Widow2015

Ana: I'm not sure I believe it is God giving us the incentive to get up and carry on. For me, and only in my opinion, not to discredit God, whenever I can't pull up enough courage or strength to take that daily step forward I think of how my dear Bob would want me to keep going. I pretend to be happy and try to find even a small measure of happiness so I can still be part of my little family and not disappoint my son by giving up. Maybe it is God working through the love I had for my husband and my love of my family that keeps me going. Even without my Bob here, I feel blessed to have had him for so many years. Dee

Tom: So good to hear from you again and your happy news of your new love and the retirement plans. Good news are always so welcome here. Enjoyed seeing your unique Jade Christmas Tree. Regards, Dee

Gwen: Yes, I have a grandson from my son's first marriage. The were married for about three years. I don't really know why, nor will I ever know for sure what happened. I did learn afterwards she had met a man where she worked and married as soon as the divorce was finalized. He also divorced his wife just as quickly. I hated that they couldn't work it out for all of us, especially my grandson. The divorce was really hard on my husband. Due to a really convoluted divorce degree with my granddaughter's mother and her ex-husband, my son and she have not married. They have been living together for over 10 years. The plus is, she is very good and supportive to me. The joke here is, the two mother's have the same first name; "Heidi". Go figure that one! Due to the kitten's young age it is more difficult to determine. She had her first vet visit today and is a healthy female. Looks like a few more days of this cold weather. It is beautiful, but is cold, 21 degrees. Stay warm, Dee

Ana: Reading your story of your last Christmas with your beloved boyfriend brought tears to my eyes. I think by you preparing all the things you thought were important for a Merry Christmas was a gift to show your boyfriend how much you loved him. You being there with him at that time was a gift. How were you to know it was to be his last Christmas? I understand your wanting to have absolution. Hugs, Dee

Gwen: No, I spent Christmas Eve with my son's little family. It was nice and simple and enjoyable getting to spend time with them . We exchanged our gifts and had a simple meal. Part of my 10 year old granddaughter's Christmas gift was a Siamese kitten. She got it two week before Christmas. Oh my goodness, she (they think it is a she) is so funny and cute. The kitten provided the entertainment. On Christmas Day they drove to Seattle/Tacoma airport to pick up my son's fiancé's 17 year old son. He flew from Spokane to spend this next week with his Mother. At 9 PM Christmas Eve, my 15 year old grandson had to be returned to his Mother for his time with his Mother's family. Is it understandable that I just stay in my little home and wait for the next few moments of time with my son's family? My son's family life is beyond crazy! I understand your saying memories hit hard as you live alone in your home. It's difficult remembering what used to be and is no more. Your not being able to get out with people definitely creates even more aloneness. It has to be scary to feel trapped, in pain and losing independence. Still keeping you in my good thoughts as you sit and wait for next surgery. Dee

Gwen: Christmas eve it started snowing around 9 pm here and was beginning to stick on ground and trees. I checked before I prepared myself for bed at 1:30'ish Christmas am. [I stayed up watching B & W Christmas movie, "It's a Wonderful Life"]. I felt so angry with my situation I felt like staying up late just because I could and had nothing going on for Christmas Day. I self defeat myself so much lately. I went to sleep around 2 am, and somewhere before dawn, I was awakened by the snow hitting my roof, probably falling off the fir trees behind me. I could not go back to sleep. I got up and looked out the front door and everything was totally white and so pretty. But, nothing like poor Kay is dealing with. I can imagine driving in Seattle is going to be difficult. I hope you aren't needing to go out. Good to see at least you did have Dee and your friend drop in even though you didn't feel good on the inside. It's so hard sometimes to chase those inside feelings away especially with your worrying about your surgery. Take care, warm gentle hug for you. Dee

Marg: So sad you aren't able to have face to face contact with your son right now. I can imagine how you must miss that. I know you wait for those calls every day. He is a good son to keep in touch. Before I moved, my son would call every night on his long hour drive home. Now that we live on the same piece of property I don't talk to him everyday, but I do get to catch a glimpse of him sometimes or visit with him on weekends. His life is so hectic I try not to be a bother to him. I don't knock on their door unless I'm invited to come over. Each morning, I text him to let him know I am OK. I realize how blessed I am to have him so close. Not the same with my daughter. She lives in Southern Oregon. We have to take what we are given. My sister in law sent me a new sweatshirt for Christmas. Printed on front: ID EST QUOD ID EST. Not knowing Latin, I Googled for meaning: "It Is What It Is". I laughed and told her that is perfect for me and my life right now. Dee

