Rochel

Dear John, You are allowed to be selfish and having self pity...this is what happens with grieving the major loss of our loved ones...I'm glad that you made it through the anniversary and that you were with loved ones to get you thru...Have a safe New Years Eve...Bless you Rochel

Hi John, The numbness is God's mercy...I prayed for you this morning to get thru one minute at a time...do only what you can do...Bless your day...Rochel

Dear Ted, It is very difficult as time goes by to revisit the gravesite, the overall grief and all the triggers and memories...however, it would be a healing for you from God, and a gift to be able to move forward...off the lonely rock, so to speak, we put ourselves on to contemplate our lives now and where we are going...thru the grief and loneliness we can become reclusive and that's not healthy...Please stay with us, because you will have much encourage here as always....Bless you Rochel

To My Lil Family Here, Today was the first day that I could say "Merry Christmas" because even with all the grief, I still do not like "Happy Holidays"...cause in light of this loss what is happy...I'm glad to see all of you show up...I wonder where Azusaman is tonight...I know that he would be here if he could....This is still a very difficult time for all of us but we can come here anytime and get away from faking it...sometimes just faking it is all we can do...Hope everybody here has a Blessed Christmas....Rochel

Hi My Dear Friend Kat, I'm glad to see you here...Tomorrow will be only 3 mos since I lost Bob..and I still don't feel it as much as I would if I were home...That is going to be the real test for me...Around the memories...last time I was there I found all the medicine that Hopice used to keep him alive and comfortable...Before he died and when I was doing everything in my power to help him live, he was not even communicating with me anymore and that was very painful to go through...you and I have in common the prostrate cancer death, plus Bob had kidney failure...Yes, Kat this grieving is not for sissys and we have to face it everyday...this site has helped me immensely, and it doesn't matter if we tell the same story over and over here, we are all family members willing to help, hear, and cry with eachother...Bless you, Rochel

This site is like Twilight Zone these days...where is everybody?? The whole fam damily is missing in action...I'm sure that we are all trying to figure out our lives...and grieving thru it...Hopefully, family members, loving family members will bring some sort of joy into our lives at this time...Are we going to meet here for a toast on Christmas Eve??? Each day that passes will be a healing one for us...some worse than others...Let's try and stay mentally, physically and spiritually healthy....Bless all of you...Rochel

I'm with the rest of you...Where ever you go there are shoppers (what for) this year I'm almost cynical about Christmas which I hate to be...however, in light of losing a loved one, what is it all for...just a reminder of the knife that cuts so deep...Christmas caroles are all around...another reminder...I'm looking forward to next Sunday, it will be over then "New Years Eve" uggh...The loss is felt no matter what you do...you can't run from it...I'm coming up on 3 mos and still I'm in CA and not in the memory home in AZ...I will really need the Lord to give me strength upon my return to home and triggers...I know that we are all struggling with our own individual tests and trials, but the Lord will see us thru...Bless you all on this Sunday night..Yeah the weekend is almost over....Rochel

Dear Friend Kat, I know how you feel...I think God gives us the daydreaming otherwise, how could we get thru these terrible times...6 months and birthdays and Christmas it really sucks...sometimes, I just get mad which for me is better than sad...Before I lost Bob, I didn't display that much anger..little do we know what feelings lie beneath and the horrible crisises that bring those feelings to the surface....eventually I have to lose that attitude too and just wing it and give my feelings to God and He helps me pick myself up off the ground and start another grief cycle...The book that has been suggested here: "I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can" is very good and it helped me identify all the stages that we have discussed here...and all the stages that are to come...At least on this forum when we tell eachother, "I know how you feel" we do know....the outsiders sure don't so that is another reason why I love this site...I have met some wonderful people here with big hearts and much encouragement...May you be blessed today...Rochel

Today I decided, "okay I'm going to go buy some Christmas cards for some special people"...you stand there and look at all the cards and everything becomes a blur..you see "to wife", "to husband", "for both" at Christmas...I looked at Birthday cards because mine is coming in January and you think those cards do not apply to me either...you want to leave without buying anything..because the grief is coming and you cannot stop it...then you realize that here it is again and I have to deal with it...you make your purchases and hit the car in tears...have to drive in traffic crying again...and say when am I going to be normal again...This is such a hard time of the year and yet it still keeps coming....Is this what my family members here are feeling???????????????Rochel

Dear Ted, I'm glad that you are improving...you don't know why??? I think it is your stong belief in God...you have told me in past posts that He will see me thru...you have encouraged many others on this site and when you give so much to others, it will come back to you...I know that I for one have been greatly encourged on this site by you...I know that you can identify with the hurting males in our little family here...Hope this 4 mos sad mark on your calendar will be a remembering the good times and moving out of the grief....Bless you...Rochel

Hi Ted, I'm sorry that this is a belated "Happy Birthday"...sorry you felt blue...Time and God will heal all wounds..just some are deeper than others... I'm glad that you can be here for the other men on this site and to share what God has taught you through your own private Hell...I know that we have called it a "Grief Monster"...Now I look at it like "God's chisel" molding us and pounding out the rough edges to make us who He wants us to be...People cause their on sicknesses and death and we who are left have to go thru this time with God to become brand new....however and whatever that is and how long it takes for Him to get us to that place to surrender and accept His chiseling and putting us thru His fire...He is gentle unlike humanity..."One day at a Time" my friend and Jeremiah 29:11...Always my blessings to you...Rochel

