Found out why Kevin passed am losing it

[Lost in Grief]

Dear rdownes, I just joined this group yesterday and have only now learned of the loss of your loving Kevin. I can not add much more to what all others have said.  I wish I could take away your pain. Just know we all love you, your consoling comments to me helped me. Your goodness has not changed.  We are all with you as you are with us.

[Marie Lee]

Dear Robin,

How very painful !

I think we all have someone in our lives that have an addiction, or patterns of behaviors that are destructive.

I did not experience the drugs with my spouse , but I was married to an angry man. I loved him. We had made so many strides in positive directions during our 30 yrs together...most of it married.

I almost thought he was addicted to anger in a way. He was addicted to food...another aspect of human behavior  that I ponder...

Isn't that an odd thought ? I share this in hopes that it helps. Thank you for sharing your story and your pain.

My brother died in 2010... He was always struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. I had grown tired of his drama and had not seen him the

Christmas before...I felt horrible about that for a while after his death...among many other emotions..

 

I long so much to live in a society where we help and accept each other instead of blaming and hurting ourselves and one another... 

I am rambling, sorry...hope some of this helps. I am very sorry for your pain and suffering...

Peace, Marie

[rdownes]

Thank you Marie you words touch my heart I have accepted the fact that Kevin passed from his addiction it did not make him a bad man he loved me more than life itself I to wish for a world of nonjudgmental I really don't tell people other than here what he passed from, I know what people's thoughts would be and I want him remembered for the man not the addict, here is different I know people don't judge here and have such kind souls, I am sorry about you brother I am sure he knows you are sorry, My Kevin had bipolar so boy can I understand anger but again it was a disease not his fault he was a good man I wouldn't have traded him for the world

[Marie Lee]

Dear Robin, Much love to you..... Life's journey has so many unknowns.

Sleep evades me tonight and I Find myself looking at pics.. Wrapping up in my Kev's flannel shirt and wishing time would go backwards ...

[iPraiseHim]

My brother passed away over 8 years ago (age 50). He battled his demons with drug and alcohol addiction in his life.  They were not a factor in his death.  He caught pneumonia and was taking medicine.  I spoke to him just two days before he passed away in his sleep.  He had contracted pneumonia before but had always recovered. 

It was a shock to all of us but especially my Dad.  He went to wake him up.  He was the youngest sibling.  As a father you don't expect your children to die before you.  His wife (MOM) died just 15 months before.  They were married 51 years.  My Dad is stoic and just never talked about their deaths.  He seemed to have accepted it and never spoke about it. 

I have noticed in the last six months , he has started to open up and share some of his thoughts and perspective about their passing. 

It doesn't matter how our loved ones die.  We will miss and grieve over the people we have loved deeply and lost.  Feelings are not FACTS but I believe they can connect and teach us what we need to learn and grow on this grief journey.  - Shalom

[rdownes]

Marie so know how you feel longing for when they were here it is hard sometimes the loneliness can get so bad but I guess we need to remember it is not permanent we will see them again, George I feel so bad for your father losing a soulmate and a child I could never imagine, I could never imagine losing one of my children  I am glad he is opening up it has got to be hard, if anything Kevin's passing has taught me we are all flawed and not perfect but even with our flaws we are capable of great love.

[kayc]

9 hours ago, rdownes said:

it did not make him a bad man he loved me more than life itself

 

9 hours ago, rdownes said:

I want him remembered for the man not the addict

Robin, I can so relate and completely agree!  My George also had a problem with drugs, I didn't find out until three weeks before he died.  He was in rehab and doing his best, but his heart decided to give him rest...
I, like you, know he loved more more than anything in the world and would have done anything for me!  I can have no judgment, only love, he was the sweetest man I ever met.

[kayc]

5 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

As a father you don't expect your children to die before you. 

Oh George!  I am so sorry for your dad, for all of you.  That had to be really hard...and I'm sure it still is, no matter how much time goes by.  I'm glad your dad is opening up about it to you...it helps to share it, I think it aids our healing, and he knows he can trust you to listen and understand.  I'm glad he has you.