Oh Marge I could have written your words about not being able to cook my Granny's southern cornbread dressing or cook all the usual foods I used to be able to. As I sat down to eat Christmas Eve dinner at my son's house he jokingly reminded me I didn't bring the Christmas jello ribbon salad, a favorite of his. I just laughed at him and reminded him I doubt if I could read the recipe anymore. I would like to be able to cook some favorites again, but I can barely cook for myself right now. Another reason to be hoping for cataract surgery in 2022. I can only wade through each day. Oh Karen: Can it be some medication you are taking? Blood pressure issues? Good your boys are there with you. kay: The Statler Brothers were one of my husband's favorites. We got to see them years ago in Seattle. Can't remember when we saw them, but I do remember how much he enjoyed getting to see them in person. Could've been in the 80's. ??? My goodness Kay, like Gwen says, " how do you manage " with all the snow issues? So hope your power doesn't go out again. So far, where I live it is snowing lightly with 28 degees with about 4 or 5 inches accumulation. I don't have to go anywhere..... I just hope it goes away soon. So pretty to look at, but my truck driver son will have to face the crazy drivers on the roads when he goes back to work on Tuesday. Dee

kayc: That's what I've been thinking about doing. Thanks for reminding how easy it can be. Dee

Kevin: Thank you for sharing the statue. She is beautiful and deserves that special place of honor in her alcove. Is the sleigh a part of the statue? I am asking because it resembles a rattan sleigh that I have had for over 40 years that holds Christmas cards I receive. The collection of 50+ angels is amazing. I have lots, some ornaments and some table top decorations. Merry Christmas to you and your family. 👼 Dee

George: Good news about your sister's recovery. You and your family have a Merry Christmas. Dee

kevin: Brrr now that's cold. Enjoyed seeing your grandkids. Also noticed the Angel collection on the shelf. Someone collects Angels. I finally finished putting out my tabletop collections. No room for a tree but trying to get into the spirit. Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year. Dee

kayc: Thank you so much for sharing this article. Just a couple of days ago I opened up the box of our Christmas Stockings. I immediately closed the box telling myself I can't deal with eliminating the red felt stocking just now. I can remember when I had sewed the red felt stocking resembling a hunting boot. I don't have a fireplace or I would hang it now. I can remember how he seemed to delight in secretly filling everyone's stockings as soon as we were out of sight. Dee

VR: You are not alone at all in your feeling you're in a different world. Your normal world is changed. The first time just weeks after my husband passed, I was invited to lunch by friends along with another couple that were friends we'd as a couple would socialize. As we all sat down at the table the space where my husband should be sitting was so obviously "empty"....... it hit me I was not in that world where we all enjoyed being together laughing, eating, having fun. That life was no more. I kept in touch with the friends for a short while but it quickly faded away. I realized trying to be part of that life was impossible for me. Through the years even being with his cousins, gradually faded. Their families grew and they became busier with limited contact with me. There were a couple of times I was invited to a neighbor's home at the holidays and each time I still felt that big cavern of loss. I eventually decided I was happier staying in my home alone cooking a small dinner for myself. This year I will spend Christmas eve with my son and his family only because I live just a few feet from his front door, on his property. I understand how you must feel wanting to be with your children where the warm memories remain. You have to do what makes you feel strongest. I am sure your parents will understand. Dee

Karen: My appointment is January 11. Will be curious how our results turn out afterwards. Good thoughts for both of us. Also hope if surgery is required I don't have to wait 6 months for the surgery. So sorry about your dental issues. Just what you need more medical expenses. Hope there is no pain from teeth in the meantime. Lucky you, getting a haircut. I can't remember the last time I had a haircut in a beauty shop. I use hairclips daily to keep hair out of my face and occasionally cut the length the best I can. I've given up on my beauty regime. Again thankful for masks. Dee

Karen: It is really amazing in a sad way how all of a sudden the body doesn't want to do what one's mind wants to do. As I look back I remember how I could spend the full day working in my yard stopping only to take a bathroom break and then gradually a little less and even more less until walking to the front of my house at the end of the driveway to pick up the mail was a chore. And now dealing with the simple thing as sitting in a doctor's waiting room for an appointment is more than I can manage. Your neighbor's offer to spruce up your yard is a thoughtful gift. For whatever reason they are offering, it is still very nice of them. You must be a special neighbor. I hear you Karen. Weren't you scheduled for an cataract assessment any day? These foggy, grey Northwest days keep me from doing my grocery shopping. My minimum Christmas shopping has been done on line. Today was my eye injection appointment; was driven by a transport service since my eyes are dilated or just blurry depending on procedure for the day. The transport driver was explaining his cataract surgery he had done some years ago. I didn't realize the different choices one has in choosing cataract surgery. All I know who have ever gone through the surgery says it's a simple procedure and praises the results. While sitting in the waiting room today, I had to fight back the tears watching couples sitting together, smiling and laughing with each other. These reminders of being alone is a trigger making the heart ache. The upside of wearing masks helps not being able to see people's expressions. Dee 😷

Oh my goodness, so sorry Kodie isn't back to normal. How stressful for you, kayc. Our fur babies seem to be drawn to the smelliest things to consume. Maddie used to vacuum up my yard of bunny droppings. No amount of discussion with her would dissuade her. I guess I'm no different with my weakness for Oreos and milk. Dee

