missingcharlie

Kay - I am so sorry that John is not being more understanding. Maybe some time/space between you(as you said, not calling him) will be what you both need. Maybe he will realize how much he misses you... I truly hope so!!! I, too, understand about all the things that go wrong in the house and with your car. Fortunately for me I have my BIL and a friend that are willing to help with those kinds of things - living in the desert I don't have to worry about a lawnmower... I'm trying to find a job, now. I've been in the mortgage biz for many years and right now, here in AZ, it stinks! So I've been sending out resumes and have gone to one of the office temp companies and hopefully, SOON, I will emerge with a job. I also have started selling a spa and skincare product - I'm busy trying to get people interested in that. My hope is that it will "take off" within the next 6 months or so; enough so I have some extra money. I'm sorry that you are so alone!! I have my in-laws and my daughter and gkids here that are a great comfort to me. I wish I could help you, Kay. I think that walking and taking better care of yourself would be a great thing. Try to focus more on yourself and less on John. We all have to learn to "survive" by ourselves, FIRST. I know that none of us can help you physically, but as everyone has said, we are all here for support! Take care of yourself! Love and many hugs to you. Patti

Kay, I truly hope that you and John can work out your issues. As Marty said, we are all pulling for you...you deserve to be happy!!! We ALL do! You can ALWAYS talk to us about George and just remember that he is always with you in your heart. I am sure that he would want your relationship with John to work, if that is what you want. Take care and remember that we are always here for you. Hugs! Patti

Teny - I, too, am so sorry you had to return to the hospital where you lost your beloved Yiani! I can imagine how had that was for you...just driving past the hospital where my Charlie passed away is so tough. I am a little over 2 1/2 years, now, and I still miss him terribly and I always will!! I know it seems impossible to believe at this point, but with time the pain will get easier. We are all here for you, so just keep coming here and we will ALL get through this together. I know for me this website has been a life saver! As painful as it is, it helps to know that you are not alone and that others are/have experienced the same pain. We all have a common bond and I wish I could meet all of you. Take care of yourself, Teny!! My cyber hugs are with you. Patti

Karen - I totally understand what you are saying. It's been a little over 2 1/2 years since I lost the love of my life, Charlie. I would like to have someone to go to dinner or to a movie with, but the whole idea scares me. I think I'm afraid that "they" are going to want "something in return" and that is absolutely nothing that I'm interested in. I honestly don't know how I will ever get passed that feeling - maybe it's still too early for ME. The thought of being with or eating with or watching TV with or anything with someone other than Charlie just seems so weird. I truly hope that someday I will get passed these types of feelings. I think I still feel married to him and I was always so faithful to him that I just can't imagine "life" with anyone else. As Steven said, my husband would be very disappointed in my thoughts. He wrote me a letter, prior to his passing (knowing in his heart that he was going to), giving me "the OK" to go on with my life and to meet someone else and possibly someday marry again. But he has/had no idea how tough that would be for me. It's definately a personal decision. No one should say whether it's too soon or too long - they have not been in our shoes. Do what you feel is right. Take your time in the decision. Hugs to you and everyone here!! Patti

Teny- We definately understand your English and we understand your pain!! I am sorry you are hurting so much, but I promise that things will get a little easier, over time. It takes a long time and you won't stop missing him, but the tears will be less often. It's been almost 25 months for me and I STILL miss him SO VERY much!!!! Life is a lot harder without him...no one to talk over problems with and that kind of thing. I am sending you HUGS through the computer, today!!! Take care of yourself. Keep coming here - we'll help you through this. Patti

June is not a real good month for me, either. My sweet, dear husband would have been 49 yesterday and now this next Sunday we would have been married 18 years. KayC....I will be thinking about you these next couple of weeks. Hugs, Patti

Teny - I am truly sorry for your loss!! My heart goes out to you. I, too, lost my husband, Charlie. It's been a little over 2 1/2 years and he was just 46 years old. I won't tell you that I don't miss him anymore 'cause I absolutely do!!! I always will!! He was the best husband, friend, lover and confidant - we loved each other very much. He gave me the best 20+ years of my life. I can tell you that dealing with this loss does get easier with time. 7 months is still quite new and from what I remember and have read here, it's about the time you come to reality...that they are REALLY gone and won't be back. I think that is why everyone seems to "hit bottom" about that same time frame. YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!!! WE will be there for you...it doesn't matter how far away you are. You will find so many caring and understanding people on this website. Just keep coming and posting or atleast reading.... I'm sending you long-distance hugs!! Take care of yourself. Patti P.S. I have ALWAYS wanted to travel to Greece! I think it's absolutely beautiful. I am jealous of you living there!!

