Chocolate Posted October 1, 2022 Report Share Posted October 1, 2022 (edited) When I heard this song at first I was thinking this is how it must have been when my husband passed. Now I realize that the calling is now for me, and my husband and I will be together, soon. Angels Calling - The Tenors Edited October 3, 2022 by MartyT Video added 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V. R. Posted October 1, 2022 Report Share Posted October 1, 2022 Oh what a powerful song. I have to be honest with you, I couldn't listen to it right to the end, just too heartwrenching. I still end up suppressing my grief when a trigger suddenly comes along, like this song. I 'run away', I realise I'm still going through denial, not wanting to accept and acknowledge my loss. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate Posted October 1, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 1, 2022 21 minutes ago, V. R. said: Oh what a powerful song. I have to be honest with you, I couldn't listen to it right to the end, just too heartwrenching. I still end up suppressing my grief when a trigger suddenly comes along, like this song. I 'run away', I realise I'm still going through denial, not wanting to accept and acknowledge my loss. For me the opposite is true. It's a promise to me that we will be together sooner than I thought. It makes it more tolerable. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boho-Soul Posted October 3, 2022 Report Share Posted October 3, 2022 On 10/1/2022 at 3:08 PM, V. R. said: Oh what a powerful song. I have to be honest with you, I couldn't listen to it right to the end, just too heartwrenching. I still end up suppressing my grief when a trigger suddenly comes along, like this song. I 'run away', I realise I'm still going through denial, not wanting to accept and acknowledge my loss. We all grieve in different ways. It's also important to grieve. It must be hard work suppressing your grief, and I do hope your are able to work through this at some point. I read this and found it quite helpful. Ignoring or avoiding emotions of grief is like a leak in our roof. We can face it and take care of it now, or we can wait as it seeps through the ceiling, getting into the walls, warping the floors, and creating toxic mold. This truly describes what it is like if we fail to address the grief that touches our lives. When we suppress it, it seeps into other parts of our wellbeing. It can inadvertently impact other relationships, can keep us from fully enjoying life, and can also negatively impact a person’s health. Here's a link to an article that may help. https://www.usurnsonline.com/grief-loss/inhibited-grief/ Wising you healing along your grief journey V.R. 🙏 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 4, 2022 Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 @Boho-SoulGood article! All encompassing...I've saved it for reference, thank you for sharing this! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V. R. Posted October 4, 2022 Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 20 hours ago, Boho-Soul said: Ignoring or avoiding emotions of grief is like a leak in our roof. We can face it and take care of it now, or we can wait as it seeps through the ceiling, getting into the walls, warping the floors, and creating toxic mold. Yes, that's just the way it is. I've just read the whole article and it has been an eye opener for me. Very helpful,thank you. I see myself going through this turmoil, I relate to everything in the article. Sharing with you all here is also helping me along, knowing I'm not alone, we all understand and feel for each other. That empathy we cannot find with others who haven't experienced the same loss. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate Posted October 4, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 The article does make some good points. However, sometimes we are not ready to face the grief. Sometimes we can allow it to come out when our hearts are ready. One size does not fit all. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V. R. Posted October 4, 2022 Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 I understand what you mean, Chocolate. I know why I'm suffering from inhibited grief, it was all so sudden and unexpected and we were all present at the time, I can't stop blaming myself that perhaps I could have done more, but perhaps not. Seemed like a bad case of indigestion😢. Anyway, just to answer your question in a previous post, my kids are 24 and 26. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate Posted October 4, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 3 hours ago, V. R. said: I understand what you mean, Chocolate. I know why I'm suffering from inhibited grief, it was all so sudden and unexpected and we were all present at the time, I can't stop blaming myself that perhaps I could have done more, but perhaps not. Seemed like a bad case of indigestion😢. Anyway, just to answer your question in a previous post, my kids are 24 and 26. Thanks for telling me your kids ages. I thought maybe they were little children. They are old enough to handle themselves, so at least you can try your best to take care of you. I really don't like labeling something. When something happens quickly, it is very hard to adjust. It's a huge shock. It takes shock a while to wear off. I think the shock helps us do what we have to do as we have to do it. I think blaming ourselves is natural. I think all of us worry that there could have been something else we could have done. I know I do...it's a case of if only.... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boho-Soul Posted October 5, 2022 Report Share Posted October 5, 2022 5 hours ago, V. R. said: I know why I'm suffering from inhibited grief, it was all so sudden and unexpected and we were all present at the time, I can't stop blaming myself that perhaps I could have done more, but perhaps not. Seemed like a bad case of indigestion😢. I can somewhat relate VR. My husband's death was also sudden and unexpected. I was in shock for almost 3 months, that shifted when my first grandchild was born just a few months later. Love stirred and emotions flowed which I felt was a good thing as it brought me out of that initial numb/shocked state. I don't feel like I'm in shock, but my emotions are still blunted at times. That's why I welcome those moments when my emotions are triggered because I feel it's healthy and helps with my healing. My husband went into severe distress at home and I immediately called 911, it was all I could do, I honestly couldn't have done more. He died from a cardiac arrhythmia. He told me he felt very nauseous before everything escalated. Our family doctor said nausea, indigestion, heartburn, or stomach pain can often indicated the onset of a cardiac event - who knew? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate Posted October 5, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2022 It's so hard when we've done all we can and it isn't enough. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 5, 2022 Report Share Posted October 5, 2022 11 hours ago, Boho-Soul said: Our family doctor said nausea, indigestion, heartburn, or stomach pain can often indicated the onset of a cardiac event - who knew? Yes, my George also experienced that the night before his heart attack, we honestly thought that's all it was, indigestion. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 28, 2022 Report Share Posted October 28, 2022 On 10/1/2022 at 4:08 PM, V. R. said: Oh what a powerful song. I have to be honest with you, I couldn't listen to it right to the end, just too heartwrenching. He held out his arms to me. I hit them down and turned my back. I was not going to let him go. He didn't listen to me. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate Posted October 28, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2022 13 minutes ago, Margm said: He held out his arms to me. I hit them down and turned my back. I was not going to let him go. He didn't listen to me. I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop my husband from leaving me either. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 28, 2022 Report Share Posted October 28, 2022 8 hours ago, Margm said: He didn't listen to me. I know...I can't blame him, he was so tired and I think he'd been making his peace with God and had one foot in heaven already... 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted October 29, 2022 Report Share Posted October 29, 2022 I pleaded with him not to leave despite his pain. It was selfish of me, but I didn’t care about that. I knew it would kill us both. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 29, 2022 Report Share Posted October 29, 2022 I, too, pleaded with George, twice, and both times he shook his head no. I couldn't forgive the nurse than threw me off the ward and locked the door behind me, just as I was going to assure him I'd be okay, she deprived me of that. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V. R. Posted October 30, 2022 Report Share Posted October 30, 2022 I wonder if it's true that our loved ones somehow leave us just at that particular moment when we are not present, to protect us from the excruciating emotional pain of 'seeing' them go away forever? It was a Sunday afternoon, nearly two years ago (15th Nov), my children and I were all present when my darling husband started having stomach pains, mistaking it for bad indigestion. He went into the bathroom, after a while we became worried as he was taking a long time, we heard the tap running so we thought he was just having a wash, despite this, we decided to open the door to check on him but found a scene that is still fixed in my mind, he was gone. I think I've already posted about how my daughter tried cpr, paramedics spending over half an hour trying to revive him. Keep reliving all this every single day. These next few days here are going to be so difficult to get through. Living in a country where the Catholic religion prevails, we have All Saints' Day (national holiday) and All Souls' Day to commemorate the losses of loved ones, following the ritual of visiting cemeteries, special commemorative masses, and so on. I just can't wait till it's all over, but then it will just get worse, what with the anniversary and then Christmas coming up. I was in a hardware store yesterday and I had to rush past a corridor full of Christmas decorations, practically with my eyes closed! 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 30, 2022 Report Share Posted October 30, 2022 My heart goes out to you, am debating whether to skip putting up a tree this year, I have every year but last year all I did was shovel snow all day and didn't even have time to prepare a special meal for myself. It was a hard winter. Everything is so different when you are alone and growing old. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxi Posted October 30, 2022 Report Share Posted October 30, 2022 It will be the 5th Christmas without him...and it"s still incredible for me how fast the time passes!!! Anyway my house will be the dark house in town as in the last 5 years...i don't find a motivation to make party lights shines! Even if i enjoy Christmas with my family it was never the same without him! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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