nats

Lainey, TIME is what I keep hearing is what it takes for us to get thru this and ease the pain....I went to support group this week and heard this from many attending, I myself at times feel the maybe time is helping but I still have that horrible feeling of emptiness and it's just been 9 or 10 weeks for me this Sunday since Ruth went to be with God, I know how you feel and I pray for your strength and for all of us going thru this. Praying for evevryone greiving..... NATS

Closs, Work is my salvation right now it's hard but gives me time to rebuild some of me, and it was hard the first couple of days as my wife and I met there and we used to work together, I know there's days we feel we can not go on but I'm pretty sure our loved ones would not want us suffering. You come first now so do what you feel is right for you. I have found attending greif support very helpful, in fact I have a meeting tonight. Praying for all the greiving spouses.... NATS

Well after a couple of hours on the phone and having to speak to these cold employees at the insurance co. I was told by one dept. her coverage was in effect and the claims dept said it wasn't...lucky I have a confirmation letter of coverage and the dates they received all the documents they wanted....It was so nice to be able to tell the person the exact day they received the document as she was trying to tell me they didn't get until after that day...I would advise everyone dealing with anything that has specific deadlines to send via certified mail return receipt requested, when Ruth and I were updating the forms and docs I told her I had a feeling we should send them this way and I'm so thankfull I did, now I wait another 5 days for an answer.... I'm still just taking things a day at a time trying to establish a routine and trying to get by each day with the loneliness, the days off work are the hardest but I still look forward to them as I feel comfort at home.... Praying for all the greiving spouses everywhere.... NATS

Furkid, My wife Ruth left us on Valentines day this year so I had the holiday blow the very day she joined the Lord and it was on Sunday also....my birthday was just the week before and I read the card she gave me and just think that's the last one from her and just cry....I made it thru Easter with a lot of up's and downs's and now we have Mothers Day comming up so here we go again...I don't know about the rest of you but I don't like this "roller coaster" I ride everyday and I do all I can to keep it smooth...I also am having the friend phobia don't get many calls and no one visits we didn't have many but I thought they would be here for me, not sure what's up with that.... I pray your journey will continue on a positive path.... Praying for all the greiving spouses everywhere.... NATS

Vicki, No your not looney, every time I cry and talk to my Ruth my dogs go playing just like when she was here sitting on the sofa, and the dog she had before we got married sits and crys at her urn and watches for her to come home, he has taken on a real special place in my heart, and the shitzu which my son gave us jumps in my lap to console me when I cry at times, and the clouds of Ruth's perfume sometimes drift down the hall as if she has just gottten out of the shower...and recently I've gotten more signs and heard a suttle little voice make comments to me....I truely beleive in the spiritual aspect to death and everlasting life thru Christ so I take it in stride and welcome it, and as I'm sitting here typing she must be near as the dogs are now behaving as if there being coached to play....I enjoy my signs I hope you do to... Praying for all the greiving spouses dealing with there loss... NATS

Closs, I can say from my situation Ruth was also creamated and I have her home with me also and find great comfort in that, I have a small shrine on her favorite table set with pictures flowers and some angels, I talk to her and touch the urn while praying and sometimes I take the urn for walks or drives....am I crazy no, I just find comfort in this as these are her remains and if I can find comfort doing that what the heck I've nothing to lose, and anything that eases the pain and loss I'm all for it...I'm actully going to purchase a small charm to have a portion of her remains in so I can carry her with me...I also loved my Ruth so much only God knows how much, one thing I find strength in that Ruth would/did not want to see me sad and hurt by her loss and wanted me to be strong so I focus on that as I move from day to day with caution and easiness, I would venture to say by the love you two had and you describe your husband to would want you to be strong...I pray we all find our own peace and comfort and I pray you find some comfort when you get home...may God Bless You.. NATS

Well just as things are getting somewhat being close to normal and in a routine without Ruth yesterday the Life Insurance company advised me the claim has been denied and they are sending a letter why. I am just a wreak again, I feel like I'm fighting for everything and gaining no ground, has anyone else had this happen and if so how did you handle it? I have contacted my atty. but didn't get a simple call back assuring me it would be OK so now I have to think about this all weekend and it's got me so depressed, I am approaching the mad as hell stage I think and I'm going to go nuts if something doe not change soon, just how much can one person take? I guess I'm lucky I have to work today and tomorrow afternoon as it will keep me busy, then Mon/Tue I'll tackle this life insurance head on and I plan on using all resources fighting it.... Praying for everyone... NATS

