Autumn2

Eagle-96 I can so relate to your regret and guilt. If I and the hospital had only done things differently. I have written about what happened a whole back so won'tgo into it again. Bottom line...at the time I was with my husband as he was having a horrible time breathing and What did I say "keep your oxygen mask on, slow your breathing, etc. " and was holding his right arm down as the nurse on the other side was holding his left arm down. So he couldnt pull his oxygen off. I remember it so vividly...the sheer terror in his eyes and I had the opportunity to say "I love you so much" and didnt. Looking back I realize I was numb and still thinking or not he was going to be alright. Once he was sedated and intubated and had the massive heart attack I never had the opportunity to say those words. Lots of other things I regret, the hospital messed up bad, etc. but at his last I was not there for him mentally...I was holding him down. At times I hate myself. it is 5 months. Dont figure this is ever going to change. I am so sorry for how you feel and the losses of so many on this group. This group has been a great comfort to me as you all understand...even if in our brains we know we did our best,our heart says different. Peace to all of us!

Our four kids all live far away but so far (only five months) they have all been to visit since....two of them, a daughter and son, frequently call or text every day or two, the other two (sons) rarely...in fact the one only on Mother's Day. A year and a half ago I was carrying a microwave down to the basement, missed a step cuz I couldnt see them and fell most of the way down a flight of stairs. I broke my femur...had surgery with a rod and screws and took me a good nine months to get back to pretty close to normal. My hubby thruout all of this was wonderful and took such good care of me even though he had Parkinson's. In many ways we became even closer during this time. I miss him so. Anyway, the reason for this post, i have an Alert Necklace (You can get them alt Walmart and dont have to pay a monthly fee...my hubby was a pharmacist and knew wbout them...dont remember the name of the company). Now, for my other problem/paranoia is when I die and am not found for several days because my two kids who do call frequently have nOt, I know for a 100 percent fact if you die with pets and several days pass they will (how to delicately put this) make sure they are not going hungry! Need I say more without being too graphic. Before my hubby died we both knew we could not totally depend on anyone but ourselves so investigated what could we do that would at least guarantee a call once a day. We found I Am Fine ($120.00a year. It is a digital call service that calls you once a day at what ever time you decide, you push one that you are okay. If you miss the call, it recalls you three more times at ten minute intervals. Then if still no answer they call whoever you designate...I desigated a daughter and son would would most likely be reached. So far the service has been 100 percent. The ratings are excellent. And btw you can pause it if on vacation, etc. Also, btw, I have no financial interest in either company mentioned. Both have allowed me the independence I need at this time. Hope it may help some of us older spring chickens or those with disabilities who dont have really close family or friends checking on them daily.

Imho there are no silly things we may do. I won't even state some of what I do or you really may all think I am losing it. Nevertheless, my hubbys death was pretty sudden and though we had been married 52 years it is never enough. Even though at our Age, we knew one of us would go before the other probably I still cannot really believe it. It is five months now and I do believe I feel worse, probably because the first couple of months I was literally numb. I did not cry externally for several months (would get the shakes instead) now doesnt take much to start me. I, too, miss him so much and can relate to each and every one of you in your grief. Hugs to each and all.

Eagle 96. I. Too, agree with the others that this IS the group. I can so relate to what you feel. I still feel terrible and wonder will it ever end. My husband of 52 years, was my best friend. He was my everything. We didnt have many close friends because we had each other. Not much more I can say except I wish you as well as you can possibly be and send you many hugs.

Does it never end? Everyday I see hundreds if not thousands of things "before"...the jar of jam we had bought but hadnt opened yet, the last time we used the weed sprayer, the last time I used the iron for his shirt. Yes, ONLY five months but it goes on and on. I really would like to sell everything and move to a new town ans start over without these reminders. There are plenty of reminders in my heart which are always there but I really would like to get away from all this. I know we are all different...some want to stay, others want to go.I will not do anything for at least anyear and see if my son retires so would move closer to him. Our daughter is in Canada so that is not an option. How does one get thru days where so much of what you see is another stab in my heart. Yeah,the jam this morning really got to me.

For us 53 years. I hate to be morbid, and I am not suicidal But the one good thing about being married so long is I probably wont be around that long to suffer that much longer. Guess I could live to be 90 or 100 but when you hurt so bad that doesnt seem possible. So I take one day at a time and dont much worry about the future. It is what it is.

