shalady

Faye, I too hope your tests all come back in a great outcome. Hope you can get some good rest. Shalady

That is great that she is still keeping down the food. It sounds like great advice from Kay to feed her a little and more frequently. She will get some strength back. I know how upsetting this must be and I continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted. Shalady

Yes Harry, you are truly courageous and dedicated. I know Jane is so proud you persevere and keep going forward to bring attention to NET cancer. I just can't imagine the pain of telling your story over and over. I hope you give yourself enough down time as it must be totally draining. You are making a difference for those battling now and the ones to come. The knowledge of this has to be quite rewarding. I understand when you say folks remarry to mask the pain. I think that would be selfish and unfair to that new partner. I don't believe I could ever remarry. Being married 38 years I don't feel I'll ever be over this. I will continue to enjoy my memories and get through the daily task of life. I wish you continued success. I also wish you peace and comfort in your memories as well. Shalady

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am saying prayers for you and your precious cat. I hope she will be ok. It is a good sign she is keeping something down. I have a dog and I would feel the same way, I would do anything for him. Keep us posted. I will be praying and thinking of you. **Hugs** Shalady

Hello Cee. I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. I too am glad you have found this place. I have found much comfort here. It is a place of healing for me. Everyone understands what we are going through. As Carrie said there are others here that are more qualified than I to advise you but I can offer a shoulder to cry on and big hugs and caring. I lost my husband of 38 years in September so I can truly say I know what you are going through. You don't have to hold your grief inside. I feel better when I let it out, I hope you will find that too. They say everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way. Whatever makes you feel better. Just remember to take care of yourself. I talk to my husband each day and one thing I tell him is he did not go to Heaven alone because part of me went with him, just as I hold part of him in my heart and always will. I wish you peace and comfort. Shalady

Carrie, I'm glad Jerry was feeling better. I know that feeling of relief when they feel better. I remember how focused I would be on Bob trying to make him as comfortable as possible, making sure he had his meds and shots on time, his favorite foods and was getting enough fluids. One other wonder of hospice are the people. They are unbelievable. Not only great at their job but very caring. Bob looked so forward to seeing them. It became a friendship with them. You'll be surprised what a difference it makes for both of you, you get a little much needed time for you. I know nothing replaces the need to take care of our loved one ourselves, but it is ok to ask for help. I will repay them by volunteering in some way. I have spoken to them and they asked I wait, I am still grieving and cry each day. I need to be more grounded and not so weepy, and I can certainly understand what they mean. I am glad you will keep the roses, something special you and Jerry can share. Sending you hugs. You are in my prayers. Shalady

I know how being a caregiver can be very demanding and difficult. I would do it all over again if could. The suggestion of hospice is a good one. They helped us. They offer many services. I truly hope you are ok and also that Jerry has a better night. You are in my prayers. Shalady

Kay, I've often thought of keeping it and living there but I'm not sure how I would manage in the winter. Its too expensive to keep if I am not there, but would be okay if that was all I did. What do you do if the electric goes out? Will the pipes freeze? Who plows the driveway and cuts the grass? I am really not able to do those kinds of things. The driveway is 400 feet long. Its on six acres, about at least one third of that needs mowing. its a lot to think about and consider. The most important consideration is the fact we lived there so long, we loved it and it holds so many memories. Big decision. Shalady

Harry, I am glad the presentations went well. I've had to do a few in the past before I retired, I must admit, I didn't care for it. I hope you are recovering well from your surgery. I heard about the next storm, don't know if I could do that anymore. I have a home in the mountains up there in the northeast and it is in a snow belt. I stay down here in the south. Sadly, I will be selling the house. Its quite expensive to keep up. I have thought of moving back but it is quite isolated and I don't know if I could take care of everything. Bob and I lived there over twenty years. Bob passed away down here so I haven't been back to our home yet. I expect it will be traumatic. I hope things warm up in the house. Do you have a fire going? That's always nice. Peace and comfort. Carrie, I am so sorry about your fall. It sounded just awful. I hope you have gone and gotten checked over by now. Please let us know what you find out. I understand the need to keep going but sometimes we have to listen to our body and do what we need to do for ourselves. Good luck. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

Butch, I am so sorry about your bad fall. Its such a good thing your son and dil are taking care of you. I hope Little Man is curled up with you. You need each other right now. I know how much you must miss your Beloved. I wish I had some magic words. I can only say we all care about you, are thinking of you. I am sending you big hugs and lots of prayers you will be well soon. Much peace and comfort to you. Shalady

Thank you for letting us know Kay. How awful, poor Butch on top of everything else. Please let him know I am praying for him and I am so sorry. Shalady

I am thinking of you on this special day of remembrance. I hope you find peace and comfort as you think of special times and of the love you shared. **hugs** Shalady

I'm sorry this is so hard. You are right, there is no normal. You need to cry right now. That is what your body and heart are telling you. It has been four months for me and I cry everyday. Just try to take one day, one hour at a time. Others here say crying is a release and is very good. We are right here with you. Hugs... peace and comfort.

