nats

What a positive thread, everyone is conquering things and taking steps forward that's great, I also have been able to work in the yard now and get some much needed trimming done, it gives me peace working out there, I miss Ruth out there with me and the laughs and fun times we had doing the work together but I'm doing as she wanted keeping things intact and looking good....the flower beds are in full bloom and I have about 6-8 tomatoes between my two plants...I have plenty more steps to take but at least I'm started, as it sounds like many of you are as well.. God Bless All... NATS

Bill, You have to trust me on this one, write a letter to God it can't hurt you had the answer in one of your post "Something happens when we put pen to paper, it kind of clears some of the mud off of things we can't see". well you can do it on the PC if you want then read it...after that do what you will with it delete it, burn it if on paper or keep it, I've learned many things during this process but one stands out, try and do anything (within reason) to find comfort and conquer each challange and feeling head on because for each one conquered the pain gets less and your feelings take a change and the grieving becomes rebuilding...God's not done with all of us yet and we've been chosen for a reason "not dumped beside the road" we are his children I think he's teaching us, I can say I'm not real happy about the lesson or being one of the chosen but we have no choice...so I pray each night for comfort and strength, I ask Ruth for strength and I give God thanks for all the love, passion, friendship, and companionship I've experienced with Ruth and ask that when it's my time please expidite my being reunited in the kingdom of God and life everlasting with my wife... so I'll leave you with the one of the most comforting scriptures.... "I tell you the truth, if anyone keeps my word, he will never see death" John 8:51 Take care of yourself... NATS

Karen, Thank you, she was brave indeed, I'll be honest I found it got harder before it started getting easier for me, I had to just take things head on a day at a time we have no rush to "get over this" as the people who have not gone thru this say we must move at our own pace and I do not think you "get over" I think you learn to live a new life without...I feel for your loss as well and pray that you may find some comfort...things that have worked for me is talking both here and at local grief support also at church grief support, I also do things as if Ruth were here as far as tending yard, planting her flowers, laundry, and I still post to her Facebook page and manage it as her friends still post, don't think that's not hard but from what I've read and been counseled that's good and a big part in the healing process us doing things that help us accept they are not with us...if you don't mind what is your husbands name I'd like to pray for both of you....it's great you have your sons and let them help you however makes you feel comfort, I also have 2 sons and the oldest lives 1000 miles away but we talk and email alot, my youngest lives 10 minutes away and hard to reach, just graduated from UNF and business major kinda busy for Dad but when we do spend time together it's great..so take care for now and anytime we can share my thread is here just post we'll all get thru this day by day and minute by minute if needed... May God Bless You and Touch You With His Comforting Love... NATS

Hi Bill, Glad you saw the counselor it'll do good, yes we all have a common bond here we've all lost our special loved one, best friends, companions and truely our other 1/2's all at the same time unlike other people in ours lives who have joined God this is by far the toughest, my Grandmother was tough and my Father was hard but this is way harder than those they were hard but this is just straight out life changing because we spent everyday with them and I'm finding that caregivers have an even harder time as i'm told in counseling...I am so glad you have found some comfort knowing her "spirit" is there just as I have found that Ruth's is here with me and if I doubt it I just talk to her and ask her to let me feel her...keep posting and stay in touch we'll all get thru another week together.... NATS

Suzanne, Glad to hear you have some comfort, the meds may help they did me I had bad attacks of panic/anxiety mine is a low dose like 1 mg 2-3 times per day I find to avoid the attacks I take one in the morning and I'm fine now I still cry alot and I'm lonely but I have some comfort, also more at ease and able to reason more effective...I'm at the 3 month mark since Ruth left and people tell me i'm doing good but I dont know at times, I work daily up to 50 hrs per week then work hard on my 2 days off around the house and try and stay busy...glad we all have the forum to share I know we all help each other in someway, and it allows to know we are not alone...I think it may even be better than personal support because some people would not share face to face what they do here, so take care of yourself and stay positive...may God Bless you as well... NATS

