Mom's angel

Thank you so much.

Positive: I've started studying today, though I'm not focused much but at least I'm trying?.

I'm not yet at the first year mark but time just doesn't matter, sometimes it feels like all the things happened yesterday and sometimes it feels as if like it has been decades from the last time we saw them. I thought I won't even be able to spend 4-5 days without my mother but at this moment so many days have gone by without her. It's good that you're seeing a grief counsellor, I still can't find one, just constantly revolving around my grief and my notes. Just as kayc said " the depth of relationship determines the depth of the loss." Marty suggests great articles. And yes, mothers are forever in their children's heart. Mom's angel..

The day my mummy died a new title was given to me " mother less " I'll be the " motherless daughter" till the end of life. The night when my mom was in critical condition, one of my relative said " how is she going to survive without her mom? She never stayed without her mother even for a day, she won't be able to handle this all" There were many talks going on, they thought I was sleeping but I was wide awake, those words struck like thunder but I had a firm belief in god and was waiting for a miracle. Nothing of that sort happened. After my mom passed away, all the ladies relatives of my family have started looking at me with pity in their eyes, I've even heard them calling me " poor girl".. (My mom just transferred from one form to another, she is not gone, she is in my heart forever.) I hate that look, my mom has raised a brave girl, she is a brave lady and I'm her daughter. To avoid their pity I never expressed my self in front of them, I promised my mother that no matter what I won't break up in front of the world. I don't want any pity or fake affection. Honestly I miss the motherly affection and there were many ladies who hugged me, gave kisses on my forehead, called me their own daughter but none of this was close to the true affection I got from my lovely mom. I know their being nice to a " motherless girl" but I find it fake, they have their own children to look after and it really hurts, I miss her so much,

Memories?

In the beginning I used to watch sad songs or songs that directly hit me And I used to cry with that, I don't know if it sounds weird but it kind of let my emotions flow But Now I don't listen to songs that can directly relate to my situation or songs that are about separation.. Now I just listen to songs that does not relate to me.. I loved to watch horror films but now I don't even like the concept of ghost, I only believe in angels.

Yup, but i like the ending, it is painful but I find it beautiful too. the scene where the mom was helping the child with plucking the fruit was so much relatable. When I was a kid.. The house that we lived in had a mongo tree in the back... My mom used to pluck the mangoes for me..

I haven't watched TV since her death but I do listen to music.

Mariesgirl, I lost my mom on 20th November 2015, I was 20 at that time, I'm 21 now. I was so close to her, we lived together, she was and still is my world, There are things that she wanted me to achieve in life, I've thought about giving up many times, I also tried running away to some place alone, there were many times in my grief journey so far where I was constantly thinking about suicide, But I didn't, because I knew somewhere around me.. My mother is watching me and this were not the things she wanted me to do, It's not easy to lose mothers, they are the one's who brought you in the world, they are the one who always wished the best for us, the one who will feel the pain of our injury, Mariesgirl, mother are another form of god, there love and care for us doesn't end with their death, We might not be able to see them, but our mothers are always with us, they can see us, feel our pain. Self harming is double painful for our mothers who's souls are constantly with us and watching over us, They have suffered a lot before their death and it's not good to make them suffer more, All our parents want is to see their children happy, healthy and doing good in life. If you get what I'm trying to say.

This breaks my heart, I feel the same about my lovely mother's death. Last night my grief was triggered too without any obvious reason and I was thinking about her last minutes in her human form.. The time just before she died, I was madly crying about it. I was searching about some topics related and came across this image

I cried while reading your post, brought such memories from the time of my mom being in the hospital back. Glad you all were with her at the last moment. I know it's too late to reply, sorry if it bring up any sad emotions back. Your idea of making a small garden is great. I've heard our beloved comes in the form of butterflies too. I was travelling through train two days ago and suddenly a butterfly appeared from behind and flew out of the window, It gave me an instant feeling of happiness, I looked outside and saw two butterflies. My Mom indicated her spiritual presence around me since the Beginning of my new life without her physical presence.

Marty, I never thought about it that way, Marty and hollowheart thank you for understanding and replying

This is so good

I'm so sorry for your loss, keep posting and reading posts here,.

Thank you all for replying. I hide my tears in front of my family, I cry in my room, many times I couldn't control and cried in front of them, the result was: they all started crying and were heartbroken. So I don't cry in front of them and try to act normal. That's okay, right? At first I forced myself to not to cry in front of others and now my tears automatically shuts down when I'm with other people.

Do you guys think that if a person is crying all day and having a sad face everywhere he/she goes, then he/she is more into the grief of the lost beloved one? When I was younger and saw fictional deaths I used to believe that if you truly love a person you'll cry cry cry cry and cry over their loss and if you don't love them that much then you'll be fine. Do people really judge our love for the lost beloved one on the basis of how much sad we are ? What do you guys prefer, faking a smile in front of others and let them think you're okay or showing up your true feelings and crying in front of others and let them know the truth?

I wish death came in pairs, like let this two person die together as the surviving one will suffer a lot, let them die together and be in heaven together.

Just a thought of the life I used to have Just the thought about how happy I used to be My life changed in such a way I never wanted it to be. Whenever I hear people saying that they cannot even think about living without their moms, I shrink a little from inside. Whenever a girl of my age talks about her mom, talks about how her mom will solve her problems, I shrink a little. I shrink a little bit every time I see someone with their mothers. When I see an old friend, the first thing I think about is that how their life has no such drastic change and how mine has turned upside down. Why my fate turned out this way? I don't know but I feel as if I was not good enough and that's why all this things happened. ' am I not pretty enough?' Whenever I listen to this song, it feels like I'm asking the questions to god, like why? What was the problem with me? Why I lost my mom?

This is close to what I feel

Thank you

Yes but it's done. This will all just pass away and someday I'll look back and be proud of making my mom proud.

Reading about haematology and every word is leading me straight to the time when my mom was in hospital. ?

I don't know if I should say something on this topic or not but I feel like saying it. If you all live together then you have a great opportunity to show her how lovely and caring your parents are. May be your wife is missing her mom and all the grief is making her mood so bad, We all who have lost a beloved one has experienced anger at various point in our grief journey. I don't know if it is appropriate to say it or not but honestly after the death of my mom( it has been 3 months and I'm 21) I'm jealous of the people who still have their mothers. If this is the case then make her realizes that they are her parents too, they cannot replace her mother but they'll be there for her when she needs them, if possible try asking your parents especially your mother if they can help. I've been in the "why did this happened?" Phase and I'm still in it. Let her experience it, don't try to stop her from crying or try to answer any of her question ( as you probably won't know what to say). Just listen. At times a listener is all that we grievers want, no answer, no talking just someone who sits there with us. I do not open up or express my feelings in front of someone who hasn't experienced a loss as I think they won't understand any of my feelings. Give her some time ,don't rush things, don't force talk about her grief, Let her realize that you and your parents are always with her and will be there for her. Maybe slowly she'll start opening up about her feelings. Sorry if whatever I said was hurtful or silly.