Widow2015

I enjoyed reading your description of the Chinook winds. Way back in 1964 my husband and I spent our honeymoon in Alberta, Canada. He was of French Canadian descent and wanted to show me the beautiful scenery of Canada. He was born and grew up in the PNW and was the totally opposite of me since I grew up in New Orleans, LA. I was in awe at the beauty of Canada. Such sweet memories. I'm sorry you have migraines. Am hoping your medication gives you relief. I just received a text this morning that my granddaughter, age 10, had such an awful migraine she is staying home from school. My husband and sister-in-law suffered with migraines; my son, age 47, has suffered with migraines since he was a child; my grandson, age 15 has migraines. From what my son says if he catches the migraines quickly enough the medication will stop the debilitating pain, but the medication wipes him out. Dee

Gwen: How awful this place is !!! I'm keeping you in my thoughts as you face another day. Thank you for your good wishes for my upcoming event. I wish your situation was as easy as mine is supposed to be. Hugs, Dee

I hope I will be able to remember not to rub my eye(s), as well as get myself dressed decently for post op appointments. My son's fiancé, Heidi, will take me to second surgery. With their kids and their doctor appointments, I told them I could manage without them on the post op appointments. I didn't want them to give up vacation days for my follow up appointments. Thanks for the timeline on what to expect with healing. Heidi has been doing my grocery shopping since I stopped driving. I am so hopeful I can relieve her of this chore, although she says she doesn't mind. Just hate being dependent. You are blessed your son is with you. Will just have to keep on trying to do the best we can. Dee

Karen: Not to worry about remembering my surgery date. Goodness, I can't remember if I brushed my teeth some days. lol Yes, keeping the old body running is exhausting. Keep us posted on your surgery and I will do the same if I can. Don't know what I'll be able to see the next day ?? My son will take the day off for the surgery, and I will have a non-emergency driver take me to the post op the next day. I have been using the same service for all of my appointments so trust the company. The young man that picked me up Friday for my pre opt was so nice, he apologized every time he hit a hole/bump in the road. So nice and caring. Best thoughts going out to you. Hugs, Dee

I love that : "February never says goodbye"......... I live in Washington State, the Pacific NW. One of the statements for this area is, "If you don't like the weather, just wait a minute, it will change." I too miss those talks my husband and I would have each morning as we drank our morning coffee. We were retired and it was just the two of us then. Unlike you, sadly your children are still so young those mealtimes were so important for all of you. The sharing, learning and listening to each other was so important. I understand your and your children's loss. Warm thoughts to you all. Dee

Karen: Good to read your surgery was so successful. Hoping the second eye does as well for you. My surgery is scheduled March 7 on my left eye which is the eye with macular degeneration. I know this surgery won't change my central vision on that eye but peripheral vision may improve. My pre opt appointment was this past Friday. Since I didn't know what to expect at the appointment I was anxious but of course I worried needlessly. I was happy to learn I will be given a relaxant drug prior surgery. The complete month of March is medical appointments; even a dental and dermatologist appointment thrown in. Looking forward to Spring. lol I have to share ..... a couple of weeks ago as I was closing my blinds, I thought I saw something move outside ... now remember, I can't see very clearly.... as I stood and focused and didn't move I could see there were 6 young deer feasting on my potted plants right next to my window. Such a beautiful sight. Would be wonderful to be able to see well enough again to see more of them and be able to drive again. Good luck on your second surgery. Hugs, Dee

Oh Gwen: Was so hoping the call from insurance representative would be in your favor. Keeping you in my thoughts as you battle with your options. I would not know where to start if I were in your situation. Life can be so unfair. Hugs, Dee

Marg : I am impressed to read you have been out with your trekking sticks. We had a dusting of snow last night then it warmed up to the mid 30's and when I got into my car to drive down to the mailbox and meet my granddaughter's bus I had to scrape ice off my windshield as I warmed up my car. I clocked that up to my exercise for the day. Living in my new location there aren't neighbors to visit nor do I have many acquaintances or family to talk with on the phone during the day so walking around outside would do me good. Most of my old friends have passed away or we've lost touch with each other. No, I don't want to be younger if I have to be younger without my Bob. Besides, this old world is not a world I'm comfortable in anymore. Have a good evening. Hugs, Dee

Enza: How can you ever accept why your dear soulmate was taken away at such a young age? Your loss is so unfair. I loved reading the description of how he loved life and was able to interact with anyone discussing anything. His love and consideration of you, your children and home are evident of his caring character. Your married life was cut short so suddenly and much too soon. I had my Bob for almost 51 years and he was the one in this partnership that had so much to live for and so much to do all the time in addition to being an amazing husband and father. No, unfortunately there is no answer to "Why". Good thoughts, Dee