Bill, I'll be honest it does suck in fact it's worse than that but it does get eaiser but we have to work things out inside ourselves and understand we must rebuild our lives at our own pace and without our loved one here on earth but they are still indeed with us... It sounds like you have wonderful memories of some very special times, theres nothing like being in Gods country, you two sound like your love and closeness was much like mine and Ruth's that I know is special and I can relate to your refrence to the loved shared that some people spend a lifetime together and never even come close to sharing that kind of love and closeness...oh and the fishing that was our special thing she loved it she'd do anything to go, she was leary at first due to fear or water but I eased her in and built her trust and after she caught her first one she was hooked, that's my only regret is we didn't get to go one more time before she left, but my son and I went 2 weeks ago (first time boats been out without her) and I carry a small pocket urn with some of her ashes in my pocket and sat in her seat that day so she was with us and will continue to go when I go, but it won't be the same without her for sure...anyway I keep myself going like I said with her in my mind and heart doing what I know she'd want me to do, in fact the other day I went and got chain saw on a pole and spent a few hours cutting down some scrub palms she never liked, it was hard doing yard work at first also because we did it together but now I find it's good for me, for body, mind and soul, cause I feel her presence in the yard...your welcome for the replies it's makes me feel good to sahre and if I can offer 1 minute of comfort to someone my post/reply was worth it, because I sure get many minutes of comfort here and reading replies to me as well as other peoples replies from all the supporting members, keep coming back and we'll all work thru this together...I also attend some local Hospice group greif support groups and find it very helpful... Take Care NATS

Hi Fritz, Thanks for support, I've been hear a lot the last few days and did not even read my own post or replys, yes grieving is indeed very tiresome and it seems the sleep is not restfull and peacefull like it used to be...my Ruth found out last May with bronchitis then found the spot on lung, she had a sodium level drop that clued them in we had our first chemo treatment 6/21/09, the doctor gave us three days to get married and have a homymoon before she entered the hospital, we married 6/17/09 after being engaged for 6 years and living together, she fought hard and had so much faith, she was 61 years young and was baptised in the hospital the day prior to her biopsy taken while hospitalized for sodium issue...when she found out she just said we'd fight it, live life to it's fullest, love each other like each day was the last and put it in God's hands and she never looked back, she fought so hard, we fought hard and her only fear was leaving me behind...I'm sorry for loss as well and I hope you continue to come back as it's a place we can find comfort sharing and helping each other... Take Care and Praying for all the grieving spouses evrywhere... NATS

Chris, Thanks for sharing, that young lady is so much more ahead of all of us....you must be so proud.... and for the tears, yes but happy tears for she is so wise... NATS

Linda, I can say if my wifes family in Kentucky wanted to have a memorial there I'd say first, are you nuts you want me to relive that, no you all had your chance to attend her "Life Celebration" in Florida as I gave ample time...then OK fine I'll send you the DVD of the picture slide show but I will not be attending...not being mean that's just my thoughts and opinion, it's not fair to you also to even ask such a thing, maybe I'm wrong.... NATS

Bill, This quote from you hit home hard... "This anger thing has me worried even though I have been told it's normal it doesn't suit me too well right now. My wife and I spent a lot of time really learning how to soak up the joys in our lives over the years and now I hate this feeling. She told me if something happened to her she wanted me to carry on and keep living the life we started. I would like to think that I can keep that promise to her but at this point I can't see it".WOW I felt like I posted this, first the anger, I just scream at the top of my lungs in my car or in private asking why?why?why? as I cry and cry seems to help(the pillows sound good Korina mentioned also going to try that)....second my Ruth and I also had numerous conversations about me going on, beacuse we knew all the chemo, radiation, and more chemo that she was still going to leave me, I use my promise to her to go on drive me daily because I can't bear the thought of disappointing her by not going on, I never did when she was here so not going to now,(yes sitting here just balling my eyes out)so I encourage you to keep taking it at your pace, reflect on the memories and the special place in your heart she has because nothing can take that away (I tell people that alot cause it is so true and helps me) focus on the relationship with the boys at everyones pace, and allow those times you laugh to generate some positve energy for you...we are all here for you and it helps us helping each other get thru this, I've learned this early thanks to a niece of Ruth's who lost her husband about 9 months ago...take care NATS