Sean - My heart goes out to you. I am TRULY sorry for your loss. The way you lost your wife had to have been such a shock and an absolute tragedy. Your loss is still so new and to have a 4 year old to care for is going to make for a rough journey, BUT I know you can do this!! I am SURE that everyone of us here, at first, felt like they couldn't go on without the one we love so much, but we are all still "plugging along". As Kayc said, you don't have any choice....you HAVE to continue on. Your daughter is depending on you!! Even tho she is only 4, you have to know how much her heart is breaking, too. She will need all the love you can possible come up with and I KNOW she will return that to you. I have a 4 year old granddaughter and her hugs and kisses can heal just about anything. My loss has been considerably longer than yours; I just went passed 2 1/2 years without beloved husband. He passed from cancer at the way too young age of 46. I will NOT tell you that I don't miss him SO MUCH everyday, but I can tell you that the excruciating pain does lessen with time. I know you are thinking now that you can't imagine that, but it's true. I was wondering if I could ask you a question....why is it that they do not know how your wife passed away? Did you not want an autopsy done? Sean, PLEASE keep coming here. I promise you that we will help you through this journey; we will walk beside you and keep you going!!! You will find some very caring and understanding people here. Come and talk with us! Hugs to you and your daughter!! Patti

William - You have to know that what your brotherinlaw is saying about you having infected your wife with cancer is ridiculous. That isn't how people GET cancer. I actually had a doctor, recently, tell me that everyone has "cancer" in their body....just not everyone's will begin attacking their own body. It is not something you can pass from one person to another like he is indicating. If I were you, I would "put him on the back burner", just like Karenb said. You need to work on YOU - staying healthy; physically and mentally. You can NOT let others bring you down. My feelings on your brotherinlaw are that he's angry, now, because he has no one to support him. Now he is going to have to figure out how to get by without his "breadwinner". And for him to lash out at you isn't right. As I said before, I know how stress can make Crohn's flareup. You need to take some time for yourself - breathe...... Your hurt is still so new and you don't need people adding to that. Please take care of yourself. Keep coming here and "airing" your feelings. We are here for you! Hugs to you, William Patti

Kay - I think it's wonderful that you scattered George's ashes at your "home in the clouds". I sure George is VERY happy about that. You would want to do that somewhere that he loved. That is why Charlie's ashes are in 3 different places. I know some people think that is strange...that I shouldn't have "split up" his ashes, but I don't look at it that way. I wanted them to be in places that he loved and was happy to be at. Some were scattered in a small ceremony at the Colorado River, at the AZ & CA border. We went there almost every weekend with his sister & BIL. We boated and he rode his jetski there and loved it. Some I sent to Alaska to have a friend of his take up in the mountains to be "released". He LOVED being in Alaska - especially in the mountains. And the remainder (the biggest part) I took to his favorite lake in CA. He lived there for years with his family and waterskied that lake every day - another place he loved. I think he's extremely happy with the decisions I made. I know I am..... I think it will give you peace of mind! Now he will always be there with you. Hugs Patti

Deborah - You take your time with Larry's things. It took me 2 years before I was able to take Charlie's clothes out of the closet. You'll do it in your own time. Patti

