Mom's angel

I had three dreams about her and all were real, it was her. I haven't discussed the dreams with anyone except my brother. From the day she died I have constantly felt her presence around me. I never thought about life after death before as it is my first and biggest loss,. But now I do believe in it. My family and close friends are very much supportive. My family takes good care of me, all they think about is me, because they know that I was very much close to my mother. Thanks for your concern. Do you question god about the loss? I do that all the time.

Birthdays are hard. I wish you strength on your brother's birthday. it's been 2month and 11 days since my mom passed away, She always revolves in my mind. I dream about her all night. It's her, I believe that and if you believe it's a sign from your brother than it surely is. Peace to you and your brother.

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My mom would have died, I know for sure she would have died of grief and I'm here living after her death, she would have quited eating and going out. I thought I will soon die of a broken heart but nothing of that sort happened. I still feel the pain and heaviness in my chest when I go deep deep inside, I cannot breathe, they become very short leaving me feeling suffocated.

I had two dreams about her, very real. Recently had the third one where I saw her hands.

I always apologize to her (not loudly just inside my mind), after my death I mean that I would have an answer.

Thanks both of you so much. Marty I read that article guilt in the wake of a parent's death, I always look forward to your posts and articles, they helps a lot, besides I don't really have any grief support group near me so I just search online. Kayc, you've been through all the pain and now you're helping other, I really appreciate that. This really touched me(I couldn't find where it was). The guilt won't go away, it's far more than what the words could describe. Maybe it will remain with me till the time of my death, I will seek her apology when I'll meet her after my death. My father and brothers were with her, but I'm sure she would have wanted me near her. She never leaved my side whenever I was sad or anything. I don't know but I wish that somehow, she tells me what she feels, do she forgive me, even if she is angry at me I would love getting scolded by her.

I couldn't bear something happing to my mom. I cried even at her smallest pain,injury. The time when she was in hospital I was constantly praying for her to be well. I cried silently Even when things were okay, because I couldn't bear to see her in the hospital, she was all the times worried about me, about how I would be handling all this, I didn't cried in front of her and I was with her all the time, day and night. Then things went wrong, worse. The doctors said her changes of surviving are very low,. I hate it how the courage and strength I was summing up all the times shattered at once, I hate it how I collapsed at that moment, all I did was cry cry cry, the next morning she died. I wasn't with her, what if she would be waiting for me? What if she needed me? What if she would have cried for me? How painful it would have been for her to leave without me being near. The struggle she would have gone through. Her soul might have searched for her daughter everywhere but I was not with her because I'm a cry baby, a coward girl. I'm such a bad daughter, she was the best I could have but no mother deserves a daughter like me.

Yes, moms are very much exited about their children birthdays. I never thought that one day my birthday will mean nothing to me, I cried that whole day, I couldn't cry in front of everyone because that would have made them extremely sad. Sometimes you just have to pretend to be okay for your family. I'll pray for you, I also hope that we have courage to face such days without our mothers.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Daughters-mother relationships is one of the best. I feel exactly the same. I just turned 21 and my mom was 42 when she died. She died on 20Nov 2015. We lived together. She was a happy, loving, caring mom. She is my Darling, I love her so much. Her death was so sudden, it's unbelievable. I still don't have the courage to talk about her death. I HATE it how she suffered a lot. When she died I wasn't with her. Nobody was telling me about her death, I saw my brother crying and somehow everything within me shut down. I reached to my mom, the tubes, the machines were all removed, it was her, her body, I will never be able to explain the feelings I had when everything was over, she meant the world to me. I was all dependent on my mom. My lovely mom. I wish she was with me for more more years. It seems so unfair. It is unfair, what was the need for us to be separated? I'll never be the same, There is a huge change in me and I won't be the same stubborn, happy, confident, childish little girl.

Thanks

Hii, hope you all doing OK. Its the same, the way it was a month before.It's been 2months and7days. Yesterday I was not feeling well, headache and cold, that made me miss mom more. There are certain things that makes us miss her more, whenever I see girls with their mothers I miss my mom more. At least, at least they deserved to see our weddings.?

The pictures from the time of her death are so fresh, it all seems to have happened yesterday. I still struggle with so many unanswered question. Guilt always surrounds me. But I'm trying for everyone who loves me, I'm trying for my mom. Her pain, suffering all the things she went through haunts me. She is so precious to me. I still ask 'why she had to die?'. I so badly wish that she comes back alive. But 2month are pretty much for a girl who hardly stayed away from her mom,.

Me too. I won't be scared this time. I'll be happy whenever, through whatever way I see her. Yes, life after death is much more beautiful. Now death is a win win situation, like if I die and it's just death then I'll be free of the unbearable pain&longing and if its my and my mom's reunion then it's the best thing I could ever wish for. Nothing seems to interest me now, I do go out but in my own bubble, separated from all the others. It's so strange that a person be your life and then the person is no more.

Parents never wants to see their children sad or depressed, they always wants to see us happy and doing good in life. I don't know what else to say as it's only been 2months&4days after my mom died and I'm going through a lots of things and haven't reached the time where I could feel a little normal but I want to say that just be kind to yourself and its okay to feel okay.

I had two dreams about her that I'm so sure were real. They are so special to me. But this was different, I feel so bad about being scared at first. Its was her and I feel so bad about reacting in such way.I do talk to her I wish I would have seen her instead of just seeing her hands.

(I didn't know where to post it so I'm posting it here) I read that article "nightmares and bad dreams in grief", but I see different dreams. Like my mom's feels absolutely fine and I'm the one who is scared of loosing her again, she says she did not died but she just went somewhere and now she's back and will stay with us. All things like that but throughout the dream I feel scared as if something is going to happen again, like I'm going to lose her again. But anyways I'm writing this because I had an odd dream/experience today. OK so today I suddenly without any reason woke up exactly at 4:00.. I couldn't sleep for an hour and then fell asleep at near 5:00. Then I woke up again this time I was sleep paralyzed I guess, I mean I was aware of waking up and could see things around me, my vision was blurry. I woke up to see a finger lightly scratching my hand, not too hard to leave a mark but I could feel it. The finger was very much similar to my mom's finger. I was frightened, I don't know why and I closed my eyes but then when I opened them again I saw her hands, I swear I saw them. I again closed my eyes and forced myself to wake up.. I was paralyzed and couldn't move.. I tried to wake up three times but couldn't then I tried again with more force and I was awake. I don't know if that was a dream or it was real. (All this happened very quick like within 5seconds) Do anyone else felt such thing?

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Negative and positive sides

I was just trying to show that if I died my parents would have been in more pain then I am in now, just like the wolf is in seeing the baby wolf hurt.

Marg M, If my mom died in her 90s there won't be any difference in my grieving cause no matter how much more time you spend with your beloved persons it does not in any way lessens the grief of their death. I mean to say is that the pain is the same even if you have lots of years with them or you have few years with them. I always prayed to god to let me die before my parents, I still sometime wish that instead of mom I should have died but just like you I also think that it would be so selfish of me to think about putting them in such horrible pain. But you're not selfish. You're a good person.