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Groundhog Day ad nauseum


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I'm stuck in a loop. And learning nothing as Bill Murray did in the movie.  Every day is the same over and over again.  That is not news.  What is is thinking about why.  There are no variables anymore.  Living with someone brings things in because of them.  On our own we can get stuck in a new routine.  We know the things that will disrupt it are now from the outside and mostly things we have to deal with alone.  Mine is ltechnology.  Computers, phones, wifi drive me bonkers.  It's not that I can't do them, I don't want to.  I want to tell Steve, who loved that stuff, and let him be the hero.  I was perfectly happy in my ignorant bliss.  Now I know more than I ever wanted.  But it did hit me today why I am so down and sad from the moment I wake up.  I know it is another day that he won't be here with some idea, thought, playing his music or doing his Sunday thing of BBQ'ing.  Just knowing there will be no deviation in anything for yet another day and that will continue tomorrow and the next make that getting up so very hard.  I've made changes in my night routine but can never forget the old one when he was here that was so very comfortable.  I got this iPad he always wanted me to try, but had no time for.  I was too busy to give up time with him or books for it.  It's a lousy substitute.  It doesn't make up songs or kiss me in the cheek.  A cold appendage to replace his warm arms.

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Someone quite close to me shared her perspective about our lives and the lessons we are supposed to learn. I am slowly coming to understand that concept and while I felt for years that life was standing still I just knew there had to be a reason that Kathy died so young and left me behind. Keep in mind that "Phil" didn't learn lessons right away in the movie but after enough time he did.  A love as deep as we have all shared cannot be for nothing. Love that important has to have a meaning, a purpose, and yes perhaps a lesson. Hard as it is to keep faith I think it is what we must do. Perhaps we have already learned something. We have begun to do tasks only they could do when we were a couple. One day we might realize how proud they are of us. I sure hope so anyway. 

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21 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

Keep in mind that "Phil" didn't learn lessons right away in the movie but after enough time he did.

I watched a movie about someone who kept waking up over and over on her wedding day, having to do it again. (I got the impression it was "until she got it right".)

Little by little we do learn throughout this journey, so bit by bit for it to seem imperceptible to us, but after time as we look back it is easier to see it.

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