karenb

I'm sorry you're having a tough time tonight. Whatever is going on must be very tough for you to handle. Try and take care of yourself tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be better for you. If you can think of good things to remember, try to. It's such a hard thing to go through, and I wish tonight could be okay for you. Do your best. Here's hugs from earth! Your fried, Karen

Hi friends, It's 3 years today since Jack went to his "real" home. I know he was well received, I've no doubt about that knowing his kind and giving heart. I am, of course, nostaltic, but I am comfortable. I went to church this morning, sat with my friend, and during the service I said, "It's 3 years today." She got tears in her eyes, gave me a hug, and said, "Are you okay, I love you." That's a real friend. I am okay. At 3 years I guess you come to terms with things you haven't before. It just takes time to do that. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, sorry that I don't have someone to do a "honey list," and someone here to love, live with, and take care of. But this part of life has to be learning, growing, and understanding. Well, my good friends, here I am. I'm well, relatively content, have wonderful new good and caring friends, and YOU! Thank you all. Your friend, Karen

Hi Mike, The beautiful way you talk about your wife, Janet, shows how much you each loved each other. What a wonderful thing you both had. The caring and love you gave her was so much and I know she had to love you for doing it. It takes a great deal of courage on both your parts to have gone through this. The times coming I'm sure will be very hard, but try and remember the wonderful love you both had. This is a good place to be to talk to others, these are caring people. Take care of yourself, Mike. You need to carry on. Your friend, Karen

Hey Joe, You're right, the answer is "no." Well, I guess my answer always was "no, but I'm trying to hang in there" - then change the subject. People mean well, and you know that, but in the pain you're going through they just don't understand, unless they've been there. I guess, maybe, we have to help them through things just as we do ourselves. It's a really tough road, and we will make it just a little at a time. Who you are, what your life with your loved one was, how you deal with things - there's so much involved in this process. I'm three years down this road on the 27th of this month. For me, after a while and the waves of breakdowns diminished, I tried not to think too much, keep my life filled with "something" and just plugged along. That seems to be all we can do. I know the pain is great and it seems it won't go away, but it will diminish little by little. You'll see. Okay, my friend, I'm going downstairs and make myself a Mexican dinner and sit with my dog and say thanks that I'm getting better all the time. Your friend, Karen

I am so sorry, you guys. It's an awful thing we all have to go through, the pain, the memories, all of it. I feel badly for us all, but there's nothing but to keep on going....for them....for us. Just keep trying. Your friend, Karen

Hi Jan, I think you'll find most of us saying there is no time frame on doing those things. I think you'll know it when the time is right for you to place things away, donate, etc. We each have our own times, sometimes it even years. Just take your own time. Good luck! Your friend, Karen

Kathy, I understand so completely what you're going through. I made an emergency trip to where my son lives a hour and a half away. He's schizophrenic since age 14 and he's 44. He lives on his own with a part-time job. I bring him food and help with clothes. The predators of this world, the drug people, have found him. They know he's vulnerable and are trying to move in on him. He's on a Section 8 subsidy that helps with his rent and the Housing Authority will take that away if they find out about this. We've been fighting this for some time now. Danny, however, knows he has this disability and is good about taking the drugs. He's not good about keeping those people out. Like you I miss Jack's support and strength at these times and I, too, just get plain tired of doing everything. Sometimes you do just have to sit back, regroup, and get back at it again. You do need some time for yourself, and I certainly would try to get rid of that guilty feeling. That doesn't help you. You're a strong lady. I know that from what you're going through. Just know that you need to have some time to yourself....you'll get back to it again. Good luck to us both, huh? Your friend, Karen

Hi Jlynn, I'm glad you found our group. There are many very caring people here who have been down this road for just a little bit or for a longer time. I've been without my husband for 3 years now, so I've gone through many of the emotions, feelings, etc. that you'll be going through. Feeling lonely just goes with the situation, being around friends that are married can be good or bad. All of the things you'll go through just depend on the timing, the feelings, so many things. What you've gone through is so very definately life changing and so much can happen - good and not so good. Trying to keep busy....there are so many ways with dealing with grief. Coming here will show you how so many of us have dealt with it, and each length of time is each person's. So, I am so sorry for the reason you have to be here....we sure didn't ask for it, right? You just try and keep healthy and care for yourself. Your friend, Karen

