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Hello Jennifer, I feel your pain and sorrow and we all welcome you here, my wife Ruth joined God on 2/14/10 and It's approaching 6 months next week since she left, I know you feel like there is no hope for you to feel normal again that's expected...I also had to make the DNR and life support decision concerning Ruth she did not want to be on any method of life support so after they did all that could be done she was moved to ICU where she was kept warm in a cocoon like system and had oxygen, and pain meds., I was by her side as the Lord prepared her for her journey, I have relived that day many many times and can not get it out of my head except thru prayer and my faith as well as the happy memories, when I focus on those things I find comfort and I have made great progress, I also like BillW said have her with me daily, I feel her presence and hear her voice within my mind guiding me....first you must take care of yourself and put yourself first, be sure to eat and sleep when you can this process takes alot of energy... do try and get out some BillW is correct it helps...focus on the happy memories you had as no one or anything can ever take them from you and helps it will at first cause some tears but you will find it also helps....and most of important what I find works is prayer and asking God to take the sadness from within me....you have found a great forum with some really great people so visit often and we wii try and help.... May God Bless you and provide you some comfort.... NATS

Queeniemary, Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers, the Bible tells us to help others more than ourselves and speak the the word of God, I was lost many years but 12 years ago I ask God to come back in my life and help me overcome alcohol abuse in AA as a result I am a recovering addict and have not touched a drop since....It gives great pleasure in knowing my thoughts and faith have helped at least one person, that being said I know I'm doing what God wants and I'm completing parts of my mission here on earth one day at a time....I've been so blessed with Brenda comming into my life I truely beleive God brought us together, she lost her husband a year ago 8/1/09 and is playing a major roll in my healing, what's so ironic is she is my wife's niece and the first time she came to visit Ruth at the house last year after her husband passed a voice told me we would be together after Ruth left to be with God, I disregarded all thoughts of that and figured I was just thinking stupid things, now I know the connection sounds out of place but see Ruth was 9 years older than me so Brenda is my age, we just take our combined grief and turn into positive energy with Gods help and we both are learning to live again one day at a time....today is one week short of 6 months of Ruth joining God and each day I still miss her and cry often but I feel her presence ever so much and hear her voice guiding me, so I am indeed blessed and without my faith and beliefs in God I'm sure I would not be where I am today...... Praying for all grieving the loss of there loved one... NATS

Marion, You are so correct how do they survive? Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, the prayers will be returned for you that may God Bless and comfort you...I have seen my x-rays as they gave them to me on CD for my visit to the Moffitt Center, my friend Brenda and I viewed them last night on PC and the spot is small and we're praying it's nothing major also...take care and I will keep all posted... NATS

Thanks Karen, Your words of encouragement also help, today was better back to work but comming home I had to stop and sign release forms for my records to be transfered and again I felt scared and emotional, I just keep praying and giving thanks for all I have been blessed with and ask God to take control and let me ride his back for a little while...knowing how much God loves us eases the stress a ernormous amount, all we have to do is ask... NATS

PopPop, I know how you feel and also feel your pain and sorrow as my wife joined God on 2/14/10....I have just one thing that got me thru each day as I had no family or support group per say after my wife left and that was God and my faith along with happy memories, this forum has also provided me with many answers and insight to what others are going thru and helps me to share and read what others share, in fact this is better than group support for me...first right now always put yourself first doing what you want when you want, please eat and take care of yourself grief takes a lot of energy and you need food, also rest when you can, I find if I'm tired days are worse than if I'm rested, focus on happy memories and the fact nothing can ever take them from you, and if possible you have to release that anger, many people have suggestions I'm sure but I found out the best for me was screaming and punching a pillow, also writing about your anger helps...so for now I say we are here for you and take one day at a time....may God provide you some comfort... NATS

