nats

Bill, Karen and Korina, I made it thru the day/night OK had some rough spots but that's to be expected....thank you all for the kind words and posts.....I've been staying busy, I've repainted and redecorated the master bath as that was her's and I'm now making it mine more for a man....it was hard but she wanted it finished (we started to remodel last year before she got sick) and I know she'd be proud I'm finishing it and making it mine....I've been spending time with my friend Brenda and it frightens me how close we are growing, it's almost as if God has brought us together, but as she pointed out a very REAL FACT with the closeness we are finding and where ever this takes us, one of us will have to go thru this whole grieving process again....WOW did that hit me hard, but it has not changed my feelings, just approaching things more cautious....she made me cry when she said maybe I'd be lucky and go first, that really lets me know she cares and does not want to see me hurting...as I mentioned she lost her husband 11 months ago, so she knows what it's all about and really helped me get over some major issues...anyway my kids just say "Dad do what's in your heart and where God leads you one day at a time", so that's what I do.... God Bless you all.... NATS

Hello Everyone, Well tomorrow would have been Ruth and mines 1st wedding anniversary, I'm already having waves of grief and tears, I'm progressing well but I guess this is one of those days/events that no matter how I'm doing I'm going to feel the loss and emptiness....Ive posted a note on her Facebook account just as if she were here, that may sound funny but it makes me feel better, so off to work today and tomorrow will be another day to deal with..... NATS

Karen, I can only imagine I have my stressful day Thur 6/17/10 that would have been our first anniversary so I know already it will be a rough day but all I can do is take it head on, there's nothing I can do to change the fact that Ruth is in heaven, so I'll being dealing with it however God's planned it...as hard as your event sounded I think it's good you and your family could do that, recent small changes I've made and things I've done have given me some closure to the physical aspect, your's should also....I pray you feeling better... NATS

Queeniemary, Thanks for the encouragement and concern, I just spent 2 days with her doing things both of us had not done like going to the Casino which we did and we went to the beach, I know no one can replace the love and special closeness Ruth and I had that's why in our new lives we must approach everything as new and special to each of us making the things we do now "our" memories...but the sad thing I think about is when you have that new bond someone is going to have to grieve again someday we both have already had that talk...so I'm just going to let God lead me and run on autopilot one day at a time and pray for the best...I stll miss Ruth and she still misses her husband but we find comfort with each other so only God knows..... NATS

Rob, I can feel your pain as my own I lost my wife 2/14/10, first you must take care of yourself you have a long road ahead and your going to need strength, second you came to the right place we all are right there with you, we know your feelings, emptiness, being lonely, and all that goes with this rough road we are traveling trying to get some sense of going on without our spouses, but it does get better, just take one day at a time and keep visiting here we'll all work thru this together with God's help.... I'll be praying for you...... NATS

Karen, So glad I could help...seems helping others thru this is helping me, Sunday Im sure will be hard but you'll have your children lean on them for strength....I'll be praying for you... Queeniemary, Yes indeed we need our room now, my dear friend was the driving force behind the move she lost her husband 11 months ago and has been such a help with everything, she truely is a God Send I feel, as we are becoming very close friends....and Yes Im fully aware of rebound feelings due to the emptiness so I'm trying to be carefull... You both take care and keep positive, I'll be praying for us all..... NATS

Well I just recently returned to bed after 4 months on the sofa slept the whole night there last night I was suprised, I had been working my self back a little at a time and since I changed all the decor it feels like my room and I have some comfort....but I still cry some nights as I miss her very much....I always make sure I'm real sleepy before trying to sleep so I dont lay there thinking....I pray you can find some comfort in your nights somehow.... NATS

