Marj37

Hi Chivon-----I am so totally sorry. That is all I know to say right now. But I do know that the pictures of horror replay in our minds. Over and over. The more you tell the story the more the pictures will begin to dissipate - it takes time and retelling - perhaps even writing it over and over in your very own journal/notebook - a private place where you can scream with a pencil/pen. I am convinced we need to label these type of events as trauma. And deal with it as one would with PTSD. If you continue with therapy you need to bring up how the pictures keep going thru your mind.

Hi---- I have tears reading about your lovely and loved Leia. She stayed with you as long she could. I remember my vet telling me that about Gb back in May. I had been told by the specialty ER docs after 48 hours that he had no quality of life whatsoever. And I know it was with love I let him go - even tho it hurt. . We love them so and miss them since they mark our hearts with love. And your vets were wise not to wake her to spend precious time in pain. She is watching you I know . Write as much as you want -- all the essays you feel like. This is a wondrous group who totally understand the loss of a companion. And it takes much time and many tears. I love how you wrapped her in your sweater for burial.

Hi Mia --- good to go looking - it's always teeny tiny steps. Do you have a Humane Soc in your city? They have the adoptable cats/kittens posted online to look at. I know you miss Spooky each day. How could we not when they are such a part of our 24 hour day/night. And the habits we have of daily care for the specific one are gone - it's an empty & hollow space. I still have the hollow even with Hamish and the two teenage kittens and all the 3 require.

Thanks, Mia Joyous havoc is so right. My gosh - sometimes the patter of 8 feet is amazing. Hamish is a little more adjusted to them. The 3 of them sometimes nap on the bed behind my computer area - or they will all have treats together. So it is fairly peaceable. And the print I ordered got lost in their website and they didn't let me know until I inquired Monday - so they credited me and I ordered another. Kayc, I'd love a pawprint - too chicken to get one. I did order some decal tattoos from Etsy.com to put on my leg of cat shapes - they last about a week. Fun.

That was such a wonderful gift........love your painting. Thanks for sharing it. Arlie is sure on the run :))

Hi Kayc --- which book did you get for her? That's so neat to have the tattoo. I ordered a large print of my favorite picture of Gb. It is poster size. Sure hope it turns out well.

Hi -- I have a book "Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers" by Liz Eastwood --- there is a quote she used that applies to all and I include it below. So so true. "You have to experience the absence in every season of the year. I finally understood the custom among my people of the year long mourning period, the Yortzeit. Each change of weather brings different sensory memories of when you last lived through that season". Philip Schreibman And another quote recommends," setting a specific time. - a bridge to accepting the space with her presence". With the fall season here I am finding days of sadness rising ,

Finn is just too too adorable. Thanks heaps for the pictures. I know you miss Chester and can enjoy Finn at the same time. I miss Gb so much and still am enjoying my kittens and Hamish.

Hi Friends A few minutes ago I wrote a lot of words of philosophical jargon about being/living in the moment so we have the precious memories when times change. Here in this group of pet loss pals we know that is so important so I didn't copy & paste it. Would be preaching to the choir. Today is 4 months this evening, May 26, since my Gb is gone. And I was thinking of the good that went on each day with him; at the same time crying because I miss him so very much....his loving ways of always being by my side when I was home; his love of each morning; the way he slept next to my head; he was a cooperative kitty and also very stubborn at times.. I hope I honored him. And I miss him terribly. And now we go on with special memories from ago and making new ones in our own unique lives. Hamish is ok; the kitten kids are fun and special and making their memories in my heart. And I think of you that have sad hearts and wish you peace; and today is Mary's 5th month since Allie left. Found on Pinterest "I wish you peace when the cold winds blow Warmed by the fire's glow I wish you comfort in the lonely time And arms to hold you when you ache inside I wish you hope when things are going bad Kind words when times are sad I wish you peace when times are hard The light to guide you through the dark And when storms are high and your dreams are low I wish you the strength to let love grow on I wish you the strength to let love flow..."

That's what happens to all PTSD victims.........those pictures are way too sharp . They will get softer as time goes on but it is so painful when it happens. Tell the story over and over even to the air; and write it over and over. It is definitely a huge OUCH!

Hi Mia, Hope that toe gets faster healing than 8 months. I cringed as i read it all! And Spooky will help you find and take care of new kids. You will still miss him but little mannerisms of Spooky will manifest themselves. I see it in my little Seamus fella!! Many hugs and paw pats........

Hi Mia.................yes, time marches on; Hamish is starting to thrive and become more alert and eating better. And starting to watch the kittens play! And I also would not trade a minute of the life with Gb.

Hi -- I certainly wrap your thoughts in my heart. It is so painful when we lose our companions that were close to our hearts and a constant part of our dailhy lives. So sorry for your double loss. My Gb kitty had to leave me May 26 and I still miss him terribly He was almost 15. I do have his brother and recently adopted 2 teenage kittens f rom the Humane Soc.. They make me smile and laugh. Your came to the perfect place. The losses you talk about are so familiar to us and at the same time the losses are important to recognize and mourn in our own individual ways.

