karenb

Oh, my God....first Kay has problems and now look at you. This is the second time today I feel so badly for long-time friends in this group. I'd be so mad at that....who knows what we're supposed to do anymore? I sure don't, but I keep trying. Good luck on the breast cancer thing. I'm doing my annual go to everyone and see what's going on. I sure wish you luck in that area...mine came out fine. Boy, don't we have to put ourselves through such undignified things. Let us know how you're doing on that....hang in there my friend. Your friend, Karen

My God, Kay.... Like everyone else around here you feel like a long-time and very close friend. I hate it when "awful" happens, especially to someone with your good heart. Who's to know why? I'm so sorry this happened, we all are and you have all our best hopes for you. I pray for good decisions on your part...I don't care about him. It just makes me livid...what gall!! Please do what your doctor says and try to take care of yourself. You do have wonderful things yet to happen for you....they will come. Please let us know how you're doing. Again, I'm mad and sorry. Your friend, Karen

Oh, Jackie.... I feel so terribly badly for you and all your pain. I don't even know what to say except please try to get some help to ease this for you. I know you miss him terribly and it just seems to go on and on, but there are ways to lessen it. You mentally know all the things to do....they're talked about all the time. I guess it's just getting the "whatever" to just do them. I'm so, so sorry. I really feel for you so much. Please try not to focus too much on Sunday, it won't help you, and if you can delay it, don't put yourself through too much just yet. For me, and it'll be 3 years the end of July, I just had to take a day at a time, and I really mean it - sometimes an hour at a time. It goes by and you find yourself just living this new life. I've had depression, but not what you have, major depression, and I don't take pills. I'm lucky. It took me about two years before I spread Jack's ashes. I just couldn't do it. Please take care of yourself and talk to us any time - any time. Your friend, Karen

Huge Congratulations to Grandma Gail and welcome to our world Brody! Wonderful news and you're going to have a wonderful time with him. Happy Days ahead! Your friend, Karen

Hi Doublejo, Well, I've been a listener, sympathizer, etc. just like you for the last almost three years. My daughter listens to me carefully, my daughter-in-law does and a few friends do. I don't even try with anyone else...just now and then. But a year ago I became part of a church and a ladies' Bible study group (more of a support group) who listen beautifully. I am very lucky. I don't confide very easily and it's taken me a while to do so, but, again, I am very lucky. I guess we just have to pick the ones we want to talk to about this "thing" we go through. I don't know for sure, but that seems to be the case. I'm sorry you're going through this...I know it can't be much fun. Maybe you can let out your anger with something you'd feel good about. Maybe that's a try. Don't let these people get you down. You have enough to deal with anyway. Do your best, friend. I'm sure you always do. Your friend, Karen

Kay, I am so sorry. These are very difficult times. You friend is lucky in one respect, and that's knowing you. You understand. I feel empathy for what she has to go through and you've lost a good friend, as well. There's really not much more that can be said. We all know and we all feel for this pain. You guys are in my prayers for eventual peace and acceptance....it's so hard. If you want to, let her know that we are here, we care for what she's going through. Your strength as a friend is so important, and I know how strong you are. Stay with faith, my friend. Karen

Good for you, Kathy, for going and facing things like you did. It's so true that it takes having gone through losing your spouse to really understand. People just don't know how to talk to us or what to say with few exceptions. Little by little I started talking about Jack and the things he did and we did and, for the most part, they would be just quiet or nod. They just don't know what to do. Just be grateful for those that do know. Your friend, Karen

Hi Kathy, I'm so sorry....you are fresh in this "new" life and it is very painful. There are so many feelings and emotions to go through. Just remember take good physical care of yourself so you're strong enough to face some of these things. It will be 3 years for me the end of July and I think I went through every feeling and emotion there is. As they always say, "It just takes time." Everyone's time is different, too. Don't ever think you "should" be getting through this. It will be in your own time. Try to surround yourself with those who cared for him and just do what you can every day or every hour to help yourself. Try to put some life back in your days. Take care and let us know how you're doing. Your friend, Karen

