nats

Jennalee, Hello Jennalee I know and feel your pain and loss, my wife has been gone 6 almost 7 months now, the first few weeks are going to be rough so take it one day at a time at your pace, (I still take it a day at a time), your dog knows so let it comfort you I don't know what I would do without my 2, they have provided unconditional love and support for me and Ruth loved them so much....we welcome you to the forum, you can find great comfort and many answers here, there are a great group of people going down the same road you are our roads are just in different places... May God Be With You NATS

Melina, My thoghts and prayers are with you, Ruth wanted her ashes scattered as well but after talking about it before her leaving she left it up to me, and ask what I would do with them I told her keep them at home in a special area prepared just for her, after all that's where she belongs until I also join God, I have gotten great comfort in knowing she is still with me, I touch her Urn and talk to her daily wishing her good morning and goodnight, we all have our own decsions and plans but I did want to share this with you....she also used to joke with me about bringing someone home someday and ask me if I was going to ask the other woman to wait in the car while I put her Urn away, I told her No, when that happens the other woman will have to accept Ruth's place in the home or it wouldn't work...well that has happened and Ruth is right where she's been since I brought her home....being with someone who has also lost her husband also plays a big part in the acceptance....as she has her husband at her home as well and I fully accept that...I pray for your comfort..... NATS

Darl, I feel your pain as my wife also battled lung cancer and spread much as your husbands did, we had just 9 months after we found out, she fought hard but God decided it was time for her in heaven so on 2/14/10 she joined all the angels to do her work for God, I continue each day knowing we will be reunited in the kingdom of God when my plan is complete, focusing on this helps me get thru each day....take your time on your terms and one day at a time....we are here for you, there is a wonderful group of people here who fully understand what you are feeling, I pray God will comfort you in someway and I will pray for you... May God Bless You NATS

"For me the beauty of nature and human kindness generate enough positive emotion within me to get me through each day. I still care about a lot of things, and there is so much I want to do before I am gone. I just do not understand when people say that they have given up on life and are waiting for God to take them. I keep thinking that there have got to be things worth living for that will sustain a person even through the worst of grief". This is so true Ron, I still feel the intense grief (I'm at 6 months) but have many things in life I want to do and see and I am positive Ruth would not be happy if I was just sitting around feeling sorry for myself and wasting my life, I am an example of the fact things do and can be/get better if we open our mind's, body's and soul's to our Lord and let our faith carry us daily, with that I find comfort and I am in close "contact" with Ruth, I feel her influence me and feel her presence in many of my daily tasks, I also have been blindsided by a relationship that God told me would happen a year ago but I just brushed aside as crazy thoughts....and my life has taken yet another direction since finding out the nodule in my lung is a common occurance in people living in the Ohio valley many years ago...I was so afraid of the big C word and dying, yet a 4 months ago I would have been OK with it, but now I have found life still does have meaning, my Love for God, my 2 wonderful sons, the beauty of the world, the ability each day to walk, talk, and breath, the new found Love I thought was not possible....and I could continue on and on but I'm sure my message is clear....I am keeping/making a bucket list of the items I want to do before God's done with me here and I'm doing the first one in 2 weeks, so YES we can go forward and continue we only must have the will, fight, desire and put our trust in the Lord and we will survive.....and I also have learned this by you..... "What have I learned? For starters, I distrust my own self-righteousness. For lack of better words, I trust 'God' or 'Time' or 'Nature' to aid the healing process. Healing takes place on its own terms. My own self-centered convictions based on emotional pain probably do more to hinder than aid any healing". May God Be With You.... NATS

Melina, Why am I writing this? Because it comforts you to let it out GOOD Tears are streaming down my face as I write. Why wasn't I more attentive to his needs?.I had the same feelings we did all we could, what happened was meant to be. Why did I not make the most of our relationship and appreciate it more while he was alive - and even alive and healthy? Don't focus on the past and beat yourself up, we can't go back we must focus on the positive things of our lives together....and move forward. I feel like the guilt is holding me captive. My grief is not just sadness at losing him but also at failing him. I know you did not fail him, you have to let go of that feeling we as humans can only do what God gives us the ability to do, the doctors and God must do the rest...and you did the best thing for him....you loved him until the end.... May God Bless NATS

