dpodesta

Sorry, It has been a lone time since I have read Spanish. I like the signature, how true it is. I have found also that posting here gets me out of myself, to hear of so many that are going through what I am going through is comforting. I am not as alone as I think I am sometimes. My heart goes out to every one on this site, none of us should have had this happen to us. I just hope that I am making a difference in someone's life, to help someone who is fresh in this process get through it and live a happy life. I know that one day I will be happy again. I know that God has a plan for me. I wish I knew what it was. There is just so much going on that somedays I don't know which way is up. Like you, when I reply to a post it lifts some of the weight off of my shoulders, even if it is just for a little while any relief is welcomed.

Thank you Gaby, you see right through me. At work you have to work and not show what is really going on with you and it just wears you down. By the end of the day you are so exshated, that you can no longer put up that shield and the emotions hit you like a ton of bricks. I have a question I have been meaning to ask, What is the saying on the bottom of your posts. I speak a little Spanish and recognize "In Jesus Name" But what is the first part?

I hear all the time on here people talking about waking up in the morning being an emotional wreck. Whai I have found lately is about mid-afternoon I start feeling weird and by the time I leave work, I am completely depressed. I am tired of feeling this way. I am sure some of it has to do with the loneliness. I am on this computer everynight from the time I put Carson to bed until I get tired around midnight. I have some friends that I talk to through instand messagening, but that doesn't replace the face to face contact. I dread being home. I get irritable with the drop of a hat, and it isn't fair to Carson. I get sarcastic with him and I don't mean to but it just comes out and I don't know how to change it. I look forward to life during the day, but at night I just wish that God would come and take me home to be with Karen. I would give anything just to be with her again. Her birthday is coming up on the 28th of this month so I am sure that has a lot to do with it also. I just want this nightmare to end.

Hi Marie, Your reactions are perfectly normal, we all go through things like this with our loved ones (Pets included). It will take time, please be sure to visit this site often and read the other posts from people who have lost pets, you will find that you are not alnoe. I am sad to hear of your loss, and I pray that God will give you peace.

Kay, After I read your post, I had to go and think and pray about what to say. Your are right I don't know what you are going through, I didn't have to go through it. First of all, you can yell at George, yell at him all you want wheather it is in your house or where ever his ashes are, just let it all out. You can forgive him, in fact in time you will be able to, it will help you to let go of the feelings you are feeling right now when you can forgive him. Maybe take some of his ashes and throw them somewhere as a symbol of throwing him out of the house if that helps. It will take time, but you will be able to forgive him someday, it is then that you will be able to let this go. Don't hold on for it too long, it will be detramental to your healing. Kay I really feel for you and wish I could give you a hug right now, her writting to you and telling you this shouldn't have happened, she should have just let it go. Lord, help Kay right now, she is really hurting and needs your love and compassion. Please help her to get to the point of forgiving George for his errors. We know that to forgive someone who has sinned against us is to be closer to you. As the Bible says to forgive your brother 7 times 77. Please help Kay and carry her right now and allow her to feel your preasence. Give her the hug that I am unable to give due to our distance apart. God I just pray that Kay will get through this pain quickly and will resume her recovery in this journey of grief. Thrrough Jesus name I pray. Amen Kay I love you and hope that this helps in some way.

Lori, My prayers are with you. Lord, be with Lori and Spanky right now. Guide the vet who is taking care of Spanky and give him the wisdom to cure him. Be with Lori as she is waiting to find out some results, give her the peace that only you can give at these times. Let her know that everything will be okay. Also be with her as she is missing her mother right now, she feels alone and needs someone to talk to. Place the right person in her life to help her and be there when she needs to talk. It is in Jesus name I pray. Amen

Wow Kelly, That gave me goose bumps when I read it, I could also see it in my mind. What an awesome experience.

I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend He referred to the dates on her tombstone From the beginning to the end He noted that first came her date of her birth And spoke the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved her Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not how much we own; The cars, the house, the cash, What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard. Are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left, That can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough To consider what's true and real And always try to understand The way other people feel. And be less quick to anger, And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile Remembering that this special dash Might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy is being read With your life's actions to rehash Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent your dash? © 1996 All Rights Reserved, Linda Ellis, The Dash Web site

I don't know about one for parents but there is one that is helping me a lot and that is "I'm greiving as fast as I can" This book goes into a lot of aspects of grief. It does not refer to them as stages. I have seen so much of what I am going through in this book. I think it is geared more to the loos of a spouse, but there is a lot of good material that is applicable no matter who you have lost.

