Suitearia

Ah Cujosgirl15 how absolutely heartwarning to hear about your son - that he can hear his granny and share that with you. And that you accept and receive what he is sharing as real. I haven't seen a HUGS icon but I send them to you. Hello Sweetpe1 ... I bought a book on grieving by Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh "How To Heal a Grieving Heart". On page 82 of this lovely book it deals with the question "When you cannot feel your loved one's presence". I will share some of the text for you ... I hope that it helps you as it has me. "You hear and read about other people's encounters with their departed loved ones, and you wonder: Where is mine? If you have not felt this energetc presence, please do not despair. It does not mean you have been abandoned or are unloved. Usually it signifies that your loved one is in much-needed self-care. Each person has a diferent heavenly path for his/her soul's growth ... they have to rest in the afterlife plane while they adjust to the fact that their souls live on. Others who have had traumatic deaths need caretaking in heaven before they are strong enough to make vistis to family and friends ... In time you will both adjust to feeling each other's presence across the veil". Hugs to all ...

Our friends in Indiana had a lovely golden lab, Phoebe. She had cancer and was on pain medication. She lived much longer than everyone originally thought until the night that she woke my friend Betty up in the night and Betty realized that Phoebe was ready to go. They put her to sleep that morning. This was several years ago. Then I'd say that it was a week or two before Ric's death; he had a dream that he saw Phoebe in heaven. It really touched him so that he said to me "I saw Dave and Betty's dog last night in my dreams". I told Betty that and it really touched her heart that their dog was in heaven.

I'm sorry Mitch for the family drama that seems so cruel and at a time like this. It's been 72 days for me (2 months and 11 days since Ric died) and 2 months 7/9 that I buried him ... Ric too is buried far away where I cannot visit a grave; I buried him next to his mother (his sister gave us the plot and I bought her a replacement). We live in S. Florida but knew that I might have to leave to go back to IN to sell our home. He wanted to be buried in a mausoleum and if I left S. FL to take him with him. If I couldn't do that, then he wanted to be buried next to his mother. We all know that I could not honor his wish of taking him with me from F. FL, outside of cremation which I wanted to do; but he wanted to be buried, not cremated, so I took him to Mobile AL. I am in the process now of ordering his headstone. Now his family may not be happy with what I have selected. Ric loved to play poker so I chose to put a royal flush (hearts) on one side and a palm tree to show his love for the beach. I would have put a cruise ship if they'd had one but they didn't (the last week he was alive, he 'woke' up and asked "are we still at sea"?).

The body is resilient, tough, and able to stand a great deal more than what most people would imagine. But that final connection to this plane is threaded finely, and can be easy to sever. So true ... I cried. I have had to make that decision to "kill" a pet even when letting them go was humane (as the vet said, as our feral kitty we were trying to save was dying from anemia). And I've had to put a guinea pig to sleep and cried for a week or so afterwards. I'm glad that I can cry for the animals. Thank you Marty.

I've working on meditating now for a week tomorrow (just once a day). I don't know why I haven't done this before ...

Hello scba ... I am so sorry about the loss of your boyfriend and that others are so insensitive to your pain. I am fairly new on the journey called grief. My husband died 5/1/15 and this past week has been intense for me. I have just felt the 'aloneness' more intensely. I too am alone in a city far away from family. However they do call me and we talk on the phone. And I am in contact with the chaplain from the hospice that cared from my husband. I have been coping several ways: first and foremost was here when in the early days when I was so terribly fragile I just poured out my heart and my tears and the folks here, like they did with you were there to offer comfort and encouragement. However I needed to DO something. I decided to learn to meditate (I've practiced daily now for almost a week) and I think that it's the right thing for me. I spent time in the going through posts, and links just reading and taking in what was being said. As a result I found some authors I wanted to read. Some books I have enjoyed have been Eben Alexander's Proof of Heaven, a small book on grief by Virtue and Van Praagh "How to Heal a Grieving Heart", Hay and Kessler's book "You Can Heal Your Heart". I've gone back through Kubler-Ross's book on the stages of grief and a book "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One" by P Blair PhD. This is a great site with great people and we are all walking the same path of loss. So are just further along on their walk than we are I didn't want to put a happy face because no one is happy that we're here ...

I had not heard Eckert Tolle speak before. I looked at one of his books the other day but didn't buy that one. It confirms what I am reading. Our loved ones are not "dead"; they just left their earthly shells. Their souls live on. Now I had not heard of the transtion time of identification and re-identification ... but I can see where that might make sense.

