kayc

It's funny how our faith can evolve...I used to believe that everything that came into our lives was for a purpose, but I don't anymore. I think some things are rather random, like George's death. Some of the horrific things I've gone through...if I believed they were for a purpose, well that sounds like someone's behind it, like someone willed it into my life, and I have a hard time believing that about God...I think He's better than that. I remember years ago reading Jean-Paul de Cassaude's "Abandonment to Divine Providence" and basically he espoused that everything that happens in our lives is as from God's hand, so we should, therefore, accept it, like a gift. That's a nice peaceful way to live. But I guess I'm a questioner. I question how things like children starving and an innocent young person being raped or someone prematurely dying could be God's will. I know, He allows things. But that's different than it being FROM Him. You see, if I believed that, that would alter my view of God. I DO believe that He can bring good from bad. That we can choose to allow something to transform us. That we do not have to become incapacitated by bad things happening, but that takes choice and effort on our parts. And I like that, it relegates us to being in charge of our own lives somehow and less "victimized". Anyway, not trying to sway anyone, my own thinking has changed along with some of the circumstances in my life and observations. And maybe I'm all wrong. I do like Jean-Paul's book...I remember when I believed that way and accepted it...it was a nice way of thinking. Such peacefulness. Wish I could think that way again. Has anyone else's thinking/faith changed since they lost their spouse?

It's not worth it, by the time you pay for the supplies, listing/selling/paypal fees, photos, shipping, packaging, you're in the hole! The competition is too great to charge much. Mine are retailing for $3 and she's charging 30% for consignment so at least I don't have all of the little fees that add up. I tried on Etsy and lost $.

And oh yes, we'd pick up where we left off then!

And here's the lyrics (Lorrie Morgan) I wouldn't know what to say I wouldn't know what to do If you came back from heaven And I could look at you Would I fumble for the words? Would I be a little shy? Would I bust right out with laughter? Or break right down and cry? Oh,if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up,where we left off And try it all again? Oh,if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows,if he let you go I'd never send you back Do your kisses feel the same? Do you still have the same touch? And will you whisper softly 'Coz you've missed me so much? Have you heard all my prayers When I lay down at night? And did you feel my body When I held your pillow tight? Oh,if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up,where we left off And try it all again? Oh,if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows,if he let you go I'd never send you back And if,God forbid,you leave this earth again while I see I hope he knows if you go you'll be bringing me Oh,if you came back from heaven Would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up,where we left off And try it all again? Oh,if you came back from heaven It would freeze me in my tracks And I hope God knows,if he let you go I'd never send you back

Good to hear from you, Jan. fae, I don't know how you accomplish all that you do, you all sound like you have such full lives! I had a pretty quiet day yesterday, I enjoyed it. Mary, it sounds like you've been getting our weather lately. The heat is nothing like the rest of the country gets, but way hotter than us Oregonians are used to getting! We are wimps when it comes to heat and humidity, I'll admit it, and most of us do not have A/C. We've had two weeks of it and more expected this upcoming week. I've gone to turning my computer off when I leave for work and usually it's too hot to turn it back on when I come home, it takes hours to cool off at night! We're used to getting a couple of days of this, not WEEKS at a time!

fae, No I don't have a website...I like making the cards, not the business end of it...too much like work! Perhaps someday when I retire and have more time...part of my problem is I'm horrible at picture taking...maybe if I took a photography class it'd help. My son's given me some pointers but when I get behind the camera, it's sure to not work! At least I got them all stamped "handmade" on the back, matched up with envelopes, and stuck in clear jackets, and initialed the jackets so the seller would know whose they were, and taken down to the shop. It's a little place that sells lattes and teas, bagels and sandwiches, etc. and has handcrafted articles throughout the place, on consignment.

I've heard it said time and again, not to make big decisions in the first year and I'd add to it two. Still, as Mary says, it's your business, but I would seek a wise person's counsel before making a decision for sure. Have you talked with your kids about your decision? I do hope you'll check back with us now and then and let us know how you are. Wishing you only the best, Kay

I would have been very skeptical except it was my highly educated and "in the know" sister that swore by it, and so I tried it. The results convinced me and in short order! I tried unsuccessfully to close my hand into a fist for a YEAR and was able to completely with the use of the gin and raisins. I talked to my doctor about it and he said "Whatever works!"

Anne, perhaps it was one of Jan's moths?

It's never long enough. (((hugs)))

It's hard, I know how hard it is, I've lost way too many pets, and my eyes tear up even now, thinking about it. But I know we'll be together again. I remember telling King George (my cat) that where he was going, he could have chopped bacon and liver and be spoiled and young again, and I would come join him someday.

I am so sorry for your loss. Years ago, I had an adorable dog, Fluffy, he was 1/2 Cocker Spaniel and 1/2 American Eskimo. He was a family dog, and our family of four adored him. He went everywhere with us, swimming, bike riding, picking Huckleberries, camping, anything and everything we did, so did he. One day I took Fluffy and George (my cat) to the vet. We got home and the kids and I were busy trying to get some medicine into George, and since I'd already let Fluffy out, I closed my van up and went on to work. At the end of the day, I opened up my van, and Fluffy rolled out into my arms, stiff as a board. He had snuck back into the van and I hadn't noticed...knowing he wasn't supposed to, he was quiet my long drive to work. When I think about the suffering that poor dog underwent, how he may have cried out to me, just outside my office window, with me not hearing above the sounds of the mill where I worked...it literally broke my heart. I called the vet and brought him right over...I know, that doesn't make any sense, was I hoping for a miracle? But it had been hours, and rigamortis had already set in. I'd give anything to take back that day. Like you, I had plenty of self-repercussions...I admonished myself, why hadn't I double checked the van before closing it? Why hadn't I made sure he made it into the house with the kids? Why, why, why? But it happened and it couldn't be changed. It was an accident. I loved Fluffy more than anything, I never would have hurt him for the world, and he knew that. I only pray that where he is and where your Ruben is, they are enjoying themselves as they wait for our reunion. So many of us here have lost wonderful animals, and it truly is one of the hardest losses one can have...we wish we could undo that day, but we can't change what is, only look forward to being with them again. I am so sorry for your incredible loss.