Thank you Walt, I needed that, I laughed when I read your post. Derek

Confussed Love, KayC has hit the nail on the head, I don't care what anyone says, each and every person handel grief in the own unique way. If you have found someone that is willing to let you cry and not run away when you do, he is a treasure. No one can say what is right or wrong. Sometime I wish they would keep their opinions to their selves. Just try to listen to the positives and let the negatives go in one ear and out the other. The only thing that matters is what you think about yourself, it doesn't matter what other poeple think, it can bother them as much as they like, but you can ignore what other people think. I know this can be hard at times, but just forgive them because they really don't know. I am glad you have found this person and he is helping you. God bless you.

I was raised Catholic, and am now Baptist. I truly believe that we will see our loved ones again but only if we have trusted Jesus and have accepted him in our lives and believe that he died for our sins. Romans talks about this in several places. In one of the books in the bible it also talks about the fact that we will know each other when we see them in Heaven. My wife had 2 miscarriages and our preacher told us that when we get to Heaven we will know them and they will know us. After Karen died I remember thinking that Karen is now in Heaven with our 2 children and that she finally got to be with them, it was so comforting. I don't know all of the answers, but I can try to answer what I have learned I hope this has helped. As far as some people moving on easier than others, I wish I knew. I wonder sometimes tho if someone gets over it really quick are they truly over it our are they just covering it up? That is something to look at. Hope all goes well.

Kathy, I agree to what everyone has said, find a doctor that specializes in grief. I am in the middle of looking for one myself. Unfortunately not everyone understands the grief process and how long it can take. I know it is hard to change doctors when you have been with one for a long time, they know your history and it makes it easier than having to go over it all with a new doctor, nut right now you need someone who understands and isn't negative. You have come a long way in your recovery and the things you are doing I am sure are helping, don't let peoples negativity slow you down.

Chrissy, I got your post on my Blackberry and my heart went out to you, unfortunately I can't respond to posts on it. I so much wanted to reach out and give you a hug and let you know I was praying for you. I am glad your are feeling better tonight, it is amazing how everyone on this site pulls together when one of us are having a bad day. Have a great night and here is a big hug for you Derek

I to still wear my wedding band and I wear Karens around my neck. My boss once told me that if I am still wearing my band after a year, then I need help. He comes from a divorce and got rid of his soon after and he tries to relate a death of a marriage to actuall death. There might be a few comparisons, but it is a totally different experience. I have learned to watch what I say around him and let a lot of what he says go in one ear and out the other. People just don't understand until they have lost a spouse. Even people that have lost their parents don't fully understand what you go through. Your parents are supposed to die before you that is the natural circle of life, your spouse is supposed to grow old with you and be together with you for many, many years not after just 11 years and being 45 with a 7 year old son. Larrysgirl, I know exactly how you feel, Karen was my life she is what I lived for, who I planned to spend the rest of my life with. Now it is like there is nothing there. I went through a phase a while back thinking what I was going to do when Carson moved out, how was I going to keep living in this house by myself. It scared the crap out of me and drove me nuts. I finally had to start just looking at today, if I just look at today everything else works out. This has been the longest time I have ever been away from Karen. Whenever I would go on business trips I would call her several times throughout the day and then we would talk on the phone for hours. Sometimes we would not be saying much but there was something about her being on the other end that just made it all better. I loved the trips, at the same time I hated them because I would be away from her. I miss her terribly and still wonder if this is still just a very bad dream that I will wake up from. I have stared to realize that this isn't a dream and that I am not going to wake up and everything will be like it was. August 6th was 4 months for me and I have been reading so many posts here on this site and have come to accept that the pain will always be there, I will never get entirely over this and if people can't understand it then that is their problem, and I am at the point to just say "look you haven't been through this and until you have you won't understand, just let me handel it the way I am handleing it" Lord, I place all of in your hands, give us the peace to know that you have a plan for our lives. In going through this we are going to gain strength and will be closer to you and your will. Give us the understanding that people don't always say the right things and help us to forgive them when they do. Just place your arms around us and place the right people in our lives. Through Jesus name I pray.Amen

Oh, how I wish we could take a siesta from it all. I to like you like to talk about the death of my wife, it is how I work through things. I have a few I can talk to every now and then but it is starting to feel strange like I am hanging on. I have found here that I don't have to worry about it. I can talk about it as long as I want to and there is always someone new who hasn't heard my story. I went back to work 1 week after Karen passed away due to I wanted to save my vacation time because I won't get more until the begining of Feb. It was very hard to concentrate and get things done. In fact I am trying to catch up with things at home in order to get it all done. Friday I will have DSL instaed of dial up to help that process so I can log into my computer at work and do some it at home after Carson goes to bed. It is worth it so I don't have to stay late and my manager will help me out with vacation time. Lucky for me work has been very understanding, I didn't get much of anything done the first 2 months and was almost always late to work. Like you, the bills still have to be paid, if I had it my way I would stay at home and just raise Carson, but that will never happen unless I win the lottery (Yeah right).

