Bebekat

Laurie, Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Sean knows you love him. And please don't hesitate to post here. It helps so much.

Kayc, I'm praying for you to find a way out of your financial troubles. Sending positive energy to you.

Oh Patti, I hope your day wasn't too terrible and that you were able to get through it OK. I'm sending hugs to you. Hope to see you Sat.

Hi Jasper, I am at 18 months also. My husband died of pancreatic cancer. He was sick for only 10 months. I know at the end that he wouldn't bounce back. No, you're never really ready for it. At times it seems worse than when it first happened. I work part time and also have my studies to keep me busy. I'm not yet ready to retire. Perhaps you could take a class, something fun to learn. If you do go back to work, make sure it's something you would enjoy. Don't think of it as work, think of it as an opportunity to meet people and keep in touch with humanity. Maybe some sort of club...gardening, sewing, book reading, cooking...the possibilities are endless. Antidepressants are good for some, and are useful when appropriate, but sometimes you also have to make some effort to connect, to get back in the saddle agaiin, so to speak. It's hard, but can also be very rewarding.

Jamie, I'm so sorry you are in so much pain right now. Yes, you ahould always post, whenever you need it. This is the place. We get it. Sometimes you just need to vent and no one here will judge you. Ths is a very hard thing to do and I can tell you miss your Herman so much. Please come back. Don't do anything rash. Please tell us about Herman. We don't care if you count the months. I'm almost at 18 months and still miss my Tom.

Grace, My thoughts and prayers are with you tomorrow. I'm not quite at 18 months and I know how hard it must be for you. Light a candle, think about the good memories, and be gentle with yourself.

I don't usually remember my dreams. The ones I do remember are very vivid. I have had a few with Tom in them. One was very comforting, like he was telling me he was OK. I really enjoyed that one. But, in another one I was screaming and crying for him not to go, not to leave me. I woke up crying from that one. So, it's been a while since I had one with him in it. I'm not sure, but I'd like to think that he was visiting me.

Walt, It's so good to hear from you again. I hope you have been healing from your surgery. As usual, that song says exactly how I'm feeling. We are at about the same time on this journey. Do we ever get used to feeling like this? I hope you can find some peace.

John, We usually wait at the front for a little while, to catch everyone. Patti is the strawberry blond and I'm the short one with dark hair and glasses. Hope to see you Saturday, looking foreward to it. Kathy

What a beautiful tribute. It brought tears to my eyes and I never even knew him. You are lucky to have this loving memory made for him.

Derek, Has it really been six months already? I'm so glad that you have been able to find this site helpful. You've really come a long way. Yes, we would all love to have our loved ones back, but since that's not going to happen, we have to do the best we can to get throught the next moment. Thanks for your inspiration and honesty. Have a good vacation with Carson, enjoy yourself! Kathy

Hi Patti, Glad you're back. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time right now. Special days have a different meaning for us now, don't they. Keep writing girl!

Please, try to not be so hard on yourself. You did what you thought was right at the time. It is all any of us could do. I'm sure it is hard to read the report about specemins and such. Try not to think of it as him. You said yourself that it was just his body and he didn't need it any more. That report cannot reflect or represent what Jason was to you. You know that he was cancer freee when he died. That's great, but while the chemo was killing the cancer, it was taking its toll on his body. You have to believe you did the best you could with what you had at the time. How could he be angry with you for that? You have to believe, in order to get the courage to get through the next moment.

This is a great place to let your feelings out. No one here will judge you or belittle your feelings. I'm sorry you have to join this club that no one wants to belong to. I'm sorry for your loss and the pain that you are going through. It helps to write, to clear your head. Come here often and tell us all about your loved one. Someone is always around.

What a wonderful tribute to your Gene. Yes, you can feel the love pouring out. I hope you find some peace.

You did what you had to do. You should be proud of yourself. You took care of him as best you could and you should never think otherwise. You absolutely did the right thing. It took great courage and love to go through and do what you did. It took love.

It’s been 16 months since my Tom died and I miss him so much I can hardly stand it. When does it end?

It's been almost 16 months for me and I stil wear my wedding ring on a chain around my neck next to a star that contains some of Tom's ashes. If anyone were to tell me I need to move on I would tell them that it's probably not any of their business. I have clipped this from the HOV newsletter and posted it on my refrigerator door. It helps me put alot of things in a clearer perspective. "The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." -- Mignon McLaughlin Edited because I have apparently lost track of all time.

It's good to have you back. We really missed you. You get your rest and get better.

Thanks for the picture John. It's wonderful to finally be able to put a face to your stories. Yes, he was too young to die.

Thanks Patti! I didn't want to think he wasn't with us anymore. You know that fear is always in the back of our minds. It's great to hear he is on the mend.

What a beautiful tribute to the one you love! I've always been impresed with the way you can put your thoughts to paper. Your tribute to your "Jackie O" brought tears to my eyes. It seems as if I knew Jack and I can see just how much you love him and always will. Thank you for sharing this with us. You have always been an inspiration to us all. I live in Phoenix but don't have access to the Fountain Hills times, so I'm sorry I won't be able to read that tribute. Just know we are thinking of you and wish you some peace on this first anniversary. Please check out this site http://www.thedashmovie.com/

John, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. You must be going through so much. We miss you but understand. You are in my thoughts and prayers as the anniversary of losing Jack approaches. We will be here for you.

The song "I Believe" is by Brooks and Dunn on their new Hillbilly Deluxe CD. It is a beautiful song and makes me cry. Yes, I too believe...

Walt's son, My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Walt has been so wonderful to all of us here. We miss him and hope he has a swift and safe recovery. Tell him we are thinking of him.