Widowedbysuicide

Thinking of you all and hoping that life together is getting better for all of you ❤️🙏

Dearest Allen,

As I have first hand knowledge of being left alone because of suicide I can tell you that I believe the love your Dad felt for you on any given day in your life was not diminished near his final hours.  His death was not anything to do with you.  He was sick and it was his mental illness.

It is hard to accept that this could be true, but that is what the stigma of suicide does.  It makes us disect everything we thought about that person and ourselves.  A person who is suffering with depression can get to a point where they do not think rationally.  I think once people see suicide and mental health as a possible fatal disease like cancer and death things will be better.  That won't happen for me and probably not so much for my 31 yr old son but I think that it can happen in your children's lifetime.

Sending you and your beautiful Katie sisterly hugs ❤️🙏. I hope my words have a positive effect as that is all I want for you and your family.

❤️🙏

Both very good articles @MartyT.

@A&K  Katie I hold you and your family firmly in my heart.  I'm so sorry you all have had so much loss and I, like many people on this forum, wish so much that I could help you all in some way.  Your children here on earth are beautiful angels and so are your angels in heaven.  Sending prayers for you all. 🙏

Janka, thank you for your compliments.  I am not so special I just feel a special closeness with you.  You deserve every happiness possible and I am happy for you when you are happy.  I wish you all the joy in the world and will celebrate it in your honour.  

I really liked Brad's photos too ❤️

Thinking of you Janka.  I hope you will find something beautiful today.

On 6/3/2018 at 6:32 AM, DarrelW said:

For my own sanity and well-being it's important for me to accept the fact that I need to be okay with spending the remainder of my life alone. After all, how does one duplicate perfection? 

I can totally understand this statement and the question.  The idea of being alone for the next however many years (25+ maybe) certainly was shocking to me.  But the more I get to know new people the less I want to spend time with them because they just aren't my Gord.  I think it's better to live with the love of a great person in your heart and memory than to spend time with people that don't make you laugh, or hold you when you need any cry.

What would be nice is to have a man friend who just wanted to be a friend.  I would like a fishing buddy.

Sorry @DarrelW.  I didn't mean to make this about me.  I hope you can find comfort in knowing you loved and was loved by the perfect partner.  All others are pale in comparison.

I spent most of my day outside.  It was warm but a cool breeze helped cool me while cutting grass and doing outdoor chores.  The very best part of my day was being able to smell the wild roses and watch my horse moving among them and the other wild flowers in the field.

I thought of you Janka, enjoying some good conversation and listening to music.  I hope tomorrow is another good day for us 💓 hugs my sister.

This is my husband Gordon.  This was just a couple of years before his death.  He was gentle and loving.  I miss him a lot right now.

Dearest A&K,

I have prayed for your family for some time now but it seems my prayers aren't being answered the way I would like.  Mental health has been overlooked for so long and unfortunately it is almost a taboo topic.  I'm sorry that there has been such suffering with mental health and physical health these last several years.  I hope you both continue to have the strength and ability to help your family heal.

My heart breaks thinking of all your family has suffered.  I know that bad things happen to good people but you have had too much of the bad.  It's time for some of the sad to be replaced with some joy and peace.  I continue to pray for you all.

I wish my virtual hugs cold help you. 

Sincerely, Marita

You are right to kick the pretend friend to the curb.

Anyone who talks like that and behaves like that is not to be trusted.  I am glad you can see his true self.  It hurts though, knowing we trusted someone who could be that way.  Often we are too angry with ourselves to realize it isn't our fault.

We have sunshine here today and I hope to ride my horse.  I probably won't do that but just having that hopeful feeling is good.

Thinking of you again today.

Good evening my sister Janka

My husband was the only person who loved me for myself.  He knew everything about me and loved me for my faults as well as my good points.  He was so kind, patient, giving, and understanding of my issues with depression.  No other person will ever love me more completely so I believe I know what you are feeling. 

It saddens me when people we have known for a time just do not comprehend that we know how we think and feel.  Each of us has the right to feel what we feel and we should never have to defend ourselves.  We already live with so much pain; they need to respect us and just listen instead of trying to make it "all better".

Sorry for your heart today Janka. ❤️

Hello to you from my horse Scout

Good morning Janka

You are 9 hours ahead of where I am.  You talk of morning when I am still sleeping.

I understand about the living in the grief and loneliness Bering an overwhelming thought.  I think that way often too.  God has a plan only he knows and we just have to trust that his plan involves a better life.

Wishing you some moments of comfort today and everyday.