I'm not starting a new post as I am using this as my journal....Well today is a rough one for some reason the feeling of emptiness is so intense, maybe because I've been dealing with the attorney trying to get a status of her estate case ( very long story )...I also had to request the records from my most recent Dr.'s visit and copies of the x-rays in prep for my second opinion of the nodule they spotted on my lung...I'm scared and wish Ruth was here to hold me and talk it thru...my special friend Brenda has been a God send in supporting me and keeping me up but when she's away I'm lost at times...part of the problem may also be day off alone and my routine was broke today by no lunch with my son as normal...so going to get out of the house and do some shopping, pick up some take out and do some minor plumbing repairs at my friends house and have dinner afterwards, gotta keep a positive outlook and my faith in God, and I'm going to enjoy ever second of my life, somehow, someway everyday... ‎"The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live" Ayn Rand Author May God Bless Us All.... NATS

Hi Marion, We all handle our losses in many ways and I've learned there is no time table for "getting over" our loss as I do not think you can get over it I think we learn to "deal with" our losses and adapt without them but the emptiness, missing them, and being sad they are not with us will always be there....my salvation has been my faith, a few close friends and grief support, being with and around people going thru the same thing does indeed help, I miss Ruth everyday but I am dealing with it on my terms day by day as that's all any of us really has, as God can change our lives at the blink of an eye, so I try to do what she would want me to continue on, I pray all of us will find our own comfort level thru our memories of what we all had with our special loved one....in short stay positive and you will continue to heal and we are all in this club together so seeking and sharing here will also help....may God Bless Us All... NATS

Nick, I feel your sorrow many times over and am sorry for your loss, My wife went home to God on 2/14/10 so we are all a member of a club we did not choose to join....don't beat yourself up...if you had to sell and move to be near family you need to lean on them to help you...and since you did move you need to make your new home yours and carry those memories with you...I pray you find some comfort and can settle in.... NATS

Suzanne, Well I had many of the same feelings a few months back until I understood God does have a plan for all of us and being told I have an area of concern in my left lung which I'm having a second opinion on, both gave me a wake up call....I was actually praying God would take me but after being told this and the fact I don't think my plan is complete yet I now focus on things with a new outlook, I'm not ready to go home yet, I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to leave until I have completed my plan to the finest detail, sharing the word of God, being a disiple, and comforting anyone I can is how I proceed daily now...I also recently have found a Love that was unplanned and blindsided me, so I'm sure God is hard at work along with my wife Ruth encouraging every new challange...she wanted me happy after she was gone and I'm pretty sure I'd be safe in saying everyone else's loved one's would also want them happy as hard as it is without them...so with that being said we must focus on positive thoughts and energy to overcome this grief.... Alicia, you have your children you've been blessed with, mothers are a gift from God, enjoy them and cherish every moment you carried them for 9 months I think God's plan is you can raise those children to the highest standards, all while your husband provides guidance from heaven....I will be praying for you and all the other people grieving the loss of there spouse, praying God can provide some comfort and healing.... God Bless NATS

JCT, I am feeling your sorrow and loss with you, know that you are not alone, my wife joined the Lord on 2/14/10 after a 9 month battle with Lung cancer, I know you feel there will never be tomorrow and the pain is unbearable at times, but as time passes the healing will begin just take things one day at a time.... you ask a very valid question why would God do this and take these people, well the answer that best comforts me is he needs good angels to help carry out the ulimate plan he has for all of us, I know how you feel missing everything about our loved ones, but if we stay focused on our happy times and the thought we will be reunited in heaven when it is our time helps me heal.....oh and that hand squeeze just enforces my thoughts as my Ruth's heart beat a few more times after stopping when I kissed her and told her to save me a place in heaven and how much I loved her, that was her way of telling me she heard me and I get signs from her everyday, and some days I truely feel her in the room with me....keep the happy times in your focus as no one or nothing can every take that from you....and remember our loved ones would want us to move forward.... I'm Praying for all the grieving spouses everywhere..... NATS