Good Morning Friends, Another Sunday morning the day I miss Ruth so bad... we so enjoyed the Lord's day together savoring the simple things most people fail to notice....that bird singing you've never heard before, the unusual glow around the sun, the cool breeze that appears from no where, and the smiles that reassured our love for each other....I'm doing well but riding the roller coaster still, I find if I'm rested I deal with things much better and today I'm exhusted last work day for the week then 2 days off, hoping to get some rest, I have 2 more weeks then taking a mini vacation for 4 days, going to complete the first item on my bucket list, I'm going swimming with the dolphins and snorkling the coral reefs....I'm learning to live again....it's hard and slow but possible.... NATS

Korina, Glad to hear from you and happy things are smoothing out for you, we all need some peace and releif from our grief...even if it's just a little... NATS

Melina, We all handle our loss in differant ways, but I have chosen to let God handle mine and guide me, I pray everyday several times per day and have conversations with God as well as my wife Ruth, I know many people give up on God when this happens as they are angry and let down, but now is the time we need God the most, our Lord never lets us down if we just ask and have faith....I am at 6 months since my wife joined God and I can honestly tell you it does get easier, acceptance, closure, and time ease the pain but we all have to find our own along the way.... you say " I have to help my fourth and youngest teenage son through this year. But I don't know how I'm going to manage". Well you need to focus on the positive strong, rock, anchor your husband was as motivation to continue, Ruth also was much of my strength as she was a fighter so I focus on remembering that and it helps.... I tell many people the same thing I can say for sure our Loved ones are not happy if they see us so hurt and sad and it makes them sad, I feel Ruth's sadness at times during my grief but at times when I fighting the battle and facing things head on I feel a soothing comfort from her...and your panic attacks can be handled wit meds just ensure you let your Dr. know what's going on, I had them so bad I didn't want to face the world and thought I was having a heart attack, I'm now on a mild anti-anxiety med and managing much better, I still have rough days but that's to be expected I've accepted that....we will all offer any advise/tips/hugs/ you'd like just ask all of us are on this journey together and this is a wonderful group here....so with these few things to think about just go day by day.... NATS "Dear Lord, I pray you comfort Melina during this most rough time and somehow allow her to feel some comfort" NATS/SW

Queeniemary, Hello I know how you feel... Ruth's been with the Lord for 6 months now, and I felt that ernormous grief that day but I faced it head on and each day we do face the harsh reality it makes us stronger...the pain and sadness are still overwhelming at times, but I've accepted they will always be there cause I will always miss Ruth, so as my friend Brenda says just go with the flow, as you know she lost her husband as I've mentioned on my posts and she just had her 1 year mark 8/1/10, she feels just like us and we all must just take it day by day because there is no preparing or learning about grief until you have it happen to you and if it does we all must do what we feel makes us comfortable.... "Dear Lord, Please comfort Mary and wrap your loving arms around her today and allow her some peace" Amen NATS

"Kneel In Faith... Stand In Courage... Wait In Hope... Walk With God's Love Through Life"... One of my wife's favorite quotes posted on a rock a friend gave her...I feel her happiness and relief in fact I think she knew first as I was sitting in the waiting room I felt an incredible wave comfort me...so strong it brought me to tears and Brenda said she's here.... NATS

Thank You everyone for your prayers and thoughts again....God does indeed have a plan for me, and sent me a message with the concern and experience I just went thru, I will take that courage, love for life, and faith that got me thru it with me everyday and truely be thankful for my blessings and live everyday as if it were my last, ensuring I tell everyone I love and care for as much as I can how much they mean to me and fully enjoy the times we spend together....but most of all I will continue to follow and put my faith in the Lord and will follow wherever I am guided.... NATS

Good Evening My Friends, I have an update regarding the nodule in my lung....the intial evaluation is that it is a granuloma caused by Histoplasmosis....I added links, and nothing to worry about, as a precaution and to ease my mind and anxiety due to my recent loss of my wife to lung cancer I am to be rechecked via x-ray in Oct. and if the same once per year....I can not thank God enough that this is nothing serious and I will be able to continue to focus on helping others, finding the new me, spreading the word of the Lord, and learning to live and love again in whatever order they arise....I want to thank everyone who extended there thoughts and prayers it means alot having that support and feelings being expressed....may God Bless Each One Of You... NATS