[Margm]

My grandson is in his early 30s.  He was just arrested, again.  His dad (my son) begs the police to keep him.  At least we know where he is.  Conditions may be hard in prison and it is a terrible thing to wish, but my family has the addictive gene, and I believe there is such a thing.  Billy and I gave up our RVing life so our son could get off drugs.  He was/is a sweet gentle soul though and my grandson is mean.  He threatens his family.  There was a place waiting for him to live to get off drugs but he has had these places before and he does not want to get off them.  There is a picture of him in a newspaper in California of him pulling a knife on a cop.  They may have kept him three days.  He is a danger to himself and his family, although now all his family lives over a thousand miles away.  He is so handsome, had so much potential.  When my son goes to find him he hides.  Scott goes into dope neighborhoods the cops tell him not to go in trying to find him.  Last time he was out there he gave him his sleeping bag and tent.  He sold them for drugs.  I don't know if his mind can be fixed now..  I remember him as a teenager crushing even Tylenol to "sniff" it.  Our son was a junkie.  We moved to a small art town in Arkansas and bought a house to help him.  He wanted help and got himself off drugs.  I know he slipped off the wagon awhile, but after hep-C treatments and nearly dying he finally got clear of drugs and cannot take a drink either.  He was a mean drunk.  He pawned everything worth pawning.  I lost a beautiful cousin, inside and out beautiful, to alcohol.  She died in her 16 year-old son's arms.  She was a tragic alcoholic.  Our great grandfather was an alcoholic and died in the charity hospital the year my father was born.  My grandfather would not let him see his first grandson.  I have a sister and  cousin who worked the AA program to get clean.  I quit speed cold turkey and nearly killed Billy coming off it.  I used a sledge hammer on our house on the inside.  I went into the hospital. My drug was a prescription speed.  It took years before I quit craving that drug.  I could no longer get it by prescription and had to go cold turkey.  That was back during the years they had weight loss clinics and you had diet doctors prescribe biphetamines, black mollies. My son and his son are bipolar and have a tendency toward addiction anyhow.  

Having been there, my heart goes out to the widows.  I could have killed Billy and still been in prison..  Drugs make different people out of us.  I think my grandson's brain is irreparable.  My son has cut off years from his life with a bad liver, even after the hep-C treatments.  But, he would not touch a drug or drink now.  It took years off mine and Billy's lives together fighting this terrible thing of addiction.  Billy could never give up the liquid nicotine, which I will always blame for his death.  I am thankful for the years he and I had together, but they were not all sunlight and moonbeams.  We live the life we were given and try to correct the wrongs, and if we cannot correct them, then we remember what was good, and there is a lot of good.  .And there are some people who are on a run-away train going downhill and cannot stop.  You cannot see why they cannot stop unless you have been addicted yourself.  Unfortunately, in my family, we understand.

I'm sorry, I don't go back and read my notes and sometimes I repeat myself.  They say if you tell the truth the first time you won't have to back it up.  I honestly hope I tell the truth.  I told my aunt that my daughter had 106 temperature last week, it was 104.6.  When I talked to her again, I asked her if I had told her 106, and she said I had.  I hope I don't lie like that on purpose anytime.  Sometimes my memory is terrible, but in the back of my mind I could remember telling someone, I could not remember who, that it was 106.  This has not been a good year.  But, I do not think about my mom passing.  Maybe my little brain just won't compute all the stress.    

[kayc]

Oh Marg, I am so sorry about this turn of events.  Of course your son tries...a parent doesn't want to give up on their kids.  There are situations like this though that you can only pray for them and hope they eventually learn something...it can happen, but he has to let something/someone break through to him.

I hope the cop is okay.  If he pulled a knife on a cop, I'm sure they'll keep him this time.  Maybe it is the best place for him.  I know prison is both dangerous and safe at the same time...dangerous because of the other inmates and corruption from within, yet safe because there he'll have a roof over his head, a doctor on staff, food at regular intervals.  And maybe, just maybe, the chaplain will schedule someone visiting that will have a message that he might hear.  I wish I could say there's no drugs in prison, but also, that's not accurate.  You do have to have a commodity to buy them with, so if he has nothing, he's hard put to buy them.  Six envelopes (what our state supplies) a month doesn't go very far as a commodity, even in prison.  Don't put any money on his books.