Don't know how much more I can take

[AB3]

It's been almost 5 months since my fiance passed away and I've been trying really hard to stay strong, positive and to keep going. But even with prayer and moving forward with everyday things like work....it's not enough. For one I don't feel like Im good enough. No matter how hard I try it seems as if something always goes wrong....even the slightest chance at happiness is eventually shattered. You think I would be use to it now....I have faced many moments of pain and suffering during my 27 years of life but there's only so much I can take. Every one has a breaking point. 

I want to thank everyone here who has responded to all my posts and have extended their advice and support, this will be my last post on here. I don't know where to go from here or what exactly it is I need to do but in time the decision will become clearer.

Goodbye everyone

[Gin]

AB3,

i think we have all felt that way and just do not know where to turn.  Please call a friend or someone to talk to.  Please do not leave this group.  We care about you and want to help.  It is a very hard journey and I am still struggling  hard after Al being gone for 19 months.

[enna]

Hello dear AB3,

I hear the hurt in your writing and I am so sorry that this is so right now. I know it is hard for you. You don’t have to be strong right now ~ it is all right for you to have these thoughts. You are very early in your grief. You are good enough just as you are and I understand that you may not think so but you are. I hope you will give yourself permission to be just where you are right now. You have nothing to prove to anyone. There is no way you can be used to how your life is right now for you have had dreams shattered. I think you are struggling with thinking that you need to be “moving forward” but believe me, you will when it is the right time. If you need to take some time from this caring place do so but don’t be away for too long. It helps for us to share our thoughts with each other. There is always someone listening. I am listening and I send you a hug.

Anne

ps ~ as Gin said it is a hard journey and for some of us it still is but it changes and you will change when you are ready. I hope you have a good grief counselor to help you through these tough days. Talking with someone who understands grief will help you sort out your thoughts. 

[MartyT]

Dear one, I cannot say it any better than Gin and Anne already have. You are barely a half-year into one of the most challenging and painful journeys of your life, and I think you're being way too hard on yourself. In fact, it is at or around the six-month mark that most mourners are hit full-force with the reality of all that they have lost ~ because by now, all that initial shock and numbness have worn off and you've just begun to realize the magnitude of your loss and the effects it is having on your life. All those secondary losses come into clear focus now as well, including the loss of all your hopes and dreams for the future you were counting on with your beloved. This is not the time to let go of the support you need and deserve. As Anne suggested, take a break from these forums if you must ~ but know that we will be here with open arms and caring hearts when you feel ready to return. And if you've not done so already, please do consider having a few sessions with a qualified grief counselor or therapist. That may be all you need to find your footing once again.

[Dr Lenera]

Sorry to read that you are leaving, in my limited time here so far I've found it quite theraputic to talk of the pain, but I can also totally understand you not wanting to talk any more. We all need at least some time totally on our own, and I tend to have things like albums and movies to turn to when I feel like that. But in the end you will feel better talking to someone when you are ready to do so. And I'm no expert but similar to what Enna said, I think you should try not to feel pressurised into 'moving forward' , especially so soon!

[iPraiseHim]

11 hours ago, AB3 said:

It's been almost 5 months since my fiance passed away and I've been trying really hard to stay strong, positive and to keep going. But even with prayer and moving forward with everyday things like work....it's not enough. For one I don't feel like Im good enough. No matter how hard I try it seems as if something always goes wrong....even the slightest chance at happiness is eventually shattered. You think I would be use to it now....I have faced many moments of pain and suffering during my 27 years of life but there's only so much I can take. Every one has a breaking point. 

I want to thank everyone here who has responded to all my posts and have extended their advice and support, this will be my last post on here. I don't know where to go from here or what exactly it is I need to do but in time the decision will become clearer.

Goodbye everyone

AB3,

I am sad you felt you needed to leave.  I think everyone goes through these feelings and some people express them. Remember that there is no timetable or progress scale that we have to travel...  Each of us seeks out what works. I will miss you and pray you will return someday and find what you are searching for.  I don't know if I even felt good enough either. I pray for your safe journey and return... I miss you already. - Shalom, George

[kayc]

AB3,

I'm not sure why you feel the need to leave here, but if you are reading this I hope you'll take it to heart that if you ever want to come back, we'll welcome you with open arms.  The six months point is one of the hardest times in our grief journey.  At that time shock has worn off, everyone has gone back to their lives, and you're left with reality.  It IS hard to maneuver.  At no point are you deserving of what you're getting, nor is this your fault.  This isn't about you being good enough or not, this is about grief and it's damn hard no matter how old we are, how long our relationship, or even whether we were married or not.  It's just hard to weather.  You have our support and we're here for you.

[mittam99]

On 5/5/2017 at 11:48 AM, AB3 said:

It's been almost 5 months since my fiance passed away and I've been trying really hard to stay strong, positive and to keep going. But even with prayer and moving forward with everyday things like work....it's not enough. For one I don't feel like Im good enough. No matter how hard I try it seems as if something always goes wrong....even the slightest chance at happiness is eventually shattered. You think I would be use to it now....I have faced many moments of pain and suffering during my 27 years of life but there's only so much I can take. Every one has a breaking point. 

I want to thank everyone here who has responded to all my posts and have extended their advice and support, this will be my last post on here. I don't know where to go from here or what exactly it is I need to do but in time the decision will become clearer.

Goodbye everyone

AB3,

First of all, I hope you continue to post here. I know you posted in a moment of extreme anguish.

None of us here are truly content with our lives or truly happy. The "happy life ship" sailed when we lost our soul mate. I'm not trying to be flip when I say that, it's just sadly how it is. You say you're not good enough? Well, I'm sure your beloved man would say otherwise. Sure you're struggling, how could you not be? The life you loved and the love of your life was ripped from you in an instant.

We're all trying to live in a world where we often feel like we don't belong. A world where we often don't want to even exist. But we're here. And even though I don't know the reason, there must be a reason, right?  In some ways, I feel like I'm here so I can tell the world about my Tammy. To let the world know who she was and how wonderful she was. That's important to me. I never want my memories of her to fade. And I want others to see her courage in the face of constant hardship. She was an amazing woman. And I'm proud she called me husband.

It's a one day at a time life. Some days it feels like you want the world to stop so you can get off of it and be done. Other days are more tolerable. And once in a while you may even feel an inkling of goodness in your life. Those are the moments you need to embrace.

Please don't just give up. Don't walk away. Live you life with your man's love in your heart propelling you forward. Is it the life you wanted? I know it isn't. But, it's the only life we have and life is a gift (though at times I know it doesn't feel like that).

We're all here for you.

Hugs,

Mitch