Deborah - Why on earth do you think we would "boot" you off of this site? We are all here to support each other!!!! We love you as "family" and we would never, ever consider asking you to leave here. That is what we are here for-to listen, be understanding, not judgemental and to just wrap our arms and our hearts around you. I am sorry about the way your "family" is treating you. I just don't understand how one minute you can BE family and the next you aren't. As someone here said, Larry's passing was not a choice. It's something that happened and they should be supporting you. It's hard for me to understand how family can be like that because my inlaws have been nothing BUT supportive to me. My mother in law loves me as much as she loves her own 3 daughters. After all...I loved, took care of and made happy one of the most precious things to her - her son. I "hang out" with my sister in law and brother in law; we cry together, we laugh together - I can't imagine being without them. They are closer to me than my own siblings. We all live in Arizona - my family is spread out. MY sister has become a lot closer to me, lately, because as of January she understands what I am going through. She lost her significant other January 10th and the first person she called was me because she KNEW I would know how she felt. You "divy" up Larry's things as you feel you should, WHEN you feel you should. After all....they were left to you! Just let them know that you are not ready to part with his things yet. You and I have already discussed how I feel about donating things. I took all the clothes I was getting rid of to the homeless. Charlie would be happy to know that his clothes and shoes were donated to people who needed them. You need to do what you think is right and what you think Larry would be proud of. ALL of these decisions are up to YOU!!! Remember that and don't let people pressure you! Love and hugs to you, Deborah!! We're always here for you. Take care. Patti

William - I think you need to slow down.....it's only been 2 1/2 months since you lost Myrna. That is a very short time. No one here expects you to be getting over it by now. Maybe distancing yourself away from your father, right now, is the best thing for you. You need people that are supportive and it doesn't sound like he is. IT'S PERFECTLY O.K. FOR YOU TO CRY!! It's a form of healing and letting your emotions out. Bottling up everything will just make things worse. If I read your post correctly, you have Crohn's Disease? If that is true, stress is the WORST thing for you. I have a very good friend that has Crohn's and when she gets really stressed out, she ends up in the hospital. I don't want to hear of that happening to you. YOU need to take care of YOURSELF!!! That is MOST important. Don't be concerned what unsupportive people believe or have to say. THEY are not living the life that WE are. They have no idea unless they have experienced losing the love of their life. If someone tells me I should be getting over it by now (I'm on 2 1/2 years), I just don't pay any attention. They have no idea what I have lost, therefore, they should have no opinion on it. (You know what people say about opinions....) I have the most supportive family there could ever be. And mostly, they are my inlaws. My mother in law tells me all the time that I am her "4th" daughter. They love me because I loved their son/brother, took care of him and made him happy. They love me because I AM one of the family. William - please take care of yourself. YOU are very important and you need to stay as healthy as possible. You know that WE are ALWAYS here for you - we want to be there for you. Hugs to you. Patti

Today marks 2 1/2 years since I lost Charlie - the most special man that ever came into my life. I had been busy with a friend being at my house for most of the weekend, so as to not have her think I'm crazy I had not been out on the back patio "talking" to Charlie for the last few days. Went out last night and told him what's been going on and how much I miss and love him - told him that I can't believe it's been 30 months without him....the tears started flowing! It SURE doesn't go away, but it definately gets "easier" (if that's what you want to call it...). As others have said, it becomes "normal". The sadness and the tears are not as often, but as Kathy said...it jumps up and slaps you sometimes. I'm so glad you all are here! Some people are "indicating" that I should be starting to get passed this by now. To those people I just don't say much to them about Charlie anymore. Glad I have you all to talk to!! I know that Larrysgirl is at 1 1/2 years today. Just so happens we lost out beloved husbands on the same day - one year apart. Great big HUGS to you, Deborah!!! I hope everyone has the best day possible. Patti

Kayc - I know that was hard for you to return to the hospital where your husband was, BUT it was wonderful of you to be there for your friend!! What a great friend you are! Hugs to all. Patti

Larrysgirl and everyone. There is no doubt in my mind that the ones we loved so dearly are still with us. I think they, of course, would miss us if they still had those types of feelings - earthly feelings. They now have spiritual feelings and I feel they are here to be our "guardian angels" and to be "with" us when we need them. I, too, talk to Charlie everyday and most times I can "hear" his response. Larrysgirl: you and I have a bond with having lost our best friends on the same day, a year apart - so as you know, May 16th will be 2 1/2 years for me. I think you finding something that would help people like Larry would be most rewarding and Larry would be SO PROUD of you!!! I myself keep thinking about volunteer work. I don't want to volunteer to help "sick" people or anything, but I've been thinking about something like Habitat for Humanity. They help build homes for people that ordinarily wouldn't be able to have a home - my husband was a carpenter by trade and I think he would be proud of me helping in that same field. Not like I can build a house, but I can paint and hammer nails. We all need to find something to do with our time, now that we have "some" on our hands. I know I have more time than I know what to do with sometimes. It would fill up some of that time on the weekends that a lot of us "complain" about. I absolutely know that they still love us and give us big hugs when we need them. How could they not; they loved us so much while they were here on earth. As Waltc says, true love doesn't just stop because of death.... Peace and hugs to all!! Patti