Welcome @Nicolegrace,

I'm too am sorry you are going through the hell of grief.  I can not say if it gets better, it has been 2 yrs 5 months and 2 days for me.  There are definitely ups and downs, good for a time and then devastated again.  Nothing stays the same in life or in grief.  Good and bad come and go without the warning that might help us.

An important thing to know is that there is no better place to come than here when you need or want to talk, share, vent, YELL or SCREAM.  Every person here has been devastated by the death of a significant person in their life.  Mine was my husband of 35+ years.  Do not discount your grief as we are equals here.  @MartyT always has great advice and is very knowledgeable and compassionate.

We all try to help each other here and mostly we succeed.  It is more difficult for some of us to put words on a screen that describe what we are trying to say.  Feelings don't always show in our words and sometimes the words we choose don't mean the same to us as they might to you.  Please don't be offended by comments because they aren't meant to judge, compare, criticize, or hurt you. This is my disclaimer 🙄.  

I hope you will find what you are needing here.  Again, I am sorry for your loss and for the hurtful reminders of all of what you lost.

Marita

You are generous with your compliments.

I feel we are all here to find help for ourselves and in doing that we are also helping each other.  It is a very good thing.  I'm glad to be able to help in any way I can.  🐴 I don't know how to make all the beautiful art on here like you do.

Take care my sister 💓❤️

Janka I'm sorry for all the losses in your life. 

I can understand the cumulative losses having a terrible effect on you.  Since my husband took his life almost two years ago I have lost too much too.  I don't have any great advice on how to keep going while hoping for some normality. 

I believe you are incredibly strong.  You work so very hard at being better and it can be very draining.  I wish I could tell you that everything that you are doing will soon bring you some special peace.  Without our partners we can not be the people we were.  So much of us was tied into them.  It's like having our brain cut in half and expecting ourselves to function as we did before they died.

When you love deeply and completely anything less is unsatisfying.  Loneliness is so much harder now than it was before we fell in love. 

Sending you hugs and prayers my friend.  I think we each must follow our hearts to continue on in life to honour our loved ones. ❤️

Love the photo.  Hope you will be feeling better soon.

You are very helpful Janka.  As far as helping yourself I think maybe you are too strict with yourself.  Remember to be as kind to yourself as you are with others.  You do deserve so much more and it's great that you recognize that.  Sorry you are in that deep grief again.

I love how you are able to express you love for your beloved Jan.

❤️

I'm not surprised about how you feel today.  This journey is definitely hard on ever part of us.  Hugs to you 💓

I'm sorry that at this time you are not able to find comfort or peace in your memories. 

It comes and goes with me.  Sometimes I feel like I can't take another breath, but I do.  I do it because I want to honour my husband.  Born February 5, '59 died too soon January 5, 2016. 

Do what works for you.  While we all have loss and grief in common each of us as individuals have differing ways of grieving.

And, know that you are not alone here.

Thinking of you today and hoping that you're having some good memories.

Hello @CairnLady.  I am glad you found your way here. 

It is a great place to come and just be yourself.  I appreciate when people on here are able to say that they misunderstood something or that they made an error in something.  I also appreciate when I read on here about others who are feeling as I do or are in similar circumstances and how they are dealing with it.  The very best thing is hearing from others here who are finding some moments of joy or having less deep grief.

I can relate to many of the things you have mentioned, I am so sorry that you have lost your special love.  I pray that tomorrow isn't too painful for you. ❤️

Marita

I find it difficult to come here because it reminds me that Butch is no longer with us.  We didn't have to meet for me to feel a sisterly love for him.  I pray that he has found the peace he was seeking.

I think of him and his family very often.  So much love was there but for whatever reason that love wasn't meant to save them all.  

Most of the time I had some one or some thing I could blame for the death of a person I care for.  In this case I can not find blame.  I know that sometimes people blame the person who completed suicide but I do not feel that way about Butch or my husband.  My heart breaks for them that the pain was too much for them to bare.  I can be angry with Cancer or impaired drivers, etc.  But to be angry because someone was hurting so much - I cannot feel that..  

To you Butch, I miss you and I am hopeful that you are where you want to be.

To my Gord, I pray you found the peace you were seeking.

Reading here helps me feel normal in my grief.  I don't like it but I at least know I'm not off my rocker yet.

As those 'special' days come and go it sure reminds me of how much I miss my husband.  My son just turned 31 and Mother's day is too soon as well.  

I hope your birthday is better than you anticipate Mitch.

💓