Lucia, But he was there not just in the physical form as we know it here on earth, my Ruth is with me everyday I carry a pocket urn with her ashes and have such comfort, I would have been very proud of that young lady doing what she did to have him there, that touches my heart so much it makes me cry, sounds like she has a better grip on this than we do...I'm sure all our loved ones cry for us as well when they see how sad and lost we are without them...but we must remember nothing can ever take away our memories and the place we have for them in our hearts....and I beleive he was indeed there... Praying for all the grieving spouses everywhere... NATS

Hello Bill, Just checking in today to say Hello, your story reminds me so much of myself and Ruth, I wanted to share with you I was unable to sleep last night as I was remembering the last night and hours with my beautiful wife, reliving all the stressful moments in ER and decisions I had to make while watching her pass and feeling so helpless, I was an emotional wreak so I came here and your post was the first one I read and replied to, I also find comfort in sharing and reading other peoples situations as it let's me know I'm not as alone as I feel, and allows me to be thankful for my time with Ruth as others have not or did not even have that time, so I continue to pray for all of us here, and take one day at a time, and the memories and spot in my heart my wife holds drives me each day along with help from the Lord Almighty.... NATS

Bill, I feel your loss in my heart and pray for you, my Ruth also did everything she was supposed to and had all the faith she would beat the cancer, it's been 14 weeks this coming Sunday and the pain is sometimes so intense it's hard to handle..I cry daily sometimes more than others the last few days have been really hard for some reason not sure why, I suspect it's because we would be planning our family reunion and vacation trip in June and last year we couldn't go due to chemo and this year she's not hear so I guess that's why I'm feeling it, also we got married last June so a lot is about to slam me slap in the face, so know you are not alone in your grieving, and you no way offened me in your thoughts, I get mad at God also and in my church grief support they want me to write a letter to God about my anger, I have not done that yet but I don't see any harm, stay focused on caring for yourself now and put your feelings first, the people who say she's no longer in pain have not a clue how we feel but they mean well...so keep visiting here and we will all work thru this together and with the help of our higher power.... NATS

In my case I would have to take it head on...as I do most issues, that seems to work because it's over and done before you figure out what you just conquered, opposed to preparing myself and getting all worked up thinking to much into the situation.... NATS

Been a while since I've been here, got the insurance all straightend out, now time to move forward with the others things, her kids are not speaking to me for some reason and I need her daughter to help me go thru the closet as I know she wants some of her Mom's things...also I now have both cars paid for and they were in her name so I have to get vehicles transfered...and still numerous other things that are left unsettled....all this formal stuff seems to drag this whole grieving process out and causes some undo stress in already stressful time.. NATS

I also question about moving on to fast, Ruth joined God 2/14/10 and we just passed 13 weeks, I know she is gone and I cry daily sometimes other times days pass with no or very little tears...I have been attending dinners every Monday with Ruth's neice as she lost her husband 9 months ago and we are developing an intense friendship, I am very cautious as I know we are both in sensitive situations as far as emotions....we have also attended a concert and had a cook out at her place and spent 6 hours just talking...at times I feel it's moving to fast but I feel comfort and some sort of "moving on" as they call it... NATS

Hi Olivia, Welcome to the site, we all feel your loss and my prayers are for all of us going thru this lonely time...there are a lot of great people hear so keep visiting and I think you'll find some answers and comfort with the support... NATS

That's great news I am so happy for you, I had to go thru same type of situation as my Ruth and I were always in the yard together....stay positive... OH and being a husband my self, I would say he'd be Proud... NATS

Karen, I know so much how you feel regarding the hugs and kisses, and all the other things, smiles, hearing them laugh, seeing them sitiing next to us and many things I could go on for hours I miss and we all miss...I wish you well in group I find it very helpful, I encourage you share as soon as you feel comfortable as it really helps, I chose the first night and have found comfort in sharing... sounds like your doing well, the little steps and at your pace is what I find works for me...take care and as always everyone here is in my prayers... NATS

Andy, First welcome to the forums so glad you decided to post and I feel all your pain, Second never feel that you are "less than" here we all are here for the same reason we lost our best friends and love of our lives, regardless of time spent we are greiving, and that time short or long does not make it any easiser or harder because we still have LOST that special person in our lives... My Ruth and I had lived together for several years prior to marriage we both were affraid if we married it would change the way we loved and felt about each other based on past relationships, we were so in love I like you only spent hours away from her we did everything together, anyway we married in June 09 and we are not even going to have our first anniversary together so see I also have had a short time and it makes it no less painfull, in fact we on the short side of things may even have it worse than the people who have had years and years who really knows, they can be thankful for those years and we question why our loved ones went to be with God so soon...please keep comming back and it will help we have lots of support here and we can get it 24/7 unlike other support systems and everyone here knows just how you feel... NATS Praying for all the greiving spouses....

