Stallyn

Kayc, My heart extends to you, I know the feelings you quoted too well, I pray for peace to surround you, you been such a dear friend to me, I will tell you, I wake up every day not knowing who I am anymore, in fact I personally avoid looking at myself, but the fact you made it thus far is a blessing from God, without our faith the glue would wither away. You are not alone for SURE William

Kayc, I know this has been the most difficult 4 months for me too, always a up/down situation, staying alive in once piece is challenging, it feels like a limb was lost. Thanks for your faith, Truly, William

Kay, I know what you are saying, I learned the heat exacerbates the grief process, today I had a session with my counselor and I completely lost it, warped back into 4 months ago, I feel desperately lonely too, I don't have much to do with anything anymore and yet to find my purpose now, I somewhat adjusted to being alone and its not as bad as it was before, I would like to settle down eventually but waiting is the key right now, I am trying to renew my faith as it is the only thing that will save me from my own demise. I know things are working out for you, you are immensely strong in your life and it is encouraging to me, to know you and others showing me that I make a difference and loved. I thank the Lord in heaven for that. Blessings, William

I got the memories also which daily seem to haunt me more so, the rent is not bad but the electricity in here is $265 for 1K Sq F! and the senseless landlord argues with me about it being "comparable to other apts of my type" I wish I could stay here but I can't keep thinking of wasting my proceeds to these who hahs, you are right, I have NOT been dealing with my grief for awhile, things seem always to get in the way.

Karen, Its always GOOD to read your messages, I do feel safe here, I am used to being "single" I try to make the most of it anyway I can, But I am planning on getting a manufactured home now since the situation was the bite off the tip of my patience, the landlords are close to the category of slum, and it never gets better, I agree a change of place and area will do me a bit of good, might be a bit soon for 4 months but I don't know, I can't see myself giving the jerks anymore of my money!

Well Its been a few weeks since I been around, the weather here brings my moods to a halt, I been so tired and depressed, I still haven't found my happiness yet, and the problems still continue, the A/C went out friday and the landlords didn't get it fixed till monday, and now I am in bad terms with them with my legitimate demands, I may be paranoid but I think they are preying on me, After my wife passed they always call me about the rent check that I always send on the 3rd, its not my problem if the postal service cant send a piece of paper 5 miles. The memories here are too much sometimes, I tend to hear a disembodied female voice here alot, and now I desire to move, though the consensus is wait 6 months or so, but I can't afford the outrageous expenses alone. Well thats my rant for now...sorry William

Dusky, That is touching poem, true to life... Blessings, William

Hi Teny, I have been away for awhile also, dealing with this mess of a life, I know how you feel, lately I had problems with the landlords and asking Myrna where are you? The desperation is a horrible feeling, and the love doesn't wane and that complicates things, I hope you continue to grow in your travels, I can say I haven't been coping well either but we mustn't try too hard and talk to anyone that listens. May peace surround you.. truly, William

Karen, You are so right, I have had ALOT of time thinking about the past since the future for me doesn't seem to have good prospects, I want to meet people but out here with the climate and my health at times seems to drag me down, I need some peace so badly, I know prayers always get answered, And are you doing ok today? And Lori, I hope to hear you are doing fine.. Blessings to you, Your friend William

Karen, Thats a situation I feel with you, the joy, companionship, the desire to have it all the way it was, I been thinking alot of moving out of the state but its complicated and expensive, we are thrust in a undesirable situation of lonliness, but you are successful in coping with this! You such an inspiration! May many days be a beautiful sunrise for you to smile at! William

Well My situation was different but similar, I was forced to put my wife in hospice since she wasn't able bodied anymore, all her friends pretty much took over against my wishes but I allowed her to go to her homeland, often I regret that decision, But I wished her to be happy in her final moments, but we never discussed if she was to fall ill, but to respect her final wishes while she was coherent and communicative. I hope you find a solution that satisfies everyone involved. Truly, William

Kay, That is great that you are able to resolve the problems, maybe in time he will come around to accepting it, I am happy for you! William

Shell, Never in my life have I been treated such a villian, well I am trying to make the best of my situation now, fortunately I don't communicate to anyone that Myrna knew, I think they will reap what they sowed, but I think alot about my wife saying things behind my back that made things evolve into what they were, she had a difficult childhood and no a good outlook on men in general, she was venting at me since I was the only man in her life, I wish I could tell her how much pain she caused me, I don't think I will get involved in another relationship. William

Jessica, Hang in there ok? no matter how tough it is we are here for you, I know its hard for anyone outside to understand and have compassion, doesn't help but here is a refuge of sorts, Take care and let us know how you are doing, William

Thanks Guys, I been thinking alot of what conspired in the moments of her death and afterwards, I wonder if she truly loved me, though her brother said some evil things I can't shake out of my mind, its depressing me, I don't talk to any of her friends after I had the spat with him, right now I am perplexed on how peoples behavior has been, thanks for your support always, William

Karen, Always a pleasure to hear from you! I found it unnerving to have it happen the 2nd time, Sure seems strange things are always becoming of us, at the same token, it seems forever shes been gone and sometimes the shock still hits me that she is indeed gone.. William

Well, Here it goes, I somehow woke myself up asking "Myrna are you there?" I looked to the right side of the bed where she used to sleep, and really was convinced she was there, like a time warp back 6 months! I am beginning to question if I am really handling this loss as well as I should? Some days I just can't think about her, if I do I spiral down, I am sooo Tired and restless, my future seems questionable, I haven't felt true happiness in such a long time now, I even tried to tell myself I had a bad marriage or she hates me to lessen the pain. William

Starkiss, Well that is a much needed vacation

As Shell says it is a normal occurance, most of the time I fall asleep, even with medication to relive depression,I think in due time it will wane down as the grief becomes less active in your life, I still experience it after 4 months and wonder when it will end, I know I dont have the loss you have expericenced for such a time, perhaps a doctor could help? Blessings, William

Kayc, I understand completely, tomorrow will be the 4 months without Myrna, I feel so alone and desperate, you have been a tremendous support for me and others! I wish I could go there and fix your mower, I am truly sorry you are having a difficult time, but you have your comrades in arms with you, you are never useless or without hope, you are a blessing to many people, If I could wave a wand to help, may it be! Just a small consolation to you I hope, blessings always, your friend William

Maury, I too have miss the companionship of my wife, I miss the most is hearing her voice and seeing her smile, I personally find it difficult at this time to find someone else, I been corresponding with a gal in Europe but I haven't opened myself yet, sometimes feel if I will ever move on, only time will tell right? William

Lyn, I am sorry this happened to you, I think the most important thing to know that you loved each other and now it will guide you. I was numb for two months after my wife died, I sometimes feel her presence around me which is a blessing, Please always when you need to express yourself, we are here for you.. Blessings, William

Jessica, I offer you my condolences, I have lost my wife several months ago also, it has and still not easy to adjust to the loss at this time, however difficult it may be, there is a part of him in you always and forever, what you are experiencing is completely normal, I too walk around most of the time in a daze or extremely tired, allow yourself to feel what you experiencing and here is a open door always. Truly, William

Shell, Thanks for that affirmation and insight, I always think of what Myrna would want me to achieve, well I got some ways to go. William

Karen, I often wonder myself if what the future holds, bumping into someone and having a friendship without strings, my 4 months alone has been weird and lonely, but I find that my memories are still fresh, is there a #2 true love? got to be something after your time alone, a difficult dilemma, such a choice we been forced into..