weaksoul Posted July 18, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2023 Dear Marty, thank you for providing details on all kinds of support resources. However, I want to mention here that it's not just the external help that I am looking for at the moment. I am somehow not at peace with myself, I am feeling so alienated both at home and when I step out. Buildings/landscapes that use to give me pleasure are now haunting me. I am unable to relate to anything around me. My kids are the only thing that bring relief and that too when I find them in happy moments. I am scared to face the life everyday like this. Please advise if this normal in grief or am I experiencing something unusual. Is this depression? Regards, 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 19, 2023 Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 At this relatively early point in your grief journey, my friend, the reactions you've described in your posts so far are not at all unusual. This is why it is so helpful to surround yourself with others whose losses and experiences are similar to your own. It's also helpful to have a few sessions with a qualified grief counselor, who can assess where you are in your grief and assure you that your reactions are normal and to be expected. The more you learn about what is normal in grief, the better prepared you are to understand and deal with your reactions. I can only reiterate what I've said already, my friend. Grief is not a pathological condition. Grief is the normal response to the loss of someone dearly loved. So what is normal? That depends. What is normal for someone else may not be normal for you. How each person responds to loss depends on factors that are unique to the individual: gender, age, level of personality development, how you were brought up, your past experience with loss, resilience, ability to handle crises and so on. Grief can affect you on every level: physical, cognitive, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, economic and social. It can feel as if your entire world has been turned upside down. Life as you knew it and as you expected it to be is no more. That is why it can make you feel unmoored and "crazy". While the sorrow in grief looks and feels a lot like depression, it is not the same as clinical depression. See, for example, Grief vs. Depression: What You Need to Know Grief and Depression: Are They Different? Using Antidepressants to Manage Grief Seeing A Specialist in Grief Counseling: Why It Matters 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 19, 2023 Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 On 7/17/2023 at 2:28 PM, weaksoul said: I can't even think of going strict/discipling them. Kids also need structure. Even when acting out, they're literally begging for guidance. I'd say continue to treat them as you did before, it'll help them feel safe and structured and know you care.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 19, 2023 Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 13 hours ago, weaksoul said: I am scared to face the life everyday like this. Please advise if this normal in grief or am I experiencing something unusual. Yes, I would say it is. Losing a spouse feels very uprooting, it turns our world upside down! Of course you're scared! Who wouldn't be! Depression or grief...Depression vs symtomatic depression in grief 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 19, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 12 hours ago, MartyT said: At this relatively early point in your grief journey, my friend, the reactions you've described in your posts so far are not at all unusual. This is why it is so helpful to surround yourself with others whose losses and experiences are similar to your own. It's also helpful to have a few sessions with a qualified grief counselor, who can assess where you are in your grief and assure you that your reactions are normal and to be expected. The more you learn about what is normal in grief, the better prepared you are to understand and deal with your reactions. I can only reiterate what I've said already, my friend. Grief is not a pathological condition. Grief is the normal response to the loss of someone dearly loved. So what is normal? That depends. What is normal for someone else may not be normal for you. How each person responds to loss depends on factors that are unique to the individual: gender, age, level of personality development, how you were brought up, your past experience with loss, resilience, ability to handle crises and so on. Grief can affect you on every level: physical, cognitive, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, economic and social. It can feel as if your entire world has been turned upside down. Life as you knew it and as you expected it to be is no more. That is why it can make you feel unmoored and "crazy". While the sorrow in grief looks and feels a lot like depression, it is not the same as clinical depression. See, for example, Grief vs. Depression: What You Need to Know Grief and Depression: Are They Different? Using Antidepressants to Manage Grief Seeing A Specialist in Grief Counseling: Why It Matters Dear Marty, thank you for helping me and guiding me in this tough time. There is part of me that is telling me that I can't handle it all and the other part is saying that I must. I have started seeing a grief counselor and I am going to share all these symptoms in my next session. Thank you for listening to my pain and helping me survive. Regards! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 19, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 4 hours ago, kayc said: Yes, I would say it is. Losing a spouse feels very uprooting, it turns our world upside down! Of course you're scared! Who wouldn't be! Depression or grief...Depression vs symtomatic depression in grief Thank you Kayc for your support. I highly appreciate it. Regards! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 19, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2023 5 hours ago, kayc said: Kids also need structure. Even when acting out, they're literally begging for guidance. I'd say continue to treat them as you did before, it'll help them feel safe and structured and know you care.. The problem is that I can't deal with the hurt that now comes in the way when I am working with kids. It feels like I am stuck between a rock and hard plate and there is no escape. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 20, 2023 Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 11 hours ago, weaksoul said: I have started seeing a grief counselor and I am going to share all these symptoms in my next session. Excellent news, my friend. I am very proud of you for taking this step ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 20, 2023 Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 I am so glad you've secured a grief counselor and truly home she'll be of help...if you don't feel she's right for you when you've given it three times...keep looking. They can be a treasure we can't describe. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 20, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 12 hours ago, MartyT said: Excellent news, my friend. I am very proud of you for taking this step ❤️ Thank you Marty, appreciate it. Regards! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 20, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 3 hours ago, kayc said: I am so glad you've secured a grief counselor and truly home she'll be of help...if you don't feel she's right for you when you've given it three times...keep looking. They can be a treasure we can't describe. Sure Kayc, I am not sure how much help she is going to be since my grief is too deep. I am questioning myself heavily if I will be able to get through this. I will see how it pans out. Thanks and regards. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widow2015 Posted July 20, 2023 Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 weaksoul: Good to read you have plans to see a grief counselor. That first step is the hardest step to take. Hoping you will find some help to help you along your grief path. Good thoughts coming your way. Dee 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 21, 2023 Report Share Posted July 21, 2023 21 hours ago, weaksoul said: I am not sure how much help she is going to be since my grief is too deep. Give her a chance before you write her off. It won't be instant and all at once, but the good ones know what they're doing. Our Marty has been amazing over the years, one of the best, and to start this site with all of the countless articles she's written, her work with Hospice of the Valley, she's been invaluable the 20 years since her retirement! We didn't have any local grief counselors here (the one was NOT!) they were all 60-75 miles away, so I've relied on her sage advice the last 18 years. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 21, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2023 18 hours ago, Widow2015 said: weaksoul: Good to read you have plans to see a grief counselor. That first step is the hardest step to take. Hoping you will find some help to help you along your grief path. Good thoughts coming your way. Dee Thank you Dee, highly appreciate your well wishes. I seriously need them. I am having such a hard time going thru my day. May god bless you with happiness and peace. Regards! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 21, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2023 3 hours ago, kayc said: Give her a chance before you write her off. It won't be instant and all at once, but the good ones know what they're doing. Our Marty has been amazing over the years, one of the best, and to start this site with all of the countless articles she's written, her work with Hospice of the Valley, she's been invaluable the 20 years since her retirement! We didn't have any local grief counselors here (the one was NOT!) they were all 60-75 miles away, so I've relied on her sage advice the last 18 years. Thank you for your advice Kayc. I am hoping that she will be able to offer some help. And I agree with you wholeheartedly on Marty. She is definitely an amazing human being who cares about all of us. Her commitment to the cause is flawless. I am very fortunate to find this forum. I would have gone totally crazy if I didn't have this forum to express myself. Can't thank her enough and all you guys to provide me with support to go thru this tough time 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 22, 2023 Report Share Posted July 22, 2023 She is amazing, I am fortunate to have found her. It helps so much to be able to express ourselves and know we're heard, that's why this place is so important to me! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 24, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2023 Hi all, I am feeling so sad again today, I am questioning myself if I can live like this. Please pray for me. Thanks and regards, 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mik Posted July 25, 2023 Report Share Posted July 25, 2023 Sending prayers to you. May God help you survive this tragedy and bring a beacon of light to shine in your heart and soul. You will begin to heal inside a little bit at a time. I know it probably seems impossible to believe at this moment. Prayers for peace. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 25, 2023 Report Share Posted July 25, 2023 We are holding you in our hearts and lifting you in our prayers, dear one. You are not alone. ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 25, 2023 Report Share Posted July 25, 2023 Praying for you, Hon, we've been where you are... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widow2015 Posted July 25, 2023 Report Share Posted July 25, 2023 weaksoul: Keep on going, one step at a time. You may feel as though you can't go on, but you will because of your dear children. Keeping you in my thoughts. Dee 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 25, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2023 I am seriously in debt to you all for your prayers and blessings. Thank you!!! May God bless you with health and happiness. Regards! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 25, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2023 17 hours ago, mik said: Sending prayers to you. May God help you survive this tragedy and bring a beacon of light to shine in your heart and soul. You will begin to heal inside a little bit at a time. I know it probably seems impossible to believe at this moment. Prayers for peace. Thank you Mik for your prayers, that is the only chance of my survival and I quote "If HE shines a beacon of light in my heart and soul". I am begging him to come to me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 25, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2023 4 hours ago, Widow2015 said: weaksoul: Keep on going, one step at a time. You may feel as though you can't go on, but you will because of your dear children. Keeping you in my thoughts. Dee Thank you Dee for your kind words. I agree kids do bring a relief to the pain. But then the kids also show emotions at times and then my pain goes thru the roof. Regards! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weaksoul Posted July 25, 2023 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2023 8 hours ago, kayc said: Praying for you, Hon, we've been where you are... Thank you for your Prayers Kayc, so kind of you. Regards! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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