult for some of us to put words on a screen that describe what we are trying to say. Feelings don't always show in our words and sometimes the words we choose don't mean the same to us as they might to you. Please don't be offended by comments because they aren't meant to judge, compare, criticize, or hurt you. This is my disclaimer 🙄. I hope you will find what you are needing here. Again, I am sorry for your loss and for the hurtful reminders of all of what you lost. Marita
  9. You are generous with your compliments. I feel we are all here to find help for ourselves and in doing that we are also helping each other. It is a very good thing. I'm glad to be able to help in any way I can. 🐴 I don't know how to make all the beautiful art on here like you do. Take care my sister 💓❤️
  10. Janka I'm sorry for all the losses in your life. I can understand the cumulative losses having a terrible effect on you. Since my husband took his life almost two years ago I have lost too much too. I don't have any great advice on how to keep going while hoping for some normality. I believe you are incredibly strong. You work so very hard at being better and it can be very draining. I wish I could tell you that everything that you are doing will soon bring you some special peace. Without our partners we can not be the people we were. So much of us was tied into them. It's like having our brain cut in half and expecting ourselves to function as we did before they died. When you love deeply and completely anything less is unsatisfying. Loneliness is so much harder now than it was before we fell in love. Sending you hugs and prayers my friend. I think we each must follow our hearts to continue on in life to honour our loved ones. ❤️
  11. Love the photo. Hope you will be feeling better soon.
  12. You are very helpful Janka. As far as helping yourself I think maybe you are too strict with yourself. Remember to be as kind to yourself as you are with others. You do deserve so much more and it's great that you recognize that. Sorry you are in that deep grief again.
  13. I love how you are able to express you love for your beloved Jan. ❤️
  14. I'm not surprised about how you feel today. This journey is definitely hard on ever part of us. Hugs to you 💓
  15. I'm sorry that at this time you are not able to find comfort or peace in your memories. It comes and goes with me. Sometimes I feel like I can't take another breath, but I do. I do it because I want to honour my husband. Born February 5, '59 died too soon January 5, 2016. Do what works for you. While we all have loss and grief in common each of us as individuals have differing ways of grieving. And, know that you are not alone here.