Jenn, First of all welcome to this site, I wish we could all meet here under different circumstances. I heard the other day someone was talking about how everyone says they are sorry to here of your loss, but they change it to I am sad for your loss, I kinda of like it so I am going to start here. I know it is difficult raising a child by yourself when you thought you would have both of you to raise him. It is very overwhelming, I have learned to only look at today, because if you think about the next 18 or so years I can't do it. I too am working a full time job and trying to find time to do everything, I have learned from others that make sure you do the iomportant stuff. 1. Take care of yourself 2. Spend quaility time with your children everything else will work itself out. If driving to work is the only time you have where you can cry and grieve, then that is enough, if you think you need more, take some time after you put your little one to bed. I am finding that this is the time that I have that works the best for me. I heard awhile back someone say if you get more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep the first 9 months then you are lucky. I am finding that to be true and I am only in the 4th month. I usually go to bed around midnight and get up at 5:30. Don't worry about the house work several people have told me that it is ok to have a messy house, you have only yourself where there was two of you before. You are doing fine and everything will be ok. Just trust in God and everything will happen the way it is supposed to happen. Hope to hear more from you in the days and months ahead. Here is a big hug for you.

Roswell, Thank you, we will meet some day weather it be here on Earth or in heaven. I got some good news today, for the time being Carson may not have to haave surgery, it is now just a waiting game and see how the medication does and a follow up in 6 months. There still may be a chance, but it will be awhile from now. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers you are all a blessing to me.

Ali, I don't know how long you have known her, but if she won't take action for herself, maybe just set up an appointment and then tell her that the appointment is made and you would really like for her to go with you. If she declines, then I suggest you keep the appointment for your self. THe counselor should be able to give you some suggestions on getting her there. If not at least you will be getting some help for yourself. As far as taking a vacation from grief, I believe you can do that. By going out of the country, you were out of familiar surroundings and there weren't the remindars of that person, but as sone as you get home, then there are those remindars again. Hope this helps, and keep coming back, see if she might be interesated in coming here, I know it has helped me tremendously.

If it wasn't for my son Carson, I don't believe I would be here today. I had many thoughts about sucide, but each and every time I would think about Carson and how it would affect him if he were to lose both of us and it was just heartbreaking. I just want to say to those who have been afraid to post what they are thinking, remember, we don't know who you are and most of the time there is someone else here that is feeling or experiencing the exact same thing. We don't judge on this site, so please feel free to post anything you might be going through, you never know, someone will read your post and will be helped by it.

I agree, it is hard to be mad at someone whose life was cut short, Karen should have been here for at least 20 more years or so, I should have been able to celebrate our 25th anversary together, and now that isn't going to happen. There are so many things to grief that we will never know every aspect and it helps so much when we do hear that it is normal and that we aren't the only one feeling or acting the way we are.

Kathy D, I have been doing the exact same thing, I will look at a pivcture of Karen and star to feel some emotion and then push it away. I am actually glad that you posted this, because I was wondering if I was the only one doing it. I haven't really seen anywhere else that someone was going through this. I do know, that as time goes on we will seem to be getting a lot better and then something will come up and it seems like we are back at month 1. I just got through the graduation of Karen's neice from Texas A & M and the days leading up to it were very painful and the emotions were out of this world (Not in a good way)it seemed like I had taken a lot of steps backwards. That has happened to me before, and I know that it will happen again. It is all normal as we go through this.

Kelly, You are on your way to healing! From what I have heard since Karen died is that anger is part of the healing process. For the longest time I though, what do you mean? How in the world could I be mad at Karen. Since that time in dealing with Carson's school, doctor appointments, etc... I have become fustrated and even mad sometimes. It is okay to be angry at the person who died, as time goes on you will feel the time is right to truly forgive Josh. Right now be angry and get it out of your system. I hope all goes well.

avsqr_dancer, I will be in prayer for you both. I hope all goes well with the interview, just remember to ask for God's will and if this is the place he needs you to be in order for him to work through you. I will be in College Station tomorrow for Karen'sa neice's graduation, so I will not be able to post any replies until Saturday night, but my Blackberry is linked to my e-mail and I will be able to see what is posted, so if anything happens that needs a special prayer post it here or send me a personel message and I will pray for you when I get it. Again good luck and God be with you.

Wow John, Thank you so much. That means a lot to me coming from you. You were there for me during those first few very dark months. You have been through so much this past year and even tho I have only know you for a couple of months it feels like I have known you for so much longer. It is good to see you back to posting again. I hope all is going well for you.