Hello Everyone, Just wanted to share another major hurdle I conquered last night, I slept in our Bed for the entire night with no tears or sad thoughts or issues, I have done a makeover on the arrangement of the dresser and put a complete new set of comforter, dust ruffle and pillow shams to give it a feeling of my room....as I posted in another post Friday night, a very dear friend I've been spending time with helped me empty the closet and dresser...it was rough indeed but needed to be done it's a very important step in moving forward and finding closure from the physical aspect....I saved some special pieces like her wedding dress, robe and some other things I put them in a clothes bag and returned them to the closet....so I gives thanks to God for helping me get over another bump in this rough road we are all on.... Praying for all the grieving spouses everywhere...that God will grant us some peace and comfort..... NATS

Karen, Sounds like a wave or STUG here is a link you might find helpful My link this link was posted by Marty Tousley, CNS-BC, FT, DCC Bereavement Counselor Hospice of the Valley...it may help you understand some...I also had the waves of grief this morning I had one and things been going good for me...I have a nice companion friend that's providing a new outlook on life, but the loss and pain are still very present....I have done some changing around the house and that has helped some....my boys don't say much as they no it's rough for me to talk about it.....I also pray and hope you have a better day tomorrow.... Good Night and God Bless NATS

Karen, Sounds as if you are you are doing just what we need to do, be with people, get out, and talking along with laughter is some good comfort...I also have been getting out doing things and I cleaned out Ruth's closet and dresser Friday night, a very dear friend I've been spending time with helped me...it was rough indeed but needed to be done it's a very important step in moving forward and finding closure from the physical aspect....I saved some special pieces like her wedding dress, robe and some other things I put them in a clothes bag and returned them to the closet....keep up the progress, glad to hear your driving, that should help some give some opportunity to get around and out...well I pray you continue to find some comfort, as well as I pray for everyone here taking this journey... God Bless NATS

Karen, I know what you mean it is hard and seems to get harder before it gets better, but it will....I pray alot and have attended grief support groups they help some, what helps is one on one discussions with individuals that have gone thru the same thing such as here or meeting them at local support groups and becoming friends...I'm at 4 months and just the last week or so noticed something has changed, because I've decided "I will not be held hostage by grief" and I'm discovering some new things I'll share later...but I would focus on getting the anger out by writing, yelling, or talking it out with someone, I've learned to focus and conquer one thing at a time....I pray you may find resolve in this.... May God Bless NATS

Deb H, Thank You.....Yes very unfair indeed we can not blame ourselves Im sure we did all we could, after 3 months I found Im getting somewhat adjusted Ruth's not here and not comming back, but only gone in the physical sense still very much with me....anger you must deal with, Ive told several people to write God and tell him read the letter then do what ever with it....let the anger go thru words and hearing them, God understands we are mad he wouldn't expect anything less if so we did not love then like we thought!....I will pray for your comfort and that God will grant you some peace....also remember grief takes a lot of energy take care of yourself, sleep when you can and eat something even if not hungry, don't worry about the his family just now you have to come first, we have no time schedule we're on here that can be handled later....keep visiting the forum and we can all work thru this together, with Gods help and a positive attitude... God Bless NATS

Hi Deb, I feel your loss and pray God will grant you some comfort as well, I know you must feel so sad you will not get to complete your plans, June 17th would have been Ruth and mines first anniversary and I'm sad she will not be with me in the physical sense to celebrate it, but I will celebrate somehow as that was the happiest day if her life with me....we had lived together for like 6 years and we just were in no rush to marry, we knew our love for each other and so did God, I do regret postponing it now...but my new motto is "I refused to be held hostage by grief" so I will find a positive in every negative just to conquer this pain.... May God Bless NATS

Leesa, Yes, nights are rough so much for me I'm just getting back in the bed, I've been sleeping on the sofa where Ruth was before I took her to ER before she joined God the next morning 2/14/10, so on the advise of another grieving spouse I changed the bedroom, comforter, shams, rearranged the dresser and made it my room, I have pictures of us on the dresser and a new lamp and all her clothes, shoes and such are gone(from sight)...well I spent half the night there last night and it's OK I slept until I rolled over for her and woke, sat up realized she wasn't here and returned to the sofa, I'll keep trying as I know I must conquer this....but even on the sofa I sleep with the TV on we did when she was here so that's normal...it will get better just take a day at a time, and if you have to an hour at a time, put yourself and feelings first...I'll be praying for you that God may grant you some comfort....and as Bill said keep coming here and we will all work on this life changing loss together.... NATS