Marg: I'm not a member of the younger group here but thought I'd chime in .....I have always been a late night person so don't look forward to going to bed, but I do know after I take my sleep aide I usually get a good night's sleep. Once I awake I honestly have to force myself out of bed to face the day. Fortunately as far as I know I don't have many medical issues other than my vision problems. I keep remembering my dear Granny and the last time I saw her. She was in her early 80's. She loved my Grandfather so much and after he passed I can now understand her just laying there waiting to die. I try not to go to that place, but lately it seems like a comfortable place to go. I don't think I could leave this earth on my terms because of the pain it would cause my son. But, do wonder why am I still waking up each morning? I too dislike the amount of mail that is found in my mailbox. I thought after I moved and didn't indicate all mail be forwarded it's amazing how it all seemed to follow me and more. One of my projects on my "To Do List" after my cataract surgery is to do what you are doing. Make a list of what my son needs to do to find his way through my files and paperwork. When I had a life with Bob we wrote out our "Wishes" and completed all the legal stuff; but with Bob's passing, and my moving to a new location it has to be redone and updated again. All of this is depressing and reminding us what isn't anymore. I guess all we can do is keep trying. Hugs, Dee

Marty: Yes, I can see your beautifully shaped eyebrows. Somewhere I might have an eyebrow pencil I can learn how to use again in a few months after I can see clearly. If not, I won't worry about it. LOL Dee

Marg: So true, so true. Growing up in New Orleans I can attest to the "Glow". Thanks for the laugh. Dee

Karen: On the upside of the surgery it sounds like your "new eye" lense replacement is successful. I am happy for your results so far. Don't worry about the hair color. I started turning from a brunette in my early 40's and attempted a few times to color it myself. I gradually gave up and began saying my hair was "silver" never saying it was gray. I couldn't be bothered with worrying about my roots showing. Bob never seemed to care as he always loved me in spite of myself. In fact, in my pre gray years in my 20's I would have my beautician put silver streaks in my hair as it was the style at the time. Maybe you're too young to remember that style. Honestly though, I do think about how my eyebrows must look. Can't see those. LOL. Dee

Karen: I love your sense of humor. Without our partners our sense of humor is all we can fall back on to get through the day somedays. At least you took that big first step to get through the first eye and now it is behind you. The results according to so many who have experienced this surgery are very hopeful. Since I have my eyes dilated so often with my macular deterioration treatments I know I will loose any clear vision on that day. I liked reading how quickly the appointment took and you were on your way home. I know you found some comfort in having your son there waiting for you since your husband couldn't be with you. Take care and hoping you have a good day. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: Thank you for your good wishes. I can deeply and sincerely understand your fears of possibly being unable to remain independent. My life has reached this point due to my age and fortunately as far as I know at this time, my main restrictions on my life are my eyes. I can't count my creaky bones and joints. Your back issues create so much pain I should not even talk about my fears as my pains can be helped with 2 extra strength Tylenol and cataract surgery can't hold a candle to two back surgeries. My heart breaks when I read what you have to face each day. As others here on The Forum have said, you are an inspiration. Hugs, Dee

Karen: I will be eager to hear about your results. I have an appointment on February 25 for my pre-opt and eye measurements then scheduled for first surgery on left eye, my bad eye on March 7, then March 21 for right eye. March is not going to be a fun month with the eye appointments scheduled. I'm just anxious to get it behind me so I can decide if I can continue to drive. I hate being so dependent on others for my needs. Sorry your drops aren't covered but know you are relieved your insurance covers surgery. Good your son is available to take you to the appointment. We can do this. 👍Dee

Hi Karen: I've been here checking in everyday just been trying to use the few remaining active brain cells and energy on pulling together years of paper work for filing my income tax for 2021. The sale of my house last year was going to hit me pretty hard. My son drove me into town to meet with my tax guy yesterday so now I'm able to think about something else. I don't mind paying taxes, I just don't like how our government spends it. LOL Karen, I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you get your cataract surgery. Everyone I talk to who have had it were so happy to have it done. In fact, yesterday my tax man related his 88 year old Mother had it and didn't have to wear glasses anymore. Keeping positive thoughts Maybe after cataract surgery your doctor can figure out the dizziness problem. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: So sad to read your day didn't go well yesterday and totally understand your wanting to be home on your own schedule. Keeping you in my thoughts. 💞 "We all want to keep things for sentiment" is exactly how I feel about everything in my home. I've told my kids and grandkids everything I have has a story. It all helps me through my day. Dee

kayc: Oh please don't mention SNOW ! I still can't imagine how you manage with all you do. But, I do understand you loving your surroundings. At least you have your youth at 15 (+/-) years younger than I, and so much energy in spite of your painful hands. I've got to get my tax paperwork pulled together before March as the month will be many trips to cataract doctor appointments to have my cataracts done. This tax project used to be done by my husband as he was the one with the brain in this relationship. Dee