Also Cjar, I sensed that you're distraught that you haven't heard from D since his passing. I have a book that I bought last week: How to Heal a Grieving Heart. I just happened to open to the information you may need to know to help calm down and not feel like he is angry with you. When You Can't Feel Your Loved One's Presence You hear and read about other people's encounters with their departed loved ones, and you wonder: Where is mine? If you have not felt this energetic presence, please do not despair. It does not mean you have been abandoned or are unloved. Ususally it means that your loved one is in much-needed self-care. Each person has a different heavenly path for his or her's soul growth. For instance those who didn't beieve in life after death may be shocked when their conciousness survives. They have to rest in the afterlife plain while they adjust to the fact that their souls live on. Other people that have had traumatic deaths need caretaking in heaven before they are strong enough to make visits to family and friends. And still others who are more highly evolved ascend above the earth plane and are not physically palpable. You can more easily feel you loved one's presence by keeping your senses alive and awake, which means avoiding numbing yourself with addictions or stuffing down your feelings. In time, you will both adjust to feeling each other's presence across the veil.

Cjar, I am a nurse (although not currently practicing) and I seemed to remember that death can happen during a seizure. I looked it up and it appears that perhaps your husband had what is labled SUDEP (sudden unexplained death in epilepsy) and cardiac arrest. I would ask your doctor, or his, to explain how this may have happened. I don't think that there was anything that you could have done for him.

I have been in the Meditation forums and visited many of the links and such. I got the clue for walking meditations there as well. I'm a newbie to it but hope that I'm can make it a permanent part of my life. It just feels like that is what I'm supposed to be doing while Ric are I separated ...

I have spent some money at Barnes Noble's but for me it's worth it. Here is the one I bought yesterday. It is small, the readings are short, but they are powerful (if you are ready for the message). The book is "How To Heal a Grieving Heart" by Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh. I will be honest and up front with you, John Holland and James Van Praagh are mediums. That doesn't bother me but it may others.

Kakalina ... I loved the realness of your song and the words. Ric loved to cruise too and on this last cruise, this last gift we were given, my stepmother and dad treated us to dinner at the Pinnacle. That last week of his earthly life when he was mostly non-verbal he suddenly asked "are we still at sea?". I love this song. Thank you so much.

O Jame57 ... I completely understand about trying to talk ourselves out of the gift (trying to rationalize it and explain it). I just read John Hollands "The Spirit Whisperer" and I'm thinking about the chapter entitled:Signs and Symbols: Calling Cards from Heaven. "Working with Mother Nature is one of the wonderful way us for those on the Other-Side to grab your attention". Yesterday afternoon I was checking the clock on my side of the bed and noticed it said 6:15pm. I'm thinking WHAT? How can it be 6:15. Sure enough the rest of the clocks, including the one on Ric's side of the bed said 5:15. I know my clock wasn't fast a couple of days ago and as I moved the time back an hour last night, I realize that it wasn't easy to do and not something I'd have done accidentally while dusting (and lat night I discovered that my clock needed dusting). John Holland says that our loved ones can play with our clocks too. Personally, I would accept the gift of the feather. In your mind, thank your Mother for the gift. Did Ric really use a butterfly to sit still on a leaf for the 5 minutes or so it took me to photograph it 3 times? I wasn't standing still trying to get it in the viewfinder (a rare butterfly coming back from potential extinction) and it didn't fly away until I'd taken my 3 photographs and I started to move away. I had taken a picture of him with me to the park and photographed him in a couple places. So yes, I think he used that rare butterfly (with a bright red rear) to 1) help me get my photo of a butterfly and 2) to let me know he was enjoying the park with me. I choose believe this. Page 137 of The Spirit Whisperer: "these are just a few examples of the hundreds of different ways in which your loved ones may try to get your attention, and trust me (I highlighted this next phrase) they will try anything to reach out to you ... trust me, they know when you're ready and how to get your attention. (Notice John said 'trust me' twice here) Hang in there Jame57.

Hello RainFire ... I am so terribly sorry about all that you've had to go through since your childhood. I cannot imagine how much pain you have inside of you right now. How wonderful that Clark Kent is with you and is loving you and gives your a warm body to hold close ... In the midst of all of your sorrow and loss hold onto that 1 positive. I too pray that good things start coming your way.

How lovely Jame57 that you got the feather. It's an incredible feeling when these things happen. I took my first outing yesterday to Flamingo Gardens (I took a photo of Ric with me so that he could be there too). I had been wanting to photograph a butterfly but they wouldn't stay put on the plants long enough for me to find them in the view finder. All of a sudden this gorgeous butterfly landed on the leaf of a tree to the right of me. He had this distinctive red rear and what looked like dark blue wings with white dots. This butterfly sat there long enough for me to get 3 photographs (I was using the zoom function and it took me time to find him for each photo). It turns out that he is a rare butterfly (coming close to extinction) in south FL called an Atala. I think it was my Ric letting me know that he was visiting the wildlife sanctuary with me.

