Widow2015

Marg: Your Kelli is some strong lady. Such good news knowing she is feeling stronger and has the drive to keep going. I can imagine how relieved you are. Good thoughts still with you all. Dee

Oh Marg, I'm so sorry for you and your dear Kelli. Keeping you, Kelli and your family in my thoughts as she recovers from this horrendous procedure. I know you wanted to be with her as much as possible but you made the right decision to get home safe. Hopefully she gets rest tonight, as well as you. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: Good to read you're feeling stronger emotionally today and happy you won at Bingo again. YaHoo! Hope you get good sleep tonight. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: I hear what you are saying, and I care and am sad you are feeling so totally down. I assure you, like Marty says, "we will not leave you." Big Hug, Dee

Gwen: Adapt. I'm not quite understanding why the nurse would make this comment. Of course you are dependent on proper care. Too bad she can't offer a little more compassion instead of sounding so judgmental. Even though you agree with what she said I wouldn't know how to respond to "you're getting too dependent". Keeping you in my thoughts. Dee

Karen: I totally understand the guilt that you feel when needing to ask for help. I would rather do without than ask for assistance for the simple things in life like driving to appointments and light grocery shopping. Yes, you are fortunate to have Robert there. Heidi, my son's significant other, does her grocery shopping weekly and always asks if I need anything. Thanks for asking about my eye issues. No, as of my last appointment with retinal doctor eyes not getting worse; all was good. The injections hopefully will continue to maintain what sight I still have in both eyes. My right eye so far has not lost the central vision as the left eye has. Even though I am enjoying clearer vision since the cataract surgery, I still have no desire or courage to drive in unfamiliar places or to my injection appointments. On injection appointment days my vision can be distorted for hours depending on where the medication is injected or if eyes are dilated. I hope there will be a solution for your vision issue be it exercises or prism glasses. I follow a Facebook site that addresses MD and have read other issues that some experience with their vision. I remember others mentioning double vision as well. Take care. Dee

Karen, so sorry to read about your eye issues. Was so hoping time would solve the double vision. Keeping you in my thoughts as you continue with your additional health issues. This getting older is not for sissies. Dee

Gwen: Yes, this life without our partner is all so new and very scary at times. I wish I could offer you something to help take away your fear of returning to your home and the fear of not being independent. I think I understand some of that fear. As I've mentioned before I won't begin to say my vision issues compare to your level of pain and struggles. The fear of diminishing sight is always on my mind. But right now, I can report since my cataract surgery I have gained the courage to drive a short distance to pick up a prescription and a pair of "reader glasses" since my prescription glasses no longer work. My appointment with my retinal doctor for an injection in my good eye yesterday was very good. I'm still not comfortable driving myself for my eye injections; especially if eyes are dilated. Yesterday turned out to be an adventure and almost laughable. After the injection appointment the transport company I use usually picks me up in a sedan. Well, this time they came in a van that was so high off the ground I had to use a step stool to get into the front passenger seat. This type of van must be used to carry passengers in wheelchairs or on a stretcher, kind of like an ambulance. To add to the adventure, the driver went in a different direction, and missed the turnoff giving me a different route to see. The driver kept apologizing but I told him, no need to apologize I enjoyed the trip since I don't get out very much, it was an adventure. The sun was shining and as he drove, we discussed the pretty trees that are beginning to bud. This is my social life now, being driven to doctor appointments. lol These past months, you have battled so much lately with doctors, medical care, etc., etc. If your friend, Dee can find some quiet time in your home, you are giving her a gift of friendship and a comfortable place to re-energize. Having someone to be there for you is a gift. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: Oh yes, the tulip fields were so awesome. I hope some day you will get to see them. Our friends bought an old farm house right in the middle of the area surrounded by the tulip fields. They didn't plant tulips, but they did raise cashmere goats, had horses and a few chickens. She belonged to a group of other goat owners where she would sell the fibers from her small goat herd. It was always so much fun to go up and spend the weekend with them. Never boring for sure. One more thing that won't ever happen again, but I do have the many wonderful memories laughing with these old friends and my dear husband. Besides the amount of maintenance of growing tulips, there were those pesky squirrels that would dig up the bulbs for a snack. I had a few survivors in my backyard. I loved the big red ones. Dee