That's a topic we do not touch on much but I'm glad we are...not for your issue I'm sad for you, but others and maybe one of us...as most know my wife joined God on 2/14/10, I've been healing well, I have a close friend and we are becomming very close, I just had a routine chest x-ray and they found a small nodule in my left lung lower lobe around seventh rib...Dr. says no concern as of now but going to recheck in Oct., well just having Ruth going thru a battle with lung cancer you can only imagine what's going thru my mind, "I may be dying" well it scares me now I've met someone so close, a few months ago it would have been OK, I was ready to be with Ruth, I still am but not yet, I feel God brought us together (this new person) for a reason and have this come up I am at a total shock...maybe it's just I'm selfish I really am confused and just wanted express what is on my mind about knowing your dying, it must be very sad knowing your going to leave your loved one I kinda feel that now, even though it's just "nothing to worry about"...I just pray for all the people who do know they are dying that they be as happy as they can be, have no pain, and feel the love of there family and spouses before they go.... May God Bless All NATS

Sunstreet, Praying you are doing well...I had decided if I faced a serious issue with my health I would just put it in God's hands no treatments, but after thinking about it would depend on the issue I can not imagine going thru that without your loved one...may God Bless you and provide comfort in healing.... NATS

" Fortunately, we have a great capacity for love. One thing I've come to realize in the past year is that there are no rules for grieving. We all do it differently". I agree with you completely I am seeing someone special and feel I could also be falling in love, people have questioned it since it's only been months but I have thought it thru and Ruth wanted this and the lady is someone we both knew so it's not like the whole dating from scratch as we both know each others backround....she also has lost her husband 11 months ago....she tells me the attraction in part is because she saw what a loving and caring person I was with Ruth and she has never known a man like that, I'm just letting God, Ruth and my heart lead me, as I know I do not want to be alone the rest of my life.... and I am in no way comparing the two as this is completely new and fresh....I still grieve and miss Ruth daily but it sure helps having some companionship... NATS

Sunstreet, We are all traveling this journey together, I have a little different outlook than most as I've decided that I will not let grief hold me hostage and using my loss to make me stronger....I miss my wife everyday since she joined God on 2/14/10 Valentines day of all days, and I cry almost everyday still but I am moving along at my own pace and with her blessing as she worried so much about what would happen to me after she was gone, we began our fight of Lung Cancer last June and had just 9 months afterwards to Love, Cherish and Complete our life as we both knew the eventual outcome, she had all the faith she would beat it and more than likely would have but her body could only take so much as it just kept spreading...we talked and shared all our thoughts and fears, but I promised her I would go on and I have never broken a promise to her and don't plan on starting, so maybe you can find some inspiration in my outlook as with God all things are possible, and with time, prayer and positive memories of our loved one we can move forward and continue the plan God has for us before we join them in heaven.... NATS

Granny14, Thanks for your thoughts, I'm sorry for your loss and feel your pain, we all will get thru this it's so hard at times to imagine, I focus on the happy times we had and remember the love we shared, I also remember how she taught me the true meaning of love having never been loved like that from anyone, I know it seems hard but with the help of God and everyone here I find strength, and I've found a special friend which helps, I still miss my wife but it is getting easier...I pray you will find some comfort in the days to come.... NATS

Marion, We all know the feeling of sorrow and pain you are feeling and are here to listen, I pray you will find some comfort somehow, we are on a long road ahead but with the help of God and everyone here we can make the trip, some may take longer, some may make faster but we will heal, we all must remember the Happy times God allowed us to have with our loved ones and focus on those thoughts as negative energy is not helpfull during this journey, put yourself first in all you do and do only what makes you feel comfort... May God Bless You during this journey and I pray for all of us everyday..... NATS

