shalady

This will be my first Valentine's Day. My husband passed in September. I talk to him every day so I will tell him how much I love and miss him. It will be a quiet day at home. You are right, this is hard work. I know how hard it is. I have much of the same feelings you express. I hope you are able to get through all the emotions on the 14th. I wish you peace and comfort. Shalady

Thank you Kay. Day after the shot and still getting relief. I am not dancing a jig yet but very happy with results so far. It is funny how we take simple things for granted, like just being able to take a walk. Shalady

Butch, how positively heartwarming. They are special boys and you are so very lucky to have them. I hope you are feeling a bit better and keeping warm. Get plenty of rest. Peace and comfort to you. Shalady

Harry, I have been thinking so much about the words you wrote here. I think these changes you speak about, although second nature to some, are life changing for us. I think this would be a wonderful, insightful addition to your book. Really gives pause for thought. It did for me anyway. Peace and comfort to you Shalady

Linda. I am so glad to hear about your quilt. It sounds like it will be beautiful. How wonderful you can do this for his daughters as well. You won't believe what comfort it will bring you. I have memory bears that Hospice made from my husband's favorite shirts. His aide snuck the shirts away without my knowing, she knew which two were his favorite. One was a flannel shirt and one was a t-shirt with Labrador retrievers, we have a black lab. So a few weeks after his passing the hospice chaplain brought them by. They do not wash the shirts, they want them to smell like the person. Our lab went crazy when he put the shopping bag they were in on the floor. He could smell my husband. I must admit while I loved the bears I had to put them in the closet the next day because they were overwhelming me. I still have to put them away some days, they still overwhelm me. However, they bring me so much comfort and love I am able to have them out more than not. Emotions are very unpredictable. I never knew that until last September. I don't think I will ever get over this but I know I am strong enough to move forward, not necessarily move on. I hope you read Harry's piece he posted yesterday, he talks about that and I found it very insightful and true. I wish you peace and comfort. Shalady

Kay, I am glad you have George's bathrobe to snuggle in, makes for such comfort. I have the memory bears and does the same for me. Amazing what a difference it can make. Missing, I too am sorry you feel no better. It takes so long, you have been through devastating loss. It is ok to feel sorry for yourself. It is ok to feel whatever you feel. Try to take one day at a time and don't rush yourself. It is a huge loss and you can be patient with yourself. Try not to worry about time, just take one day or one hour at a time. I wish you much peace and comfort. I hope you continue to come here and share your thoughts when you can or just read what others are going through. We are all here for the same reason. We understand. Shalady

Harry, the weather sounds so terrible. You were so good to brave the elements to the cemetery. I would always take advantage of those days to do things around the house. It sounds like you are getting a great deal accomplished. It is four months for me. We had been in Florida when Bob got sick so I have not returned to our home yet. I can only imagine.... I like what you expressed about the difference between moving forward and moving on. I never thought about it that way. That is something very important to remember. I think some could feel guilty to move on. I don't feel on level ground but I will not rush anything. As you say, there is no right of wrong way on this journey I wish you peace and comfort on this day. Shalady

I went for my first shot this morning, an epidural steroid in my spine. It was uncomfortable but not as terrible as I imagined. I still have pain but it is definitely not as severe as it was. I could barely walk this morning and it is so much easier now. Two more rounds of shots to go, I am more hopeful now. Hooray!!! Shalady

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MARTY. ENJOY A WONDERFUL DAY. Shalady

Dear Butch, you are not letting anyone down. You have suffered the deepest loss you will ever suffer. On top of that your bad fall and a concussion. Try to be patient with yourself, don't expect yourself to bounce back so soon from all that has happened. You are still processing all of this. My Bob is gone four months and I am not doing well yet. Everyone is different. I am sure someone with more knowledge on this will respond with learned advice. I can only say you have lost your beloved Mary and your heart is broken. I understand your feeling of deep grief. I wish I could do more but I truly hold you close and keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this journey. Peace and comfort to you. Big hugs.... Shalady

Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you are going through so very much all at one time. Please let us support you and don't give it a second thought. We want to comfort you. As Harry said, sometimes we need comfort and other times we comfort others. Just rest and take care of yourself. ***Hugs*** Shalady

I am so glad Chica is doing well. That had to be so scary. Those distractions are good for out minds. Shalady

Marty, thanks for posting the video. That is fantastic. I remember my Mom enjoying Lawrence Welk every week, even in her dementia. She lived with us in her last three years. Sometimes, when I would prepare a meal and I would let her know it was time to eat, she would think I was her "Mum". She would be having a conversation with me and I was Mum. It was startling at first but I got used too it. She was a dear, adorable and wonderful Mom and I miss her. Shalady

Yes it is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Shalady

Dear Butch, Marty and Kay have expressed just how I feel as well. Feel better soon. ***hugs*** Shalady

Yes, having good friends near is wonderful. I don't know how I would do anything right now. I too will miss my husband until I die. I hope your weather doesn't get too bad. I know it must be worrisome. Shalady