Oh Gwen, so sorry you are thinking of letting the clock go. Maybe, just let it stay put on your wall a little longer. Maybe your finances will settle down within time and you can have it repaired later. Now, I hate to share my good news of the clock that Bob had purchased in Germany in the late 50's and had it sent to his parents. Eventually after his Father passed and his Mother moved into her apartment she gave the clock to us. It hung in all of our homes here in Washington since the 70's. Bob kept it wound and I loved the chimes. It stopped a few years before he passed away and when I sold my house I couldn't part with it. For months it laid on my bedroom floor in a protected place. About two weeks ago my son had some free time to get some of my pictures hung and decided to hang the clock, even though it wasn't working. The clock started working again. The familiar sounds makes me feel like Bob is here with me. Reading your recent posts you are sounding like you are getting business taken care of in spite of your pain. It's understandable your feelings of the opiates. But, I have to agree with Marg's suggesting the addiction can be addressed later. It is good to see you are alert enough to make calls and arrangements preparing for your return home. I have been buried in paperwork trying to pull my income taxes together. Don't like this time of year. Hoping for a good night for you. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: Keeping you in my thoughts and so hoping there will be a day soon that some healing relief happens. I can't imagine the amount of pain you are enduring. Gentle Hug. Dee

V.R. : I agree with what Marg said. We are all different in what gives us comfort during this Grief path. It took me a long time to take my husband's clothes out of his closet. I kept many of his sweatshirts to sleep in and still do. Each time I put one on my brain tells me he's wrapping his big strong arms around me. I also kept and wore one of his favorite jackets he wore to work around the yard in. When I moved from my house my son took it . Now my son wears it. It feels good to see him walking around his yard in his Dad's jacket. What I can't do is listen to his voice that is on a few videos we made with him interacting with his grandchildren. They lost a PaPa that needed him in their own way. We each have to find our own way. I hope your way will gradually be easier in your own time. I understand your pain. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: Something told me to pick up my laptop and check on you to see how you're doing. And dang, it doesn't sound too good. By now you must have been moved and dealing with your new location. I so hope you were given enough pain meds or Xanax before you were delivered to rehab. I don't mean to disagree, but I do think you are brave. With the hospitals overcrowded, etc. your decision to have surgery now is bravery. Unfortunately, without our life partners, we are forced to make decisions we'd prefer not to make. On those days when I long for Bob's touch or his presence I reach for his cap that sits in my bedroom and inhale .... amazingly there is still his scent after 6 years. It's a reminder I was once loved by him. Did they transport you by ambulance then? I've been in an ambulance once. About 30 years ago I had abused my old body by celebrating a week of eating the wrong foods and had a gall bladder attack. Bob thought I was having a heart attack since he couldn't find a pulse so he called 911. My misbehavior led to gall bladder surgery. I was so embarrassed when the firemen came, I kept my eyes closed the entire time so I wouldn't have to look into their faces. Maybe your new (ex-) neighbor is a sign you should be moving on ??? You don't need to have to listen to his outbursts. I am not trying to lessen the severity of your situation because I know you are dealing with so much. Take care and hoping you will get some rest this evening. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: Sorry to read how your Dad's life was towards the end. How sad he must have felt not even wanting your visits. I imagine he didn't want you to remember how he had changed once he was gone. I know I have said to you before how brave I think you are for choosing to go through your back surgery. I totally understand your decision and am always hoping you will look back someday and say even though it was unbelievably difficult, it was worth it. These dark days with heavy rain do make it scary to drive. And, my reaction time to what's around me has changed considerably. I haven't driven anywhere ( I do drive down a gravel road to pick up Granddaughter when she gets off school bus or to get my mail) except to a eye appointment since probably before Christmas. I am awaiting my surgery with high hopes. I was reading an article on cataracts and someone described it as looking through waxed paper. I agree with that description. Yes, I am glad I am close to my son's family. I do feel well cared for by them even though I live under a different roof. Hope your days get easier as you grow stronger. Hugs, Dee

Karen, your surgery sounds exciting because you get both eyes done so quickly. Everyone I have shared my cataract surgery with assures me the surgery is quick and minimal discomfort. I feel your aggravation about not being able to drive. The thought of giving up driving is more frightening than the surgery. My son laughs at me as he notices how my recliner gradually moves closer to the TV every week or so. Good thoughts coming your way. Dee