Suitearia

Thank you Marj for posting this.

Copperpot, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog Chester. It sounds like you did all that you could do to obtain a diagnosis and treatment for him. You did your best and it may be that nothing could be done to prolong his life; it was just Chester's time to romp with the other dogs that live in the afterlife while they wait to reunite with their pet-parents.

thank you ... I am definitely looking to see if I can get a copy of Channel of Your Peace ... and of course Les Mis and Bring Him Home ... my Ric wasn't young but it brought me to tears (I've done so well today ...) and now they don't want to stop

Thank you Marty. I printed one and booked mark several others.

Yes yikes.

I will call them ... I guess I just wanted/needed them to reach out to me. Thank you my friends.

Right Marty, I thought they said that they'd call me after we got Ric buried and such ... I don't remember them telling me to call them or how I know if I need help as I tend to cycle rapidly from feeling good to sad and then back again. But I am isolated in that I'm alone in FL without friends or family.

Hello. Most of my posts (thus far) have been when I've been in a panic or I'm feeling the profound loss of my husband Ric. This post is a bit different. I wanted to share a positive experience for a change. Wed. I was taking my long afternoon walk and I was feeling very alone, very isolated, and very abandoned. I'm walking down the broadway next to the ocean crying while I walk and ranting (when nobody was right next to me). My rant may have been part verbal and part mental. Part of my rant was at Ric (how could you die on me even though I know that he didn't want to die and didn't have any choice in the matter) and some of it was toward the hospice. "You said that you would call me but you haven't! How long do I have to wait???" and so forth. Finally I pleaded to the Lord to intervene that I couldn't go on like this anymore. Yesterday afternoon the hospice called. During the conversation he asked me if the chaplain or social worker had called me yet. and I said no (our last call was 6/8). He was surprized and said he would remind them to call me; then he said, did you try to call me earlier? And I said no, I didn't try to call you today (I haven't call Joe since I returned a missed call on 6/8). So we hung up and I sat in my kitchen stunned. Not 24 hours earlier I'd been crying and at my wits ends feeling totally abandoned and SOMEONE heard me and SOMEONE prompted outreach to me. That blows my mind away. Now, the chaplain and social worker may not call me; but now that I KNOW someone in the afterworld (Ric or a divine being) can actually hear me gives me strength (at least today it does). Next week I may be back in despair as I navigate grief but today I'm good and that feels GOOD!

Hello Karen. I've been mostly reading posts this afternoon but I had to chuckle at yours. I've been there and done that dating site thing WAY before Ric. I was on AOL's dating site and I chatted on a number of other sites and it was pretty disgusting. Lots of marrieds out there; lots of those who say that they are in committed relationships yet they are pinging you with the same idea that the"nasty" man has . It is too soon for me to even think about dating; but I agree that coffee and conversation might be nice. If you do meet someone from the WEB; be sure to have that cup coffee at Starbucks or Panera (very public domains) ... I made the mistake of letting a man know where I lived and he was sitting in the parking lot of the apartment complex where I lived when I got home from work one morning. The good news is that he lived in a different state and he only showed up that once (to my knowledge).

Hello KayC ... I am so sorry for the 10 years you've been alone without your soul mate. Here's virtual 'hug' to help you get through the day.

Hello Josh. I recently lost my husband thus I am new to grief and last Friday I too was a trainwreck; but I'm learning that coulda, woulda, and shoulda don't do us much good. they just tear us down. I read your post and it sounds like you and Candace did the best that you could during the time you were together. I'm so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers ...

Wow ... it is a reminder that as life transitions back to the creator new life comes to us to fill us anew. I just love new babies and I'm so happy for you KayC. But what are the stats? How much did she weigh? Best wishes to all, new mom and dad (what a fathers day) and new nana

I was reading in the book "I wasn't ready to say Goodbye" yesterday and while the book didn't pertain to my situation, there were pieces that spoke to me. On page 42 a woman is saying (about her mother who had died suddenly): "what if she doesn't approve of the choices I have made? What if she can see my whole life now, and doesn't like some of the things I have done? The counselor states: Our own self doubt can hamper our ability to communicate with our loved one. True love between people is unconditional, loving our strengths and weaknesses, even when they do not understand or agree with them. My childhood and first marriage history asserted itself Friday night andself-doubt and fear took over and I lost it. I am thinking as a human thinks (and i don't know how our people think in the afterlife). After 13 years Ric does understand me and knows that I would not deliberately go against his wishes. Thank you everyone for helping me through this emotional crisis.