Dear John, We all have our own painful stories on this site and this is the place to be when you have those gut wrenching moments. I read your story and I immediately prayed for your heart...Oh how it must be breaking...I don't want this to sound like a cliche but the only way you can pull yourself out of this is to seek God - "one day at a time" - counseling one on one - meeting us here all the time, we will become your family, friends and the ones you can confide in...It takes time, time and more time to have your brokeness mended...The men on this site have gone through their own private Hell..They can relate to your pain and will be here for you...I know the agony that you are going thru from my own pain of losing my Bob in September from Prostate Cancer...although I knew that I was fighting a losing battle and the struggle trying to save him, it didn't catch me by surprise like you losing Krystal and she was in good health?? Did she have anything wrong medically?? I would love to send to your email today's devotional on grief...I don't know where you come from Spritually, but where you are in your crisis, the only one you can call on is "God" and He is right there to bring peace where there is pain...There is love here at this site, come to see us day or night, we are here for you...Believe me John, all our hearts are breaking for you...Bless your day today...Rochel

Hi Kat, I'm doing as well as can be expected here in CA...but the triggers are here too....I cannot remove this photo off of the site and it makes me sad to look at it...I'm sorry that you miss Pat so much...there are a lot of memories around a Christmas tree...I think it is hard for all of us...we all here have become increasingly more sad as the Season is moving upon us...I haven't said Merry Christmas this year like I used to and I hate "Happy Holidays"...we all need eachother here to keep eachother company...we understand the pain and we can help one another...I for one, get so much out of this site...Bless you, Rochel

Hi Debbie, If you are like me...you have cut down on your calories and you need to eat more fat...The calories will warm you up...not that you want to be fat but eat fat...and exercise...that should help....Bless you, I hope this will help Rochel

Hi Korina, I think we are all keeping eachother company with our misery...it is such a hard time of year to join in with other people's happiness...I almost get mad when somebody forces me to into the festivities...this is not me and the pjs in the afternoon (AZ Jane) when are we all going to be able to break out of this lull of sadness and grief...The grief monster is abounding big time lately...I'm so glad that you have your little Kailyn, such a cute name....Rochel

Amen Sister...not ever have known him would be a huge loss for me too....Bless you Rochel

Hi Marsha, I'm with you on this one...we need to find out who are we again...lately, I have gone from the pain of loss to anger to shut down...it would be a fantasy is we could go back to breathing again, like Lindakoz always says...Yes, it is living in the here and now that is so damn difficult...can we all do it...???? Rochel

Tim, Sounds like we are all faling apart today for some reason....Another weekend....Rochel

Hi Laurie, Easier said than done but don't hate yourself for not sending thank yous...most people don't expect thank yous and the ones that do are not your friends...if they want something in return...I am not going to send out cards either...It is difficult enough to just breath sometimes...and live this new single life...that is what I hate most of all...all of a sudden you're single...I'm trying to encourage you and not doing a very good job at it...Bless you Laurie, Rochel

Dear Kath, I can honestly feel your strength in this letter...you have so much to give to your loved ones and to us here in this lil family...The Lord met you at your lowest point and I pray that for all of us here...Your posts lend much encouragement for all of us..We are all in the same boat at different stages of this journey, but nevertheless we are all in grief...I read devotionals, talk to the Lord, pray, and fellowship with good friends, but this new life is difficult getting off the ground....we have to replace our old life with the new and that can only be accomplished by the Lord and our willingness to change...taking steps to change is the hardest part...Bless you, Rochel

Hi Kath, I love the way you write...especially the part about gratefulness...I do believe once we thank the Lord not for the loss but for him to see us thru the loss...He will see us through once we surrender that he can, and only He can help us...Going through this journey takes so much faith that we can live our lives once again...I'm going on 3 months on Christmas Eve and if I didn't have my belief, I would go backwards...I agree with you about finding something in nature to be thankful about...The part about you being the one left to live...I have often thought of that...we are the ones that has to deal with our emptiness and loneliness, so we need God's strength to see us thru...God Bless you...Rochel

Well Ted you see...I have been living in a walk-in closet at my moms..she is telling me what to do...I go out to senior citizens lunches...and walk alone in fact I do everything alone because no one can keep up with me...and I write here to you and everybody else because I miss my life at home in Phoenix..don't you live in Phoenix???How is the weather there??? I at first planned to stay here until Jan 22nd which is 42 days from now, but wow, that is a long time from now...You are sounding so much better...I don't hear that heavy grief anymore that you were experiencing before...I'm happy for you...What has helped you??? Maybe we should all try some of that...Bless you, Rochel

Hi My fine family, This is a quote from my devotional for today...can we all do this...One day at a time I suppose...We all know we can't go back...we can't stay stuck and I believe that I was stuck, but since I have been in Ca. I haven't had the triggers that I had when I was alone at home...this is just what the Lord ordered...and the last part...we must move forward, I used to hate to hear this, but it is true if we can do it...I would love for all of us to get together on this site on Christmas Eve (Bob's deceased date) and wish eachother a Merry Christmas...Too bad we all can't be at a party together...and toast our love for one another...Bless you this day...Rochel

Linda, Is your paper too long to send to me??? I would love to see it, but if it is a pain to send to me that's okay too...bless you..Rochel

Hey Ted, I'm so proud of you for quitting the drink...You have what it takes to get out there again and have love again...Even though we are all grieving, our spouses are dancing on the streets of gold and they are blessed and joyful...shouldn't we be happy for them....I know the grief still hits us, but we have to live sometime again...breath...and have our well being...Christmas is tough as can be...I finally found out last night what day it falls on...a Friday isn't it...I don't even want to hear about New Years Eve...that is how much I am out of it....Bless you my forum family....