Thank you Carrie. It's interesting that you bring up Solomon. I was reading a post and someone said that the felt as if a part of them had been amputated; that those of us in grief were amputees. I don't know why, but that post caused me to think of Solomon and and the two women both claiming the same child as theirs. His solution was to cute the child in half and give each woman a half of the child; but the real mother stood and said no, to let the other woman have the child. As Ric and I were pretty much together 24/7 for many years, I realized that at times I've felt like I've been cut in half; that a whole part of me is gone. I've been reading a lot lately. I've read the Celestine Prophecy series (before he died Ric said, "what if it's true?). I've read a number of John Holland's books. And I've read how meditation has helped a number of members in the discussion group. So today, I formally did my first attempt at meditation learning to "breathe". It feels like the right move for me to help heal my heart and my soul and to help me honor Ric's courage through the valley of death by LIVING and living well.

There are many of us here who understand how you feel. June 30th at 630 am was the 2 month anniversary of my husband's, Ric, death. I was reading last night that as most of weren't with our loved ones 24/7 it's that way in the afterlife as well. They don't hang around us 24/7. However, Ric and I were together pretty much 24/7 as I worked from home for many years (and I still do) and he had retired August of 2011. We did not have an extensive network of friends. We pretty much did everything together. I believe what I'm going to quote to you came from a John Holland book. "No matter how someone passes or how long ago it happened, we're never separated from our loved ones. Neither distance, time, nor death can ever separate us. We are, and always will be connected to each other. Love is truly everylasting".

I hope these words I copied from an eariler message are true Marty ... I do hope so. Yesterday at 630 am was the 2 month anniversary of Ric's physical death and his rebirth back to home. Yesterday I did pretty well but this morning the sadness prevails. I can function but I just feel so sad and empty inside.

I first saw Ric driving into work. He just happened to get to work at the same time. He was ahead of me in this cute BMW Z3 with the top down. I decided that I needed to meet that man. We just happened to park in the same area of the parking garage but he was just slightly ahead of me. By the time I got to the door to go down the stairs instead of the using the elevator the door shut and I must have made a noise that he heard. He waited at the bottom of the stairs and the rest is history. After that day when he was giving me a sentimental card he'd sign it Doorman and sometimes I'd reply with DoorStopper :-)

We were on Royal Carribean's cruise ship the Allure and there was "street" vendor as we were leaving Central Park selling flowers. Ric stopped and bought two flowers, one for my stepmother and one for me. It was the most beautiful flower. After the cruise we drove from Fort Lauderdale to KeyWest. The next morning I was up and he was still in bed and he says "do you want to get married this morning?" I say "YES". He had been researching how we could get married in Key West. So we rode bikes (in our bathing suits) to the courthouse, filled out the paperwork and got married in a storage room. It was wonderful ...

You are welcome ... I'm glad that Flower and Spring's story touched your heart.

Lori I am SO sorry for your loss and all that you are going through. My husband died May 1st and while we didn't have young children I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling; especially when you said that you just star into space, when you just want to scream, and how it feels to see old couples walking and holding hand. I wanted that too ... While I'm still in the early stages of my grief too; I would agree with you that that innocent comment probably triggered your grief attack. My boss sent me flowers yesterday. It was just "I'm thinking of you today. Have a good weekend" and I stood there with panic rising in my throat and thought OMG ... and I freaked for awhile then when I logged off of work I just went into meltdown mode. I think that how you feel and what you're thinking isn't alzheimers but a lot of stress, emotional pain, and plain grief. It must be so hard for you with children that are also in pain. I know that the more advanced members here will speak to you and encourage you ... and from reading other posts (and my own) that they will encourage to seek out some grief counseling. Please know that I heard your pain and send hugs to offer you some silent support from afar

Thank you Anne. I feel like I finished it with Ric over my shoulder watching and reading and reminding me that Spring had a story too.

The story that I have attached I initially wrote in 1997 years before I met Ric. I pulled it out last week and looked at it anew. I hope that you like our story. Preface: Sometimes the hope of Love seems to exist in a barren desert until a moment of Divine intervention and two people seeking a soul mate; two souls wanting and needing to both love and be loved by another human being, are brought together and an opportunity is born. While at first blush the feeling of new love is joyous and blinding; the time does come when Love isn’t always pretty; when Love isn’t always patient, when Love isn’t always kind and that initial obsession of new love changes into something different. For LOVE is a merging of two souls, each with their own fear and their own internal pain; both vying to be heard and both needing to be recognized and accepted as they are. Love isn’t a marriage of perfect people whose lives resemble a romance novel. With Divine help, these want-to-be Lovers persevere through those good times, and the bad times too, until one day they realize that their hearts and souls are now one conjoined by a deep abiding LOVE. The Flower and the Spring (4).pdf

What you wrote touched my heart Harry ... I am 100% confident that your Dad knows that you love him and likewise he loves you.