KayC ... I read your words that above, and also took them for me. I never thought of our emotions like "a storm brewing" and any little thing can set us off (either in a positive direction or negative one). There is a difficult path that we are walking. I am thankful that other people that are still new in their grief share so much of themselves because often it mirrors what I'm feeling and I don't feel so alone. And it seems to give me permission to share my thoughts and feelings when I feel like I've gone over the edge .... I am alone in South Florida and it surprized me how much it meant to have someone who knew both Ric and I from many years back just be with me for a few short hours, and who wanted to hear our journey. I'm glad, Maryann, that your cousin, who is so emotionally connected with you, will be coming to visit and share your burden if just for a few hours.

Thank you KayC ... A friend from Indiana was in Bonita Springs and she drove over to the east coast to spend some time time with me this morning. She said pretty much what you said. The sister was out of line and caught me at a sensitive moment (all moments right now seem to be sensitive). And I do have a tendency to think the worst and over-react. That is a hard habit to break but it's a burdensome personality trait (I can trace this tendency back to childhood). Maybe as I learn to meditate I will build more positive ways of handling stress and not automatically start thinking the worst and beat myself up when I know that I'm doing the best that I can. I shouldn't have accepted the guilt that his sister put on me last night; that I was letting Ric down and not doing what he wanted me to do. When the older sister called me to say thank you, we talked awhile and I shared Ric's concern over his daughter taking the money he'd set aside for the children. Since the money was in a retirement IRA, I had no say over how it was distributed. According to Vanguard, one grandson is 14 and could write a letter designating who he wanted as custodian of his inherited IRA, and of course he designated his mother. For the other 2 who are under 14, I would have had to gone to court and petitioned the court to appoint me as custodian of their inherited IRA accounts. This gets complicated; I am in FL and they live in IN and it is unlikely that a court would assign me custodian based on Ric's will in the absence of any "proof" that his daughter was financially negligent. Plus I don't have the money to hire a lawyer. Today I can say that when Ric made his will last year he/we should have done the research to determine what happens to a retirement IRA when the account owner dies. Today I can say that we both made assumptions without finding out the facts. I want to fulfill his wishes and last night I fell under a burden of guilt I felt that I'd let him down. The Celestine Prophecy in the 10th insight talks about fear and how damaging it is to the person and potentially their relationships when we cannot control our response to it. Families are complicated ... I wonder if they are complicated in the afterlife too

Thank you Katpilot ... his sister just got me all messed up.

I just listened to the video recording and I cannot say a lot right now as I'm in tears ... I would have asked "what about husbands and wives? Will we be together?" what about if you were married more than 1 time and divorced ... how does that work? The workshop gave new meaning to why Ric kept talking about the Celestine Prophecy (soul groups - in the 10th insight) and "higher vibratory" somethings. I don't want to get obsessive with the afterlife but I need to know :-( I don't know if that makes sense. I also like Karen's comment that grief/bereavement creates a crack in the heart ... Thank you Marty for sharing

She's beautiful. thank you for sharing

The picture is our last photograph taken the first of February this year.