Marty, you certainly have endured more than most. How wonderful you can put it all aside and help others. I hope you know how much you are appreciated. I wish you strength as you keep your positive attitude. Kay and Anne, you are not whiners. Just because we share our lives here we do not consider it whining. We all are going through so much. It is good to be able to express our feelings. My indulgence is sugar free ice cream. Shalady

Fae, I read your story and I am brought to tears. I am glad you are surrounding yourself with memories of Doug. It brings pain but also such comfort remembering all the wonderful time you shared. You will always have that as well as the love you shared. It makes me smile for you that he gave you a sign of his presence. I have gotten them as well, but not for a while. I am holding you close in my heart on this day. You are in my prayers. May you be in comfort. ***Hugs*** Shalady

Thank you all for your caring. Anne, I have been to therapy and it seemed to make me worse. They told me in therapy I had scoliosis, showed me how the right shoulder is lower than the left. They tried ice and it didn't help. I was just doing light stretches. The doctor said to discontinue the therapy for now. I thought it strange that only MRI was done. The pain is so severe and is worse when I put weight on it or walk, sitting too long is bad as well. I asked and asked to have x-rays but was told by two doctors it was not necessary. The first one said it was sciatica and the second said it was due to the three bulging discs. It feels better when I lay down on the heating pad. Carrie, my doctor said to stop the Coumadin five to seven days before and start back the day after. My INR is done only once a month. It stays pretty steady right now. I've had the Louvonox injections, the bruising from them is terrible. Kay, you are right, we miss our spouse more at a time like this. I have no family here. I have a sister but she is 1300 miles away. I do have friends that help me. They walk the dog, drive me to appointments, shop for food. I don't know what would I do without them as I cant even drive right now. It must have been awful for you to try to do everything for yourself. Luckily I don't have as many health problems as you, just this and high cholesterol, thyroid and arthritis. None of which are bothersome for me. I will need knee replacement at some point but that is not that bad either. So I will count my blessings. I cant wait until I get some relief. It is getting worse and harder to manage the pain. Thank you all again for thinking of me. I'll let you know how I make out next week. Shalady

I haven't been doing very well of late. Back in early December I woke one morning with very sharp pain in my right hip. It progressively worsened. It now goes down to my ankle. I have had two MRI and the first doctor said they were fine. I went for a second opinion and the doctor says I have three bulging discs and they are pressing on nerves which causes my pain. It is severe at times. I have to have a series of epidural steroid shots in my spine. Not looking forward to this. I am unable to drive. Most of my time is spent laying down on a heating pad. I have to get up frequently and walk around, pain or no pain, because I have history of pulmonary embolism. I had to go off blood thinner for the shot so must be very careful. Anyway, I find I have too much idle time and that gives way to just thinking. Thinking about Bob and how much I miss him. Funny how when we get sick ourselves we tend to want them here all the more, to help us through, to cheer us up, to take care of us. I am so glad I was able to be there for him. I have a friend who drives me to my appointments. The first doctor gave me steroid shots three times thinking it was sciatica. They did nothing. Anyway, I was just feeling a little down, probably because I am not used to being so shut in the house for so long. I am sure I will be fine. Just another bump in the road. Shalady

It sounds like Butch isn't doing much better. I am very sorry to hear that. Yes, he has had much more than his share of devastating events. I too am so glad his dil is able to be with him. I hope he starts to improve soon. I don't know about concussion or how long they last. I am keeping him in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

I would just like to echo what Carrie said, each one of you, including you Carrie, inspire me and lift me. I too thank God for all of you. Your compassion and understanding is more heartwarming and helpful than I can say. Shalady

I am glad you are sleeping better. It's good you are thinking of yourself. You deserve it. I am sorry you are coming upon such an anniversary. I have not been there yet so I don't know how that is. I hope the memories, although a painful reminder, will also soothe your soul with a smile. I find it goes both ways. Let your tears flow, as you say, they are healing. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

Kay, I am so glad you heard from Butch. I have been really worried not hearing from him and was about to post to you about it. I feel so bad and I hope he is going to be okay. He is in such a bad state in so much grief. I hope that doesn't impair his recovery. Please let him know I am so thinking of him and pray for him. Thank you for keeping us up to date. I know how losing weight can be so frustrating. I have been dieting my whole life. The stress of care giving during the last year and losing Bob in September caused me to lose over 80 pounds. Not the way I wanted to do it, a little more than I needed to lose, but it is okay. I really do not enjoy eating like I used to. However, I don't enjoy anything the way I used to without my 'Good Love', Bob. That is what I used to call him, 'my Good Love'. We got that phrase from my Mom. I miss them both so. I still can't believe he is gone. I am still half a person. I know it will get better, just take one day at a time. I think you are wonderful as you post such uplifting words to us all, I know you are still grieving also. Thank goodness for our pets, I think they help keep us going. I wish you peace and comfort. Shalady

Jan, you and Kelbi are in my thoughts and prayers. We had a yellow lab and he would get those. As with Kay, we would keep an eye on them and happily there was no problem. I hope this is the same situation. I will be waiting with the others to hear how things are. Shalady