Hey Wendy, Sorry, I don't feel that way this time. I have my son to bring food to, I've kept busy with my food bank volunteering, the little bit of gardening I can do with all the rain, and I have someone rebuilding my whole deck that was falling apart. I was talking with the deck builder today, who is 78 and a real craftsman, and I was telling him about Jack. I found myself smiling at the silly things he did and we both did and that smile felt full of love and warmth. I'm so glad that feeling is with me....it's bittersweet, too. I miss him terribly...all the things we had in our life together, but it doesn't encompass me totally like it did before. I'm here to tell you it really does get better, you'll see. You're a strong lady, like they tell us all the time, and you'll be fine. I hope you have a peaceful week-end, my good friend. Love, Karen

Hey Derek, I know how you're feeling. I hope your friend will be okay. I so often wish things could have been different for Jack and me as well...so much I could have said or done or whatever. But? He was gone suddenly without me there and that's good and that's bad. You and I have survived and moved on because of faith and knowing that they are at peace. We fulfill our lives caring for those around us and doing what we can to make a better life for ourselves and them. I know I do, I know you do. But those feelings and memories are there and they do come back....we are human, you know, and our bodies, emotions, and minds let us know that. I've known you for a long time, have been impressed with what you've done with your life. amd I know that you'll bounce back and keep going. You're that kind of person. Be kind to yourself. Your friend, Karen

Hi Benali, Welcome to this group of caring people. I didn't have that long a marriage or that long of caring for his illness, but I did do what you're talking about. My husband was ill for some time, but he died suddenly driving home from golf on the freeway. He was gone when I got to the hospital. I know I was in shock, but I called everyone to let them know, spent the next week taking care of all the paperwork (tons of it) and kept busy doing whatever there was to do with my daughter at my side. People must grieve in different ways and maybe this is how you're grieving. I wouldn't worry about what will happen when you slow down, just take a step at a time and try to flow with whatever feelings come upon you. My husband will have been gone 3 years the end of July, and there have been many feelings and things I've gone through. You'll make it...just don't worry ahead of time about what is to happen. Keeping busy is important and taking care of yourself is important, too. We all are here for you when you want to talk or vent or whatever. Your friend, Karen

Wendy, we love you and wish you'll feel better soon. Just take care. Your friend, Karen

Hi Wendy, Just personally, I have all our picture (us together and Jack separately) along with the rest of the family pictures throughout the house. I spent a lot of time crying, etc., but it really does diminish. I couldn't bring myself to put the pictures away and I look at them with a lot of love and not crying any more....just that comfortable feeling of love. I just love his smiling face. Just feel your way in your own time. I am here to tell you it will be 3 years the end of July and I really feel I've progressed a lot. I still feel the loneliness and life certainly has changed tremendously, but it really does get better. Hang in there, my friend, you'll always be fine. Good to hear from you. Your friend, Karen

Hi Kathy, We know what you're going through and bless your heart. It's so difficult. It will be three years for me the end of July. I've gone through many feelings as you might do as well. The only thing I know is to try to fill your time being busy with one thing or another....let the tears come when they need to....be angry if you need to....whatever comes for you try to let it happen....they call that "grief." It was the most difficult thing I've gone through but I'm getting out on the other side and I know I'm better for having dealt with all these things. Just take care of yourself and know that it will get better. Come back and let us know how you are. Your friend, Karen

Hi there, I do pray for a successful and good trip for you. I don't know what it's about, but if you're asking for prayers, you must have some misgivings. Whatever it is, you remain strong and confident and know that there are many people who are plugging for you. Good luck, little sister! Your friend, Karen