Sundays are rough for me as well Ruth joined the Lord on Sunday 2/14/2010 just before daybreak...I remember so vivid watching her pass into a painfull series of things in ER and then after I made choices and carried out her wishes to not be on life support, she was moved to ICU where I spent the last hours with her and watched her pass into the arms of God before my very eyes, she knew I was there but could not speak and after her last heartbeat I kissed her and told her I'd see her in heaven when God wanted, and to save me a place, her heart produced 2 more strong beats so I know she heard me, I said what I needed to say and told her I'd see her later as I never said gooodbye to her even when leaving for work, but as I focus on things and put my trust in God my life is changing yet again, and I'm just following my heart and God and living each day one at a time, and easy does it...and always praying for fellow friends here that we all may find comfort and answers.... NATS

OK, I've taken my rings off 2 weeks ago, Why because our marriage was "till death do us part", I now have them all together on Ruth's crucifix and neckless...I've been blessd by someone comming into my life so soon as it's only been a little over 4 months, I cannot explain how or why this has happened I just know it's so natural and feel she is a God send, one reason I have taken my ring off is respect for this new person in my life, she has also lost her husband 11 months ago so we have much in common....are we both still grieving? YES very much so, is it OK YES, we can share with each other our pain and we can offer comfort we both need so much, it started as simple as dinners on Monday evenings and over the past months we have became very good friends, what's crazy about this is I had a vision of us together when Ruth left us, I do not know how I knew I just did, she was visitng Ruth one day and it hit me but I just blew it off as I never even considered it...we both do not want to spend our lives alone and we have made a bucket list we are working on, life is way to short and we are going to live it to the fullest, while this situation is not for everyone and some may find it wrong, I just follow my heart and God's direction and see where it takes me, Ruth and I had many long conversations regarding me sharing all the Love and compassion I have with another woman and she wanted that, she did not want me unhappy and sad she cried many times and told me that was her only fear of leaving is what would happen to me, so maybe Ruth is playing a part in this from heaven, as we were talking about her yesterday and a strong wave of grief hit me almost as if Ruth was giving her approval because it was a happy wave not sad....anyway it's day by day and I just follow my heart...may God Bless you all and lead you in the right direction...Oh and the tough part of this situation is one of us will have to endure this grieving process again, we have already had that conversation.... NATS

Wendy, My heart feels your pain and loss my wife joined God on 2/14/10, my prayers are with you and I ask for comfort, I also understand the what if's, my wife had a long 9 month battle wih cancer and if she would not have taken the last chemo she might still be here but her quality of life had got past the point she wanted, when she could not walk on her own she told she was ready because she felt like she was a burden to me, Not So, I loved that lady so much I'd do anything for her but she is now at rest and I'm waiting for the day I join her, when God feels I've completed what my mission is I'll be ready, I have no fear, I know it's hard but you must focus on your well being these next few months, grief takes a lot out of you, make sure you eat and sleep as your body and mind allows, and as hard as it is try and remember the happy times you've had with your husband, negative thoughts are not healing and we heal with a little less pain focusing on positive energy...may God be with you during this most rough time.... NATS

Joe, May God be with you during this rough time and provide you comfort....my heart feels your pain and loss as my wife joined the Lord on 2/14/10...first welcome to a place you will find some comfort in sharing and reading our stories, we all know how you feel in one way or another as we have all lost as well...we all have to deal and heal in our own ways but concerning the woodworking you have to ask yourself how would she feel about you giving it up, God gave you a talent, you can still make one for her and maybe donate others to charity, helping others during this grieving helps us heal as well...I planted all Ruths flower beds this year just as she were here...I know it's hard to see thru all the fog but it will clear slowly, take care of yourself now, eat and sleep as you can as you'll need energy to help comfort you...know I'll pray for some comfort for you and visit often as we all are taking this journey together, and can learn much from each other.... God Bless NATS

