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I can't say I have had the feelings to the extent that you have, but I have felt the pressure and iratation of having to do things, when I want to do something else. The biggest area noticeable to me has been the lack of patience specially when it comes to my son. Even my family has noticed the lack of patience. I think with the death so recent for both of us that things get blown out of porportion very easily. I have had anexity over the things I have to do myself now instead of having someone help with it to the point I have given my self chest pains. What I can say is be sure to make some time to spend with your self, even if it is only 5 minutes a day at first. I started doing that about a week ago and it has helped a lot. Find something to do during that time like write or anything else that you enjoy. As time goes on start increasing the time for yourself. For the first 2 and a half months I was doing everything but spend time for myself and that is where a lot of the iratation came from. Hope this helps God Bless Derek

Karen and I knew each other for 12 years and were married for 11. I know what you mean when you say you don't ever know if you will be happy again. At six days for me I wasn't eating very much and very deep in depression. I still have depression but it is a little less painful than it was at 6 days. Just keep hanging in there it will get better. When I heard that at 6 days I didn't believe it, I thought how will I ever feel better there is no way. I can tell you now that I do feel better, I am eating more and sleeping more. Keep in touch and keep posting there are a lot of people here that truly understand. God Bless Derek

STOO, I lost me spouse 3 months ago today and the pain is still so very real. When you have no one to talk to come here, everyone here has had similar feelings and situations. Because of the work I am in, I to have to hide my feelings, and it is very difficult but as time goes on life gets a little easier. When I look back to April when Karen died and compare to where I am today I see a big improvement. There will always be someone here that will respond to your posts. I am also sorry for your loss, I wouldn't wish a death of a loved one on my worst enemy. I wish you had someone to share with one on one, but this site is the next best thing. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless Derek

Walt, thank you for sharing that with us, I have a CD similar to yours that one day I will post. Your had a beautiful wife and have a beatuiful family. I know how much you miss her. God bless you Derek

I lost my wife 3 months ago, it is a little less painful, but I wouldn't say it is easier. I am in the same boat as you, I keep my self so busy so that I won't have to think about it. I have to take medication in order to sleep. I did find out from a support group I started going to that this is normal in fact they said if you get more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep during the first 6 to 9 months, consider yourself lucky. I have heard so many times that the first year is the hardest. Keep hanging in there and keep posting and reading on this site there are so many here that are going thru and have gone thru what you are going thru now. God Bless Derek

It has been 11 weeks now and I have been working on the house to get things fixed that have needed it for a long time. Yesterday Carson (Who is 7)wanted me to play a game on the Playststion with me. I told him that I needed to keep working on the fence that I am replacing. He broke my heart when he said "you never want to spend time with me". I know that I am avoiding things by keeping busy, I never stop until bedtime. I know that I am doing this and I need to take some time out, but at the same time I am afraid to stop. I am still running on denial, I don't want to believe Karen is gone and won't return. Everywhere I look there is Karen, in fact I couldn't find where I put her cell phone the other night so I called it from my home phone and it picked up and it was her voice saying her name for the message, talk about throwing me for a loop. Who else has experienced this and how long did it go on? Derek

I heven't lost my Mom, but lost my wife recently, and to read your post brings hope to me that one day I will be able to find the blessings I have around me.

Ally, Unfortunately people who haven't experienced a loss of a child or spouse don't understand the amount of grief associated with it. Each of us experience grief in oyr own ways and in our own time. I just lost my wife 11 weeks ago, she was 45, so I can't tell you how long I will be experiencing this. I do know when I lost my grandmother (Who lived with us all of my life)when I was 17 (I am now 36) I grieved for a very long time. In fact, I still have problems around Christmas time and it is 19 years later. I wish there was a magic answer or soloution to this, unfortunately there isn't. You came to the right place tho to find the answers. There are plenty of caring people here that can and will help. I have yet to see any negative remarks on this site to what someone posts. God Bless Derek

Good to hear from you John, are you doing better this week? Derek

I agree with shell, I lost my wife almost 11 weeks ago suddenly to a heart attack, she was only 45. Taking medications to help you function after a loss is not a sign of weakness. I have a 7 year old and 2 dogs that depend on me to take care of them. I knew shortly after Karen died that I was going to need anti-depressants, other wise my thought would get the better of me. I still get depressed, only not as bad as the begining, and the way I look at it, it isn't a permanent solution, after awhile I will be able to stop taking them. I will keep you in my prayers Derek

The medical bills I have left are from when Karen died, so I will have to look into what my liabilities are once insurance pays their part.