Hello My Friends, Well I had a busy day yesterday I did just as I intended, woke and had my cry, did some reflection and prayer then was gone all day spending the day with my friend Brenda and her two grandchildren she watchs them on Sunday from about 12 till 5, we took them to our city pool, that was the greatest idea as it kept the childen busy and allowed for some excercise and relaxation for us....it did me wonders to swim and lounge in the water, as well as watch and enjoy all the life at the pool, those two children kept our minds occupied and reminded me so much of raising my own two boys with my first wife, brought back some nice memories....my grief and sadness seemed to be on hold almost as if I were in a bubble isolated from it..... and now for today, my appointment is late this afternoon @ 3PM, so going to just pray, relax, and make a grocery run before we leave, Brenda will be going with me so I will have someone to share my feelings with, I'll be honest I am scared but I also have a relaxed feeling as well I think due to my faith in Christ...I will update this evening and let everyone know how it went.... NATS

Hello All, Well I was able to sleep a couple of hours but I sure am feeling the emptiness in my heart today, I have prayed while holding her urn and that has provided some comfort and I have been reviewing some pictures, she was so beautiful and she loved me so much and I fully felt that unlike my first wife whom I'd spent 25 years with the love Ruth and I had was so special, she had been married before and always told me God saved her the best for last, we were true soul mates we felt each others pain and shared each others happiness...I am so thankful God gave me the time I had with her so I could love her like she'd never been loved before and I'm so glad God decided to picked me to love her.... NATS

Melina, I know the pain you are feeling today it's been 6 months today since my wife Ruth joined God, it is hard but we are incredible creations our mind controls and decides what happens next, we can choose to fight and go on or give up, I'm positive he would have wanted you to go on, you just take things at your pace right now take as much time as you need, many people (friends and family) think once the funeral, memorial or whatever is over that makes it final and finished like a movie or TV show we all know that's not the case, that for many is just the start, but you have no deadlines and no rush just be good to yourself he would want that, I have thought so much if the tables were turned on my side, I would want Ruth to continue not just and waste away being sad and lonley....and with the new special friendship I have with Brenda I have already thought about that, I would want her to go just as she has since losing her husband 13 months ago...I am an example God works in his own way the way Brenda has just came into my life, we never know what God has in store for us, but never enough we can not handle and if it gets to rough just fully turn your heart, mind, body, and soul to the Lord and he will provide comfort....my prayers are with all the grieving spouses everywhere as we heal and discover our life without our loved one.... May God Bless Us All.... NATS

Mary (Queeniemary) and Billw, Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts....today is indeed rough already, I delayed leaving work as I knew it would be rough when I got home, I'm feeling the moments of total waves of loss, emptiness, and the longing for her touch, and to hear her laugh, but I know it will pass with my faith and knowledge that she will always be with me and we will someday be reunited in the Kingdom of the Lord...tomorrow God willing I plan on some reflection then going to get out and enjoy some life, I am going to spend time with Brenda and her grandchildren.... May The Lord Be With You NATS

Jennifer, I know your loss and sorrow in many ways, today it has been 6 months since my wife Ruth joined God and the angels, I miss her so much somedays it seems like she just left others it feels like it's been a while, I cry often but not as much now as in the beginning, we must go on our loved ones would not want us to quit, I may have said that many times but it's so true, I feel some of the grief we feel is their sadness that they are not here with us....I am feeling waves of grief today and I'm sure we all will for some time....maybe you should see a Dr about your panic attacks, I had them bad and still do on some days and I never know what will trigger them, my Dr put on a mild med. for stress and the attacks are now managable when I have them...life is not fair your correct ever wonder why? because it's not a game it's reality and God's will, I have learned many things since Ruth left we can not just stop our lives we must move on, easy and slow at our own pace and our terms, we then complete our mission God has for us then join our loved ones in heaven when the Lord calls....until then we keep them in our hearts and remember all the happy times the Lord blessed us with and the time we had with them however long....and most of all the we must be thankful we had the opportunity to love the way we did and that truely is a blessing....I think the saying is "its better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all".....my prayers are with you.... NATS

MartyT and Marion, Thank you ever so much for your prayers and thoughts, they mean alot I truely for the first time in my life really understand how short life is and how we get in that "take for granted attitude" no more for me.... May God Bless NATS