Thanks, Wendy. Today is uneventful. Bought my once-a-month food for Danny that I always do in hopes that "they" don't eat it all. Went out in my boat fishing but caught nothing - too late in the day but it was pretty. I volunteered at our food bank, and mowed the lawn. I will go see Danny tomorrow and meet the caseworker there. I hope I can talk him into some sense for his own good. It's hard, but I always try. I hope your weekend is going well for you, my friend.....uneventful and somewhat peaceful. Thanks so much for being there and being my friend. Love you, Karen

Thank you so very much. Prayers will be the only thing that will keep him going. I'm going up there Monday and bring him some food and see how things are. He doesn't have a phone, so I can't call him. It will work out, I pray. Thank you, my friend. Love, Karen

You know, this disorder makes him always quiet. I know he's well aware of what's happening. I had him live with me the last time he was evicted for about 3 or 4 months. The only drugs he had then were his prescribed ones and he did fine...just paced, smoked, and an occasional smile at something in his head. I can't do it again because when there are drug people involved they tend to follow the person they have leached on....I would be afraid, and it isn't recommended by the caseworker. I would also be enabling his actions. Maybe he has to get to ground zero to get rid of them. I don't know. I just pray a lot. The sun is out and my garden is growing, I'm going fishing in my boat tomorrow with my daughter and son-in-law and there's nothing I can do until I get up there. I may just have a few glasses of wine as well. Have a peaceful week-end. Love, Karen

Hanging in there. The caseworker went there today and there were some people there that shouldn't be. She tried to scare him by telling him he won't have a place to live if this continues, and that is true. He will lose his Section 8 subsidy for housing and that will be it. My daughter and I are going up there Monday and see what we can do. We just have to get through the week-end without anything happening so the apartment management doesn't have to call the police. People with healthy children are so lucky. Well, you try to have a relatively nice week-end and stay strong. I will, too. Love, Karen

Try and get some sleep...it's only 9 o'clock here but I'm headed for bed, too. Talk to you later. my friend. If you feel like it, send me your phone number on that personal thing, and we can talk here and there. Love you, Karen

Nothing but the best we can do, both you and I. Sometimes it seems like there's no relief. I do have my faith, and I depend on it a lot but we just get tired, don't we.....let's both hang in there, huh? Love you, Karen

Thanks Wendy, I know you know what this ongoing pain is with everything that is happening for you. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've contacted everyone, including the police, and these predators know what to do with mentally ill people. I really appreciate talking with you. I hope things are going a little bit better with you, my very good friend. Love you, Karen

Hi friends, I guess I always need your help. If you are a praying person, or if you just send good vibes into the universe, please help me again with my son. The drug people are coming and going from his apartment that is 2 hours away from me. I can't call him because the phone I gave him isn't working, so I can't scare the heck out of him. He's mentally ill, has his own place, works part-time and does pretty well. I've got a good caseworker, but they can't do more than they're allowed to. I've gone to everyone over the many years for Danny, but I can't find anyone to really help him. I don't know what to do anymore (this said with tears running.) When the apartment manager called me and we talked I said just call the police and have them scare him with whatever, but that poses eviction. He's 44 and has been afflicted with schizophrenia since 14. Tonight I'm just tired and I wish I had Jack with me. If you can, please help Danny with prayers - that's all I know. Your friend, Karen

Good for you.... That's how I feel but put better by your words. Thank you, my friend. Karen

