karenb

Hi Lyn, I hope your day goes okay. I fully understand those ups and downs although my ups are more only because I a little bit further down the line. It does help knowing there are those of us with you that know what you're going through and are here to listen. Your friend, Karen

Shell, No, of course, I'm not insulted at all. It's what the caseworker, my daughter, and I feel, too. I'm in contact with other mental health professionals to see what might be out there as far as housing, if he gets evicted. He has a 10-day comply or vacate notice from the apt. management. Housing is next to impossible under a Section 8 program and these predatory drug people just follow the mentally ill people wherever they go. When you've been around this situation, and I have for many years, you find that because of the disease these people aren't strong enough to say, NO, to letting the druggies into their apartments. They may not do the drugs, but they just let them in and not necessarily because they're lonely, they're just ill. Thanks for all you guys' support. Karen

Hey, Maury.... You have a peaceful evening and try and think good thoughts along with that wine, beer, pizza, potatoe chips, and ice cream. If you can believe this, April 18th and it's snowing like crazy outside. I'll probably have to start my veggie garden over again. I Hate Snow!!! I think I'll have some wine, too, and read. Talk to you later. Your friend, Karen

He is on what's called a Section 8 apartment subsidy, which helps pay a portion of the rent. If he allows this to continue he will lose this subsidy, I don't know how I can pay for the rent as I'm living on my husband's social security benefits. There aren't that many apartments available that work with Section 8 subsidy. It's a difficult thing to find. Believe me, all I can count on, along with my own research on it, is God's help. I hope he wants to help us. Karen

I am trying to get him closer, but when you work within the "system" it takes some doing. I am getting responses from my emails to various mental heal professionals. Housing is the critical issue, and he may not want to leave Bellingham where he's comfortable - especially with our wonderful caseworker up there. I certainly am trying everything I know to do. Thanks for your concern. It helps to talk about it. Your friend, Karen

Thank you, my friend, for your prayers and words. Karen Robert, you talked about having trouble with the site. I haven't found any, but you know Marty monitors this site so well that she probably saw your post. If you don't hear from her on this, you might email or get in touch with her on it. She's an amazing lady! You just have a really good evening, my friend. I think you're wonderful. Your friend, Karen

Thanks so much, Robert.....I have faith and I know whatever happens will be His will, but prayer sure doesn't hurt to maybe change his will? Who knows. Miracles happen. Your friend, Karen

Hi Guys, I've not been around too much lately. I need to vent about my son. You know he has schizophrenia, mildly but there, and an apartment, part-time job, etc. I noticed his voice mail full for a long time. Went to Bellingham last week, met the caseworker outside the apartment to find out what's what. He's been letting them in. He doesn't do drugs but when you have this illness you don't have the strength to not let these predators in. I took his cell phone back, gave him calling cards. There was an incident over the week-end where the police were called, 11 peopls came out of the unit, 4-5 with warrants, 3 were "trespassed" by Dan, 1 arrested. I called the officer and he told me the whole story. Dan says he's "sort of" afraid of these people. I have the phone now and the dealer, Kim, is stupid....has many contacts with numbers and even text messaging in it. I'll give it to the police with a copy of all the calls she made over a month - 645 calls! I answer the phone when it rings saying, "this line and the associated residence are being monitored for illegal drug traffic. If you're smart and don't want to do jail time, don't call again and don't go near the residence." I am in the process of contacting other mental health professionals, along with our current wonderful caseworker, in case he's evicted for having drug activity in his unit. I'll be going back up again on Saturday, barring snow, and try to get him to stay with me just over the week-end. He has a phone card but I need to bring him a "go phone" for the time being. I know I'm rambling but I haven't slept too much here lately, I'm terribly worried they may retaliate (even though the police don't think so) - they have my phone number as well. It really is horrible and I thank you for letting me vent. I've watched over Dan and his illness for 30 years - I guess I'm just tired right now. Thanks, you guys, for your friendship. I sure wish my husband was here to help me. Your friend, Karen

It sure is a long process towards getting where we're feeling more comfortable. Try and keep busy, some things maybe put on the back burner for later and just do the best you can. We'll all be fine. Bless your heart. Your friend, Karen

