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I am glad you are considering carefully monitoring your alcohol intake. Alcohol will only make you feel worse and truly is not needed at all when you are already sad. As for eating, another tool you can use in addition to Marty's wise advice ( if you are worried about gaining weight ) is to eat mindfully and the easiest way I know of to do that is to write down everything you eat. That gives you a moment to think before you eat and also provides you with information about what you are eating and where you can make changes. But frankly I agree with Marty that worrying about weight right now is only going to add to your anxiety. Consider changing what you eat as she suggested. You might ask yourself if food is something that is comforting you or helping you stuff feelings down or both. Perhaps write down your feelings so you are aware of them. Walking into our pain helps us to heal.

I responded to your other post and thought I would add that if you have a well trained bereavement counselor, that person will be able to deal with complicated grief. Check out the ADEC link I posted at your other post.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child, no matter the age, is so very difficult and I am glad you are reaching out for help. The Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) has a list of certified grief counselors. You can look at this link and see if there is one nearby. http://www.adec.org/source/FindAThanatologist/index2.cfm?section=Find_A_Thanatologist Another idea is to call your local Hospice centers and see if they can assist you in finding a counselor who is trained. Some Hospice centers have ongoing support groups as well as counseling. You are, of course, welcome to be a part of this circle of people here. We welcome you and will support. I hope you will return and reap the benefits of being here with us, sharing your story and your pain. Again, I am so very sorry.

http://www.wisdombridge.net/audiovideo-recordings.html Francis Weller, one of my favorite authors, recently was interviewed by Carolyn Baker on the Lifeboat Hour, on the Progressive Radio Network. He spent a good deal of time exploring the relationship of grief to a time of global crisis and how to keep the heart open in the face of overwhelming challenges. You can listen by clicking on the audio link above. Or you can follow the link to the PRN: http://prn.fm/category/archives/lifeboat-hour/

This looks good, Marty. If anyone lives in the NOW it is Tolle. In spite of all the tough stuff that is happening on planet earth, it is counterbalanced quite a bit with all the spirituality awareness and opportunities that are also available.

Thank you, Mary. Wouldn't it be fun to meet you and so many others. And yes, the reason that brought us all together will always linger in our hearts. As I type this the leaves on my beautiful maple tree are drifting to the earth reminding me of Bill's last autumn when I stood in my kitchen watching this happen reminding me of the losses he was experiencing each day. This circle has certainly made the journey through our grief easier for so many.

http://us2.campaign-archive1.com/?u=3ca907a9f101567d342c3f4ef&id=5570f98711&e=814cf4140d SEE SPEAKERS: http://www.eoluniversity.com/de-event Dr Karen Wyatt is offering FREE access to her entire archives of talks for a 4 day period. This is an incredible way to educate yourself about grief. The tracks are: To make it easier for you to find the interviews you want to hear, we've organized them into 6 different tracks - you can choose the topic that interests you most or "mix and match" them as you custom design your own learning experience! NOVEMBER 13-16 1. End-of-Life Planning 2. Caring for the Dying 3. Funeral and Burial Options 4. Grief and Caregiver Support 5. Afterlife Explorations 6. Death in Film and Theatre

All of us on this planet carry joy and grief. Some ignore it and some deal with it. Some are newly bereaved and some are not. We can reach out to each other as we walk our journeys and we can support each other and yet no one can walk in our shoes so the trip has an element of loneliness to it.

Reminder that the FREE series on trauma and the latest research on it starts Wednesday. See previous post.

Yes, Anne, George is a gentle and loving soul with great insight.

Actually, Rita, it does sound strong because in spite of all that pain, you get up each day and do what you must do; you come here and share and you stick with the journey. I call that strong.

About 5 months after Bill died (in 2010) a friend (who had just lost her mom and her brother 3 days apart) and I flew to New York for a session with George Anderson, medium of great reputation. It was a healing and comforting hour. George and his parents became aware of George's ability to communicate with those who died when George was just 6 years old. He has not done the circuit of TV shows or newspaper articles but he does have a some books out there and he sees a few people each week in NY. I knew when I was in his presence that I was with an honest, compassionate and real man who spends his life and energy helping those of us who have lost a beloved. One need not believe in mediums or communication with the dead to benefit from this post. This is his post on Facebook today. "George Anderson · “Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda You'll come a-waltzing Matilda, with me And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled: "You'll come a-waltzing Matilda, with me.” The things you remember as a child. I remember in grammar school being taught this song, which is considered Australia’s unofficial nation anthem, and having an apple-sized lump in my throat after learning how such a simple song captured an entire country’s sense of pride, perseverance and optimism. Legend has it that during a great strike in Australia, sheep shearers who would go from property to property in Australia’s great outback struck for a living wage, which quickly became violent. Land owners, furious at the thought of having to pay little more than slave wages, often employed police to keep the swagmen off their property, and shoot on sight anyone pilfering their herd. So they wandered the outback, often with their blanket roll--“Matilda”--as their only possession. Starving and with no prospects, the story goes that a swagman stole a sheep from a landowner’s property to boil and eat. He was caught by the land owner and the police, who hoped to make an example of him. But rather than give in and lose the last of his dignity, the swagman jumped to his death into a ravine. Legend contends that to this day, he still waltzes with his Matilda at the ravine to mock those who persecuted him. From a very young age, I was struck by how similar the legend is to those who are bereaved. After suffering the worst of indignities--the loss of a precious loved one, we seem to walk with no clear direction and no actual purpose through the dusty plains of our lives. It feels very often to most of us that even after the worst has befallen us, the indignities seem to continue piling on--friends disappear, family members become frustrated with our inability to “get over it,” and the world seems uninterested in the fact that we believe we are walking mostly alone through some of the worst times in our lives. Whether by design for sheer will, however, we learn that at no point were we ever walking alone. We have so many who have gone before us who are trying to nudge us back to the path of understanding. Whether we realize it or not, we have more help than we need, more hands on our heart, and more minds driven to helping us find peace. The souls have told me in thousands of sessions that nobody who walks on the earth walks alone, and that no matter how lonely we feel the journey is, they have been with us at every step. It only takes our ability to realize that the souls continue to care for us, and the resolve to allow them to help us to help ourselves find our footing so that we can continue the path on the earth that will most certainly lead back to them in a world of peace. In a way, those we love who have gone before us become our blanket roll--our “Matilda”--to see us through the tough times, the indignities and the fall from everything we thought was stable in our lives. Pride, perseverance and hope are so universal that legends like the swagman of the Australian outback continue to fascinate us. Maybe because these things are not only so needed in our lives, but because the world is potentially a dark and terrible place without them. The souls have never left us, but in a big way, it is really up to us to take the first leap of faith and start living after loss like we can actually do it. We were never alone, and we never will be. We may have to walk on--we may even have to fight on--in order to continue after loss, but one day the payoff will be spectacular. One fine day you will open your eyes, see the shining face of the one who you struggled so hard to find again, and hear the words it took a lifetime to hear, “It’s time to come waltzing with me.” If for no other reason, continue walking, continue persevering and continue fighting until that fine day."