Hi Kathy, I agree, we need help. I got a $7100 bid to replace my huge deck, looked into reducing the size, got some ideas, called a man from the church who did my drywall repairs, and I'm waiting for his bid. I know it will be less just because we'll have the deck smaller, use some boys from the church for demolition at a fair wage, etc. It will take 3 weeks instead of 9 days because he's 78. I guess it just takes not wanting so much and looking for the right help. I can do a lot of things, but you know sometimes it does take someone else. Thank goodness I built the house myself (18 years ago) and know something about construction. Times like this I sure miss my husband, right? Living on social security doesn't help either! Your friend, Karen

Dear Caroline, I am your age...I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago. No one takes this in stride no matter how old we are. We have loved that person for so many years it's just a part of us. You have wonderful words for all of us. I thank you for being here with us, and I so truly feel sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself, you sound like a very lovely person. Karen

Oh, Kay...our dear friend Like you I would be so concerned and to be made to wait seems intollerable to say the least. It just seems like when so many people get free care why do so many of us have to go by the "rules." I just shake my head! My heart is with you and John. I just pray that the right answer comes to you guys and soon. Please let us know how things go. Please take care. Your friend, Karen

Hi.... It is so terribly difficult when you lose someone you've loved forever and will continue to love. I am retired. My husband died shortly after retirement from a massive stroke, immediately, while driving home from golfing. Those kinds of shocks take a long time to get over, but with the help of loving family and friends we do make it. You'll gets lots of kinds of advice, I'm sure, from those who love you, but coming from one who's gone through it, just take your time. Take care of yourself. Feel the feelings that will come along, cry when you need to, get mad if you need to, whatever it is that comes along, go with it as long as you take care of yourself. It's been about 2 1/2 years for me, and I love my husband just as much as if he were right by my side. Death doesn't change the love....it will go on forever. There are very caring and empathetic people here who just plain know what you're going through. Take care and I hope we'll see you soon again. Your friend, Karen

Hi Dusky, I just have to tell you that you are such a valuable person in this world and thank you for being there. Your friend, Karen

Hi Jackie, I'm glad you're here with all of us who have been through or are going through all of this. You'll find that it does take some time to come to grips with all those feelings, emotions and everything that goes along with grief. It's such a complicated thing and until you've gone through it you just don't know all that's involved. For now, just try to go with what's happening with you. There's no way to say what your personal situation is going to require of you. Take care of yourself. Keep loving people around you. Things will change, good and maybe not to good, but you will get through it. I pray you will come out the other side knowing that the love you both have is still there and cherish all the times you had together. Come here always and let us know how you're doing. Your friend, Karen

Kay, I'm so sorry. Of course, I certainly will pray for Jim and Virgie. You're such a wonderful friend to them. Your friend, Karen

Bless your heart, William, I'm going to bed early tonight. Thanks so much for your friendship. I have faith....all will be fine...Good Lord willing. I just need some sleep to get strenth to keep on fighting. Your friend, Karen

William, My eyes are at half mast for weeks now. I am in contact with the police, gave them the cell that holds 645 calls in one month from a dealer (she took it from Dan - I'm told they send the women in first) close contact almost daily with the caseworker, close contact with my son trying to make him understand that the police are monitoring his apartment and his phone and that there's no way out for him unless he disassociates himself with them - he might go to jail himself if he continues. I've called some of the numbers and it's disgusting what I hear and they hang up right away. I think they have my phone number, and I'll change it if I see the need. The last two weeks the story is long and I'm so tired. I've watched over him from the beginning, 30 years ago, and I will continue to do so until the day I die. I've been in contact with a schizophrenia forum and it's so widespread what these predators do to our mentally ill people. No feeling for anything but drugs. People like my Danny have had such little controls over their lives, they try to get that control anywhere - it's not lonliness, it's just they're not strong enough to say, "No." Thanks, William, for letting me vent. The struggle never seems to go away, and I fully know that you understand that struggle. I pray this may come out okay. Your friend, Karen

Hey Robert, I have to run quick here but I really wanted to say I'm so glad you're doing as well as you are. I know it's a struggle but you're coming out on the other side in a better place. I'm also very happy that you are in contact with Jason's mother. It helps her that you're doing that. Keep up the good work and keep us posted. Your friend, Karen