Marg: It is difficult when family members disagree about vaccine requirements. I have that in my family, too. Like you, I wear my mask whenever I am out, which isn't very often and will get my booster in a couple of months. My holiday plans won't have me around others except my son and his family; all are vaxed except for my 10 year old granddaughter. Or, I don't think she has been vaccinated yet. My spending more time with my grand children persuaded me it was time to get vaccinated now that I have my moving behind me. Sorry your medication prescribed is not doable for you. Tummy issues aren't fun no matter why we need medication or how much we love chocolate. Your seven crosses must be working for you to give you strength to abstain from chocolate. My weakness is a glass of milk and more than a few Oreo cookies. Yes, was good to see Gin chime in. Dee

Gwen: I am sorry to read about your struggles. I attempted to respond a couple of times lately and either got interrupted then forgot, or lost my response. My computer skills are lessening by the moment. I've spent the last two days attempting to sign onto a social security site. I thought after I moved I would set up an online system of receiving social security mail. I was able to accomplish it but for some reason I can't sign onto the site to read or print what they will be sending me. I am going to have to call, which I have been postponing since I hate being on hold for so long listening to loud obnoxious music. They win though, I will have to be able to receive required paperwork for tax purposes, etc. I really don't like this world I have to live in anymore. I hope your mail on the ground was not because of unruly kids having fun or thieves looking for money. There is so much of both going on all around. I sympathize with you and the sore toe issue. I used to be able to bend over and take care of my feet; toe nails and an aggravating corn on the sole of my foot. Now I struggle as I carefully clip toe nails using the "braille" method. LOL The little town close by has a Footcare Nurse at the senior center that will take care of those issues. Only problem is getting myself down there. My vision issues make me feel hesitant to make the appointment then drive myself down there. Oh, I so hope if I do have the cataract surgery I will be able to feel comfortable driving again. Right now am biding my time until January appointment. Oh no, so sorry about Melody's condition. I totally understand your concern for her. So wish you could be with her. Yes, "Anything for my kid" is so true. I never did total up what I had to pay to keep my Maddie with me. Her being part of my life at the time was more important than anything else. I never regretted the cost. I do regret she is no longer with me. Keeping her in my good thoughts. Before I forget, has anyone heard anything from Gin lately? I haven't seen her pop up lately ? Hope all is well with her. Dee

Gwen: I agree with you no one knows or understands what you are going through but we do care so much. No wonder you are terrified. This is your decision on what is best for you since you are living "it". I do tend to lean towards Dee's thinking that maybe he is being attentive. You can delete my thoughts if you want. I have always been in the "Pollyanna" way of thinking. Yes, those ice makers can be a real pain. I hope you were able to dislodge the cube. The refrigerator in my previous home would do that and now this one in my new home, is new, and it does it too. Grrrr. I like Karen's suggestion if you can have Dee or your housekeeper assist ? kayc: Another good idea. I hate ziploc bags of any sort. I keep a pair of scissors in every drawer to open the bags then reclose with a clip or rubber band wrapped around. I couldn't exist without scissors. James: This is perfectly stated how I feel about all here. You have such an amazing ability to write your feelings. Thank you for stating this to Gwen. Dee

Ha Ruby! So could I with a steaming cup of cafe au lait at the Morning Call or the Cafe du Monde in the Quarter. When I was a teenager, way back in the late 50's, we spent 25 cents for an order (3) beignets and a cup of cafe au lait. Looong time ago. Everyone who I ever knew visited NO always remarked there was no other place like it in the USA. I visited throughout the years bringing my Northwest husband. He loved everything about NO, especially the food. My last visit was summer right before Katrina hurricane destroyed it so badly. Dee

James: Agreed, "Things get lost in moves". I hope your wedding video and her Anne Rice's autographed book surfaces. Those visual reminders of happier times are so precious. Dee

James: Happy to read you had a sense of accomplishment by putting up your 4 ft tree. Even a 4 ft tree needs to feel needed and will surely give you and your family a Holiday feeling. You mentioned "Anne Rice" and it made me think why did I recall that name? And, it came to me finally. I grew up in New Orleans. In the early 2000's, my husband, son and son's wife visited NO. My DIL was totally into Anne Rice novels and insisted on driving past Anne's home. I am not sure if she was hoping she could get a glimpse of her in her front yard. LOL. If I'm not mistaken I think I have pictures of the house somewhere in my vast collection of old family photographs. It was a typically beautiful house in the St. Charles District of old NO. Just thought I'd share that little bit of humor with you. Dee

Marge: I thought about you when I heard about the tornadoes in Arkansas. I sort of recall you lived fairly close to Arkansas. Hope your family still in Arkansas were all safe. Dee

Lisetta: I am so sorry you have had to join this Grief Forum, but now that you have I hope you will find comfort in sharing your feelings as you find your way down this grief path. I will agree how all have responded to you and especially Kay's advice to "take one day at a time". I found one day was all I could manage in the beginning of my loss. Dee