Karenb - We are really glad you found us! We're always here to "vent" on or to cry with or whatever it is you feel. You're right..It sure DOESN'T go away. May 16th will be 2 1/2 years since I lost the love of my life, my husband Charlie. (it's so hard to believe that I have been without him for that much time) Just writing to you about him brings tears to my eyes - I miss him so much! As everyone here has said time does make it a little less "painful" - the sadness isn't quite as often and the tears aren't either, BUT it sure doesn't go away. It becomes "the normal" just like Derek said. I can't say that I like "the normal" but it has become my life. Most of the time when I think of him or of something he would have said or done, I can smile, but I still miss him like crazy!! I was so lucky to have had him in my life and for him to have been such an intimate part of my life. No one else ever had him for their husband - he was the BEST! There are so many wonderful people here to help you through this. Just keep coming and posting, if you want, or you can just read. I read every day - I just don't always post....sometimes I just don't have the right words. Take care and hugs to you!!(and everyone here) (My brother & his family live in Bothell) Patti

Derek - The qualified widow/widower status(exemption) ONLY pertains to people that have minor children. That is why you get to file that way....and us, with no minor children left at home, get to file single! I personally think that there should be an adjustment period for widow/widowers of like a year, so you have time to "adjust" to a different filing status. To go from having 2 incomes and filing married/joint to having 1 income and having to file single is a HUGE change. I ended up having to pay the IRS the year after I lost Charlie because of that change. Of course I didn't have the money because of THAT change.... Fortunately for me, 2006 gave me a refund so I was able to offset what I still owed them from 2005 with my refund and now I'm paid in full with the IRS!! Yea!! I have since changed my W9. Life stinks without our loved ones!!! Too many things change and I don't like it! My best to you, WaltC. I know you are at your 1 year mark. Hugs to all of you. Patti

Terry - I understand how you feel. My daughter and 3 grandkids were living with me for about 9 months and they just moved out about a month ago. It is quiet! The kids are 4,6&8 so after 9 months of CRAZINESS, I'm rather enjoying the peace and quiet. It is lonely, tho. Nine months is not a very long time, so I understand how lonely you feel. It's been almost 2 1/2 years since I lost my husband, so it's not quite as raw. It's become the normal, now, for him to not be around.... I still miss him terribly and I know that I always will!! I need to find something to keep me busy in the evenings because currently all I do is sit around and I know that isn't good for me. My daughter and grandkids aren't that far away from me, either, so I still see them quite often. I just took the kids to the movies yesterday after school. GOSH the movies have gotten expensive!! Between the tickets and "eats" I spent a bunch! Take care and keep coming here! We'll all get you through your transition. Have the best day possible, everyone! Hugs Patti

Benita - I feel the same way. My comfort is knowing that my husband is not in any pain, can breathe fine and is in a "better place". Next month, on the 16th, it will be 2 1/2 years for me. I still miss him and love him so much that sometimes it hurts, but you're right, it has gotten easier. It's become the "norm" now to not have him at home - I'm trying to find my own way in this life. Charlie is still such a huge part of me, but he wanted me to go on and finish living out my life as happily as I can. I take salvation in the fact that I have my daughter and 3 grandkids that I love dearly. I know that Charlie wanted to see the grandkids grow up, but since he's not here to do that then that is what I am here to do. To be a big part of their lives, to remind them how wonderful their grandpa was and to love them unconditionally. Most of the time I smile, now, when I think of things he would have said or done; sometimes they are followed by "teary" eyes because I miss him so much and want him to be here. It is definately "easier" now than it was a year ago. I think YOU are doing wonderfully after only 7 months - you see things so clearly! Hugs to all of you!!! Have the best day possible. Patti