Dear Rita, I am so sorry about the pain you experience/d when the wildlife man asked about your husband. I have had that happen over the four years since Bill died and each one is like an arrow piercing my broken heart. For me it is bittersweet because it always feels good to know people remember Bill and what a great, gentle soul he was/is and that, of course, also causes the pain. Occasionally a phone call would come from someone who did not know he died or a bill would come in the mail with his name on it. I still get mail addressed to him once in a while but now I can smile more through just a few tears when I see his name or someone asks. It does get better with work and time.

Dear sharirouse, First I wish you a happy 21st birthday. I know this is a big one for people. I also hope you will keep in mind when getting "tipsy" means taking in alcohol which is a depressant. It won't make you feel better. I am not one to be opposed to alcohol but mixing grief and alcohol is not such a great idea. Maybe put a lid on it after your second drink. Just a thought!! Celebrate your life and know you Dad is celebrating your life also...smiling down on you.

This is so powerful, Anne. Thank you.

A ride in autumn is a gift. The salad and roasted chicken is also. I was going to do a drive today but got way laid by an unexpected visitor and now it is gray and cloudy. Ah, well. Enjoy your book and meal. Mary

fae and Kay, you both sound like a restful Sunday is in order today. I hope you diddle away the day. Kay, those trips with your sister do sound exhausting and I respect your choice to do them and know they mean a lot to you also. I hope your day is free to spend resting ....fae also.

I really like this...a new twist or way of seeing. Bill got his wish...to spend the rest of his life with me...as did all of our beloveds who died before we do.

What a lovely day, sun and all. I am sure you missed Larry and his absence created some of the bittersweet. So glad you are celebrating the day. They look like a wonderful couple and one surrounded by water and sky....Congratulations to you.

It sounds like you are coming to a place of acceptance and learning how to live with this situation. She is in such pain and one no one can really understand who has not been there. It is good you are taking care of yourself and seeing your own changes. Peace.

I am so sorry that you were left with unanswered questions and it is quite normal that they would roam through your mind at this point. It surely does not sound like he would have survived even if someone had been there and called for help but of course, you and your mom wonder about that also. I can't remember if you were referred to information about children and grief but here is one from Marty's blog and it has many links at the bottom to more articles. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/07/explaining-death-to-children.html I do understand hating that he is gone. I hate that my husband is gone also and so many here have similar feelings about their beloveds. It is indeed hard...very hard. One of the hardest journeys you will make...loss and death and the shock of its suddenness does not make it any easier. One day at a time, Karen.

I am so very sorry for your loss. You have found a safe and helpful circle of people who will support you in this journey through grief. You said: "Now, I am totally lost. I do not even know how to console my mom. I have all this thought in my head and I do not know what to do with it. I cry all of a sudden and be normal at times. Most of my friends here are not from the same nationality that I have....I talked to them at times but there is an urge for me to isolate myself (I do not know if this is normal or this is the right way to do?)....some of them wanted to talked to me over the phone but I do not have the guts to talked to them over the phone because I know that I will broke down...I had done it twice and I was crying all over....to some friends, I was just talking to them via Whatsapp....now I will be having my duty this coming Sunday and honestly I dread meeting a lot of people....." I want to assure you that the great consolation you can give to your mom is to listen with compassion and invite her to talk about her feelings. You can do the same for yourself...share your pain and feelings with her and share them here. Your mother can also become a member. There are many of us here who have lost our husbands/wives/partners/ Your friends most likely just do not know what to say to you just as you do not know what to say to your mom. I hope you can summon up the courage to talk and cry with them when it feels right to do so. We seem to get very squeamish about shedding tears in front of others. This is a journey each of you will take (you and your mom ) together at times and apart at other times. She lost her husband and you lost your dad and so there is much sharing that can be done but because the relationships are different some of the pain just can not be understood by other people. Everything you said in your post is normal behavior following a loss. Here is a link to one of Marty's articles that will lend some understanding. http://www.griefhealing.com/column-understanding-the-grief-process.htm I also urge you to go to various topics here and learn more about grief. Do return and share your journey with those here. You will receive much support.