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You're very welcome Anne Even though i'm not here much i do think about you all often and hope you are all find some sort of peace each day and night. Kay-i absolutely agree with you about people not understanding the level of grief we have though all different still extremely deep. Hugs to all who need and would like one

Anne Thank you so much for the hug and cute puppy picture. They made me smile

No my parents are not "huggers". I wish you were too Kay. I've been like this since i woke up. I can't stop crying and see no hope anymore

There is just no point anymore. I lost a client due to how much i'd need to charge to travel. All i did was comment on pictures on google+ and their girlfriend got mad. No one wants to know me or be around me. Marcus used to say i was such an amazing and special person. Why then is there no one? No one even likes me anymore???

I'm stuck and i'm alone. Everything is hitting me at once and i have no one. No one to talk to-no one to see. I miss hugs. I never thought i would, but i do. I want someone to hold me, let me talk about MM and cry. I can bearly see the key board and i'm shaking. I'm stuck and so scared. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm notstrong enough. I want to be with you Marcus! I have no purposenothing no one

I spoke words like these just minutes ago standing in the kitchen. Wish i had some helpful words, but i am not able to comprehend that My Marcus is gone yet. Don't know if it helps-really truly hope it doesn't hurt to know someone else is down at the base of their existance as well :( i try 15min at a time with the help of tv at times. Hang in there.

Anne I hope you are ok. Just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you and sending you possitive happy thoughts Love, Kristen

Wow! I am so happy for you Mark! What an awesome experience and you must have felt like you were on cloud nine i totally agree with Marty-sounds like a visitation. Awwww i'm really happy for you

Shannon, I am so so very sorry about Your Leo :( words can not express.... I will light a candle for you both-that you stay connected in spirit. You know he's with you. Nothing anyone can say will make not having him here better, but you are loved. I'm sorry :(

Dear Shannon, I am so sorry that Your Leo is no longer with you. I don't knoe exactly how YOU feel, but i do know the pain of being without the love of your life. The one person who made living worth it. I am truly sorry. I am crying tears for you right now. Please keep coming here. I didn't want to be apart of this club either-pretty sure no one here did, but here we are and we care very much about you. It can't give you Leo back, but it is somewhere to turn. I will pray for you.

Lovely and the photo is breath taking. So glad you woke with such a beautiful thought and shared it with us. Thank you i hope you have a wonderful day!

Hi Kay Luna doesn't like the tunnel. I'm going to bring it back. I need all the money i can get. She did like the sticks though. They are a version of raw hide for dogs, but for ferrets. I also went to the Verizon store. I didn't last 10min without crying. He worked so damn hard for that company. The lady that helped me was nice though nothing was found ob the phone or card. As i sat in my car with the rain pouring down i lost it. I couldn't stop crying and for the second time i got so pissed off. I was clenching the steering wheel so hard. It seems like someone switched my card out. That means all my pictures, videos, and recordings are out there. Someone has or had them. It's so friggin wrong! They are mine!! On the sort of upside while sitting outside a shop i searched my phone and found pictures we sent eachother in text messages. I saved them. I just feel....broken. i'm so tired, but fight sleep for some reason. I feel like i experienced the spin cycle, but instead of the cycle slowing down and stopping it's spinning faster and downward. I'm not getting any new calls with the business. We would be coming back from vacation tomorrow afternoon. God i'm sleepy How ate you? How's Arlie doing? Oh and i think i may have deleted your last PM if you have it can you resend it to me?

Thank you Anne it's nice to hear that someone understands being shy. It's great that you are no longer like that. I will keep sharing and checking up on you and everyone else here who have been so wonderful to me. Right now i'm feeling like the spiral i am on is going downward rather quickly. I hope you are sleeping peacefully

Going to get some things for Luna. I know one one really cares, but MM cared. I miss telling him things like that. Not seeing "the point" anymore. Business isn't working-i have nothing to offer anyone Marcus was my point as i was his. I'm just venting. Flee free to disregard this-me. The way things should be for me anyway.

Chris i'm so happy you saw Your Paula and it was a positive experience. Try to be kind to yourself people here will support you. They know a lot and care. I wish you all the best.