Annie - I think this is a wonderful idea! I bet you will have a lot of replys to this thread 'cause I'm sure everyone here wants to tell us all about the fabulous people they have lost. (Your mom sounded like a GREAT person - I can see why you miss her so much!) OK, let's see...my husband, Charlie, was so gentle, caring, compassionate and loved to laugh. He had the cutiest laugh when he got really "tickled" about something. (His normal laugh and that laugh were two entirely different ones) He loved the outdoors - he waterski'd almost his entire life, he snow ski'd, tried snow boarding and would come home and talk about how "beatup" his body was after a day of snowboarding (I think he got slammed a few times!), he mountain climbed, rock climbed - I think he would have tried anything once. He was a carpenter, all his life, and loved heights. When we went to Las Vegas he always had to go to the top of the Stratosphere and ride the roller-coaster and the other ride they had up there. Mostly he loved his motorcycles. He had "small" motorcycles growing up, but always wanted a Harley. We lived in Alaska for a lot of years and getting a Harley there didn't seem like the most sensible thing, so he never did (he had a different motorcycle). Then we moved to sunny Arizona and NOW getting the "bike" he really wanted seemed worth it. FINALLY, a year before he passed away we were able to get him a 2000 Harley Davidson Deuce. He LOVED it. He rode as much as he could - we took a couple of weekend trips on it and I loved riding behind him. He was always so street-smart about riding and I had complete faith in his ability. My Charlie was very handsome. He had the most beautiful dark curley hair and every woman that would see him would comment on how beautiful his hair was and how much they wish they had had his hair. He had gorgeously tan skin (he was of Rumanian decent so he had a dark complexion), and pretty brown eyes - I miss looking into them. He was absolutely the best husband!! He was completely trustworthy, loyal, let me be myself and loved me for it. We did everything together and loved being with each other - even if it was just sitting at home watching TV. Thank you for letting me tell you about the best man that ever entered my life. I loved him then and I love him now - I will miss him tremendously the rest of my life!! Hugs to all of you. Patti

That poem sure says it all! I love it! It brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry everyone seems to be feeling so down here lately. I hope the near future brings peace to all of us. Hugs! Patti

Wouldn't that be nice if it WAS just all a bad dream! I will never forget....our time together was the BEST part of my life. I miss Charlie so much!! I love him with all my heart (or what shattered part is left.) Hugs to all!! Patti (Kathy, we missed you at lunch! )

It has been quiet here. I've checked everyday and no one has been writing. Annie - I am so sorry to hear about your beloved dog. Having to put a family member "down" is horrible....I remember it well. To this day, I don't have any animals...I just can't. I am truly sorry to hear about your dad, too. I hope things will turn around for the better!! UsTwo - I am sorry to hear that the depression has come back. It's amazing how we get through these months, isn't it? Coming up, for me, will be 28 months without the man I loved more than anything. I still miss him so much, but it really has become the "norm" to not have him around. I think about him everyday, especially when I get home from work, but I don't EXPECT him to be there, like before. It's weird... I hope the spring helps bring you some new and fresh beginnings. John - WOW!!! A book! You mean that we will be able to say that we "know" the author of this book?!?! I've never known anyone famous before..... I think that's wonderful - we all have always told you that you have a definate "nack" for writing and this really proves it. Jack is very proud, you know that, right? Be sure to keep us posted on how the publishing is going! Congratulations. I hope everyone has the best weekend possible. Love and hugs to all of you!! Patti

As far as not wanting to get close to anyone - this even entails animals. My husband and I had to put our "best friend" to sleep just about a year before I lost him. People would ask me all the time - Are you going to get another dog? My reply then was not now and then I lost my husband, 13 months later and now I REALLY don't want to get another dog. I don't know how this whole loss thing will impact my future relationships. I can't, at this point, even take my wedding rings off, so it would be tough to "find" someone else...everyone probably sees my rings and assumes that I'm married. That's alright, for now, because I'm terrified of getting involved with someone else. The thought of dating, kissing, any of that scares the hell out of me. I read the thread that Marty put up about feeling guilty and I know I shouldn't, but it's something I'm having trouble with. My husband even gave me his blessings on having someone else, someday, to love - in a letter he wrote me while he was in the hospital. Told me I deserved to be happy and he hoped that I got married again someday, but I still feel like I would be betraying him....I don't know - it could take a while. I'm in NO hurry! Hopefully, someday, I can open my feelings up and let someone else into my life. Hugs to all of you!! Patti