You're north of Seattle then. My husband and I would visit his long time hunting/fishing buddy and his wife who lived in Mt. Vernon so we would drive past Marysville quite often. I hope you got the chance to see the tulip fields in Mt. Vernon; it is or it was such a quaint little town. Many happy, fun memories with my husband were made up there. I can only imagine how the change in surroundings in your life are such an adjustment for you. Take care and enjoy the Spring in the Pacific NW as you follow your grief path. Dee

It's understandable why you will have tears streaming. You barely had time to recover from the shock of his unexpected passing. The recent loss of your husband and then to resettle in an unfamiliar home only magnifies your sadness. Six years after my husband passed away unexpectedly, I made the decision to move from our home where we lived and created our happy life together. I still cry and grieve for him and for the life we had together. Moving under the best of circumstances is traumatic enough. It is good you have your daughter for support. I also live in Washington on the west side of the state, south of Seattle. I moved here in the early 60's where I eventually met and married my husband. It's a beautiful state if you don't mind the rain. Take care. Dee

Gwen: Sadly you have been forced to become trained for problems and hopefully once out of rehab you won't have to be faced with other bureaucratic hurdles. You have earned the right to be as comfortable as possible as you become stronger and continue to heal. Always keeping you in my thoughts. Hugs, Dee

I do hope you can find some solace joining this amazing Grief Forum. We all here understand exactly what you are having to face every day without your husband. I lost my husband in 2015; the loss still hurts daily. One important strategy that worked for me was to get through the next hour, or even the next minute, until that day is behind me. I try to face today the best I can. Like Gwen stated, you are brave to have made such hard changes in such a short amount of time. Take care, Dee

kayc: I am so sorry to read about the loss of your sister. Take care. Dee

Yes, it took a long time to decide what goes with me and what I passed down to others or disposed of. I wouldn't worry too much yet on what you need to do in that capacity. You need all your strength and energy to get stronger. When you are stronger you may decide you can stay in your home. I understand thinking about what has to be done can be overwhelming. Bob passed in 2015, I decided on where and what I would do in 2020 and I physically moved in 2021. And, like you said previously, I have 13 years on you which changes my dynamics somewhat. I can imagine how easy it is for you to be thinking about all the "what if's this happens or that happens ". This is when it would be so nice to be able to push a button and turn off the brain. I wish there were an easy answer to how can you give up 38 years of a life you loved so deeply. I honestly don't feel I gave up our life together. Those years are the memories I have inside me and they will always be with me even though I can't have Bob physically here with me. We all know it isn't easy but sometimes life isn't easy, is it? Tonight my grandson asked me if I would send him a particular picture of him and his Grandpa. I told him it would take a while cause it was on an old laptop. I dreaded looking through old photos but I find it difficult to say no to my grandson. The tears flowed realizing those happy times will be no more, but it did remind me of what we once all had together. Dee😢

Gwen: I totally understand how you are missing being home. It is a year since I started moving boxes and furniture into my new home so I guess I am adjusting as well as I can. I try not to think about the home where Bob and I lived since 1997 because if I do let my mind go there I get in a dark, sad place. One evening I accidentally mentioned to my son how I missed my home and he responded with, "Aren't you happy living here?". I had to assure him I was, but I do miss the life I had with his Dad. My son tries so hard to keep me content. I just have to be really careful what and how I share my feelings with him. Assisted living costs could easily wipe out anyone's retirement savings. I do hope there will be a better solution for your care so you can remain in where you and Steve made your home. Living where you want to live is so important instead of having to make a choice that would be miserable for you. Some days I do wonder if a smarter choice for me might have been a retirement home until so I would be forced to be around others. My son's life is so busy there are days I don't see or talk to my son or grandkids. Occasionally I might have a telephone conversation with my SIL and she tells me all the places she and her partner go. I don't need that much activity but am hoping a trip to the drugstore or the grocery might be all the excitement I need. Presently, I have conversations with the drivers who take me to my eye appointments. I so miss those wonderful mornings with Bob as we drank coffee and began our day. I've rambled enough. Good night and try not to watch the news, it is much too depressing. Hugs, Dee