Hi Muggins------and I say "Oh, yes." to the changing seasons "syndrome" I'll call it for lack of another word. Yes, I agree about Yoga. Went for a good walk this morning and spent half of it with tears flowing down my face. I was talking to Gb in my thoughts and missing him so much. It will be 4 months on the 26th. I was glad there was no one at our park so I could cry at ease. It happens on and off to me. Special Gb kitty was definitely a soul kitty and he lived with gusto his almost 15 years.

Love Samara's face - was just taking a long look at her photo. Of course you will miss her for a long long time. The special bonds we have and the love bring us such shattering sadness when they are gone. And the house has the empty feeling.

Hi Judy--- yes, it sure will take time. Telling the story over and over can help. What helped me get out my awful feelings of the last 48 hours of Gb's life was to scribble and scribble my feelings (in addition to crying) in a journal that is apart from my love journal to Gb. Sometimes my words are several inches tall! It's my story. It's very private and full of anger and sadness and many "why's" - like why couldn't I have had him a couple more years, etc.

Hello all. Hamish has started eating with gusto! Your prayers have helped. And coming back to his affectionate self. The kids are thriving. I let them downstairs after dinner and they can race around. They don't pay much attention to Hamish - he sits like a meditating buddha and watches - maybe a growl now and then. And he had to teach Seamus who was boss the other night when Seamus came to pat him on the back.....hisssssssss. Seamus learned. These kids are fearless. LOL The rest of the day I still keep them upstairs - they have lots of room to run and play with each other. Thanks you all for caring. My Gb tears come (even now); the kitten kids are good because they are full of life and make me laugh. They are the epitome of the love of life legacy that Gb had == each morning a wonder for him to start the day. And Hamish is even more alert now.

Many prayers for you Carrie.......I had a Vertigo episode a few years back. The Meniere's disease has to be so much worse and debilitating than Vertigo. I thought a couple days was bad enough. My heart really goes out to you. And I have to agree - holding back those tears means the stress had to go somewhere. And it did. It's proven that stress will erupt in our bodies somewhere when we can't take care of it. And I sure understand why you couldn't cry. I know that my whole throat tensed up a few times when I was trying not to cry. Awful feeling. Plus our lungs need that release also. When you are finally allowed to cry consider how much your lungs are a part of that. Prayers and hugs

You have stumbled across the best place on the planet. All here in this PetLoss room enfold each other. The pain and grief are devastating. And difficult. And it is normal to have the feelings you do. Keep talking to us about it.

Hi Summer - my heart goes out to you. Your Nina was lovely. The pain of her passing like that is so real I know. No matter how they go we are overcome with so much emotion and so many tears. My Gb was euthanized on May 26........it was a traumatic experience for me as once they took him in at the ER i never got to hold him again - tho 48 hours later I was able to kiss him goodbye. . We here all know. And we know the pain and tears linger. You have come to the perfect place to "talk". Our gang here enfolds each other in their pain of loss.

Love the curly tail --- made me smile.

Hello--------writing to ask you all to pray for my old cat. He won't eat since yesterday because he is so stressed by the kittens in the house even tho they've only been downstairs 3 short times in the two weeks they've been living her And I am slipping back into sadness from the loss of my Gb. The kids are so sweet and fun and playful. And there's my Hamish growling and me and refusing food. I'm starting to force feed him carefully. I asked the vet to order a compounded appetite med. I am so overwhelmed with vet debt since the beginning of May I don't want another pricy vet visit; plus to take Hamish in for a shot will just be another awful stressor in his life - he really gets upset to the extreme. I attempt to be calm & positive and practice what I've learned in Yoga - sometimes it is a huge challenge. Glad we are here together through the ups and downs. I think of you all daily.

Judy ---- I am so very very sorry what you had to go through in the vets office. One of the things we experience when that happens is the traumatic pictures that keep coming into our head. Keep talking about it. The pictures will soften. I know from experience. And it takes time - there is no way around that. And I am sorry your Lucy had to have cancer and leave you. It leaves a hole in our life --- and also your other dogs will miss her so you have that to work with. We that lose our companions have a pained heart. This gang is here to hear you.

Beautiful!!! And you can look into her eyes and see the love!!! Thanks for the pic!

Yup - for sure our Forever Kitties......... Sigh! I just posted a poem under the Stories and Memories topic. A beautiful reminder their presence is with us. Having a weepy day today. Fall has it's wistful sadness also. Even as I played with the new kids today my tears were running. They are dear. And I miss Gb so much. it's cute and amazing how Shamus has some of his qualities and actions. For instance there is a low box outside my bedroom door that Gb liked to sit in. I left it there and guess who sits in it now!!!! Gb must be teaching him; and I surely chose those I was supposed to . And Brianna is so sweet and came on my lap yesterday with kisses. Hugs to all of us who mourn together with tears and smiles.