Yes Patti, I did read your post, that had to be the most worderful feeling and feeling of closure. This has given me that feeling of closure.

Tori, when reading your last post it reminded me of all the things I used to do for Karen, I tried to make sure she had nothing to worry about and I spoiled her rotten. We were only marriede for 11 years when she passed away, and even though we are up to are eyeballs in dept, I know that she knew how much I loved her because I showed her by my actions everyday. I now find myself with a lot of time on my hands because I only have myself and a 7 year old son to take care of and he doesn't need as much. But that is fine, I know I gave her a life she deserved as your husband did for you. Hang in there, you are doing great. God Bless you Derek

I agree, my grief is still raw at 10 weeks, but this gives me hope that I too will find happyness again, Karen will always be a part of me, I know she wants me to be happy. Your name being Karen also I thin is more than just coinsedence, it is almost like it is a message from my wife saying "move on be happy, because I am in a better place and will be here waiting when the job God has for you in this life is over." Thank you Turquoise, for your wonderful post. God Bless Derek

Can't Tell, I agree mostly with KayC, The kids in Iraq don't need to know, that will put their lives in danger, but I do think that the military allows extended leaves of absance for cases like this, I just don't know how long. I can check with my brother who served in the Coast Guard for 22 years if you would like. Personally, I would talk with your husband, you two are married you became one. He is someone that you can tell your intermost secrets to. Your husband knows your children as well as you do and can make a descision together on how and when to tell your children. We all can give advice on this site, but it is all based on limited information, we don't know your family like you and your husband do. This way it won't be a descision you have to make youself, there will be too many of those in the times to come. Your husband will probably want to spend more time with you, and do things with you that he might not have before, but give him that, if I had known that Karen was going to die this year, I would have spent time with her a lot differently, just to soak it all in as much as I could, I would have spent the morning that morning to give her a big hug and a kiss that really says I love you instead of rushing to make sure we had everything for the trip we were going on that day and just giving her a peck on the lips and a small hug. Let him cherrish everyday that you two have left together. I envy you in a way, you will get to see loved ones that have passed before you in a very short time. I came across my wife's voice message on her phone last night and wish that I could hold her and hear more of her voice. You will get to see her before I will, and because you have crossed my path, I believe that when you get to heaven you will know who she is and she will know you. Like Kayc said, there is no right or wrong way to do this, just like raising kids, no one has written a book for this, we can only give from our experience and what would have made things easier for us being the ones left behind. I know you will make the right descision based on your situation, pray to God, He is there for you and will guide you in the direction you should go. God bless you and your family, and I will keep you in my prayers. Please keep in touch on this site, and be sure at some time or another let your husband know about this site, it will help him in the times to come. Derek

Tori, I lost my wife suddenly to a heart attack 10 weeks ago, she was only 45, so it was very unexpected. I wish I could cry the way you are now. I know I will feel better afterwards, but I just can't bear it. Family will understand this, I am sure they have been crying also. I can't imagen the pain after all those years, you were married for longer than me or my wife, but I do know that we both havev to go through the same process to get better. I think you are a few steps ahead of me on that one, you are able to let it out and letting it out is what will get you through this. I hope that soon I will be able to cry as you have been. You will be in my prayers Derek

WOW!!! What an experance. It made chills run down my back.

Kay, that is just as good as mine, that is funny, I have a few of those medical bills myself that I am waiting for insurance to pay and of course they are taking their time since the insurance is no longer active because Karen carried the health insurance.