Karen, I'm glad you also find comfort in knowing our loved ones really never leave us, only in the physical sense, that's what's so hard we feel them and know they are present we just can't see or touch them that's what makes my heart sad because I so miss that so much.... I'm taking the steps as they come, I'm very blessed as Ruth's niece had lost her husband 10 months ago and started visiting my wife and I about 3 months after her loss and prepared Ruth and myself with an advanced look at what was ahead for me...I feel she is a God send as she has helped me thru many rough decsions and offered many good pieces of advise on dealing with my loss....so yes I'll take my sweetheart talking to me or sending messages with open arms as it's so comforting, I pray it continues for both of us..... NATS

Hi Bill, Glad you got a start on the letter....the list is good also that's what I've been doing a little at a time some things are hard because we were working on the projects together but I'm getting thru them slowly and some not on the list that she wanted done I've already finished....been getting hurricane supplies list ready and going to get tomorrow....I pray we have no storms as it will be scary riding them out alone, I have 2 dogs and shelters don't take them....you sound like your doing better and on the right path, keeping busy is important in moving forward with our changed lives...I'm project bond tomorrow finishing a shelf for Ruth's memorial I've been staining the pieces and going to put another coat on tomorrow and hang shelf, it's going to hold her urn and pictures along with some silk flowers...the aches are bad at times and I still have long crying spells as well but thats OK tears are good for us...so take care, keep busy and conquer at your own pace indeed it will make you feel better.... NATS

Karen, I'm so glad I help you feel comfort, that makes me feel good knowing I can help someone, that's part of what I said following as Jesus would do I'm a step closer in full filling my plan...I also feel Ruth very strong alomost as a sixth sense the last few days I've felt her sending me messages and a short while later the message is reality...example she told me a piece of mail came from someone, when I got home it had, today I was visiting a close friend and we were talking about a person Ruth cleaned a condo for and I hadn't heard from her as I clean the condo now, Ruth said she call sure enough when I got home tonight she had called and left a message... we have them with us just not here on earth, it's rough I know for sure how you feel it for sure aches at times, but I hold on to the thoughts of being reuinited and the happy memories and that gets me thru each day and with each day it gets a little more easier to make the adjustment without her...so for now take care and I'll be praying for everyone here each day that we can find some comfort..... NATS

Happy Birthday Scott, I know Korina misses you in many ways as I miss my Ruth I hope you are having a big birthday celebration, here's a tribute from me as Korina said you liked candles.... May God Bless you Korina and give you comfort....I like this "angelversary".... NATS Click Image for animation...

I've had my share of waves this week as well, I think mines due to the fact we always have an eventful June, last year we got married on June 17th, then started chemo, all previous years we traveled to Kentucky and Ohio to visit our familys and have our summer vacation, and this year I'll be alone, no anniversary, no vacation, and what seems to be lost in space at times, but I'll somehow find comfort thru God, memories, and my support groups both here and local ones I attend.... NATS

Karen, I get so wraped up in other peoples post and forget to check mine, I'm sorry to hear you were down the other day and I hope your feeling better, I had a rough week with emotions, must be wave week as I've seen others having it rough as well, cleaning can be good I've done some and rearranged some things as well, like I said before we can only do what makes us feel comfort at any given time, I also want to be with Ruth but God's not ready yet and it must be his will if I'm to spend eternal life with her and God, I feel there is something in Gods plan I must fullfill before it's my time not sure what but as I follow Jesus daily and speak his word I'll complete the task and not know it, then before I know it I'll be going home as well for a wonderfull reunion with not only my wife but my Dad and Grandmother as well, so knowing and believing this gives me peace and helps get me thru each day...I hope and pray you can find some comfort and truely feeling better... God Bless NATS