Hey Suzanne, As I am now, I can't join you but I understand and feel for you. Your doing these things reminds me of where I used to be. In church today there's a lady that joins me, very nice person, and it came up that she was going on her 5th year without her husband and mine will be 3 years the very end of July. She wanted to start a "happy" group of widows who would find something to just laugh about. She's very sweet - just looked at me, shook her head, and said, "You're probably not far enough along for that." I'm sure she knows. So, you see, I'm a little further along than you and you can see it gets better. I'm still so sad and when things happen I just wish I had his shoulder to lean on and that wonderful hug. We're all doing all we can so, again, it's the same old thing "hang on." Your friend, Karen

Yes, I know so well what you mean, Kay. For me it was a few months after Jack died and I will never, ever forget that feeling. It was such a complete love feeling that just enveloped me totally. I had that heart-shaped locket appear on a wood carving and I wear it all the time, it just came out of nowhere. So, I really now what you're talking about. I'm so glad these things happen - it helps a lot. Have a good week-end. Your friend, Karen

Anglewings.... I'm sorry I can't help you with this, but just want to tell you I'm sorry you have this situation you're concerned about. I've had things like this happen to me over the years so that my family and friends just say, "Well, that's pretty normal for you." So, I guess I understand what you're talking about. I don't know if you're in touch with the part of you that knows God is on your side, but that's where I get my strength. If you are there, just put yourself in the light and understand that you are being helped, even if you don't know it. I hope things go well for you, we're all with you so talk to us whenever you need to. Your friend, Karen

Boy, Marty, you are so right. That kind of logic is great - check it out on all sides and then decide. No wonder you do so well as what you do. Your friend, Karen

Annie, I, too, am not a therapist but I do definately feel that family support is important. It's a visit, you're not taking him out of there. I'm hope he continues with his treatment and I feel support is important. There's just the two of you, so give him a big hug (if you go) and let him know he's loved. Best of luck to you both. Your friend, Karen

Dear AngelWings.... I love your name....and I'd bet I'd love you, too. My daughter told me one time that she'd be so lost if I died....it appears you are. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I lost my mom some time ago but I will never forget her, you won't either. Those ties are so very close. Please take care of yourself, know that there are others caring for your loss, many others. Try to be around those that cared for your mother because they'll care for you, too. It's just hard Angel Wings, it's just hard. We'll be here whenever you need us. Your friend, Karen

Hi Mariah Fortunately, or unfortunately, you sound just like the rest of us and that is very normal. It's been such a short amount of time in your healing - it does take time for most of us, a lot of time in a lot of cases. Just try to relax here and there, take good physical care of yourself and really just roll with the punches. My husband will be gone for three years the end of July. I still miss him and I've gone through many of the emotions and feelings and actions these last few years to get me where I am today. It's a slow progression but one we can learn from. It's very hard losing someone you love and whatever you're feeling, it's just the way it is. It is good to "talk" about it with people who have been there and get reinforcement - there's plenty of it here. So, just come back, write what you want to - there's always someone here to listen. Take care, Mariah. Your friend, Karen

Hi Wendy, I haven't posted too much here lately, but I wanted to respond to your last post just to say I'm sorry these things are happening for you. My Jack will have been gone three years the end of July and lately I haven't had any meltdowns or tears, just that feeling of a loving smile for all that we had. I pray for his wonderful soul every day and that he's doing what he needs to wherever he is. I will always love him. I'm very busy with my exercise classes, volunteer work at the local food bank, my church ladies group, my home business, gardening when the weather permits and trying to go on with this life of mine - so far so good. I certainly don't miss all those horrible and sad feelings so much of the time, and I'm very grateful for where I am now. But, who knows what might happen next? It's just that point in time that I knew I really needed to go on. It's nothing I've done, but just time passing. I know you'll get there, too. You've had other things going on that are hard to deal with, so it's no wonder you feel as you do. You just keep hanging in there, my friend, and you'll be fine down the road. Take care. Your friend, Karen

