Bebekat

That was so beautiful Walt. Your love for Jennie always shines through. She was a very lucky lady to have found someone who adored her so. You will never lose that love. Thank you for sharing this work from your heart. Tom, all of my love to you.

A couple of months after Tom Died I called his cell phone, not because I lost it, I just wanted to hear his voice. When the message picked up I burst into tears, it hurt so much. It was losing him all over again. I never did that again.

Kayc, You had a great marriage! Not too many people can say that. Thank you for all your inspiration.

I really hate all those notices I get in the mail for Tom. At first I tried to appeal to their compassion and have him taken off their mailing/email lists. Now I just ignore them and throw them away or delete them. One person called and asked for Tom. When I told him that he had passsed away she said she was so sorry for my loss and did I want to take out a loan. I hung up. Some people... As far as medical bills, after a year I called up the billing offices and told them that Tom had died. They had me send a copy of the death certificate and wrote off the balance that the insurance didn't cover. This might be something at least worth trying for you too. I don't have a lot of money, and I guess I'm really lucky that he took care of things so well in the last couple of months. I never had to worry about those things, he always took care of them. I think he would be (is) proud of the way I have learned to deal with these matters.

Thanks! I should be there unless something comes up. I am short (5'), a little on the heavy side, with shoulder length, dark, curly hair and glasses. It will be a pleasure to finally meet some of you.

Thank you so much for your thoughts. After 13 months since my Tom left this earth I still wonder what this change will make of me. I'mm still scared but hope I will become stronger. I sure wish there was some looking glass to see what I will become. The journey has just begun...

Tori, I am so glad you found this site. I am so sorry for your loss. I do know how you feel. Don't ever feel embarrassed to have loved someone so much it hurts, and it does hurt so much. You have to allow yourself to go through these feelings. For me, group counseling just didn't help. I found much more comfort on this site. I am free to put my feelings out without fear of judgement or embarrassment. This is such a good place. Please come often, to write or just read. I have found so many here that have the same feelings while others share their lists of books on grief. I still cry, just not as much. You loved your husband and always will. No one can ever take that away. I guess I'm trying to say that it will get better, just in baby steps. And you will still love and miss him. I don't think the pain will ever go away, it just becomes bearable. Take care of yourself.

Dusky, What a beautiful message to Jack. Your love for Jack will never end. You have always been such an inspiration to me. Your kind thoughts have not gone unnoticed. I am thinking of you today and hope you have a pleasant evening in memory of Jack's birthday. Also, just wanted you to know, my neice is having her baby today, right now, and he will share Jack's birthday. A nice thing, I believe. I know you are missing Jack today, and always.

I think I will take you up on that lunch idea. I just happen to be off this weekend. How will I know who you are?

Derek, I know kids can be overwhelming, especially when you're having a bad day (or two). They can also be very understanding. Talk with Carson. Tell him you are having a bad day because you are missing his mommy. You may be surprised and maybe it will give him an opportunity to share his feelings with you. He needs to know that it is OK to miss her. Sometimes our children can give us the hug we might need. Sometimes kids act out because they are having trouble dealing with things like grief. It's really great that you want to be there for him. You need each other right now, but you also need to have some time to yourself.

Walt, What a wonderful dream! Seems your Jeannie was trying to tell you not to be so sad. You are not losing your mind. This world as we know it can't be all there is. Wishing you many more of these wonderful dreams.

Derek, I wish I had some magical words to say that would ease what you you are going through. We all greive in our own way, in our own time. I would be lying if I told you it was going to be easy. For me it's been 13 months since I lost my husband. Yes, I still count them. All I can tell you is to let yourself go through all the emotions. It's scary but it will make you feel better, not all at once but a little every day. I can finally say that I don't cry every day anymore, but there is still a deep lingering sorrow. And I don't believe this sorrow will ever go away just as sure as I know that my love for Tom will never go away. I will always carry him with me. One of the best things to help me was finding this site. There are many wonderful people here who have gone through this and know just how you feel. There are lists of books that have been posted here (by Dusky), check other messages. There are also songs posted by others (WaltC) that touch the heart. Writing has helped. It gets all those thoughts out of your head, clear the clutter so to speak, and makes room for healing to begin. Just reading posts helps sometimes. And you have Carson. You are so lucky to have someone to share memories of Karen with. Yeah, it's going to be a long, hard, and sometimes lonely road. Your pain is so new and raw. We'll be here for you, even when it seems no one else is. Visit often.

Thanks Walt. That is beautiful and as usual says it so well.

