kayc

It has been a while...praying you are getting through this, one day at a time, pouring all of your energy into healing both body and soul...we're here whenever you come back.

Dear fae, I do understand how much more than unsettling this all is...I have been through some really hard times in my life and can relate to your emotions. I did, as you are, whereas I could have sued, thrown stones, etc. I continued to smile, for I felt if they took my smile, that gave them power to change me and I refused to grant them that. I held my head up high, contented myself with knowing what was true about myself, and continued. But I also went through a period of hibernation for my own sanctity, and at my son's gentle prodding, finally emerged from it. It was hard at best. It was a time I will never forget and I learned and grew as a person through that time. It's something you can't really put into words, but when I see someone going through something similar, I remember and can empathize. You have our support and safety here with us.

fae, Your Wednesday weekends sounds like a good idea, anything to counteract the thugs! Do whatever you enjoy, whatever makes you relax!

Anne, I am on 100 mg Losartan Potassium (generic of Cozaar) daily and it helps me but not quite enough, my doctor is switching me to something else, which will require an additional pill to counteract the side effects. I've been on Cozaar for years to manage my BP. I hope they find a dosage that works well for you and also what causes all of this. I've only been told my heredity is the big thing, which makes me worry about my kids. You aren't "feeling sorry for yourself", we appreciate your sharing with us. I'm glad the kidney disease is staying at bay!

back to subject at hand...fae, is there some way you could cut off all contact with them? I thought when you went and packed up your other place you'd be done with them then.

So many secondary losses.,..

I think it is those "abler souls" that are here on this site. I have met a couple of widows that were "glad to have the old coot gone"...they aren't usually the ones that visit these sites...here it is the ones that had their soul mates and best friend. The deeper they were carved into our hearts, the tougher this aftermath is. Yeah, Arlie took it out once before, also the ones on my old truck (in the canopy). Skye took out the brand new window my son had just put in his place (window was open, screen was shut, but he damaged the casing as well)...and he's a dog that can't even walk! Poor Skye, landed below, outside, and couldn't even hobble off, now THAT'S pathetic! If I had new screen material I could put it in myself but will probably just take it to the builder supply and let them do it as they have a table for it and tools...

Well at least I'm good for a laugh!

I just read Marty's message (I'm slow), now I feel stupid! Welcoming those who are sent here to look after US! Haha... Oh well...

And I'm not even a violent person!

I'm so sorry, fae! Makes me want to put a gunny sack on them in a dark alley and...

My Arlie burst through my screen door last night in an escape attempt, so now I must get a new screen for it. They can be challenging in their bursts of energy!

My sweet Marys (both of you), it breaks my heart to think of your facing this seemingly alone. I know all too well how hard it is to face those hard places without our spouse by our side, or "having our back". Just know they are rooting for you, cheering you on, and have not left your side. They may not be able to talk to you like they used to, but oh they are there supporting you in the only ways they can, even now. It is times like these when I wish I could once again rest in the "abandonment to divine providence", knowing all is in His hands and for my good. I do miss that part of my faith, but the realist in me cries it is not that simple! I do know, however, that many prayers are going up for you both and will continue and you are surrounded by all of our love here, as fae puts it, in this tribe.

OMG, Anne, I am so sorry, that is so hard! My dog is half "Golden" too, Mary, and has a couple of small cysts they are "keeping an eye on" and I just pray nothing comes of it, they are prone to cysts too and most of them are harmless...my whippet had them too. Mary, your Corgis are adorable, yep, I imagine they're enjoying the coolness of the floor. Arlie and Kitty LOVE the kitchen floor this time of year (it's marble)!

I know, I don't usually look over hard for reasons for things, but sometimes there is...maybe the time this is taking is one...it is good to go with the flow sometimes and let things take their course. We will continue to be here as you go through your ups and downs. I know this is tough, Chris, I wish there were some other way, but I don't know any way but straight through it, one foot in front of another, one day at a time. It will evolve little by little into something more manageable. (((hugs))) Kay

Dwayne, so good to hear from you, and I've really missed our phone calls! I know you're busy though and that's as it should be. Yes I remember how ill you were, and now here you are on the other side of the fence, helping sick people! Mary, I'm sorry you are having eye trouble too...I know what that's like, I don't see well out of my left eye and it's hard to read road signs. They said they're "keeping an eye on it", whatever that means, since they only see me annually. It took me eight trips to the eye doctor for my glasses last time and they never were right, I just gave up. Have something starting. They're probably waiting for me to lose insurance before they decide to do surgery. Please let us know how the new drops work... Hmmm, I'm not interested in smoking marijuana (have Asthma and Allergies) so if that's prescribed, I hope it's in another form. They give the dispensaries such a hard time I'm not sure how people who need it can get it! I don't have a green thumb so growing it is out, it'd probably just get my cats high anyway (or put them to sleep). The washing machine repairman was going to come last night or tonight (since he didn't call or show last night, I assume tonight), here's hoping it isn't too big a deal. I don't like counting raisins, besides some are big and some are small, do they mean big ones or small ones? (I'm overly analytical)...so I use an iced tea spoon, which is smaller than a teaspoon...it holds about nine average raisins. Once it's steeped for a couple of months (they say at least two weeks but it still tastes nasty then, unless you LIKE gin...I do not) the "liquid" in there doesn't taste too vile, in fact, it's almost pleasant, it definitely takes on the taste of the raisins. Just make sure it's GOLDEN raisins, the other kind don't work. Oh and don't waste your money on a $25 bottle of gin, the $4 bottle works just as well and it doesn't really help the taste much to spend the additional $...I tried that, hoping.