Butch, this is where we come to be with friends that understand what we are going through. This is where we can express our feelings, any feelings at any time. No one is judging us, just wrapping their arms around us to comfort us. Sometimes we need the comfort and other times we will comfort others. It is where you never have to worry about anything. It is very liberating to me when I can just release the feelings I have. I guess I should look into a journal. I have never done that but many here have talked about writing in their journal. I hope the snow is letting up. I am glad that if you had to be stuck in the house that you have company. It sounds nice to have the little ones near. I hope you feel better. Remember you are not alone. Shalady

I so agree. I couldn't imagine not having those 38 years together with Bob. I know how you feel Butch. Maybe talking with your grandsons like you are is good for all of you, I don't know. You are in my prayers.

Just wanted to add a picture of memory bears.

Dear Butch, I know the feeling of waking and not realizing for a moment all that has happened. I know the feeling after that first moment of waking when you get that jolt of reality. I have come home and reached for the phone to see if he called while I was out, and then gasped. I have had things happen and wanted to share them with them, then I am stopped in my tracks, he is not there. I want to wish it all away, for all of us, but I cannot. I keep telling myself Bob would not want me to be sad, not want me to give up, so I do what I do for him in a way right now. I talk to him everyday. Hospice made me three memory bears, two from his favorite flannel shirt and one from a favorite t-shirt. His favorite hospice aide did this for me and it was a surprise. Although I love the bears, sometimes I have to put them away because it makes me so sad I can't take it. Other times I want them out and they bring me great comfort. I tell you this because it is similar to you not going back in your room right now. I guess this is our grief and it is so unpredictable. ****hugs**** You are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace and comfort. Shalady

Lisa, I agree Marty said it so beautifully and I will be among those on your journey. It has been four months for me. I have just found a support group in my area and will be going hopefully this week. I am having a hard time finding a grief counselor, only things online. Maybe the group will be able to help me find one. I was married for 38 years and miss my husband terribly. This is why I understand your feelings and am so glad you have found this place. I am so glad of the plans you are making and the way you are able to help your children with their grief. I hope you will take for yourself as well and be kind to yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

I am so, so sorry. My heart hurts for you and your children. I am glad you found this place. I have found much comfort here. There are many caring and understanding folks sharing their feelings, feelings much like our own because they have gone through and are still going their own loss. Only those who have been through such loss truly understand. I hope you will continue to come here. I hope it helps you as it does me. I am praying for you and your children. May you find peace and comfort. Shalady

Butch, I'm sorry it was so difficult. There is nothing you could have done to make it any easier. Your deep love and devotion is shown in your actions and words. When we love someone that much our grief goes deeper. I do find comfort knowing Bob is in Heaven. You are in a fragile way right now. You will slowly recover yourself. I know it seems hopeless but I promise it will slowly get better. l don't look too far into the future. You will know when you are ready to begin to progress. Have hope. Peace and comfort. Shalady

Butch, as Anne said, the words will come, the tears will come. Try to be patient with yourself, give yourself time. It took me a while to process things too. It was here that I learned not to expect so much of myself. I was in a fog. Others have expressed the very same thing. I felt I should be doing better but I was being too hard on myself. We all grieve differently because we are all different. There is no right or wrong way. So whatever you are feeling, it is ok. We are all thinking of you. I am praying for you. I hope you are able to get some rest. Peace and comfort. Shalady

Thank you so much Marty.

That is wonderful! I am so glad things turned around, that person resigned and now the Theatre Company can move ahead once again. It makes me happy to hear your excitement and enthusiasm. Hopefully your group will be able to mend any business relationships that have been damaged. It sounds like something you really enjoy. I am glad you have something to look forward to. Shalady

Harry, I am glad you are on the mend. I know you must want to get to all of the tasks ahead but just let yourself heal. You will do a much better job when you are refreshed and not in pain. So put a log on the fire, get your book and put your feet up. I hope your FIL is enjoying his new bed. It must be a big help and make it easier for him. I hope you have a pleasant day. Peace and comfort to you. Oh, by the way, what is your podcast everyone refers to? Shalady

I am so very sorry you lost your beloved. I agree, it does not matter how long you were together. I understand how overwhelming it is. Of course you are devastated. I hope you continue to come here. There are many like us who have also lost their beloved. It is a great help to read and post your feelings. I hope you find some comfort. Shalady