Rose, Ths pain in your first post yesterday is so obvious. I am so sorry you have to go through this and I can relate to your feelings. I lost my husband Tom just over a year ago and still feel that pain. Two months is no time at all. Give yourself all the time you need to grieve. There are no set rules. Our hearts govern when we will feel better. It doesn't happen all at once...maybe just a little better with each day that passes. It is not an easy thing to go through, in fact it is probably the hardest thing you will ever do. You loved your husband and let him know it. There is nothing more you could have done and it does no good to beat yourself up over it. Writing seems to be one of your strong points and may be one of the most therapuetic things you can do right now. Just putting all that anger on paper gets it out of you. Reading also helps. If you read previous posts to this site, there are lists of books to read. "Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman", has been a big help to me. I just wish I had found it sooner. It contains daily meditations and readings. Visit this site often. It is full of good people with big hearts. We get "it". I haven't had the opportunity to read through your second post entirely, but it seems interesting. Keep Ralph forever in youir heart. He knows you love him. No one can ever take that from you.

What a wonderful tribute to your darling husband. Always keep those memories alive. They can never be taken away. What you had was truly special. I know your Gene knows huw much you love him. We will always carry them in our heart... I love you Tom 11/19/54 -- 5/4/05

THANK YOU WALT!!! Leave it to you to send just the right song. You are so kind, Jeannie really found a treasure when she found you. Yes, with the help of you and others on this site I wll make it through this day...and I will move on (survive). Tanks again for being there for me. I miss my Tom.

Thank you Dusky, Liv, and kayc. It always makes me feel so much better when I come here. Everyone is so supportive. I hope you all find some peace today, even for just a moment. Our love goes on, we will never forget. I miss my baby.

Crissy, You will never lose track. I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain. It really is a horrible thing to go through. I'm sure your husband knows how much you love him and miss him. It will be hard to go through all those milestones without him. You must make sure that you keep your husband's memory alive. Your daughter will learn about what a wonderful Daddy she had from you. I guess we never have enough time with them before they are taken away. Visit here often. This site has saved my sanity more than once. We're here and we know how you feel.

I am happy for your Gene visiting you in your dreams. I haven't had very many of those, but I have cherished them as you do. It sounds like he told you that he was Ok. That's comforting. Here's wishing you many more pleasant dreams.

Where do I begin? It has been so long since I posted anything. First let me apologize for not being able to respond to anyone. I’m just not able to help anyone at this time. The last couple of weeks are a blur. Our oldest son got married a week ago. It was a beautiful occasion. I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter-in-law. But someone was missing… The kids surprised me to tears. It was a wonderful surprise. There was a place setting for Tom with his picture and one for her father who is also passed. Yes, he was supposed to be here for this. I can only hope they have as many years as Tom and I shared. Thursday is the big #1 day. One year and I still miss Tom with all my heart and all my soul. My boss scheduled me to work so I told him I didn’t feel that I would be any good to anybody. He let me take it off. I can’t seem to get out of my rut right now. I read the posts daily and want to reply, but I can’t find the strength to. Does it really get better? I keep waiting, thinking, “Today will be a little better.” It’s like a dance, two steps forward and one step back. Everyone else is moving on with his or her lives. When will mine move on? Do I really want to move on or am I happy to wallow in my self-pity? When they said, “Till death do us part”, I thought we had forever. WaltC…I love your Monday Morning Church. There are newbies to the site. I see they are in such pain. The stories are similar; Hepatitis C, Cancer or whatever and pain… The pain especially, is new and raw. I want to reach out and let them know they are not alone. I want to be there for them. I’ve been too quiet, wrapped up in myself. I can’t seem to find joy right now and I’m sorry. Tom, all of my love to you.

Kayc, I think you need to do what feels right for you, even if others don't understand. I hope today was better for you. Yeah...it is hard.

Happy Easter and may the message of the day; hope, reserrection & eternal life, bring you a little peace at this time. Tom, all of my love to you.

To the newcomers, Welcome. I lost my husband almost a year ago. This site has bee such a lifesaver. There are so many that have traveled this journey you have just begun. Their inspiration and insight has been great. Let me tell you, it will get better. I don't think the pain will ever go away completely. You'll just be a different person because of it. Sometimes people can say the most insensitive things, you'll wonder how anyone can be so thoughtless. My own mother was trying to get me to go catch the bouquet at a wedding 2 months after my Tom died! Really, no one will understand unless they've been there. Sometimes I would just like to scream at them, "Hey, I didn't get a divorce, he died! Why can’t you get it?" As you read the many posts on this site you will find a wealth of help. You will find lists of books to read, links to songs, and just plain good advice. You’ll come to see that what you feel and do is usually perfectly normal. I also hope that it will give you the strength to not let anyone make you feel it is not normal. We will try to help you work things out. And if at some time or two you just need to vent, this is the place. We do not judge here. We are all here for the same reason. We are all in this together. Take care of yourself. Tom, all my love to you, forever.

Try to hang in there Walt. You will always love your Jeannie. That can never be taken from you. We need you here.

Walt, I noticed in another post that this week is going to be a very hard one for you. Not only is it your Jeannie’s birthday, but also the first anniversary of her passing. I wanted to let you know that it didn’t go unnoticed. My prayers and thoughts go out to you. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. I don’t think I need to, but I’ll remind you… we’re here. If you need us.