I have 2 things crashing on my head right now that have me on the verge of panic. Ric had 3 sisters, he left a small amount of money to 2 of them but not the 3rd. When I got the life insurance distribution I paid the 3rd sister for the bulletins that she paid for and then I sent her the same amount that the other 2 sisters would have gotten. Well open the hornets nest. The one sister that calls me asked me if sent what I said I was and I said yes. Well she chastised me about that making sure I understood how devious the eldest sister was. At the time I couldn't remember everything Ric had said about her and to be honest we didn't have the time to go over his beneficiaries. So I'm feeling upset that Ric might be upset I gave his oldest sister money. "Don't you ever do anything like that again ..." is what she said to me tonight. Then guilt trip number 2 ... in his will Ric wanted me to be the trustee for his 3 grandchildren. But for a retirement IRA, I don't have any control over the distribution. In our case Vanguard managed the account. One grandson is 14 so all he had to do was write a letter naming who he wanted to be the custodian of his portion of his Grandaddies IRA. Of course he named his mother. The other 2 kids are under 14 so they needed a legal custodian. We didn't have to file probate and under pressure I didn't know what to do so I let their mother assume custodianship of the smaller children's accounts. Now I am fretting that I've royally screwed up and Ric is peeved at me ... last night I was reading and typing in the blogs when something fell off of the bookcases (there is no air conditioning duct over in that corner or ceiling fan). It was the first photograph that Ric and I had taken at a family occasion (Christmas 2002). At first I thought Ric was reaching out ... maybe now he's peeved and threw us down to tell me that. Now how nuts am I? I didn't mean to rile the sisters up ... but now I full of doubts and fear.

Thank you everyone ... it was very a very profound experience for me. Not sure my stepmother quite believe me but there you go. We also had dragon flies up around the sliding glass doors where he laid in his hosptial bed (so he could see the ocean) -- and we live on the 20th floor. I'd say saying "Daddy we have so many dragon flies on the balcony trying to get into the room. I think they want to visit you". That got strange looks too ... maybe that was normal for dragon flies. Kayc ... those were the pastor's words so I copied them down. I don't disagree with you because his death definitely affected me and will effect my future; hence his death was my business. Maybe in time when I read my journal notes I'll soften or change what i copied down (I had to make myself listen as I'm more pan demoninational and I was getting distracted by some of the discussion -- actually tuning out).

I've listened to the Joyce Meyer's video twice now and made some notes ... just to remind myself that Ric's death was between him and God; that it was none of my business (as the Pastor says). A few days before Ric died, I was blessed to witness something very spiritual and powerful. Maybe that was God's gift to me ... my comfort. It was early in the morning and I was sitting by Ric's hospital bed in the living room, when he suddenly pointed to an area to the lower right of his bed and said "Do you see that person?" I told Ric "No, I am not allowed to see this person. This is for you". Ric withdrew from me and I saw him nod his head (like you would if someone asked you a question). I saw him nod his head a second time and then he nodded his head a third time. After that he exclaimed "OH MY!" as he was given a glimpse to where he was going. He then turned to me and said "I'm ready to go". Those words that the Pastor said in that Joyce Meyer video really just hit home, that while I was blessed to witness Ric's (I don't know what to call it) conversation with the Spirit, I wasn't an active participant. The experience was Ric's and Ric's alone; it wasn't any of my business or the Spirit would have allowed me to see and hear too. But I did get to be a witness and I hold that close to my heart ... thanks Gigi-T.

Wow is all I can say Maryann, I think that is so exciting. From reading Proof of Heaven I found that they have a website called Eternea. In the grieving section they mention a link to find a 'certified' medium, one who has met certain objective criteria and has been tested, is:www.windbridge.org I've thought about doing it ... consulting a medium. Is that a sign of desperation?

Hello Marty. I was glad to see this forum and your links to triggers. However, the first link did not work (maybe the page has been taken down), is there a similar article that you have? The second link did work and I will be reading it. This topic interested me because 6/1/15 was a month after Ric died, 6/6/15 was our 13th anniversary, and I buried him 1 month ago 6/9/15. So this was a pretty emotional June for me so far. Saturday started as a pretty good day (I was so calm and peaceful that I wondered if Ric was spiritually with me) but later that afternoon towards the end of my walk something triggered an emotional response and I fell apart. Was it seeing other bi-racial couples like Ric and I? Was it something else I saw? I don't know what triggered my swift decent from peace and calm to tears and saddness. Last night I was listening to music and it seemed that the lyrics to many of the songs triggered a crying jag ... I decided to just go with it and played Josh Groban's "You're Still You", "To Where You Are", "You'll Never Walk Alone", then other favorites like "Somewhere", "On Eagles Wings", and then ended with Handel's Hallelujah Chorus. I haven't cried so hard since he died (I cried so hard I thought I might pass out my head got so fuzzy) ... I just held a picture of him close to me and let go. Even if no one reads this I feel better for just posting it ... Thank you.

Hello Andrew, how did your visit go with your sister and the family?