missingcharlie

Well, I will add to this. It will be 2 years in about 2 weeks, for me, and my husband's clothes still hang in the closet and are still in his dresser. This has been the hardest part of letting go, for me. I feel if I "get rid" of these things it's going to seem like I don't care anymore (or something) and that is absolutely not the case. Actually, lately, I have been making a plan to get this done by the end of the year. It's not like I NEED the space, but I am starting to think that it's time. Over the last 2 years I have gotten rid of some things, like his jeans, some dress shirts he hardly ever wore and some work shirts (he was in construction)I've turned into dust rags (cause they were to that point....). He was a HUGE "T-shirt guy", so pretty much his closet consists of T-shirts and I won't be getting rid of any of those, I'm just going to pack them away. I'm going to get some plastic containers and TRY to get through packing his stuff away. It's going to be very difficult for me! I just hate the thought of feeling like I just threw him out the door....I know you all understand what I mean!! HUGS to everyone!! Patti

Chrissy - My 2 years is just around the corner and like Larrysgirl said I keep remembering what was going on around this time. He was in the hospital for 25 days prior to passing away and I'm "in" that 25 day period right now. I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes you just can't help but remember. I know that you are in a lot shorter timeframe now than me, so it's much more fresh in your mind. I promise that someday you will remember the good times and actually laugh about them - it just takes a while. I, too, wish I had never gone back to his hospital room to see him. The walls were closing in on me and I HAD to get out of that room, so I spent quite a while sitting out in the waiting room watching "our" show, "The Amazing Race". Just as it ended my daughter came out and told me that he was gone. I curled up on the floor in the corner and sobbed hysterically. My sisterinlaw came over to hug and talk with me and convinced me that I should go back to the window of his room and see that he was peaceful. I kept telling her I didn't want to go, but she told me that she thought it would make me feel better(to know that he was at peace)....yeah, well it didn't! I have NEVER forgotten that sight. She tried to convince me that it looked like he was sleeping and I told her that no it didn't because he never slept in that position. I WISH I HAD NEVER GONE BACK THERE!!! I totally understand what you are saying. I try so hard to remember him when he was healthy and enjoying life. I know what I have written doesn't help any. I just wanted to write to let you know how much I understand. I wish all of us here could meet someday and just hug each other. The best I can do for you now is to <<<HUG>>> you on here! We care!! Try to think good thoughts and give your little boy a big hug for me!! Patti

Laurie - I remember getting a letter from social security, because we had been trying to get Charlie on disability prior to him passing away and in that letter it said something to the effect that we were married on such & such a day and due to death we weren't married anymore. I got this letter just a few months after we passed and I was hysterical!!! The last thing I wanted to see on paper was that I wasn't married to him anymore. I cried for hours. The first 6 months are absolutely the worst due to all the paperwork and crap you have to go through. It will be 2 years in about 2 weeks and I still cry near about everyday. A lot of things get easier, but a lot of things don't. We're here for you, tho!!!! HUGS! Patti

That was beautiful and I know that is exactly what my husband is saying to me! Sounded like it came right from his mouth! I am going on, but I miss being with him so much. Everything I do I want to do with him...and I can't. It just makes me so sad. I hope he understands that. Thank you for sharing that with us. Now I need to go and wipe my tears! Patti

Kay - I am feeling so bad for you!! I, and the rest of us, understand what it's like to have lost one of our incomes. It's truly a struggle!! My husband made decent money and when he was still with me and working I decided to go back to being a mortgage loan officer and work on commission. NOW I'm worried because I have no backup. The market is VERY slow and I wonder, sometimes, where my money is going to come from. I am so very sad for you having lost your job - I know how scary that can be!! I, too, wish I could help you! I don't know what the job situation is there, but you need to try to find SOMETHING...even if it's not what you want, it would atleast be something. Hopefully your mortgage payments aren't very much. Is there anyone, family wise, that can help you out for a while? I know it's hard to ask. Being in the mortgage business I DO know that you have to be 62 to do a reverse mortgage, so I'm thinking that is not an option. Depending on what your credit looks like, you might be able to refinance doing what they call a "no doc" loan which means you do not even have to have a job. I truly hope things turn around for you. Having to worry about your home when you are grieving the loss of your husband is VERY unfair!!! My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers. Patti

Laurie - I know it seems unbearable now. I understand how you feel and after almost 2 years, somedays, it still seems unbearable, but I'm still here. All you can do is take one day at a time. You don't need to rush anything for anyone, this is something that you do in your own timeframe. I understand what you're saying about laughing and having fun. I promise that someday you will smile and laugh again. At some point, you will EVEN smile and laugh about things having to do with your husband. It just takes some time. I think what Derek said about being open with your feelings with the boys is absolutely the best way to go. You know they need to "feel" what they feel, too and you all need to help each other get through these rough times. My heart is with you today and every day. It will ease up - I promise!! Patti

My friend, Grace. I hope you will be at our lunch tomorrow so that I can give you a BIG hug. Our Charlie's were so deeply loved and now so deeply missed. I, too, am coming up on my 2 years and I also don't know how I have made it this far without the man I loved more than anything. As WaltC said, if we hadn't loved them so much, we wouldn't miss them so much. My heart is with you today. All we can do is remember the best times of our lives - the wonderful memories we had with them. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but that's how we'll all get through this. <<<<HUGS>>>> to you! Hopefully we will see you at Applebee's tomorrow!!!! Patti