My very good friend, William.... I haven't written as much as I used to but my reason is I have been busy trying to make some kind of a life for myself lately. I do read the posts every day, though. You know, you have been dealt a hand that's extremely tough. Dealing with such a loss after having such a wonderful love and companion must be harder for you - I really know that! William, I feel remembering the loss becomes quiet and surfaces here and there because I really feel time is a healing process and these things will still come and go. It will be three years for me the end of July and I always think of Jack, and I pray for him every single morning that he's loving what he's doing now and I ask God to bless that wonderful soul and give thanks that he was given to me for a while. Suzanne is right that they are still with us. I know Jack is still with me because on Valentine's Day he gave me another heart (he always gave me a little gold heart on that day) that I found out on a wood carving that wasn't there before and I've never seen it before - it just appeared. Remember that? Now, doesn't that say they must live on and care for us still. Try to still that big heart of yours and get a little peace. We're all with you all the time. Your friend, Karen

You know, Robert, after having read the posts on this site, you know these ups and downs are very normal. You can feel "good" one day and "not so good" the next. Grief is a very strange thing. I've been around this planet for 68 years and I don't know anything that even comes near grief for a lost one, and there are many types of grief. You know that feeling of loss when a loved one dies is such a tremendously difficult thing to go through. Please don't feel you have to be strong, especially for other people. You just do your best and that's all you need to do. Just keep your mind and heart open what God is doing for you, and you know He is. I walked around this world for a portion of my life not knowing he was always with me - I didn't recognize it. Now I know the many lessons I've been taught with much more to go. Hang in there, Robert. Your friend, Karen

Hi Robert, Marty's certainly right.....we all have those dreams - sometimes pleasant, sometimes disturbing. It seems our minds are always at work. I hope things are going pretty well for you. My husband will have been gone 3 years the end of July, so my life is much better. I do volunteer work, go to Bible study once a week, church, exercise 3 times a week, starting my usual vegetable garden - always try to keep busy. And I have my wonderful friends right here who are such a comfort. This is a great group of people. Well, you keep on hanging in there - I bet you're doing just fine, you're that kind of person. Your friend, Karen

Hi Robert, It's no fun to be stressed out, I know. It's just another thing we have to deal with and continue on. I hope things are quieting down a bit for you and your family is doing okay. Just try to deal with these things as they come up and do your best - I'm sure you do. Hang in there and keep in touch with us whenever you can. Your friend, Karen

I'm sorry you had a miserable day today, Scotty. They do come and go, don't they and without warning. It just takes time to get better. This is something you can't rush but just try to hang in there. I hope tomorrow is better for you. Your friend, Karen

Hi Marlene, I've been through this twice with my sister and my husband. There has been "ugly" all around, and all feelings were hurt and for different reasons, too many to say here. I have no communication from my niece since my sister died, and no communication from my Jack's children since his memorial. It was all over the fact that I did what my husband wanted in his will, and over my niece just "taking over" when another family member died. It's confusing, but I guess what I want to say is that we all loose out in the long run over possesions and situations that we will not want to have happened down the road - it really is stress and everything else that happens when a loved one dies. If the family is more important than those things, then maybe we should think twice about how we react to how others act. It's just a thought It's really hard to be a forgiving and loving person when everything around us is in just somewhat of a shambles. I wish the best for you. It takes a long time to get over these losses. Your friend, Karen

Hey Suzanne, After a while it won't hurt so much. I'm sure you have something special of his still. I donated Jack's clothes to the Whitehouse for the Blind. I know it's what he would have wanted, but I still have a few of his things left that I'll probably keep for a long time. It's a hard thing to do, but we do get through it. Hang in there, girl, you're doing fine. Your friend, Karen

I am so terribly sorry for what you're going through. You must still be in shock. I'm sure your mind is all over the place, it's overwhelming. Somehow or another you'll deal with the hours and days to come. It's important to take care of your health, maybe your doctor can give you something to help you get through some of this. Your pain must be unbearable and, again, I'm so sorry. There is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, just try to get through the multitude of feelings you'll be having. Come back here and just talk with us. We've all been through this and it seems to help talking with people who understand. Bless you. Your friend, Karen