I wish I could dream of Ruth, I had one she was driving in the drive way like coming home from work Iwas looking out the front door and she was smiling at me............. wish it was real.... NATS

Hi Bill, Well we have no time limit or deadline we have to meet with grieving, I think some of us wish we could hurry things along but then would we be healed? I don't think I'll ever really heal from the loss I don't think anyone does we just learn to cope better... I've been going out on Mondays with a niece of my wife's who lost her husband 10 months ago and that helps as we have something to talk about and share over dinner and it's good to have some company, my wife and I we're very private not a lot of friends so having the few I do have means a lot...my boys are a big help but Ruth was there step mother and they didn't know her very well and sometimes I truely think they don't know what to say when they see there Dad cry his eyes out but they listen as I ramble at times and I know they love me so that's all that matters...anyway glad you are finding some comfort and I pray it continues.... Take care.... NATS

Hello Delinda, I feel your loss and heartbreak and pray for you...we welcome you here and know we all have many of the smae feelings you are having and will be having, my wife joined the Lord on 2/14/10 so I'm still feeling much of the pain, sadness, lonliness, anger, and being lost at times, first keep in mind you have to come first now, you need only worry about what comforts and helps you deal with this life changing event(most people don't understand just how much our lives do change)take care of yourself, take things at your pace and deal with things as you can handle them...this forum really helps me as well as local grief support groups, being around people or talking with others going thru the same thing has a good effect in allowing us to cope or get by day by day so I hope you find some answers and comfort here...and it sounds like you provided him with some great care, I also cared for my wife for 9 months of scans, chemo, radiation, and more chemo with each time praying God would just stop the cancer from growing, a person can only take so much but in the end the last chemo treatment put her body into septic shock and I could provide no more care, she went to ER then I had to decide how she would go as I they informed me she would not make it thru the night....so we caregivers take it hard when we lose not only our loved one but the human being we have been caring for....so with help from God and everyone here we must rebuild and heal in our own time...I'll pray that God's love will grant you some comfort during this rough time.... May God Bless NATS

Phyllis, I am at 3 months and I can fully understand, I am dealing day to day and for the most part doing good but some days I just plain miss my Ruth so bad it actually hurts inside real pain, true physical pain, I cry smometimes just at a quick memory flash and that triggers a whole new mood to deal with, most of these come at home after being at work all day and sometimes when I'm out shopping or doing errands and Walmart is the worst because the last year we went there everyweek to shop together, the fisrt few times back there I stood in the isle and just cried, it's amazing no one even ask if I was OK, cried like 10 minutes, but it's OK now I just talk to her while shopping if people think Im crazy Oh well there problem I'm getting thru my conquering my goal....it's OK to be down sometimes but just remember how much energy it uses up, I'll pray you get thru this and the positive returns, even as hard as it is for any of us to find any positive in our losses...each day we make progress in dealing with our loss is positive in my opinion... Take Care and God Bless NATS

Bill, I also have issues with how hard my Ruth fought and the faith she had in God that she would beat it, only to be taken home in the end, but I cannot be mad at God for he is in control and situations like this reminds us all...yes your correct I did not know your wife but if she is as you say she would want you to continue just as Ruth wanted me to go on and continue living my life....Ruth joked with me she said "what are you going to do the first time you bring a date home, tell her to wait in the car while you put my urn away" and then she'd laugh and I told her no it would stay in place and if and when that happened the person would have to accept that or we would not work out...I'm working 45-50 hours per week and that helps as Im in retail and see between 150-300 people each day on my shift, keeping the house and yard up just as if she were here....try and keep positive and take it slow...things will get easier but we will always have those days I'm sure... NATS