Closs, I am feeling your pain also my wife passed on 2/14/10 your statement "My heart is broken and if you can die from a broken heart I know I will". is how I feel as well many days, and after yesterday and the Life insurance company telling me the claim is denied I'm really in a tailspin, people tell us to go on and we do, they tell us it gets's easier but I only feel that part of the time, I know it's early for both of us to believe what people tell us because we are in such pain and shock, but I have faith that many of the people here know what's going to happen as they have been down this rocky road before us, so I offer you my prayers and I pray for all the greiving individuals daily during my evening prayers. I do know comming here helps and hope you continue, I myself am also attending local support groups and these help as well, but each day I give thanks for the time I had with Ruth and ask for some of her strength to somehow give me the strength to continue on because at times I just don't think I can... Praying for everyone here... NATS

Chrissie, We are all feeling your pain I lost my wife 2/14/10, we all know how you feel and are here to help, this forum has helped me when other things do not, the days are up and down....but we must remember the happy times.... Praying for everyone suffering the loss.... NATS

Chrissie, "I don't think people can really understand what you are going through unless they've been there" Oh so true. Praying for everyone suffering the loss.... NATS

Walt, I'd like to think yes to parties in heaven, don't know about cake and Ice cream but anything is possible with God so maybe, 5 years WOW I have only lost my Ruth 8 weeks ago and that seems like yesterday, I can not imagine 5 years I can barely handle the 8 weeks, I'm glad you posted Happy Early Birthday to Jean and I pray you will have an OK day on her Birthday.... My Prayers are with all here greiving as we are.... NATS

Thank You Mary for your prayers, Yes the weather was predicted to rain but ended up being nice...I sprayed the yard then took a ride to Wal-mart as I needed a few items, it helped but not much.. everything was just a wash today, my son has called but he's not feeling well, preparing a small dinner then going to sleep as I get up at 4AM for work...praying for a better day tomorrow... Praying for everyone going thru what we are.... NATS

Well Sunday again, it's 8 weeks today since Ruth left...I'm not so sure it is getting easier I am so depressed today I had plans today to go fishing with my son and the weather and his stomach didn't allow that and threw me into a total tale spin (I can not handle disappointment at all)... I've been sitting here all day just crying but I am determined to go somewhere just to break the mood, my attitude at this point is it can't hurt to try anything to make me feel better...so I'll take a ride somewhere... NATS

Wow, you have such valid points that I had never even thought about...Ruth also enjoyed life so much and was so full of life, she did not deserve this "Cancer" that took her life, Im so hurt she will not see her grandchildren born, we will not grow old together, she'll never get to go Bass fishing again, and no more driving vacations something we both enjoyed so much, I could go on and on but I think it better for all of us to remember the "Happy Times" yes they are just as painful but somehow we have to find some positive thoughts, Ruth begged me not to be sad because that would make her sad and hurt her, she told me all the time... "we've had many happy times and God saved her best love for her last me, so carry those thoughts with you each day and know I'm happier now than ever in my life knowing God gave me the extra months he did to love you" so as hard as that hurts remembering those words I try and do just that, it doesn't always work but it helps.... Praying for all our greiving souls.... NATS

Suzanne, I feel your pain and pray for you....I to am like Frank G. I take all the simple steps to remember, I also have a small shrine in the living room pictures are surrounding her remains, I have a peace lily on the table and 3 angel figurines, and above is a picture of Jesus she bulit as a puzzle I have framed, I also feel better when I take things "head on" while it is hard and I cry sometimes for hours it seems to be helping, I also do talk to her because I feel she can here me I think thats partly due to my faith because I truely believe in eternal life after death with our Lord, but if not what can it hurt if it makes me feel better? Now it's all about you and getting your feelings in order so take it in small steps and I think your husband would want you to remember all the happy times, and even though it makes us sad remembering it is a gift God gave us for a reason.....I'll be praying for us all.... NATS

Hello Everyone, The days keep going by I'm not sure if it's getting better or worse, the loss I feel leaves me feeling so empty, Ruth used to clean some condos for a few friends and one was needing done this week so I did it, Ruth taught me all the things to do as we had done it together in the past, it was a little hard going there without her but I managed to go in and get the job done feeling as if she was guiding me the entire time. I have this weekend off and my son and I are going fishing, this will be another major ordeal as ruth and I went every chance we had, she loved Bass fishing, not when we met but after going a few times she learned to love the water and would beg me to take her, that's going to hurt because i promised her we would go again as soon as she was strong enough well I was unable to keep that promise and it hurts me so bad, I hope I can handle going without her, my son will be my rock I'm sure and with God's help this to will pass. Praying for us all.... NATS

Hello Lainey, My prayers are with you....my wife joined the Lord 2/14/10, and I have much of the same greiving you are having...I have found it best for me to take the harder things head on, my Ruth loved her flower beds and I thought I'd never be able to plant them because it was to "hard", well I took the steps and did it, I cried my eyes out planting those flowers but you know what I feel so much comfort looking at them now knowing that's what she liked and we liked to do that together and it keeps me close to her... maybe taking some small steps in doing what you enjoy might help...the way I look at things I try, is it can't hurt anymore it already hurts so bad with them being gone it might just help even a little.... my prayers are with you and everyone here and everywhere going thru this new life adjustment of life without our best friends and loves of our lives.... NATS