So much for feeling better in the morning. The rain coming down makes me want to curl up with him and just BE. I can't believe this is my life. Oh how i ache for him. I realize everyone is busy and have their own greif to deal with. I just feel so sad, angry, and....alone :(

Tonight just....sucks. sorry, but it does. I have been sitting here thinking about how Marcus and i should be on a beach or up in our ocean view hotel room in Barbados. God he was so excited to go. Go and get away from everything. Just be us. His oldest was going to stay with Luna in our apartment. I miss him so much. I just want to squeeze him and kiss him all over his face like i used to. I want to here him call for me in his sweet child like voice "KJ KJ I want my KJ" oh how i love his voice! I can't stop crying. I hate everything! No, no i don't. I'm just so friggin angry!! Now i'm on my downward spiral. Oh god i want him back! Now!

Anne and Mary, I feeling very blessed. As i'm sure you both and everyone here knows that it is so important especially now to know and feel like people really do care about you. I'm really glad to hear you are doing "well" of course including Benji and Bentley i will take both of your advice and jump in more often. Thank you. I hope you slept well

Hi Mary, Thank you it has been hard, but in a different way now. I have times i feel....numb. not believing he's really gone. Then i feel completely lost and helpless. I do think of you, Fae, and Jan along with Anne. I have been feeling intimated by the message boards, but not because of the people here. Just because it's not easy for me to just jump in. Group things now including even online now are a bit nerve racking for me. All me though-insecure. Anyway, let me know how you and Bentley are doing when you get a chance

Anne, It really was uplitting to read your post and hear from you 1 year. It has to be hard to wrap your head around that i'm so happy that you have Benji with you. Animals really are a blessing as are good, caring, supportive people like you. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. That makes me feel really good. I was telling Kay that i've been feeling a bit intimidated by the message boards and i know you don't really PM....i have been thinking of you too. You and Your Jim How are you feeling? I'm....still here. I went to a garden center with my mom and aunt today. I didn't want to go, but glad i did. No calls for pet sitting. Really missing MM. Just trying to get dressed everyday even if i don't go anywhere. I'm relieved Chris got back in touch here! My heart was racing when i was reading his posts And i'm so happy you are here too-1 year later! I wish Your Jim was with you still, but since he can't be i'm so grateful you are taking your journey and are here and i get to know you Love, Kristen

Chris, I'm so glad you are ok and are staying here! This really is a helpful and very loving, supportive, and caring site. Sometimes we get lots of things to read on grief and it is helpful, but can be hard to stay focused enough to even read one article. I have always been a reader, but find it very hard to stay focused or motivate myself these days to do too much. Use this site for whatever helps you whether it's reading, listening to others, or sharing more of your wonderful memories with Your Paula. It was hard for me to doso, but even though i cry threw typing or writing-i love sharing the good memories i have of me and MM. I would talk, but no one in my in person life wants to hear. Just remember that even in those moments when you find yourself at your breaking point-crying uncontrolably, walking in circles, aching all over for Your Paula....she is with you. It wasn't too much comfort to me when i was told this, but i hope it is to you. I feel MM with me. No it's not the same and can be hard as hell hard to pull yourself out of that spiral (especially when you know she would be right there holding you) --FEEL her. Feel all her love for you. Keep talking to her. Tell her how you feel. I have a feeling you do so already i talk to MM all the time. I'm far from an expert and many others here know more then i do, but i am very in touch with my pain and all i am going threw with loosing my soulmate. We are all here for you you can private message me if you'd ever like too. I don't sleep much anymore. Again-so glad you are ok and staying

Anne, I think it's great and very admirable that you are doing so many things. No matter how big or small they may be to some. All things are big now-at least to me they are. Just wanted to say hi

Hi Chris, I just read your story and i am deeply sorry that Your Paula is no longer with you. In all sincerity-my heart (though shattered too) goes out to you. I remember my first gut wrenching cries begging my Marcus to please come get me! The shaking and sick feeling-dispair somewhat undescribable. You are right there are those who can relate in ways and then those who can't possibly understand. MM (my Marcus) died on April 7th. One of my first thoughts was to take my own life. Like Kay has said i also don't know what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, but i don't want to take the chance either of not being with MM again. I am alone a lot now. Our stories are different, but the pain, the longing for the love of your life....i'm here if you want to talk. I cry and scream, beg, and plead to him-for him at least once a day. Would be a hell of a lot more if i was able to just....be. Be me and miss MM as you miss Your Paula. Kristen

I'm very appreciative of any articles about this topic, yet still very interested as to how all of you handled it and felt. i'm sitting here waiting for my pizza. I'm feeling lost without Marcus. i' happy others are happy, but at the same time i feel like talking all about him. i want to scream HE'S NOT GONE! I miss all of him!

I can't read this on my phone-without getting really dizzy i look forward to reading it tonight though.