Five months too. My life is existing not living...do what I need to do and little else . Really nothing brings me any kind of happiness right now. Again...just existing.

Five months for me also. I feel much like you do. I cant comprehend how I can spent the rest of my life like this and yet I guess I/we have to. The thought of never really hearing his voice again, feeling his hugs, discussing life with him is unbearable. I so hope all of us somehow can find a way to deal with this. Hugs.

Well 48 hours no call...but I called their Financial Investment Service and actually reached a person. He was very nice. While he was unable to help me he did give me another number which I called. The lady there really was kind of rude but I think, I hope I got the info I need and once again filled out the forms ( which previously had been told I didnt need) and mailed. Could have faxed but concerned with fax my drivers license would not be prestine enought for them. Supposedly 7-10 business days. We shall see. Of all the phone calls I have made there was only one pleasant person and he wasnt even trying to sell me annuities, etc. he helped by transferring where I could get help.

Yes...Taking Chance...but then again there is "driving", lol

More bitching. Why does everything seem sooooo hard. I have been trying since January to "fix" me as beneficiary to my husbands IRA at Citibank. I am listed as beneficiary. All okay right? Nope, not with Citibank and I dont live in a state with Citibank. Nothing I do is "right" with them and I have filled out reams of stuff with other banks, insurances, etc. they are giving me such a runaround. "Pox on them". Yeah, and today is a bad day for me, too! Last correspondence from them drivers license not clear enough. Clear enough for my 70 year old eyes...without glasses. So off to Staples to have it copied "professionally". Then I call and the young idiot says why dont I drop in and bring it...she has my address in front of her. I dont live in a state with a citibank. So then i request another phone numbers for more problems with them...she gives me the same number I get to get her...which I explained...oh, she is just customer service (or lack there of) and yet that is the number on the letter for estate retirement services...so what she can do is send an email to the person I got the letter from...response time 24 hours...you think? Will let you all know. No, I am not real hopeful.

How dare the earth continue rotating, the trees and flowers blooming, how dare these things continue to happen. Don't they realize he or she is gone? Crazy, but I feel the same way.

Darrel I can so relate. I never thought of our love as an addiction and yet it is so true. I dont want to be sober or drug free. The addiction gave me so many highs. Cant do without...go into withdrawals! Took me a while to be able to cry and still guess have that stiff upper lip mentality. I know the first month I did not cry and I hurt so inside, felt so tight inside and at times would start to shake inside...nothing obvious. I guess the shaking was my crying. I found a movie on netflix or was it Amazon Prime which helped release the tears and I felt so much better. The movie is Driving Chase. It you have access give it a go. It did make a difference for me...kind of like the dam opened a bit. TOM is my drug of choice..always and forever! No rehab for me.

Thoughts and warm hugs to everyone

It is the things that you would think would not bother you. Yesterday, I switched out the comforter and sheets on our bed. Getting too warm for what we had on so it "hits" me HARD last year at this time he was here and I did not know of this awful pain in my heart. I think when winter comes I will purchase new bed linens...I dont want to put the other ones back.

So far I have been able to do what I have to do but really nothing else. It is a major effort for me to do anything else. One of our sons visited last week and our daughter this week. I am very lucky and yet it is an effort to be seemingly dealing with things when they are here. At least when I am alone I can be how I want to feel. I am lonely...even when they are here because he is not. Even my daughter said it is hard to believe dad isnt here. My thoughts exactly and I live with it here. minute by minute. We knew that one of us would be alone someday and I thought we could deal with it but I have found not easy. We were older so definitely knew...but still are we ever ready, particularly if death is sudden? I wonder if other cultures handle it better. I don't know, just know I am not!

Nightwinds. Such a beautiful picture. Thank you for sharing. Got to be so hard to look at...but in another way not so much. I go back and forth looking at his picture and not being able to. This has got to be nuts. Our son was here a few weeks ago and was able to discard his cpap stuff, nebulizer, etc. I could not do it. It was left laying by his chair. I agreed for it to be put into the trash and yet I nearly went out and dug it out of the trash. See where I am at.! His clothes...in the plastic bag from the hospital I am still unable to open (4 months). They remain in the closet. Maybe some day I can open that bag and yet I very carefully scooped up a few of his whiskers in His drawer where his electric shaver was and put them in a ziplock bag. He didnt have much hair and that is what I have left. So some things I could deal with other things not so much. I could go on and on. So Much doesnt make sense even to me and yet it is what it is

Mel is a pure goldie. He is 8 years old so I do worry about him. He seems fine. Crazy like a pup. Good hips and heart but goldies are prone to cancer. He is my hubby's "boy". So many remembrances of my hubby hurt...but he doesnt. Our other two dogs and cat are wonderful too but he is super special.