James, it is understandable you feel like you don't want to live anymore without Annette. There are many days I feel like you do and as hard as it is, I have to put that thought out of my mind. He would be unhappy that I let myself get so far down in my dark mood. You say you don't have a purpose ? Who knows, maybe tomorrow there could be an answer why you are still here? Maybe your Mother and/or brother could someday need your assistance as they grow older? I hear you on dreading the hot summer months since hot weather is not my favorite season. Hoping for something positive in your life soon. Dee

VR, I too would be working in my yard or standing at my kitchen window and would envision how my husband used to move around our home maintaining, working in his woodshop, garage, our yard; just never sitting still very long. Even though I am no longer in our home, my age and vision issues forced me to make the decision I had to move on. It sounds like you and your children are well comfortable in your beautiful home your husband provided. My home, sadly, became too difficult for me to maintain plus my son and his little family lived an hour away; I was missing seeing my two grandchildren grow. The last day I drove away from "our home" I was crying like a baby knowing I would never go back. I try not to think about "our home" because it is too painful. I brought all my memories and as much as I could physically cram into my smaller, more efficient manufactured home we built on my son's property. I, too, thank Bob daily for providing for me as he did. I live comfortably, not extravagantly, just miss him so much and I will as long as I wake up every morning. I know you can understand how much. Sit and enjoy what your love created for your family and even though the deep hole in the middle of your chest reminds you how much his loss is; he is there with you. Hugs, Dee

Probably the biggest investment I made after my husband passed was deciding on having the house painted. It was quite costly, but I decided if I was going to eventually sell our home, it was in need of a new coat of paint. I asked a few neighbors who they would recommend and went with their recommendation. The painter did an exceptional job even though it took awhile. The results were perfect and he was an honest, trust worthy man. Wondering if Kieron might have someone in his area to ask for a recommendation ? Home maintenance was not my responsibility other than discussing how and if we could spend the money. Dee

What beautiful dreams. Like I said, I envy your ability to have such dreams. If I do dream of my Bob I don't remember it. I do take a sleep aide that helps me sleep soundly so I might be dreaming and don't recall. I do talk to him a lot and keep asking him to please come get me; I don't like being here without him. In the meantime I just have to be patient. Dee

Marg: Yep, Tony C. will do it every time. 🤣 Dee

Gwen: I understand you not liking you are an "Old Lady" since you aren't carrying the number of years. I am a "Real Old Lady", my next birthday I will be 81 years old. For some reason my creator thinks I should wake up every morning and face another day. I would not accept being 60 again, or any other age, unless I could have my husband with me at the same time. You are a fighter with determination and that is a positive. I know you will keep walking as much as you can endure even when PT isn't available. Your bed sores are sounding better too which sounds like your effort to walk keeps blood flowing and healing. Monday was cataract surgery on my right eye, my good eye, and the post op appointment yesterday was positive. I am enjoying seeing the bright new world now. It is really strange to be able to move around without glasses on. I don't recognize that "Old Lady" in the mirror. LOL. My old eye glasses don't work anymore so drove down to pick up my G.daughter at the bus stop without my glasses on. Still not ready to drive off the private gravel road until I feel a little more comfortable with my eyes. Dee

Marge: Your explanation of the vivid moment of Billy being physically with you sounds amazing. I envy such a moment of a memory except the realization of reality would be painful. Each morning when I awake it takes me a few minutes to realize what will motivate me to face each lonely day. I so understand feeling unnecessary. That daily motivation determines what I accomplish or don't accomplish. Dee

Oh Karen, OUCH! Hoping you can get through the evening and please know you are in my thoughts. After your next appointment I hope you don't ever have to go through this torture again. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: Am still hoping for some good news for you. Each time you post I hope to see your appeal has borne good results and your ability to experience less pain has improved. Sorry to learn Robin's dog is failing. Keeping you all in my thoughts. Dee