I think I feel the same as all of you do. I was raised in the Nazarene Church (although not by my parents, they were Atheist when I was growing up, but I went with neighbors and my parents were just happy to get a break from us kids) and I believed what they taught. It was well into my 40s before I questioned anything and my belief system began to evolve. Even now I don't just take what is handed to me, I explore it. I would have to say my faith is very strong and even being challenged with George's death (I think that rattles your faith for a while), it came out stronger than ever. Yes, I believe God is good, but is also judge. And sometimes takes his hands off things. And I think a lot of what happens in life has to do with mankind's choices. I may believe in karma, but am not sure as it seems like sometimes bad things happen to good people and vice versa...hence the random theory. I guess my spirituality has evolved more than "religion", which is an entirely different thing. I began a quest for learning/reading and prayer/meditation in my 40s and it definitely made me look at things differently. George's death couldn't help but further impact my perspective, but rather than destroy my faith, it is there, always there, like a quiet reassurance. I really like that we can discuss things openly here and that everyone seems open for learning and we glean so much from each other. I love you all, you are my family!

I listened to the song this morning and just cried...I swear, if George came back, I'd hold him and never let him go!

It's funny how our faith can evolve...I used to believe that everything that came into our lives was for a purpose, but I don't anymore. I think some things are rather random, like George's death. Some of the horrific things I've gone through...if I believed they were for a purpose, well that sounds like someone's behind it, like someone willed it into my life, and I have a hard time believing that about God...I think He's better than that. I remember years ago reading Jean-Paul de Cassaude's "Abandonment to Divine Providence" and basically he espoused that everything that happens in our lives is as from God's hand, so we should, therefore, accept it, like a gift. That's a nice peaceful way to live. But I guess I'm a questioner. I question how things like children starving and an innocent young person being raped or someone prematurely dying could be God's will. I know, He allows things. But that's different than it being FROM Him. You see, if I believed that, that would alter my view of God. I DO believe that He can bring good from bad. That we can choose to allow something to transform us. That we do not have to become incapacitated by bad things happening, but that takes choice and effort on our parts. And I like that, it relegates us to being in charge of our own lives somehow and less "victimized". Anyway, not trying to sway anyone, my own thinking has changed along with some of the circumstances in my life and observations. And maybe I'm all wrong. I do like Jean-Paul's book...I remember when I believed that way and accepted it...it was a nice way of thinking. Such peacefulness. Wish I could think that way again. Has anyone else's thinking/faith changed since they lost their spouse?

It's not worth it, by the time you pay for the supplies, listing/selling/paypal fees, photos, shipping, packaging, you're in the hole! The competition is too great to charge much. Mine are retailing for $3 and she's charging 30% for consignment so at least I don't have all of the little fees that add up. I tried on Etsy and lost $.

And oh yes, we'd pick up where we left off then!

And here's the lyrics (Lorrie Morgan) I wouldn't know what to say I wouldn't know what to do If you came back from heaven And I could look at you Would I fumble for the words? Would I be a little shy? Would I bust right out with laughter? Or break right down and cry? Oh,if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up,where we left off And try it all again? Oh,if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows,if he let you go I'd never send you back Do your kisses feel the same? Do you still have the same touch? And will you whisper softly 'Coz you've missed me so much? Have you heard all my prayers When I lay down at night? And did you feel my body When I held your pillow tight? Oh,if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up,where we left off And try it all again? Oh,if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows,if he let you go I'd never send you back And if,God forbid,you leave this earth again while I see I hope he knows if you go you'll be bringing me Oh,if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up,where we left off And try it all again? Oh,if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows,if he let you go I'd never send you back

Good to hear from you, Jan. fae, I don't know how you accomplish all that you do, you all sound like you have such full lives! I had a pretty quiet day yesterday, I enjoyed it. Mary, it sounds like you've been getting our weather lately. The heat is nothing like the rest of the country gets, but way hotter than us Oregonians are used to getting! We are wimps when it comes to heat and humidity, I'll admit it, and most of us do not have A/C. We've had two weeks of it and more expected this upcoming week. I've gone to turning my computer off when I leave for work and usually it's too hot to turn it back on when I come home, it takes hours to cool off at night! We're used to getting a couple of days of this, not WEEKS at a time!

fae, No I don't have a website...I like making the cards, not the business end of it...too much like work! Perhaps someday when I retire and have more time...part of my problem is I'm horrible at picture taking...maybe if I took a photography class it'd help. My son's given me some pointers but when I get behind the camera, it's sure to not work! At least I got them all stamped "handmade" on the back, matched up with envelopes, and stuck in clear jackets, and initialed the jackets so the seller would know whose they were, and taken down to the shop. It's a little place that sells lattes and teas, bagels and sandwiches, etc. and has handcrafted articles throughout the place, on consignment.

I've heard it said time and again, not to make big decisions in the first year and I'd add to it two. Still, as Mary says, it's your business, but I would seek a wise person's counsel before making a decision for sure. Have you talked with your kids about your decision? I do hope you'll check back with us now and then and let us know how you are. Wishing you only the best, Kay