I dont want to and rarely can. So lonely even when family is here. Youngest son coming tonight...nice, right and yet bedtime is nice...then I can be my true self, morose, unsmiling, sad!

Cookie, I, too, am so sorry. Not much else to say. My hubby's service dog (golden retriever) still okay but with lots of fatty tumors. Just today, I met with his wonderful puppy raiser who trained him wonderfully for two years. She just happened to be in town and called...on Hubbys phone, no less. Just happened to be charging it or would have missed her call and would not have seen it for who knows how long. It was meant to be. I asked her,if he is still here, when I am gone,would she like him...dont have to tell you she was thrilled. She is a wonderful person and my hubby and I could both rest easy knowing his faithful pal is with her. Funny as we get older, we definitely have to think of all our furbabies too. Anyway again, I am so sorry. Gentle hugs your way.

I just found out the husband of a friend died, and I cant get it out of my mind either. Crazy! Hugs

Maynard. Love all your thoughts. We have three dogs and a cat. One very old dog hanging on. Looks terrible...bag of bones, eats a ton, definitely probably the big "C". BUT she appears happy and painfree so far. She is a rescue we have had for 13 years so dont know her age. She is terrified of vets so our vet has given us some medication to relax her and then they will come to our house to help her over the rainbow bridge...but for now she is happy. She is like the energizer bunny keeps on going. They all "help" me get up in the morning. BUT I can sure relate to your loneliness also. 4.5 months for me, 53 years together.

Marita Last week In Memorium in my hubby's news bulletin, while seeing my hubby's name I also saw the name of another fellow. His wife and I had been very good friends twenty years ago, had worked at the same place, had babies at the same time, hubbys in the same line of work. We both had retired,moved away and lost contact. I reached out to her on Facebook. She called me and as we both caught up she shared that her hubby had committed suicide a month after my hubby died. I did not know what to say except how sorry I was for his death. We talked sbout our hubbys in the same line of work, etc. She mentioned it was a shock to her, he was not terminal or anything like that and said she had not shared the fact of his death with many. She followed up our phone call with her email. I want to be there for her but dont want to intrude... I guess the way many feel when our spouses die I thought I would wait a week or so and then email and then maybe a phone call. Is that the right thing to do? I have not questioned her at all about the circumstances nor will I ever. Whatever she decides is fine. I know the many things said (or not said) when my husband died, I dont want to make it worse. In some ways it seems like the elephant in the room. Thanks

KayC so sorry about the many losses in your family. Our daughter in law just lost a pregnancy...a pseudo pregnancy so to speak where the tests are all positive but there is no fetus in the egg. They wanted her to wait to miscarry spontaneously but after two weeks of waiting she could t take it anymore and they induced. Here, poor gal, she had to live thru those additional two weeks knowing there was no baby in the ovum. Guess, according to her OB this isnt that unusual but just that most people spontaneously miscarry before they really knew. Since they wanted a baby she was doing pregnancy tests early...and even showed on her facebook four positive tests. My son was devastated too. Unfortunately they are both doing physician assistant fellowships at the hospital (him in ED hers in Ortho) so they havnt had a lot of time to grieve together making it all the harder. He, particularly is reeling after his dad's death and this positive pregnancy seemed like maybe 2017 would be a better year. I feel your devastation. Hugs to you and your daughter and nothing to your son in law!

KayC Packrats ate thru our cars electrical wiring ($1,000). We found "rid a rat" seemed to stop the problem as the car had been parked outside for over a year. The rid a rat thing attaches to your car's battery doesn't drain battery or anything but then I dont know a lot about it as hubby placed it there. Auto mechanic who replaced wiring harness has had good luck with them here. Dont know if that Might help your problem or not. They cost $40-50.00. And you can get them on Amazon or a lot of other places.