Deb, I'm sorry for your loss and feel the pain and heartache you feel, my wife Ruth joined the Lord on 2/14/10 the day of Love, I am a recovering addict of several chemicals including alcohol which cost me my first marriage of 25 years, I wanted to take a drink so bad the day Ruth left but my promise to God, Ruth and my Children I could not break, I remain sober, I'm on anxiety meds but carefull with them as I know where they can lead...we all have a common bond here the loss of our loved ones and you will find great support here we all welcome you, I just wish we all didn't have to meet here but God has his way....some simple steps I can offer is take it day by day, take care of yourself and eat, I've lost 25lbs since Ruth left and just now starting to eat regular, it does get eaiser as the days go by, if you are a person of faith put your trust in God fully and you will find comfort, I still cry often and I'm spending alot of time with someone who lost her husband 11 months ago, it's good for both of us as we share stories about our spouses and we are building our own "new" relationship, people ask about guilt but I have none Ruth and I spoke about my life after she was gone as we knew from the start it was only a matter of time, so we loved each other like there was no tomorrow and she insisted I move on and share the Love I have to offer with someone special when the time came, so I have her blessing....I pray you will find comfort and the pain will ease for you, try and focus on the happy times you had that helps it'll make you cry at first but there is comfort...and remember this old saying "it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all"....and no one can ever take away the memories and feelings in your mind and heart..... May God Bless NATS

Rewind30, I can relate to your insurance issues I had my share as well, it's enought to deal with our loss then throw in a couple of everyday issues and now we are really feeling out of control and lost, my cell went out over the weekend and I had a panic attack thinking how would I recover all the contacts and phone numbers, but today, I went and got a replacement and they were able to transfer to new phone, I'll write them all down now...take your time when possible making those decisions and maybe consult with a friend or family member, I have some major decisions to make but I've been postponing until I can think straight about some, others I take head on and I find it makes me stronger....we all love to listen and share as it is an amazing healing tool, here we all can express ourselves and know the people truely understand what we feel in our minds and hearts, so take it day by day and easy does it and you will do fine and know you are in my prayers for comfort... NATS

Karen, So happy to hear I can help even a small amount it's God's way to help and it gives me comfort knowing I've helped someone, glad to hear your day went well, I worked and heard from my boys and stepdaughter, she was Ruth's daughter and taking the loss of her Mom very hard...she is just now starting to talk to me again via messaging so we have a start...I was off work today so I stayed busy today with a dentist appt., getting cell phone replaced and my friend Brenda came over for dinner I made some chicken quesadilla's with a side salad, we had a nice evening...I've had some sleeping issues also I hope we both get that under control we need our energy...I'm going to make it an early night as I'm very relaxed tonight, so take care and I pray you get some rest... NATS

Karen, Glad to hear you went to the gym, that should be a good outlet for you and allow you work off some stress....as far as the park Ruth and I used to walk also and I think the best way to heal oursleves is deal with things like that head on, kinda like getting back on the horse after falling off...in fact I'm going to walk the lake and trails we both used to walk, sure I'll cry and feel sad but you know what? I'll be stronger afterwards and it will allow me to feel I'm back in control...because as I've said before "I Refuse to be held hostage by grief"....your right about feeling normal again but we must learn to find a new "normal" feeling by ourselves, it will take time but it will happen as God wants it to... NATS

Redwind30, I feel your heart ache and pain as my wife joined the Lord on 2/14/10, I'm sorry for your loss....we here have felt all that you are feeling and will fill in the days to come, we welcome you here as part of our family, this site has been very helpful in my grieving process and adapting to life without our spouses or partners, you will find many caring people here so we can all help each other.... first thing you need to remember is you come first now, take care of yourself as this journey we are on takes alot of energy, eat and rest when you can or your body allows it, also remember our loved ones would be sad by seeing us sad so focus on Happy memories, and put your trust in God more than ever, I know it's hard but God needed him in heaven more than here so that's why he's gone, same with my Ruth when I focus on things such as that the pain eases...so my prayers are with you and visit often I think you will find some comfort.... God Bless NATS