OMG, Mary, seriously, he even LOOKS like him, how funny! It must be wild to be able to play the roles of other people, how interesting! Mary, being allergic to fish, I can't have fish oil, but I have discovered that gin and golden raisins works VERY well for inflammation! I usually steep the raisins for a couple of months before using, I take a slight tsp./day (being too lazy to count out nine raisins). Not being a gin lover, I find that the longer it steeps, the more palatable they are. I had severe nerve damage in a finger, leaving it unable to bend after a year from my injury, and in only two weeks of taking gin/raisins daily, I noticed marked improvement. Today I can make a complete fist with no pain! It's great for arthritis, etc.

Harry, it's on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

ahh Mary, this resonates with all that I feel within me and have learned to be true! This is true spirituality in it's most basic form! It is not in learning theology or different religions or adhering to a particular creed or performing some ritual...it is in...being. Some of the greatest mystics of all time that I have read have found this to be true! How simply and aptly put.

It's a quiet peaceful day and I'm trying not to think about going back to work tomorrow but to just enjoy today. ] When I was out yesterday, a storeowner asked me to bring my cards in to sell so I got them ready today. When the art gallery closed, I removed the envelopes to take up less room and stored cards only so I could go through them easier...now I had to make sure each one was stamped "handmade" on the back, paired with a matching envelope, and stored in a protective sleeve. Then I initialed the back of the sleeves as I've learned many won't buy them if the back of the card is signed by the artist as they want to pass them off to the recipient as handmade by themselves, something I found amusing, but I humor them, caring only that they sell and someone enjoys them. A few are already signed but I usually don't anymore unless I give them out myself and often forget even then. So sometime today I must make the trek into town to deliver them. I haven't heard back from the washing machine repairman so I assume he's taking time off on the weekend and I'll have to call later with my cell number as I won't be at my home number tomorrow and the rest of the week. Why do these things always happen on a Sat. morning? I am so impatient, I just want to make an appt. and get the part ordered. I don't think it's going to be an inexpensive fix from what I've learned so far, and I looked at some new washers but after reading the reviews decided to get my own repaired if possible. fae, I've IM'd you my address and phone number again since you've lost it. Thank you! We all ought to be fairly good at this rolling with the punches in life as we've certainly had our share. I can't tell you the invaluable lessons I've learned in conjunction with my mom's dementia. In seeing that it all boils down to this, that all of her striving in life, her anxiety, fears, and concerns, accumulation of worldly goods, only to lose everything, her possessions, her mind...it reduces life to it's most base form...acceptance. We who like to think we are in control are only in control to the degree we are allowed! In the end, what will be, will be. It kind of brings a peace over me, an acceptance, a contentedness if you will...things have a way of working out.

It's just that at home it would slap her in the face left and right as there's a million reminders of how empty the house is now.

I'd planned to drive down to see the fireworks but just got home too late. I'd love to see the picture! Haven't been able to reach the washer repairman, he may be out of town for the weekend. It's going to drive me crazy being without a washing machine! Will have to take a load into town to wash...

I love that Mary is finding enjoyment in her painting and Anne in her pencils and all of us with our dogs...it is in learning to enjoy what IS rather than focusing only on our loss that we can learn to appreciate life again.

Anne, your peach iced tea sounds wonderful! I, too, start the day with coffee and then switch to tea, although usually iced green tea, I just love how it feels inside my body, it's so refreshing! I may have to teach all of you how to truly relax! I live in a place that is so laid back and low key, another reason I love living in the country. When I was younger, I was more like my little sister, every minute of every day planned out, at least a month or two in advance. I think when my kids grew up and George and I married I slowed down, reserving time for us for spontaneity. Today my washing machine broke down, so I'm hoping I can reach the repairman.

Shaina, All of us came to rely upon our partners, they were our other half. But after they passed, little by little we had to make decisions on our own, and I think you'll rise to the occasion when you've had to. You've already been making decisions, such as going hospice, and how to handle her death (burial/cremation/service, etc.). We will continue to be here for you as you walk through this journey...we know what it's like to lose the most important person in the world to us.

Chris, it sounds like you have great kids and support. I do understand your tearing up, wishing Paula could be there to enjoy the holidays with you.

Mary, We appreciate the updates...how is she holding out? Has she gotten the bone marrow yet?

Arlene, Your home sounds very comfortable, I hope you can keep it as long as you want. I feel the same way about mine. Since George died just a couple weeks before July 4th, I pretty much ignored it that first year, it was pretty rough, very raw. I hope you get something figured out for your CFS.

Jan, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you have enjoyable plans for today. I spent my 4th at a barbeque at a friend's house, there were about a dozen people. My GF made Brisket, the best I've ever had, and the host made pulled pork, I brought potato salad and a strawberry yogurt pie. We had a good time. I too did not attend fireworks, although I would have like to, I thought it more important to spend some time with Arlie since I'd been gone for hours. Harry, I love your traditions. Since I'm related to Ben Franklin, I've read the Declaration many times, and even have it on parchment somewhere.