Hi there, I know this has to be a very difficult thing for you after your mother passing away just 3 months ago. I am 69 and lost my husband 3 years ago so I guess I'm a parent. It's hard to say why people do what they do, but it appears that your father just needed to get away that first trip - I can understand that because it was with family, etc. The private cruise is a different thing. You know, they say that sometimes after that long of a wonderful marriage and the pain of the other passing makes the spouse feel so lonely that they may do some things we don't understand, but we need to try to. I know you want your dad to not do this, but maybe you need not to say anything to upset him right now and yourself as well. It might not be such a bad thing, who knows? They say major decisions shouldn't be for a year and I do believe that's true, but he's not getting married. I guess, being the parent, I would not want to hear anything that would be hurtful right now - maybe nothing at all would be okay. I don't know, but that's coming from someone who's lost their spouse and sometimes gentle treatment for ourselves and our parents can be good. I know you will do what you feel is good for you both. Good luck! Your friend, Karen

Good for you and Carson! Big steps with hope for more to come. Bless you both and keep on truckin! Your friened, Karen

I look at my mantel and I see my husband and the flag that rests behind him and know, "God Blesses." My husband will have been gone now for 3 years the end of July and I see his smiling face with the flag behind him every day and I love his pride of his country. I will never forget the Marines that nealt in front of me with his flag of his country at his memorial....never forget. I love my husband. Your friend, Karen

Deborah....I'm sorry my writing was confusing. The 27th of July will be 3 years since Jack passed away. All the agony of the passing does lessen somewhat in that time, but the wonderful memories of the love we had for each other remain strong. We'll all get through this, and this wonderful group of friends is amazing to me. Your friend, Karen

Hi you guys.... Like myself, I know you're doing everything you can to keep on keeping on. Sometimes it just doesn't work, but it does pass. July 27th will be three years for me. There certainly are times when I just feel blue and lonely no matter what I do to try and help myself - it just happens. I guess it's something we have to live with, even though it gets less as time goes by. We'll always love them and remember the beautiful times and miss those times. I try to think how it would have been if I'd never loved Jack but I'm happy that I have loved and lost him rather than to never have loved him at all (as they say.) Try to take care of yourselves during these times, maybe a little treat here and there. We'll all make it! Your friend, Karen

Hey Scotty, You know, it really takes as much time as it takes! There's no magic answer for any of us. Every time we go through things that have involved them or us it really hurts, brings back memories and just plain isn't fun. I've been without my husband going on 3 years the end of July. I keep busy, enjoy doing some things but when I remember our life together I just get sad. You're doing just fine but it doesn't matter, it does hurt. Take care of yourself and "keep on truckin." Your friend, Karen

Wendy - I am so sorry things are really piling up for you...you don't need it. Put your brain to work - isn't there anyone that can help you out with the "house stuff?" What about from work? Don't you work with a bunch of guys? Some things really need a "guy touch." There must be a way and if you can get out of the doldrums, maybe you can find the answer. It just seem impossible right now, I know. I was in that situation myself and I did get out of it...took a while, but I did. I'm so sorry your mom isn't doing very well....and your daughter wanting to move out. It just seems like push comes to shove when so much happens. I don't know what COPD is, but it sounds limiting. There must be somebody that you can go to there for help, talking, whatever. I wish I could help...we all do. Please let us know how you might handle these things....someone here may have gone through your particular situation and be of help - we'll all be here for support. Please take care of yourself. Your friend, Karen

Kathy, I know how you feel. There's not much you can do if she is not taking her meds. Does she have a caseworker or someone near her that can help at all. My son, if you remember, has schizophrenia. He's had it since he was about 14 and he's 44 now, so we've lived with a for some time. He is very good about the meds, though, and that truly helps. He lives about 2 hours away, so I see him once a month and bring him food, etc. He has a caseworker that is a tremendous help. But if your sister doesn't understand that the meds are what is keeping her stable, I don't know what you can do except pray. We've gone through really difficult times with my Danny, and he's been evicted 2 times, but we're stable now I think. He got involved with drug people and they trashed his apartment. It's tremendously hard having a loved one with these types of illnesses. There are many web sites that deal with coping with mental illness. One of them might be able to give you some ideas. I have a whole notebook on this type of information and contacts. You might check into the National Association for Mental Illness (NAMI). They may have contacts in your sister's area or some ideas for you. They are a tremendous organization. Try and stay strong - we know you are just in dealing with your loss. She just doesn't know she needs help right now. Take care and let me know how you're doing. Your friend, Karen