AB3

Thank you

Thank you all for your insights. I'm a bit hesitate on taking antidepressants but if it will help me feel even the slightest bit better than I am currently I'm willing to try them.

Thank you Gwenivere. We talked for about 30 mins or so but I can understand your concern. She was concerned after viewing my paperwork that detailed my current mood and state of mind. Based off that evaluation she stated due to what she learned about me she heavily believes I need antidepressants. I have never been to counseling or been on any medication so I'm not sure what is right or wrong in this case.

Went to the counseling center today and spoke with a therapist for a bit, my first appointment is this Tuesday coming up. The therapist stated I will definitely need depression/anxiety medication in addition to therapy. Does anyone have any experience with these types of meditations?? I'm nervous about having to take them so any insight anyone could offer would be much appreciated. I'm hopeful that therapy will help me cope. It was hard to take that first step but very necessary.

Marg, everyday that we survive is good enough as right now...in this unfamiliar life....that's all we can do....and that's a big accomplishment.

I can relate so much to this feeling I think we all can. Feels like we are all floating in an alternate reality somewhere. I'm so sorry you have to feel like this also.

Praying for you all

Annew, I can relate to every word that you are saying. I have learned that it never helps to keep the pain inside it only does more damage in the end so make sure you vent (cry, talk, scream etc.) As much as you need to. There are so many beautiful people here who don't mind and will always be here to listen

I wanted to share my recent journal entry with you all because I feel like we all can relate to this on some level. There is no doubt that the beauty of life can be found in a soulmate. I always believed we come here with the person that we are meant to be with and I became even more certain of this when I found my soulmate. When I met chris I felt like I have known him my entire life, we just instantly clicked on every level. It's as if we knew each other before....maybe in another life we did. The pain I feel from losing him is so intense because we became one he was literally my other half. But being that we were (are) soulmates we would have to find each other again....through death....through life...through something beyond my imagination or reality. Our hearts are forever joined...we are forever "one".

Darrel I'm sorry that you and your love had to experience such "carelessness". I'm not sure what is going on with medical professionals these days but I am very disappointed in their lack of attentiveness. After my love was in and out the hospital the doctors were aware of the drop in his heart function and of course the extensive am out of antibodies that were causing his heart to reject yet after his last appointment in October they scheduled one at the end of December, which I believe was way too far out. Now I'm left wondering if he was seen earlier would he still be alive today.

Yes exactly. I say that I feel like I'm in an alternate reality everyday.....maybe we are.

Saturdays and the 10th of the month are now so very dreadfull. It's crazy how your body knows about these days and begins to physically shut down.

Thank you everyone! I will let keep you all posted on how everything goes.

So true. I'm sure we never wanted our loves to be in pain but yet we still selfishly wanted them here.

Awww thank you Marty that makes me feel a lot better as I always feel like I'm complaining and burdening others. But I so appreciate the support and encouragement that I get from this group. I don't feel so alone.

Thank you everyone!

I want to first start out by saying thank you to all of you who have offered your support and advice to me in some of my most darkest post. I also want to apologize for being on such an emotional roller coaster and complaining so much about how I'm feeling as we all have suffered in many ways from losing our spouse/partner. I've realized that my depression has only been getting worst and that if I don't face this grief head on It will take me out permanently. So I've decided to go for grief counseling to get the help I need. While I was against it at first, I realized this is the only thing that will save me....save me from destroying myself. While I am nervous I am hopeful that this is exactly what I need. Again thank you all for your support and putting up with me.

This is so very true Brad. None of us expected this to happen. As with everything else in life, we act according to what we know and can't very well act in ways that reflect what we don't know.

Marie, thank you again Also you mentioned guilt, one of the worst aspects of grief. It's crazy how much guilt you can carry after losing someone you love so much. I've been struggling with guilt myself but every time I feel guilty about something that happened in the past I think to myself "what good would it do now??" Guilt won't change the reality that our loves are gone but it's hard not to imagine what would of happened if we did something different.

Thank you Enna

Oooh Marie, you don't know how much I needed those words you just said. Grief is rough, I never felt so hopeless in my life but when I think about just ending it all and being reunited with my love I think about all the pain I would cause for those who love and care for me especially my mother. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

Thank you for your kind words. I always feel the need to apologize to everyone over constantly complaining about how I'm feeling. I never want to be a burden to anyone. But I do feel comfortable expressing myself here, knowing I'm not so alone during this journey

Thank you Marty

Marty, yes I've been reluctant to seek counseling but I may consider it. I just don't know what else to do anymore everything just feels so overwhelming right now and I feel like I have no where to turn. My life is falling apart and I know if I don't try to get a handle on things it will be the end of me.

Yesterday I told my supervisor that I'm unable to work right now, I've been really depressed and working has been extremely hard right now. I'm worried that I won't have a job to go back to by taking this time to get myself together. Should I just force myself to go back and work anyways like I was doing despite how bad I'm feeling? Life is just so complicated right now and I'm stressed on top of dealing with this grief. I don't know what to do anymore. Please if anyone has any advice please share. Thank you all.