Karen, Great to here you went to work, it helps me to work, I hope you can also find some comfort in doing so, I know what you mean by doing things on your own, I find myself saying well I did this today for the first time since Ruth's been gone....I also am/was scared in facing all this new challanges without my Ruth we discussed everything now I have to make the choices on my own it's rough indeed, I find if I take it head on the most effective for me and as I conquer each new step It builds my confidence some...I went to a concert Thur. evening with a lady friend who lost her husband 8 months ago, my first social event since Ruth left, I cried before I went because I felt guilty Ruth was not comming and almost as I was betraying her, but we spoke about me going on with life a lot and as I reflected on those memories and conversations I overcame my guilt and knew it was OK and had her blessing, I had a great time and for the first time since Ruth left found some companionship and some indications my life is going on...I think it's great your going to group, I go once a week and it's very helpful...so I'll end with a keep taking those small steps with all of us together and we will all make progress in our healing/rebuilding together and build on each others help, take care.... NATS

Suzanne, We each have to do what is comfortable for us...I did go to my Dr. because I was/am having panic attacks and he prescribed a mild anxiety medication that helps with the attacks and scared feelings I get, I am very aware of the risks of dependence but I can not function with the panic and crying when I'm having an attack...they also help relax me as I always feel uptight and anxious, and hurry a lot now, but not sure why... I look at it this way, anythng we do to feel better or help us feel better is worth a try because we feel such pain and loss, so you'll have to decide...I will be praying you get the right direction... NATS

Lucia, I so happy for you, as far as crying when you think of Ben, when I cry after thinking about Ruth they are not all sad tears, some are happy tears for the time we had together, and remember God gave us the ability to cry for a reason it's healing, and if you loved your Ben as much as I loved my Ruth we are both going to be using that tool of crying for a long time and maybe even our lifetime so I just take it as it comes....I pray you have some more days like the ones in your post..... NATS

Thanks for all your support, after numerous calls and determination I think I have the insurance is straightend out, seems they made a mistake, duh, I had all supporting documents but could not get any response until I called the corp. office and filed a complaint...amazing how fast things moved after that....please take my advise if you are dealing with any important matters make copies and keep all original documents, and send all mail certified return receipt requested, it's nice to be able to tell the party you are dealing with the exact day they received it and who signed for it... NATS

Suzzane, My heart aches with you indeed...I will pray for you...first my wife left to be with God 2/14/10 and I know the pain you feel, please do not give up you have much to be thankful for from reading your post, my wife and I had just begain our life we had been living together for 4 years and married 6/17/09 before biopsy and they found her cancer, I regret not making her my wife sooner because she truley wanted it but never pushed, she was the happiest I've ever seen her on our wedding day, I had only 9 months with her as my wife before she left, we talked about the future and prayed for cure but knew what was happening as the "little demons" as she called them spread, she wanted me to go on and be happy I pretty sure your husband would also want that for you, keep comming here and maybe consider some local support groups,(they've helped me),I miss Ruth so much words cannot explain but we have to find a new life without our spouses and there is no time frame we have to meet, I'm sure all of us will never truely get over our losses but as time goes by and if we reflect on positive memories we shall heal, you have to put yourself first now and seek whatever gives you comfort in healing, I also have the TV problem but I find taking these things head on allows me to conquer and take some more steps towards living my new life without the most cherished thing I had my wife, but I know one thing, she may not be here but she will never leave my heart, and I will carry her with me everyday as I rebuild, I hope I have given you some positive things to reflect on and I will be praying for you and all the other people here, this is a great place keep comming back.... God Bless NATS