Sometime after I lost my husband I had a dream that I was in the kitchen area of my house where I can see into another room. I turned around and saw Charlie sitting in a chair in that room. I walked over to him, he stood up and we hugged - then I woke up. That's been about it, but atleast I got a hug from him. Somebody told me that you don't start dreaming about them until you've "accepted" that they are gone. Don't really think that's true 'cause I don't think at the time I had my dream I was to that point. Sometimes, now, I'm still not sure I've "accepted" it. I wanted to tell all of you something. Don't know how many of you believe in psychic mediums, but my motherinlaw had a "reading" the other day. She wanted to hear from my husband and one thing he "said" was that we needed to continue talking to him because he hears everything we say to him. So all of you need to keep talking to your loved one!! Hugs to all of you! Patti

Mrs.Charley- I too am saddened by your loss and I hope you get the satisfaction you need. Sounds like there was nothing but incompetance...all the away around! I also wanted to let you know, as you can see by my "name", that I lost MY Charlie - Nov. 16th will be 2 years. Can't hardly believe that I have survived this long without the man I loved more than anything...but somehow I have. If you just keep coming here, we will do everything in our power to help you get through this. It's a long, lonely, sad road, but we're all going down it together. We are our own "family" here because no one else understands our pain but us. Rest assured...we DO understand. We truly are glad you found us. My heart goes out to you!! Patti

Larrysgirl - I'm doing 23 months today; the 2 year mark is right around the corner...so very hard for me to believe! I'm not sure how I have made it this far, either, but for some reason I keep waking up every morning. Then I feel compelled to get up and get myself going. I think you need to remember that if you were to "do it", you won't end up with Larry and I know that's what you want in the end. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually it gets easier - I don't like it anymore than 23 months ago, but it does seem easier. PLEASE hang in there with us. If you get that feeling again, come here and write us!! HUGS to you!!! Patti

John - Thanks for that! I can hardly wait until the time when I can rock him tightly in my arms, again.... John - I know you live in Phoenix (or there abouts..) and we have a widows/widowers lunch every 3rd Sat. at the Applebee's on Central and Camelback. We would love to have you come,if you'd like. We meet at 1pm. I personally would love to meet you and give you a big hug. If you are interested, please join us! My best to you. Patti

Oh my gosh! I, too, am very saddened by your loss and I know that everyone here will be writing as soon as they read your post! We all thought that your mother was so brave. I know when she first wrote us in June she was very distraught and I think she just wanted someone she could talk to that wasn't part of the family. She was so torn as to whether to tell you all of her illness and I think we convinced her that she needed to tell you. We all have experienced a great loss and we understood how all of you would feel when this happened to your family. Once again, I have so sorry and my heart goes out to all of you!!! Your mother sounded like a wonderful person who had an extremely big heart and really cared about people. (something you don't find everyday) She was special and that is what you need to keep in your heart, always!!!! We hope that when you can, you will come here and write some more to us. We will be looking forward to that day. Many hugs to you and your family from "our family", here. Patti

My heart goes out to all of you. Your losses are so fresh and I am truly sorry that you have had to experience this. As the others have said, we are all here for you! We are traveling the same road - some a little further ahead than others. As much as I can't believe it, next month will be 2 years for me and at times it seems like yesterday. I OFTEN wonder how I have gotten this far without the man I loved more than anything, but somehow we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. I think it's because we all know that our loved ones would want us to go on and to live for them. To date, it is definately the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life. My mother-in-law says that most people expect to lose their parents, their siblings and their spouses SOMEDAY, but there is nothing harder than losing a child. I don't know...I think losing your spouse, someone you were with day in and day out, through good times and bad, for years and years would have to rank right up there at the top. (I hope to never have to experience losing a child or grandchild) She unfortuately has experienced both; losing her husband 16 years ago and now having lost her youngest child and only son. As time goes on, it does change. You get more used to it, but getting used to it doesn't make it much better. All we can do is to support each other here because no one else understands how we feel. That's why I like coming here because no one is rushing me to "get over it". Everyone here is very comforting and we all feel like we're "family". Just keep coming here and writing whatever it is you want - someone will write back! I am very sorry you had to find us, but glad you did! Hugs and prayers to all!! Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004; I love & miss you, Dear!)

Derek, I have tears in my eyes! That was beautifully said. You TRULY have come a long way from 6 months ago - I'm having trouble believing that it has BEEN six months already. I'm SURE that you and your son will be fine. He has a strong and loving dad - someday he will tell you how proud he is of you! That will be a great day. We are so glad that you are part of our "family". You are truly an inspiration to all of us. About your trip....try not to dwell on the past. Just try to enjoy yourself and Carson! You both will be fine. My best to you!!! Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004 - I love & miss you, Dear!)

I want to say Hi to everyone. I had to change my login here due to my computer crashing.....so, it's me... Patti54, but now I'm "missingcharlie". I thought that was appropriate since I have been missing him so much lately. It's funny how time will go by and you seem to be getting along OK and then one day WHAM! all of a sudden you're down in the dumps again. I guess maybe it's because the holidays are coming and it will be my 2 year mark in November - something I still have a hard time believing. Then Saturday I was having my carpets cleaned and was picking up some stuff in the bedroom and I came across some paperwork....looked at it and started sobbing. Copies of tests that they had run on Charlie over the last couple of years before I lost him. I've been depressed ever since. I'm glad I have you all to talk with! Anyway, I'm back on our website now...so, I will write again soon. Hugs to everyone! It pains me to see so many "new" people on here, but we are glad you have found our "family". We're always here.... Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004; I love & miss you Dear!)