Hello Alone, I to feel your pain and am sorry for your pain...my wife passed unexpected 2/14/10 she was supposed to have at least 10 months more after already fighting 9 months and beating all the odds, the cancer started last May, I find strength in going each day thinking and knowing our loved ones would not want us to be so hurt and unhappy yet we are, my wife and I spoke about that she told me to not be sad even though she knew I would be she said go each day remembering all the love we shared and all the happy times we had and she'd be with me everyday in my mind, heart and soul...because nothing can ever take away the memories... keep comming back and we will all help each other with our loneliness and challanges we now have to overcome.... here's a quote form one of my other greif brochures from a local group I attend and it makes so much sense.... ----------------------- "Greiving requires enormous energy, but pretending that you're not greiving requires even more. You begin to sense that your world is anxious for you to get on with your life, and no one understands that this is your life and you are getting on with it.. "This is it folks" Then others times you pretend and wear a mask and preform like a trained seal just to keep what's left of your world from leaving you" ~By Sue Catherine Holtkamp Ph.D.

Well I also am a member of this 6 week club and wish I could cancel the membership... I find feeling much of the same as the posts above, I also look at our unity candle as it sits on a shelf in the dinning room and wonder how will I ever feel whole again...from my perspective the only way to even attempt to do this is only day by day for me, I can not plan any further ahead than that and when I have things that do require advanced planning I panic...I'm somehow finding some extra strength from my wife's memories and her intense fight and drive as an individual when she was present on earth...I pray for this continued feeling...I pray for all of us here and ask God to help us all deal with our greif and make each day easier somehow as we remold ourselves into a "whole" person again... NATS ------------------------ "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

Well it's been 6 weeks testerday since my beautiful Ruth went to her new life with God, Christ, the Angels and all the Saints, I'm so thankful for the time I had with her and the love we shared was truely sent from God, he brought us together for a reason, I still do not know what's planned for me but I welcome it with open arms from the Lord Almighty, just lead me and I will follow...I'​m doing fairly well with prayer and greif support groups and I'm working plenty of hours at work....yesterday being Palm Sunday, Ruth would have enjoyed the service it is a very touching service with readings reflecting on the days before Christ was crucified...these Sundays are so rough without her by my side at church.... -------------------- Ruth " Thinking of you always, it's been 6 weeks since you went to your new life, I'm happy you are pain free and have no more worries, I miss you so much and will be ready when God wants for the day we will be reunited in our everlasting love".... I Love You Sweetheart Me/SW

Well I made some progress this week I cut the lawn, raked leaves, and planted Ruth's favorite flower bed 2 more days of work then I have Mon & Tue off not real fun days as everyone else is working...I attended a greif support meeting at church this week and that was helpful...it's rough and I cry each day and the emptiness is so overwhelming at times I gotta figure out how to deal with that, I'm going slow and it's still hard for me to believe Ruth is not here....God Please Give me Strength.... NATS

Terry I am so saddend by your loss as well, I know how you feel i lost my wife 2/14/10 try and take it slow one day at a time, do what you find comfort in I to cry a lot morning,afternoon, and evening but they say thats good try and focus on the good things...keep comming here and try and find a local support group...you all are in my prayers every night.... NATS

Yes, indeed seasonal emotion my Ruth loved this time of year longer days, working in the yard, and fishing with me....today I planted her favorite flower bed and cried almost the whole time, but I know she's looking at it and loving it. I also cut the yard and was loooking for her to be nearby but wasn't....I felt her presence and drive she had somehow in me today because I would have normally not been able to get all those things done.... I am thankful I have all the happy memories from previous springs to reflect on and I'll keep doing just as if she were here....just a little slower... NATS

Well I made it thru the week now I have the lonely 3 days off and wondering what I'm going to do, I have a few things planned and going to try and remain positive, I look froward to these days as I'm very tired but they are so hard to deal with, and being off with no one to enjoy my time with I'm finding is not much fun...I can't keep pushing and staying so busy as I'm running myself down but I can't find that comfort level maybe some of you can offer so tips.... NATS

J, my wife joined the the Lord on 2/14/10 so I'm also new, you have done good seeking some answers here I knew within the first few days no matter how strong I had been in the past since Ruth is not here I have been drained of my strength so I came here, then I took additional steps by seeking local support, they both have helped and I hope and pray you will also find some answers and comfort, keep comming back the people here understand and we all have something we can give to each other our support within support... May God Be With You... NATS