I was running an errand and had Carson with me that took me by the cemetary and I decided to stop because I knew they had a temporary marker there until the actual marker came in. To my surprise, the marked that I had order had come in and was there. As I write this, I can't help but think that is was all planned for that to happen and me see it on a Thursday. I didn't expect it to be here until August. Today has been a good day, I had my initial meeting with the WARM Place and even Carson seems excited to start going, and then to see this even though it seems strange to see Karen's and my names on the marker, there is some closuer there. I wish I could have stayed a little longer but Carson was ready to go, so I will have to go back sometime by myself. But I still feel the loss, this has made it seem a little more real and not so much a dream. Derek

I am dealing with that myself when it comes to bill collectors, againg because of the loss of the income. Some of them were Karen's names only so they turned it over to a lawer who wants to know about her estate, my answer is what estate? I am living in it. Anyway J.C.Penney sent Karen a form saying you get 3 months of life insurance if you sign up today I sent the form back in the mail asking if they would go ahead and pay since she has passed away.

Veeshubby, First of all I am so sorry that you are going through this. My wife died on April 6 of this year while we were on vacation. I have a 7 year old son. I know exactly how you feel right now and belive me I am still there. Today marks 10 weeks for me so usually Thursday's are not good days. Right now, you won't know what you need, I still don't sometimes, what I do know, is there are a lot of people on this site that will help you. If you like to read there are a lot of books around that can help. One that I have liked the best so far is "I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can" when I started reading that book, I saw so much of what I am going through and the thoughts that were running through my mind that I now know I am not the only one out there. If you ever want to talk, come here. If you don't want to have everyone read, you can also send a private message to anyone on this site or you can also use my personnel e-mail address which is listed on my profile. Just double click my name and you will see it. My blackberry is attached to my e-mail and it will go off when someone sends an e-mail and it is always on me. Keep us posted on how things are going, and read the posts, there is a lot of information that will help to get through this. My heart goes out to you and your daughter, if it wasn't for my son, I don't know how I would go on. God bless Derek

Vero, I know exactly where you are in this, my wife died almost 10 weeks ago, so I am in the exact same place. I wish I could answer when this will stop, but I can't. I can tell you that you are doing the right thing to start feeling better and that is posting on this site. People have helped me so much here. I too want to just sleep and sleep, but I have a 7 year old son that I have to take care of by myself now, so that is how I keep moving on. I can suggest some reading of books, there are a lot of them out there. One that I like is "Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul". Hang in there I am sure it will get better, like you though, I wish it would hurry up. God Blass Derek

Hi Walt, I know what you mean and it has only been 9 weeks for me, when it comes to stuff coming in the mail addressed to Karen. So with it being painful after only 9 weeks I can only imagen the frustration you feel after 14 months. I would suggest finding a contact phone number and talk with them directly, if there isn't a number in the mailing, then look them up on the web, you can almost always find a number on companies web sites. I have actually had fun griping out a person on the phone, it is kind of like the release of a steam valve. I hope this will help Derek

Thank you all for your wonderful replies, I had some realizations this weekend. It started with a friend of a friend's son talking with us Friday night about relationships. He is 22 and has had a girlfriend for 19 months. So in talking about mine and Karen's relationship into the wee hours of the morning when I went to bed I got to thinking about our relationship and the thought came to mind that even though we didn't have a perfect marriage, it was ideal in that it did end in "Death do us part" not many can say that these days. I also realized for the first time that I am runinng myself into the ground constantly working on the house, so that I don't have to face Karen's death, so I think Wednesday was the first part of my body finally saying enough is enough. I did some work on the house Sat and Sun, but ir wasn't a whole day thing. I also realized that in running away from dealing with the grief, I was also avoiding Carson. I have to realize that family comes first, everything else is replacable, Carson isn't. I still don't have full acceptance that Karen is gone, but I think I am a little closer God Bless Derek

Can't Tell I re-read your post this morning and it brought up some other things. You say you will not be remembered but by a select few and you haven't given much to the community. I disagree, as you stated, you helped raise the neighborhood kids, you were a stay at home mom your kids and the neighborhood kids will remember that, you gave to the community by being there for them. My wife wanted so much to be a stay at home mom, but we just couldn't afford to. And now with Karen gone that reailty will never happen. But with you those kids were taught values that the school system can't teach. Those kids will tell their kids about you some day. You don't see it right now, but every kid your life touched will be a different and better person because you were there. So don't short change yourself, in my opinion you have the best job someone could ever have and that is being home to raise your children. I wish I could be there right now and give you a great big hug in thanks for what you have given the world. God Bless Derek