Hello All, Well this weekend will be the 6 month mark since Ruth joined God and I am already feeling the waves of grief starting to roll.. ..I am also anxious and concerned as Monday I have my appt. to get my x-ray and this thing in my lung evaluated....I sure could use Ruth here to hold me and talk things over, I am so thankful I have God and Brenda to spend time with this weekend, I'm working Sat. but I have chosen to take Sunday off to deal with feelings and try to prepare myself for Monday, I am going to spend Sunday afternoon with Brenda and her grandchildren to focus my energy on positive thoughts...and tonight we are going to just have a quiet evening at my home for reflection and sharing each others company....one thing I'd like to ask is if you have a second please say a prayer for me, I beleive prayer works even better in numbers... May God Bless You All and Thanks In Advance for the prayers..... NATS

Kat, I can not imagine how you feel, I know how I would feel if I lost one of my two dogs, they have been my rock and companions during these last 6 months since Ruth left, I pray you may find some comfort somehow....maybe knowing your pet is with Pat now...we have to take these constant negative's and give them some sort of positive meaning as hard as it may seem....May God Bless NATS

Melina, I know and feel your pain of losing your husband as I my wife joined God on 2/14/10...everything you feel is normal and just the way we all feel as Marty stated....I had the anger and once in a while still do, we must understand life when it comes to grieving something I didn't until I had to grieve, God gives us our time as a "present" each day, yesterday is gone and we can not change it but we can always remember it with our most powerful mind, and tomorrow may never come for God only gives us the "present"...as our lives can change at the blink of an eye, so we must go on, our loved ones would want this, if the tables were turned we would want that for them wouldn't we? I would, so as painful as it is we must go on as God has not finished with us yet, and I look at it like God needed our loved ones and there mission was complete here, it's a nice feeling you have knowing you have an angel you can talk to...this weekend will be 6 months for me since Ruth left......we are so glad you found us, there's alot of very passionate people here with lots of helpful stories, so take care eat and sleep when you can as you will need energy....my thoughts and prayers are with you.... May God Bless and Comfort You NATS

Faithfull, I send you prayers of comfort, and my heart aches for your loss, your post is so ironic as I'm becoming involved with a widow and I am a widower we both have found such a wonderful friendship, one if the first things we discussed is one of us will have to grieve again!!, when she brought this up it did not even really cross my mind as we all tend to put those things in the back of our minds, well recently I found out I have a nodule in my left lung and I'm going for a second opinon next week, that's when it hit me what she said I could no longer keep tucked away and after reading your post it really allows me to see reality from another aspect...you think much like me I like this "I am grateful to God for the gift of love and being loved; not everyone has that in their lives".and with this in mind "I don't know what God's plan is for me now; but I will try to be alert to what He may be trying to tell me". you will indeed find comfort, my faith carries me daily....I pray God comforts you with his loving arms during this rough time....and I will be following your posts, please keep us posted we are all here for each other.... NATS

BillW, It's been a while since I've heard from you thanks for your prayers, how are you doing? I read your post concerning that program and did some research sounds interesting....I pray you are healing well and have found some comfort....life is progressing here one thing Ruth taught me is to fight, I've never known someone with so much fight and determination as her and she showed me alot, I carry that with me daily as I heal and rebuild life without her...take care and may God Bless.... NATS

Karen, I am worried some but trying not to think about it, I keeping praying everyday it will be nothing, it's so ironic that this comming weekend will be 6 months since Ruth left and I go to Dr. on Monday the 16th...I will post results as I get them...Thanks for your concern....may God Bless You as well.... NATS

Kayc, Thanks for your concern and your thoughts....Life is way to short for heartache for sure, I think all situations and individuals are differant, I've decided not to let the grief of my wife leaving keep me from living and I understand your concern but we both have lost spouses and this special bond we share is differant for both of us, we have became very close friends first sharing all the pain of each others grief as well as doing things we couldn't do before....we both are remaining very independent and maintaining our own households so we both understand living alone...but as I stated before life is short, way to short, we all know that or we wouldn't be here, so I have just decided to live the balance of mine as happy and to the fullest I can, being faced with possible issues with my own health, I intend on letting everyone special in my life know how much I care for them and have good times with them, that includes my children, family, friends, and special people, I have to much love, compassion, and companionship to offer someone to wait around for life to pass me by while grieving, Ruth spoke many times she wanted me to find someone and share the love I had to offer, so I will just let God and my heart guide me.... NATS